Uncomfortable: ramblings
I'm uncomfortable right now: uncomfortable with a project at work, uncomfortable with my body, uncomfortable with my home. Just . . . uncomfortable. Rolling up in a ball under the covers in bed will not solve this problem.
Passover is coming. I will be attending a seder, for which I'm grateful. It'll be at the home of some friends and, based on the invitation I received, not exactly a traditional seder. That's OK--we are rejoicing, after all, and being creative about that celebration is part of the point: we're free to be creative, among many other kinds of freedom. At the same time, there's a piece of me that really misses having family around me at Passover for a traditional ritual and meal. As an adult, I invariably end up at a table where I don't know some of the people, and it always leaves me feeling a little displaced. I know that those day will never come again: my parents are gone, their siblings are gone, and the cousins are dispersed to the four corners of the country. That gulf feels uncrossably broad, given that none of us were very close to begin with.
So here I am: uncomfortable. I know this feeling will pass. Today it doesn't feel overwhelming. I'm just . . . very aware of it.
Passover is coming. I will be attending a seder, for which I'm grateful. It'll be at the home of some friends and, based on the invitation I received, not exactly a traditional seder. That's OK--we are rejoicing, after all, and being creative about that celebration is part of the point: we're free to be creative, among many other kinds of freedom. At the same time, there's a piece of me that really misses having family around me at Passover for a traditional ritual and meal. As an adult, I invariably end up at a table where I don't know some of the people, and it always leaves me feeling a little displaced. I know that those day will never come again: my parents are gone, their siblings are gone, and the cousins are dispersed to the four corners of the country. That gulf feels uncrossably broad, given that none of us were very close to begin with.
So here I am: uncomfortable. I know this feeling will pass. Today it doesn't feel overwhelming. I'm just . . . very aware of it.