On where I'm at
I just came back from having lunch with my friend DVS. She and her family moved to the D.C. area about 8 months ago in what was really a whirlwind move. She'd gone there to visit friends, loved it, came home, told her husband she wanted them to move and--voila! House sold, move done! She and her daughter came back to visit and I was one of the few people on her to-be-seen list, about which I was really quite delighted.
We had--as I often do with DVS--a very frank conversation. We talked about where I'm at right now, how work is uninspiring, how challenging certain situations in my life have become, how I just don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. We also talked about the likelihood of my finding the things that I want here in Seattle. Conclusion: the odds aren't even as good as they were when I first moved here. At least, when I first moved here, there was the potential of the new and unknown. Now, well, I've been here more than 20 years and I have a pretty good idea of what the region has to offer. It's beautiful and I have the love of invaluable friends. But I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of a Sargasso Sea, going round and round but not getting anywhere.
For years, whenever someone asked me if I ever thought about moving back east, I'd say, "Every day" with no real consideration. It was always a vague idea. Today I find myself wanting to sit down and figure out what that might actually look like, what it would involve, where I might want to be, what it would mean. I don't know that moving somewhere else would answer all the questions I have or help me narrow down what it is I want to do with the rest of my life. But it's something to seriously consider in a way I haven't before.
Is this my depression talking? Well, maybe some of it is. But the fact that I know that it's not all that's happening says a great deal.
No decision is being made here. An option is being considered. That's all.
We had--as I often do with DVS--a very frank conversation. We talked about where I'm at right now, how work is uninspiring, how challenging certain situations in my life have become, how I just don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. We also talked about the likelihood of my finding the things that I want here in Seattle. Conclusion: the odds aren't even as good as they were when I first moved here. At least, when I first moved here, there was the potential of the new and unknown. Now, well, I've been here more than 20 years and I have a pretty good idea of what the region has to offer. It's beautiful and I have the love of invaluable friends. But I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of a Sargasso Sea, going round and round but not getting anywhere.
For years, whenever someone asked me if I ever thought about moving back east, I'd say, "Every day" with no real consideration. It was always a vague idea. Today I find myself wanting to sit down and figure out what that might actually look like, what it would involve, where I might want to be, what it would mean. I don't know that moving somewhere else would answer all the questions I have or help me narrow down what it is I want to do with the rest of my life. But it's something to seriously consider in a way I haven't before.
Is this my depression talking? Well, maybe some of it is. But the fact that I know that it's not all that's happening says a great deal.
No decision is being made here. An option is being considered. That's all.