Across the Universe 03
Title: Across the Universe
Chapter: 03 Anytime At All
Author: Me
Disclaimer: Iron Man and the movie-verse including all of its characters do NOT belong to me, but to Marvel and all its glory. Though, Scarlett Damien does belong to me.
Universe: Pre-Avengers Post Iron Man 2
Pairing/Characters: Tony Stark/Scarlett Damien, Pepper, Rhodey, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers
Rating: M
Summary: Throughout the tri-state area pieces of buildings, parks, monuments have been disappearing in a haze of glowing light, creating chaos. Follow the continued adventures of Tony and Scarlett, along with the rest of the Avengers as they unravel this riddle! And yes, my chapters are still long! This story is a sequel to my stories Glass Heart and Hollow Scars but is stand alone.
Tony Stark couldn’t sleep.
His girlfriend’s bed was perfectly comfortable, in fact it was luxurious. Nearby Scarlett lay curled up next to him, her hand lazily resting over his chest which was how he preferred her when they slept. And though she silently lay next to him, her breathing slow and even, her eyelids occasionally twitching through REM sleep, safe and sound, Tony lay awake choosing between staring at the ceiling and staring at Scarlett’s face. His eyes focused upon the bloodied scab on her lip and the bruise that had developed on her shoulder. Carefully he fixed the sleeve of his t-shirt she had donned before resting his hand back against his bare stomach.
It wasn’t his surroundings that kept him awake and it most certainly couldn’t be that he wasn’t tired. Oh no, Tony was absolutely exhausted. Ever since he’d returned from Moscow and had Scarlett living in the same building he’d been unable to properly find rest. It wasn’t her fault but she wasn’t entirely free of blame either. He’d stolen a glimpse of just exactly how Scarlett had lived before they’d found each other and it scared the hell out of him. If she knew that thoughts of her safety were what kept him awake each night then he wasn’t sure she’d forgive herself for it. That was the last thing he wanted. Scarlett felt guilty enough about what she’d put him through.
How was it that for two of the smartest people on the planet they were also two of the most self loathing, destructive people as well? As much as Tony knew it was bad for him not to sleep, as much as he knew he shouldn’t worry about a woman who had proven time and again that she was capable of taking care of herself, he couldn’t stop from worrying and that worry kept him awake.
He’d seen her at her weakest point and it had left him shaken. If Scott hadn’t been so consumed with reprogramming her then she would’ve died and there would’ve been nothing Tony could’ve done about it. He had made the decision to leave her to her own devices so he could get to the bottom of the story she refused to tell him about her time in captivity. It had been rewarding to discover so much about her, but it had left Scarlett vulnerable and alone in her time of need. Tony hadn’t been there to protect her when she had needed it most even if she had objected to that fact on numerous occasions.
For all the sophisticated armor and advanced technology he possessed none of it could’ve helped him in that moment. When he closed his eyes he saw in his mind’s eye the moment where he’d been on the phone with Scarlett and her ex-boyfriend had attacked her. The fight had echoed through the phone line until he’d heard gunshots. He had known exactly what was going on and had been powerless to stop it because he was too far away.
It was luck that had left her alive, not anything more than that. Tony couldn’t rely on luck. Luck was for the naïve. He loved Scarlett too much. That thought had seemed funny at first and he’d wrestled with it so severely that he’d nearly reverted to the jackass chauvinist he’d once been before the incident that turned him into Iron Man. Over time he’d gotten used to the idea of being in love and even comforted by it.
But now being in love frightened him. How could he ever go back to being alone if something happened to her? How would he ever deal with the loss of someone that finally understood him and loved him for both his flaws and strengths? His bond with Scarlett was irreplaceable and if lost he couldn’t fathom what would become of him. Falling in love had been the best and the worst thing that had ever happened to him.
Logically he knew, he knew, that there would be times that he couldn’t protect her and she would have to fly solo. It didn’t stop him from worrying and obsessing over safety, her safety in particular. When it came to his own safety Tony was often careless. Thankfully Scarlett was just as worried about him so she kept him in line when need be. But it didn’t matter if he got hurt, that’s what she didn’t seem to understand.
Shifting in bed, Tony tried to get his wandering thoughts in check but no matter what he thought about, even if he replayed the events that took place after Scarlett had gotten home that evening, he dwelled on the fight she’d gotten into with Hawkeye. Scarlett was a tough chick, one of the toughest he’d ever known but she was also fragile, more so than she realized. If he said that out loud he was sure that she would argue it tooth and nail. But Scarlett hadn’t realized she was no longer the hardened assassin of the past.
Betrayal and captivity had changed her and therein lay her fragility. Until she could discover the woman she had become and adjust to her new life she would remain fragile and broken. Tony could see how lost she was in moments he stole glances at her when she thought no one was looking.
What if someone else discovered her vulnerability? That was what kept him awake at night. With MedCo and her ex still on the loose and out for blood, they couldn’t afford to be vulnerable outside of each other’s arms. When it came down to it, Tony was just as fragile and it was of his own making. His worry and inability to accept things as they were made him just as weak as Scarlett was.
Even if he could clear his thoughts of every nasty manifestation of what could possibly happen to Scarlett because of her past combined with his and the new public persona she had to take on in order to be with him there was the little problem of who he was. Tony Stark was notorious for being a failure at relationships. He was a user, a womanizer, a pig. Somehow Tony always did something to drive away the people who meant anything to him. For the man who had everything he certainly didn’t have many people to share it with.
There was Virginia “Pepper” Potts, his loyal assistant though. While most of her time was spent mothering Tony and nagging him at every opportunity he knew when it came down to the bottom line she would do anything to help him because before being her boss he was her friend. Then there was Happy Hogan, his driver, who was loyal to a fault. Tony was sure if he had to choose between him and Pepper then he would choose Pepper in a heartbeat. His best friend, James Rhodes, was always there for Tony when he really needed him. But that was it. Outside of those three Tony had always been alone. When he sat and thought about it, he’d never had anyone like Scarlett in his life before.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t had steady girlfriends in the past. Tony had more than most men had in their lifetime in the past ten years alone. But none of them had ever had the profound effect Scarlett had on him. In a weird way they had needed each other in order to discover just how lonely they had been. Now that she was with him Tony was happier than he had ever been in a relationship.
The idea of losing her was terrifying. Realistically Tony knew he was more likely to do something to screw up their relationship than someone else interfering. Long lasting romance and Tony Stark were foreign entities. Melding into one was proving to be far too easy. It scared him to think he was quite possibly a ticking time bomb, waiting to do something stupid to scare the woman curled up next to him away.
Staring back at her peaceful face, he temporarily shut out the nagging annoyances bouncing around in the back of his mind. It was too bad Scarlett wasn’t awake to keep him occupied. While his thoughts may have betrayed him while he was alone, when they were together he could keep them at bay. If only she was disturbed in her slumber and shaken awake to join him in his insomnia.
Tony brushed her long curly hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. She stirred and tilted her head but didn’t wake up. Maybe if he could get comfortable he would be able to sleep. Readjusting beneath the covers, Tony was careful not to wake Scarlett. But he had forgotten that her hand lay across his chest and when he shifted it slid off and she immediately opened her eyes. It always surprised him how quickly Scarlett became alert after sleeping. Sometimes Pepper had to physically drag him to meetings because he was none too eager to escape the covers. But Scarlett always seemed alert upon waking. He guessed it was a skill she’d developed after years of being on her guard.
Scarlett rubbed her eyes but sat up instantly while Tony watched her with pursed lips and wide eyes as if to await a bad reaction from her. There were many things Scarlett scolded him for but waking her up had never been one of them and he had done that on many occasions. Pushing her hair out of her face and blinking her eyes a few times to shake off the last remnants of sleep, Scarlett turned her attention back to Tony.
He wasn’t sleeping again.
This didn’t come as a surprise to Scarlett. He’d woken her up almost every night for the past month on “accident” because he couldn’t find rest. Tony wasn’t very good at entertaining himself, especially not in her loft. Even in his home a few flights up he wasn’t able to entertain himself very readily. He’d taken to going to his lab to get some work done on occasion but something had still bothered him enough, even down there, that he would end up back in his room and shaking Scarlett awake to come and keep him company.
“Sorry I woke you… These sheets are all bunched up around my back and it was uncomfortable.” Tony lied through his teeth. He didn’t need Scarlett to worry about him not being able to sleep. Honestly, he didn’t want her knowing that he worried so much about her. The guilt she’d felt about the last year had often made her sick to her stomach. The last thing Tony wanted was to add to that already innumerable amount of guilt.
“Sure, sure…” Scarlett laid back in bed next to him and watched him knowingly. Deep down he realized that she had to have known that he was doing it on purpose, even if he’d convinced himself each accidental bump or loud noise had been just that. “Can’t sleep again, huh?” Tony instantly looked away when she mentioned it but nodded his head to confirm it was the truth. Scarlett was wondering if maybe something really was wrong with Tony. He had to start sleeping eventually or it was going to catch up with him and soon.
Each time she’d tried to talk to him about it he’d pulled back and grown distant. He’d insisted time and time again that it was nothing or that he’d napped too long during the day. Every night he was up until the point of exhaustion came with a different excuse as to why he wasn’t finding rest.
“You can go back to sleep, I didn’t mean to wake you. I mean, you looked so comfortable in my shirt…” Tony tugged at her sleeve and she shook her head immediately.
“No, I’m awake now so I might as well stay up with you.” Scarlett had stayed up with Tony each time that he’d woken her. Even if he didn’t want to tell her why he was waking her up she wanted to keep him company in case he really needed her. Any other woman likely would’ve told him to go sit on the couch in the living room and leave her be so she could rest. But Scarlett had the feeling that something terrible was keeping Tony awake. There had been occasions where he’d slept and had nightmares and she believed those same nightmares were what kept him awake.
When Scarlett had nightmares in a hotel in Spain months ago, Tony had been there to take care of her. Even if Tony never told her why he couldn’t sleep, even if he insisted that he was able to sleep just fine when it was obvious that he couldn’t, Scarlett was going to do what she could to try and alleviate his stress. It was the very least she could do for him, considering how much he’d done for her in the past. She remembered distinctly that it was the first time she hadn’t felt alone when he’d cared for her in that hotel even if she had reacted badly to his questions after her nightmares.
Tony deserved to feel like he wasn’t alone. Scarlett could tell by the way Tony’s face lit up that he was relieved she would stay awake with him.
“Are you sure? You had a long night and that’s just what we did after you got home.” A playful smirk on his face, Tony nudged her with his elbow. Scarlett swatted at his chest and rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but smile. Tony secretly loved it when she swatted him like that. Naturally something designed to try and let him know he’d done something to annoy her would bring him pleasure.
“I’m sure. Come on, let’s get out of this room.” Scarlett kicked off the covers and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Usually when they woke up in the middle of the night they went to work in the laboratory, which one varied. When they went to Scarlett’s they were guaranteed to get absolutely nothing done. This was due to the fact that none of what was in there belonged to Tony so he very quickly grew bored when left to his own devices. He didn’t like being a guest in another person’s laboratory and Scarlett often chased him away from half finished projects so he wouldn’t break anything.
So instead Tony chose to harass Scarlett there and one thing usually led to another and they wound up back in bed. In Tony’s lab they lasted a bit longer before he’d be chasing her tail back upstairs, but not much longer. They had decided it wasn’t a very good idea for them to work together ninety percent of the time. That was why they only tried to in the middle of the night. It was extra time spent working on projects for their various endeavors and if they ended up losing interest halfway through it didn’t affect much of anything.
“Wait!” Tony called to her and Scarlett nearly lost her balance, her foot caught in the sheets on her way out of bed.
“What?” She looked at Tony over her shoulder. Maybe he would finally tell her what had frightened him so badly that it had kept him awake every night for a month.
“You’re not going to get dressed are you?” Tony pouted, crawling to the edge of the bed and reaching for the bottom of his t-shirt that she had fallen asleep in. Scarlett laughed and rolled her eyes then swatted his hand away from the bottom of her shirt. “Come on, walking around like that has its perks.”
“For you.”
“Yes, for me. I didn’t specify what those perks were did I?” Tony nodded fervently and pouted up at her. He’d learned over the weeks past that if he looked at her with especially wide eyes she would be more likely to relent than not. According to Scarlett he had big brown puppy eyes and she felt like Sarah McLachlan would scold her if she didn’t make him stop pouting at her.
“Fine, we’re staying in tonight then.” Scarlett walked back to where he laid on the bed and hooked her index finger under Tony’s chin. Guiding him to sit up which he very easily complied with, Scarlett glared at him sternly and then pointed at him. “But you have got to stop using the puppy dog thing for evil, okay? It’s not going to work forever if you keep abusing its power.”
“You’re just saying that because you want me to stop.” Tony nipped at the air in front of her finger and then climbed out of bed. “We’ll stay in, that’s a fair trade.”
“Come on.” Scarlett took his hand and led him out of the bedroom. In the middle of the night Tony really was more like a puppy dog than during the day. It wasn’t as though he was trying to manipulate her. More likely it was because whatever bothered him while he was unable to sleep was making him behave in such a way. If he wouldn’t tell her, Scarlett would simply keep him busy until he did tell her or he finally slept. They’d spent entire nights up talking on the couch together. Scarlett had made attempts to teach Tony how to cook on several occasions. While he’d failed at most cooking endeavors or just proved to make a mess trying to chase her around the counter, he was a professional at mixing drinks.
“Are you going to try to and teach me how to make soup again? Because you know how that turned out right? The broth boiled away and we burnt the hell out of that chicken… Do you remember how long it took to get rid of the smell because I remember…” Tony followed her out of the bedroom, down the hall, and into the living room.
“I’m not giving up on teaching you to fend for yourself.” Scarlett turned at the end of the hall and pointed at him again. “But no, I’m not teaching you to cook tonight.”
Tony caught up with her at the end of the hall and grabbed the finger she pointed at him. She tried to pull it away from him but he wrapped his fingers around her hand and pulled it close so he could kiss the back of it.
“You know it’s a fruitless endeavor, right? Teaching me to cook, that is. I mean, Scarlett in any situation I can afford to buy us food, you know that right?”
“You never know when it’ll come in handy.” Scarlett pulled her hand away and then placed it instead on the side of his neck. “Besides, you’re pretty cute in an apron.”
“I can’t deny that.” Tony followed her into the living room where she sat on the couch. “Though you’re much cuter in just an apron than I am.”
“I’d argue against that actually. But to each their own.” Scarlett smirked, patting the spot next to her. Tony jumped over the back of the couch and instantly wrapped his arms around Scarlett, pulling her so she was lying awkwardly with him on the cushions. She laughed and tried to readjust but Tony kept her firmly trapped in his arms. “When was the last time I told you that you were ridiculous?”
“Earlier. Like three hours ago actually. You should tone down on that word, ridiculous. If you over use it then in a month’s time it’s going to mean nothing.” Tony taunted, mocking her earlier abuse of his puppy dog eyes.
“We can’t stay like this, I’m hungry.”
“So am I.” Tony growled and nipped at her neck, leaving kisses in his wake. Scarlett shook her head and leaned it back against the couch trying to catch his gaze.
“No, I meant really hungry. For food. I didn’t have dinner.”
“Oh, that’s disappointing.” Tony pouted and rested his head on the couch next to her, his fingers nervously playing with the hem of her shirt. He couldn’t express how grateful he was that she dealt with him every night and with such grace. Hell, if she had told him to buzz off while she’d gotten some sleep, Tony would’ve completely understood. But instead she took care of him, played with him, and most importantly didn’t make him feel guilty about losing sleep. “Pizza?”
“How’d you know?”
“Every damn time you see Clint you want a piece of pizza.” Tony pointed out and Scarlett couldn’t help but smile.
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. Jarvis, back me up here.”
“I’m afraid that Mr. Stark is correct on this one.” The charming robotic voice spoke from overhead. “Shall I put in your order for the usual? Sausage with extra cheese?”
“Oh come on, it’s not every time!” Scarlett laughed, placing her hand over Tony’s lips so he couldn’t argue but as she thought about it she’d realized that each time she’d run into Clint one way or another she’d ended up getting a pizza afterward.
“Denial,” Tony muttered against her hand.
“Order the pizza, Jarvis.” Scarlett pouted, pulling her now slobbery hand away from Tony’s lips and wiping it on her shirt. “I never noticed. I wonder what it is about Clint that makes me want pizza…” She drifted off, trying to think of what could’ve triggered such a weird reaction. She’d even told him that he’d owed her pizza after they’d managed to escape their scuffle earlier in the night. What the hell was wrong with Clint that made her want pizza so badly?
“So you were wrong.” Tony tugged on her shirt again.
“I wasn’t wrong, I just didn’t realize I was doing it.”
“Which makes you wrong to assume you weren’t.”
“When you admit you’re wrong about something then so will I Tony but until that day comes we’re both going to live in this happy shared denial we have going on.” Scarlett laughed, stretching her legs out on the couch.
Their nonsensical conversation continued on through the night, until at long last the pizza had arrived at Stark Tower. Jarvis took care of takeout orders which had at first confused the delivery men but it hadn’t taken very long for their usual places to grow accustomed to the nonconventional system they had set up. That and both Tony and Scarlett were very generous tippers.
With the pizza box flipped open on the coffee table and the television on in the background playing some of the shows they enjoyed watching together during the week for background noise, Scarlett and Tony enjoyed sitting together on the couch, talking over the television and eating their incredibly late dinner.
“I know it’s your least favorite subject on the planet,” Scarlett began, finishing off her piece of pizza. “But I think I’m going to approach S.H.I.E.L.D. and talk to them about a realistic deal so I can put a stop to the nonsense that went on tonight.” Much to her surprise Tony’s smile instantly faded and he clammed up just the way he did when she had tried to get him to share why he wasn’t sleeping.
Panic gripped Tony and he instantly turned his gaze away from her and focused on the pizza box hanging off the side of the table. There it was. Just what he had been afraid of. If Scarlett worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. she was going to be put into danger one way or another and it was likely that Tony wouldn’t be there for her when she got in over her head. It was bad enough worrying about her without her running into harm’s way on purpose. Now she was seriously considering working for the people who made a habit of dragging her into dangerous conflicts that she had no part of.
Why would she do that? After the hell they’d gone through over the past months to get to the happy place they shared now, why would she throw it away?
“What is it?” Scarlett wiped her hands on a napkin and leaned against her knees, looking seriously to her suddenly troubled boyfriend. What was it that was bothering him so much that every time she talked about S.H.I.E.L.D. or his inability to sleep that he mentally shut off? “Look, it’s a good idea. You work for them. It’ll be another source of revenue.”
“We don’t need another source of revenue. Scarlett, we’re loaded.” Tony spoke, but his voice was far less animated than usual. In fact, he sounded as exhausted as he must have felt.
“I know we are, but this will be good for me.” Scarlett knew that no matter his response she was going to approach S.H.I.E.L.D. the next day. He would have to come to terms with it regardless of how he felt about it. Nick Fury, the intimidating head of S.H.I.E.L.D., had practically threatened to expose her lengthy illegal history if she hadn’t joined forces with them. That was what had kept her from joining them initially. Scarlett never did respond well to threats. But over time she had realized that it hadn’t been as much of a threat as it had been an eventuality of her existence.
Tony was a media darling. If she didn’t find a way to deal with her past she was going to end up in prison thanks to some nosy reporter. S.H.I.E.L.D. could prevent that, she’d seen them do it for people who were far more notorious than she was. On top of that they’d made it clear that they weren’t going to keep her out of their business. Clint and Natasha had been trying to show her how much good she could do in New York with the two of them by throwing her into dangerous situations.
It had worked.
On top of that Scarlett missed adventure. Life with Tony was an adventure in itself but the life of an assassin that she’d lived for nearly twenty years wasn’t going to be easy to just drop.
“We can work together and tag team projects with S.H.I.E.L.D., too. You consult and I can explore. I know they likely won’t let us be a team if I’m out on some mission or something but you know… they can’t keep us from working together in house. We’re two of the best minds of our generation and they would be idiots not to let us work together in that kind of setting.”
“Scarlett, I don’t want you to work for S.H.I.E.L.D.” Tony finally spoke and though it wasn’t what Scarlett wanted to hear she was at least glad he’d said something.
“I know you don’t. You’ve made that perfectly clear. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m going to do it. I don’t understand why you’re so against it.” Scarlett nudged his shoulder. “If you’d give me a good reason I’d consider it but instead you turn into this brooding gargoyle every time I mention it. Tony this is way safer than chasing me around Africa was and you insisted on doing that.”
“I can’t, Scarlett.” Tony shook his head and looked to her seriously. About to object that he couldn’t tell her to stay out of harm’s way and to completely abandon the life she lived Scarlett stopped short when she saw something in Tony’s eyes. It was fear. Tony was scared. He was scared that something was going to happen to her but he wasn’t telling her that was the case. She understood the fear all too well because she had felt it for months, but for him. When he’d followed her halfway around the world while she’d pursued the people who had ruined her life, she had literal panic attacks imagining what would happen to Tony if he made a wrong move behind her. She never would’ve forgiven herself if he had been caught in the crossfire of her torrid history.
“Why can’t you? Tony, this is my life. I need to do something good with these skills that I have. It would be a disservice for me to let it go to waste. Besides, I like conflict. Remember?”
“I know that, okay? I do. You’re my female James Bond, I think about it all the time because it’s really hot but Scarlett…”
“What, Tony?” She finally grew frustrated and got up from where she sat on the couch. “Why won’t you talk to me already? What is it that bothers you so much about S.H.I.E.L.D.? What is it you’re not telling me? Because I thought we agreed that this secret keeping crap would be over with after what happened two months ago.” Scarlett continued before Tony could respond and he merely stared at her while she ranted. “You have no idea how hard it is for me to be honest with you or with anyone about anything. My whole life was a giant secret for twenty years, maybe longer, I don’t like to think about how long.”
“I know, no secrets.” Tony shook his head but did he mean that in reality? It was one thing for him to tell Scarlett he didn’t want her to keep secrets but it when came to divulging his own inner demons it wasn’t nearly as easy. He wanted her to be honest and for him to keep his insecurities to himself. It was a nasty double standard, but to be fair, Tony was still working on this relationship thing. “Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad, I’m frustrated.”
“Aren’t those the same thing?”
“No, they aren’t.” Scarlett placed her hand to her forehead and grimaced. “I’m going to talk to S.H.I.E.L.D. Tony. It’s just a discussion. But you know in the end I have to make some kind of deal with them. Not for me but for us. I can’t keep being this secret woman in the newspaper who stole your heart and who the media knows nothing about. Eventually they’re going to find out who I am and S.H.I.E.L.D. can help take care of the fallout before it hits the ground.”
“I don’t care about any of that, Scarlett.”
“I know you don’t care about your reputation, your history makes that perfectly clear.”
“Hey.” Tony furrowed his brow, but there wasn’t much he could say to argue against what she said. Sometimes Scarlett was brutally honest and Tony wasn’t sure he was prepared for it.
“Your history isn’t going to get you imprisoned for the rest of your life, mine will.” Scarlett furrowed her brow. “This is something I have to do if we want to be together.”
“So was chasing MedCo and look how that ended up.” Tony snapped and Scarlett, taken aback, ran her tongue over her bottom teeth and curled her lip in a sneer. “I didn’t mean that.”
“You did.” Scarlett placed her hand on her hip. “Yeah, that was something I had to do too Tony, but I was wrong about how I did it. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t realize I was fighting for the wrong reasons. I thought I was protecting you. And you think you’re protecting me now but for once I’m doing the right thing.”
“Scarlett!” Tony finally got up from the couch. He considered finally telling her what scared him and why he didn’t want her running into danger just yet. But when he opened his mouth to spill his guts his tongue seemed to swell up and get in his way. Instead he placed his hands on her shoulders which she initially shoved off. Stubbornly he placed them on her shoulders again and pulled her close to him. His fingers brushed down her arms and to her hands, which he grabbed and pulled close to the reactor in his chest. With that simple touch her anger melted away and she looked at him worried.
“Talk to me, Tony.” She pled, hoping that he’d continue with what she thought he might finally tell her.
“I have a bad feeling.” Was all Tony managed to say at long last. It was more than he had managed to say in weeks past so in Tony’s mind it seemed like progress. But Scarlett felt frustrated. “I can’t explain it but I have a bad feeling about all of this.”
“If I don’t approach S.H.I.E.L.D. then this is going to keep happening.” Scarlett pointed to the cut on her lower lip and smiled a little bit. She understood that Tony was going through something he wasn’t ready to share even if it frustrated her that she couldn’t fix the problem in front of her. Scarlett was a problem solver and when Tony wouldn’t let her fix his problem, she grew irritated. But the fear in his eyes, the worry and concern she saw dripping from them alleviated her annoyance enough that she could deal with it a little easier. “S.H.I.E.L.D. isn’t going to leave me alone and I have to do something about it.”
“I know.” Tony mentally deflated. It was true. How could he keep her from approaching S.H.I.E.L.D. if S.H.I.E.L.D. kept approaching her on a weekly basis? Either they had to put a stop to S.H.I.E.L.D. interference in her life or she had to go and make a deal. Since it wasn’t likely that S.H.I.E.L.D. was going to back off, particularly when Natasha and Clint were so hell bent on getting her to join their ranks, the only option was for her to approach them. Realistically he knew that he couldn’t stop her from joining them.
He’d known it for weeks and he should have considered himself lucky that she’d waited this long to put a stop to the sudden onslaught of chaos in the middle of her already hectic life. Tony had asked much of Scarlett since the inception of their relationship. There was no reason he couldn’t support her in this one decision and yet he couldn’t seem to. They had argued over it every which way, but the outcome was always the same. Tony knew he couldn’t tell her to stay out of harm’s way when he was Iron Man and put himself into dangerous situations all the time. It was another nasty double standard that Tony wished Scarlett would let go.
“It’s okay that you’re worried.” Scarlett pulled her hands away from his and gently placed them on the sides of his neck, taking a step closer to him. She offered a small encouraging smile, hoping it would ease the mood between them even if it was just a little.
“I’m not worried.”
“Fine, you’re not worried.” Scarlett sighed heavily and moved close enough so she could rest her body against his. The macho tough guy façade was hard to break but Scarlett saw right through it. “But it’s okay if you are.”
“Is it?”
“It is. I worry about you too, you know.”
“I know you do.” Tony nodded resolutely, placing his hand on her hip. Scarlett ran her fingers through his neatly cropped hair and leaned to capture his lips in a soft kiss. It was enough to temporarily distract Tony from his worry. Scarlett had a way of doing that. When she kissed him just right, it took away every doubt and fear he had in the forefront of his mind. “If you keep kissing me like that then I won’t worry about anything.”
“I thought you weren’t worried.” Scarlett kissed the corner of Tony’s mouth then his lips again, whispering her words to him. Tony smiled at long last and Scarlett felt relieved before capturing his lips in hers. Her fingers gently traced down the length of his arm before urging it tighter around her.
“I’m not,” He muttered in response between kisses.
“Uh-huh.” Scarlett nodded, continuing to kiss him. If she couldn’t relieve his fears and if he wasn’t willing to yet share them, then Scarlett would distract him entirely from the matter at hand. Fighting would do nothing but stress him out further and Tony needed sleep to be in his right mind. Tony shivered under her touch, shaking out his arm in attempt to rid it of its goose bumps before resting it on her backside.
“I’m really not.” He whispered, kissing her between words.
“Sure, sure.” Tony placed both arms around her and lifted her off of the ground. She wrapped her legs around his middle and kissed over his neck.
“I’m not.” Scarlett picked her head up from the kisses she’d left on his neck and gave him a knowing look. Of course Scarlett could see right through his denial. It didn’t mean he’d admit it was true.
“You talk too much.” Scarlett returned to his lips, resting her hand on his cheek before running her fingers into his hair, deepening the kiss. Tony carried her back down the hall, leaving the pizza on the living room coffee table. The night hadn’t gone the way he had hoped it would and there would be new worries in the morning to deal with but all either of them worried about for the rest of the night was whether or not they would make it back to the bedroom. Tony left the shirt Scarlett had been wearing in the hallway before carrying her back into the bedroom, kicking the door closed behind him.
Chapter: 03 Anytime At All
Author: Me
Disclaimer: Iron Man and the movie-verse including all of its characters do NOT belong to me, but to Marvel and all its glory. Though, Scarlett Damien does belong to me.
Universe: Pre-Avengers Post Iron Man 2
Pairing/Characters: Tony Stark/Scarlett Damien, Pepper, Rhodey, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers
Rating: M
Summary: Throughout the tri-state area pieces of buildings, parks, monuments have been disappearing in a haze of glowing light, creating chaos. Follow the continued adventures of Tony and Scarlett, along with the rest of the Avengers as they unravel this riddle! And yes, my chapters are still long! This story is a sequel to my stories Glass Heart and Hollow Scars but is stand alone.
Tony Stark couldn’t sleep.
His girlfriend’s bed was perfectly comfortable, in fact it was luxurious. Nearby Scarlett lay curled up next to him, her hand lazily resting over his chest which was how he preferred her when they slept. And though she silently lay next to him, her breathing slow and even, her eyelids occasionally twitching through REM sleep, safe and sound, Tony lay awake choosing between staring at the ceiling and staring at Scarlett’s face. His eyes focused upon the bloodied scab on her lip and the bruise that had developed on her shoulder. Carefully he fixed the sleeve of his t-shirt she had donned before resting his hand back against his bare stomach.
It wasn’t his surroundings that kept him awake and it most certainly couldn’t be that he wasn’t tired. Oh no, Tony was absolutely exhausted. Ever since he’d returned from Moscow and had Scarlett living in the same building he’d been unable to properly find rest. It wasn’t her fault but she wasn’t entirely free of blame either. He’d stolen a glimpse of just exactly how Scarlett had lived before they’d found each other and it scared the hell out of him. If she knew that thoughts of her safety were what kept him awake each night then he wasn’t sure she’d forgive herself for it. That was the last thing he wanted. Scarlett felt guilty enough about what she’d put him through.
How was it that for two of the smartest people on the planet they were also two of the most self loathing, destructive people as well? As much as Tony knew it was bad for him not to sleep, as much as he knew he shouldn’t worry about a woman who had proven time and again that she was capable of taking care of herself, he couldn’t stop from worrying and that worry kept him awake.
He’d seen her at her weakest point and it had left him shaken. If Scott hadn’t been so consumed with reprogramming her then she would’ve died and there would’ve been nothing Tony could’ve done about it. He had made the decision to leave her to her own devices so he could get to the bottom of the story she refused to tell him about her time in captivity. It had been rewarding to discover so much about her, but it had left Scarlett vulnerable and alone in her time of need. Tony hadn’t been there to protect her when she had needed it most even if she had objected to that fact on numerous occasions.
For all the sophisticated armor and advanced technology he possessed none of it could’ve helped him in that moment. When he closed his eyes he saw in his mind’s eye the moment where he’d been on the phone with Scarlett and her ex-boyfriend had attacked her. The fight had echoed through the phone line until he’d heard gunshots. He had known exactly what was going on and had been powerless to stop it because he was too far away.
It was luck that had left her alive, not anything more than that. Tony couldn’t rely on luck. Luck was for the naïve. He loved Scarlett too much. That thought had seemed funny at first and he’d wrestled with it so severely that he’d nearly reverted to the jackass chauvinist he’d once been before the incident that turned him into Iron Man. Over time he’d gotten used to the idea of being in love and even comforted by it.
But now being in love frightened him. How could he ever go back to being alone if something happened to her? How would he ever deal with the loss of someone that finally understood him and loved him for both his flaws and strengths? His bond with Scarlett was irreplaceable and if lost he couldn’t fathom what would become of him. Falling in love had been the best and the worst thing that had ever happened to him.
Logically he knew, he knew, that there would be times that he couldn’t protect her and she would have to fly solo. It didn’t stop him from worrying and obsessing over safety, her safety in particular. When it came to his own safety Tony was often careless. Thankfully Scarlett was just as worried about him so she kept him in line when need be. But it didn’t matter if he got hurt, that’s what she didn’t seem to understand.
Shifting in bed, Tony tried to get his wandering thoughts in check but no matter what he thought about, even if he replayed the events that took place after Scarlett had gotten home that evening, he dwelled on the fight she’d gotten into with Hawkeye. Scarlett was a tough chick, one of the toughest he’d ever known but she was also fragile, more so than she realized. If he said that out loud he was sure that she would argue it tooth and nail. But Scarlett hadn’t realized she was no longer the hardened assassin of the past.
Betrayal and captivity had changed her and therein lay her fragility. Until she could discover the woman she had become and adjust to her new life she would remain fragile and broken. Tony could see how lost she was in moments he stole glances at her when she thought no one was looking.
What if someone else discovered her vulnerability? That was what kept him awake at night. With MedCo and her ex still on the loose and out for blood, they couldn’t afford to be vulnerable outside of each other’s arms. When it came down to it, Tony was just as fragile and it was of his own making. His worry and inability to accept things as they were made him just as weak as Scarlett was.
Even if he could clear his thoughts of every nasty manifestation of what could possibly happen to Scarlett because of her past combined with his and the new public persona she had to take on in order to be with him there was the little problem of who he was. Tony Stark was notorious for being a failure at relationships. He was a user, a womanizer, a pig. Somehow Tony always did something to drive away the people who meant anything to him. For the man who had everything he certainly didn’t have many people to share it with.
There was Virginia “Pepper” Potts, his loyal assistant though. While most of her time was spent mothering Tony and nagging him at every opportunity he knew when it came down to the bottom line she would do anything to help him because before being her boss he was her friend. Then there was Happy Hogan, his driver, who was loyal to a fault. Tony was sure if he had to choose between him and Pepper then he would choose Pepper in a heartbeat. His best friend, James Rhodes, was always there for Tony when he really needed him. But that was it. Outside of those three Tony had always been alone. When he sat and thought about it, he’d never had anyone like Scarlett in his life before.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t had steady girlfriends in the past. Tony had more than most men had in their lifetime in the past ten years alone. But none of them had ever had the profound effect Scarlett had on him. In a weird way they had needed each other in order to discover just how lonely they had been. Now that she was with him Tony was happier than he had ever been in a relationship.
The idea of losing her was terrifying. Realistically Tony knew he was more likely to do something to screw up their relationship than someone else interfering. Long lasting romance and Tony Stark were foreign entities. Melding into one was proving to be far too easy. It scared him to think he was quite possibly a ticking time bomb, waiting to do something stupid to scare the woman curled up next to him away.
Staring back at her peaceful face, he temporarily shut out the nagging annoyances bouncing around in the back of his mind. It was too bad Scarlett wasn’t awake to keep him occupied. While his thoughts may have betrayed him while he was alone, when they were together he could keep them at bay. If only she was disturbed in her slumber and shaken awake to join him in his insomnia.
Tony brushed her long curly hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. She stirred and tilted her head but didn’t wake up. Maybe if he could get comfortable he would be able to sleep. Readjusting beneath the covers, Tony was careful not to wake Scarlett. But he had forgotten that her hand lay across his chest and when he shifted it slid off and she immediately opened her eyes. It always surprised him how quickly Scarlett became alert after sleeping. Sometimes Pepper had to physically drag him to meetings because he was none too eager to escape the covers. But Scarlett always seemed alert upon waking. He guessed it was a skill she’d developed after years of being on her guard.
Scarlett rubbed her eyes but sat up instantly while Tony watched her with pursed lips and wide eyes as if to await a bad reaction from her. There were many things Scarlett scolded him for but waking her up had never been one of them and he had done that on many occasions. Pushing her hair out of her face and blinking her eyes a few times to shake off the last remnants of sleep, Scarlett turned her attention back to Tony.
He wasn’t sleeping again.
This didn’t come as a surprise to Scarlett. He’d woken her up almost every night for the past month on “accident” because he couldn’t find rest. Tony wasn’t very good at entertaining himself, especially not in her loft. Even in his home a few flights up he wasn’t able to entertain himself very readily. He’d taken to going to his lab to get some work done on occasion but something had still bothered him enough, even down there, that he would end up back in his room and shaking Scarlett awake to come and keep him company.
“Sorry I woke you… These sheets are all bunched up around my back and it was uncomfortable.” Tony lied through his teeth. He didn’t need Scarlett to worry about him not being able to sleep. Honestly, he didn’t want her knowing that he worried so much about her. The guilt she’d felt about the last year had often made her sick to her stomach. The last thing Tony wanted was to add to that already innumerable amount of guilt.
“Sure, sure…” Scarlett laid back in bed next to him and watched him knowingly. Deep down he realized that she had to have known that he was doing it on purpose, even if he’d convinced himself each accidental bump or loud noise had been just that. “Can’t sleep again, huh?” Tony instantly looked away when she mentioned it but nodded his head to confirm it was the truth. Scarlett was wondering if maybe something really was wrong with Tony. He had to start sleeping eventually or it was going to catch up with him and soon.
Each time she’d tried to talk to him about it he’d pulled back and grown distant. He’d insisted time and time again that it was nothing or that he’d napped too long during the day. Every night he was up until the point of exhaustion came with a different excuse as to why he wasn’t finding rest.
“You can go back to sleep, I didn’t mean to wake you. I mean, you looked so comfortable in my shirt…” Tony tugged at her sleeve and she shook her head immediately.
“No, I’m awake now so I might as well stay up with you.” Scarlett had stayed up with Tony each time that he’d woken her. Even if he didn’t want to tell her why he was waking her up she wanted to keep him company in case he really needed her. Any other woman likely would’ve told him to go sit on the couch in the living room and leave her be so she could rest. But Scarlett had the feeling that something terrible was keeping Tony awake. There had been occasions where he’d slept and had nightmares and she believed those same nightmares were what kept him awake.
When Scarlett had nightmares in a hotel in Spain months ago, Tony had been there to take care of her. Even if Tony never told her why he couldn’t sleep, even if he insisted that he was able to sleep just fine when it was obvious that he couldn’t, Scarlett was going to do what she could to try and alleviate his stress. It was the very least she could do for him, considering how much he’d done for her in the past. She remembered distinctly that it was the first time she hadn’t felt alone when he’d cared for her in that hotel even if she had reacted badly to his questions after her nightmares.
Tony deserved to feel like he wasn’t alone. Scarlett could tell by the way Tony’s face lit up that he was relieved she would stay awake with him.
“Are you sure? You had a long night and that’s just what we did after you got home.” A playful smirk on his face, Tony nudged her with his elbow. Scarlett swatted at his chest and rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but smile. Tony secretly loved it when she swatted him like that. Naturally something designed to try and let him know he’d done something to annoy her would bring him pleasure.
“I’m sure. Come on, let’s get out of this room.” Scarlett kicked off the covers and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Usually when they woke up in the middle of the night they went to work in the laboratory, which one varied. When they went to Scarlett’s they were guaranteed to get absolutely nothing done. This was due to the fact that none of what was in there belonged to Tony so he very quickly grew bored when left to his own devices. He didn’t like being a guest in another person’s laboratory and Scarlett often chased him away from half finished projects so he wouldn’t break anything.
So instead Tony chose to harass Scarlett there and one thing usually led to another and they wound up back in bed. In Tony’s lab they lasted a bit longer before he’d be chasing her tail back upstairs, but not much longer. They had decided it wasn’t a very good idea for them to work together ninety percent of the time. That was why they only tried to in the middle of the night. It was extra time spent working on projects for their various endeavors and if they ended up losing interest halfway through it didn’t affect much of anything.
“Wait!” Tony called to her and Scarlett nearly lost her balance, her foot caught in the sheets on her way out of bed.
“What?” She looked at Tony over her shoulder. Maybe he would finally tell her what had frightened him so badly that it had kept him awake every night for a month.
“You’re not going to get dressed are you?” Tony pouted, crawling to the edge of the bed and reaching for the bottom of his t-shirt that she had fallen asleep in. Scarlett laughed and rolled her eyes then swatted his hand away from the bottom of her shirt. “Come on, walking around like that has its perks.”
“For you.”
“Yes, for me. I didn’t specify what those perks were did I?” Tony nodded fervently and pouted up at her. He’d learned over the weeks past that if he looked at her with especially wide eyes she would be more likely to relent than not. According to Scarlett he had big brown puppy eyes and she felt like Sarah McLachlan would scold her if she didn’t make him stop pouting at her.
“Fine, we’re staying in tonight then.” Scarlett walked back to where he laid on the bed and hooked her index finger under Tony’s chin. Guiding him to sit up which he very easily complied with, Scarlett glared at him sternly and then pointed at him. “But you have got to stop using the puppy dog thing for evil, okay? It’s not going to work forever if you keep abusing its power.”
“You’re just saying that because you want me to stop.” Tony nipped at the air in front of her finger and then climbed out of bed. “We’ll stay in, that’s a fair trade.”
“Come on.” Scarlett took his hand and led him out of the bedroom. In the middle of the night Tony really was more like a puppy dog than during the day. It wasn’t as though he was trying to manipulate her. More likely it was because whatever bothered him while he was unable to sleep was making him behave in such a way. If he wouldn’t tell her, Scarlett would simply keep him busy until he did tell her or he finally slept. They’d spent entire nights up talking on the couch together. Scarlett had made attempts to teach Tony how to cook on several occasions. While he’d failed at most cooking endeavors or just proved to make a mess trying to chase her around the counter, he was a professional at mixing drinks.
“Are you going to try to and teach me how to make soup again? Because you know how that turned out right? The broth boiled away and we burnt the hell out of that chicken… Do you remember how long it took to get rid of the smell because I remember…” Tony followed her out of the bedroom, down the hall, and into the living room.
“I’m not giving up on teaching you to fend for yourself.” Scarlett turned at the end of the hall and pointed at him again. “But no, I’m not teaching you to cook tonight.”
Tony caught up with her at the end of the hall and grabbed the finger she pointed at him. She tried to pull it away from him but he wrapped his fingers around her hand and pulled it close so he could kiss the back of it.
“You know it’s a fruitless endeavor, right? Teaching me to cook, that is. I mean, Scarlett in any situation I can afford to buy us food, you know that right?”
“You never know when it’ll come in handy.” Scarlett pulled her hand away and then placed it instead on the side of his neck. “Besides, you’re pretty cute in an apron.”
“I can’t deny that.” Tony followed her into the living room where she sat on the couch. “Though you’re much cuter in just an apron than I am.”
“I’d argue against that actually. But to each their own.” Scarlett smirked, patting the spot next to her. Tony jumped over the back of the couch and instantly wrapped his arms around Scarlett, pulling her so she was lying awkwardly with him on the cushions. She laughed and tried to readjust but Tony kept her firmly trapped in his arms. “When was the last time I told you that you were ridiculous?”
“Earlier. Like three hours ago actually. You should tone down on that word, ridiculous. If you over use it then in a month’s time it’s going to mean nothing.” Tony taunted, mocking her earlier abuse of his puppy dog eyes.
“We can’t stay like this, I’m hungry.”
“So am I.” Tony growled and nipped at her neck, leaving kisses in his wake. Scarlett shook her head and leaned it back against the couch trying to catch his gaze.
“No, I meant really hungry. For food. I didn’t have dinner.”
“Oh, that’s disappointing.” Tony pouted and rested his head on the couch next to her, his fingers nervously playing with the hem of her shirt. He couldn’t express how grateful he was that she dealt with him every night and with such grace. Hell, if she had told him to buzz off while she’d gotten some sleep, Tony would’ve completely understood. But instead she took care of him, played with him, and most importantly didn’t make him feel guilty about losing sleep. “Pizza?”
“How’d you know?”
“Every damn time you see Clint you want a piece of pizza.” Tony pointed out and Scarlett couldn’t help but smile.
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. Jarvis, back me up here.”
“I’m afraid that Mr. Stark is correct on this one.” The charming robotic voice spoke from overhead. “Shall I put in your order for the usual? Sausage with extra cheese?”
“Oh come on, it’s not every time!” Scarlett laughed, placing her hand over Tony’s lips so he couldn’t argue but as she thought about it she’d realized that each time she’d run into Clint one way or another she’d ended up getting a pizza afterward.
“Denial,” Tony muttered against her hand.
“Order the pizza, Jarvis.” Scarlett pouted, pulling her now slobbery hand away from Tony’s lips and wiping it on her shirt. “I never noticed. I wonder what it is about Clint that makes me want pizza…” She drifted off, trying to think of what could’ve triggered such a weird reaction. She’d even told him that he’d owed her pizza after they’d managed to escape their scuffle earlier in the night. What the hell was wrong with Clint that made her want pizza so badly?
“So you were wrong.” Tony tugged on her shirt again.
“I wasn’t wrong, I just didn’t realize I was doing it.”
“Which makes you wrong to assume you weren’t.”
“When you admit you’re wrong about something then so will I Tony but until that day comes we’re both going to live in this happy shared denial we have going on.” Scarlett laughed, stretching her legs out on the couch.
Their nonsensical conversation continued on through the night, until at long last the pizza had arrived at Stark Tower. Jarvis took care of takeout orders which had at first confused the delivery men but it hadn’t taken very long for their usual places to grow accustomed to the nonconventional system they had set up. That and both Tony and Scarlett were very generous tippers.
With the pizza box flipped open on the coffee table and the television on in the background playing some of the shows they enjoyed watching together during the week for background noise, Scarlett and Tony enjoyed sitting together on the couch, talking over the television and eating their incredibly late dinner.
“I know it’s your least favorite subject on the planet,” Scarlett began, finishing off her piece of pizza. “But I think I’m going to approach S.H.I.E.L.D. and talk to them about a realistic deal so I can put a stop to the nonsense that went on tonight.” Much to her surprise Tony’s smile instantly faded and he clammed up just the way he did when she had tried to get him to share why he wasn’t sleeping.
Panic gripped Tony and he instantly turned his gaze away from her and focused on the pizza box hanging off the side of the table. There it was. Just what he had been afraid of. If Scarlett worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. she was going to be put into danger one way or another and it was likely that Tony wouldn’t be there for her when she got in over her head. It was bad enough worrying about her without her running into harm’s way on purpose. Now she was seriously considering working for the people who made a habit of dragging her into dangerous conflicts that she had no part of.
Why would she do that? After the hell they’d gone through over the past months to get to the happy place they shared now, why would she throw it away?
“What is it?” Scarlett wiped her hands on a napkin and leaned against her knees, looking seriously to her suddenly troubled boyfriend. What was it that was bothering him so much that every time she talked about S.H.I.E.L.D. or his inability to sleep that he mentally shut off? “Look, it’s a good idea. You work for them. It’ll be another source of revenue.”
“We don’t need another source of revenue. Scarlett, we’re loaded.” Tony spoke, but his voice was far less animated than usual. In fact, he sounded as exhausted as he must have felt.
“I know we are, but this will be good for me.” Scarlett knew that no matter his response she was going to approach S.H.I.E.L.D. the next day. He would have to come to terms with it regardless of how he felt about it. Nick Fury, the intimidating head of S.H.I.E.L.D., had practically threatened to expose her lengthy illegal history if she hadn’t joined forces with them. That was what had kept her from joining them initially. Scarlett never did respond well to threats. But over time she had realized that it hadn’t been as much of a threat as it had been an eventuality of her existence.
Tony was a media darling. If she didn’t find a way to deal with her past she was going to end up in prison thanks to some nosy reporter. S.H.I.E.L.D. could prevent that, she’d seen them do it for people who were far more notorious than she was. On top of that they’d made it clear that they weren’t going to keep her out of their business. Clint and Natasha had been trying to show her how much good she could do in New York with the two of them by throwing her into dangerous situations.
It had worked.
On top of that Scarlett missed adventure. Life with Tony was an adventure in itself but the life of an assassin that she’d lived for nearly twenty years wasn’t going to be easy to just drop.
“We can work together and tag team projects with S.H.I.E.L.D., too. You consult and I can explore. I know they likely won’t let us be a team if I’m out on some mission or something but you know… they can’t keep us from working together in house. We’re two of the best minds of our generation and they would be idiots not to let us work together in that kind of setting.”
“Scarlett, I don’t want you to work for S.H.I.E.L.D.” Tony finally spoke and though it wasn’t what Scarlett wanted to hear she was at least glad he’d said something.
“I know you don’t. You’ve made that perfectly clear. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m going to do it. I don’t understand why you’re so against it.” Scarlett nudged his shoulder. “If you’d give me a good reason I’d consider it but instead you turn into this brooding gargoyle every time I mention it. Tony this is way safer than chasing me around Africa was and you insisted on doing that.”
“I can’t, Scarlett.” Tony shook his head and looked to her seriously. About to object that he couldn’t tell her to stay out of harm’s way and to completely abandon the life she lived Scarlett stopped short when she saw something in Tony’s eyes. It was fear. Tony was scared. He was scared that something was going to happen to her but he wasn’t telling her that was the case. She understood the fear all too well because she had felt it for months, but for him. When he’d followed her halfway around the world while she’d pursued the people who had ruined her life, she had literal panic attacks imagining what would happen to Tony if he made a wrong move behind her. She never would’ve forgiven herself if he had been caught in the crossfire of her torrid history.
“Why can’t you? Tony, this is my life. I need to do something good with these skills that I have. It would be a disservice for me to let it go to waste. Besides, I like conflict. Remember?”
“I know that, okay? I do. You’re my female James Bond, I think about it all the time because it’s really hot but Scarlett…”
“What, Tony?” She finally grew frustrated and got up from where she sat on the couch. “Why won’t you talk to me already? What is it that bothers you so much about S.H.I.E.L.D.? What is it you’re not telling me? Because I thought we agreed that this secret keeping crap would be over with after what happened two months ago.” Scarlett continued before Tony could respond and he merely stared at her while she ranted. “You have no idea how hard it is for me to be honest with you or with anyone about anything. My whole life was a giant secret for twenty years, maybe longer, I don’t like to think about how long.”
“I know, no secrets.” Tony shook his head but did he mean that in reality? It was one thing for him to tell Scarlett he didn’t want her to keep secrets but it when came to divulging his own inner demons it wasn’t nearly as easy. He wanted her to be honest and for him to keep his insecurities to himself. It was a nasty double standard, but to be fair, Tony was still working on this relationship thing. “Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad, I’m frustrated.”
“Aren’t those the same thing?”
“No, they aren’t.” Scarlett placed her hand to her forehead and grimaced. “I’m going to talk to S.H.I.E.L.D. Tony. It’s just a discussion. But you know in the end I have to make some kind of deal with them. Not for me but for us. I can’t keep being this secret woman in the newspaper who stole your heart and who the media knows nothing about. Eventually they’re going to find out who I am and S.H.I.E.L.D. can help take care of the fallout before it hits the ground.”
“I don’t care about any of that, Scarlett.”
“I know you don’t care about your reputation, your history makes that perfectly clear.”
“Hey.” Tony furrowed his brow, but there wasn’t much he could say to argue against what she said. Sometimes Scarlett was brutally honest and Tony wasn’t sure he was prepared for it.
“Your history isn’t going to get you imprisoned for the rest of your life, mine will.” Scarlett furrowed her brow. “This is something I have to do if we want to be together.”
“So was chasing MedCo and look how that ended up.” Tony snapped and Scarlett, taken aback, ran her tongue over her bottom teeth and curled her lip in a sneer. “I didn’t mean that.”
“You did.” Scarlett placed her hand on her hip. “Yeah, that was something I had to do too Tony, but I was wrong about how I did it. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t realize I was fighting for the wrong reasons. I thought I was protecting you. And you think you’re protecting me now but for once I’m doing the right thing.”
“Scarlett!” Tony finally got up from the couch. He considered finally telling her what scared him and why he didn’t want her running into danger just yet. But when he opened his mouth to spill his guts his tongue seemed to swell up and get in his way. Instead he placed his hands on her shoulders which she initially shoved off. Stubbornly he placed them on her shoulders again and pulled her close to him. His fingers brushed down her arms and to her hands, which he grabbed and pulled close to the reactor in his chest. With that simple touch her anger melted away and she looked at him worried.
“Talk to me, Tony.” She pled, hoping that he’d continue with what she thought he might finally tell her.
“I have a bad feeling.” Was all Tony managed to say at long last. It was more than he had managed to say in weeks past so in Tony’s mind it seemed like progress. But Scarlett felt frustrated. “I can’t explain it but I have a bad feeling about all of this.”
“If I don’t approach S.H.I.E.L.D. then this is going to keep happening.” Scarlett pointed to the cut on her lower lip and smiled a little bit. She understood that Tony was going through something he wasn’t ready to share even if it frustrated her that she couldn’t fix the problem in front of her. Scarlett was a problem solver and when Tony wouldn’t let her fix his problem, she grew irritated. But the fear in his eyes, the worry and concern she saw dripping from them alleviated her annoyance enough that she could deal with it a little easier. “S.H.I.E.L.D. isn’t going to leave me alone and I have to do something about it.”
“I know.” Tony mentally deflated. It was true. How could he keep her from approaching S.H.I.E.L.D. if S.H.I.E.L.D. kept approaching her on a weekly basis? Either they had to put a stop to S.H.I.E.L.D. interference in her life or she had to go and make a deal. Since it wasn’t likely that S.H.I.E.L.D. was going to back off, particularly when Natasha and Clint were so hell bent on getting her to join their ranks, the only option was for her to approach them. Realistically he knew that he couldn’t stop her from joining them.
He’d known it for weeks and he should have considered himself lucky that she’d waited this long to put a stop to the sudden onslaught of chaos in the middle of her already hectic life. Tony had asked much of Scarlett since the inception of their relationship. There was no reason he couldn’t support her in this one decision and yet he couldn’t seem to. They had argued over it every which way, but the outcome was always the same. Tony knew he couldn’t tell her to stay out of harm’s way when he was Iron Man and put himself into dangerous situations all the time. It was another nasty double standard that Tony wished Scarlett would let go.
“It’s okay that you’re worried.” Scarlett pulled her hands away from his and gently placed them on the sides of his neck, taking a step closer to him. She offered a small encouraging smile, hoping it would ease the mood between them even if it was just a little.
“I’m not worried.”
“Fine, you’re not worried.” Scarlett sighed heavily and moved close enough so she could rest her body against his. The macho tough guy façade was hard to break but Scarlett saw right through it. “But it’s okay if you are.”
“Is it?”
“It is. I worry about you too, you know.”
“I know you do.” Tony nodded resolutely, placing his hand on her hip. Scarlett ran her fingers through his neatly cropped hair and leaned to capture his lips in a soft kiss. It was enough to temporarily distract Tony from his worry. Scarlett had a way of doing that. When she kissed him just right, it took away every doubt and fear he had in the forefront of his mind. “If you keep kissing me like that then I won’t worry about anything.”
“I thought you weren’t worried.” Scarlett kissed the corner of Tony’s mouth then his lips again, whispering her words to him. Tony smiled at long last and Scarlett felt relieved before capturing his lips in hers. Her fingers gently traced down the length of his arm before urging it tighter around her.
“I’m not,” He muttered in response between kisses.
“Uh-huh.” Scarlett nodded, continuing to kiss him. If she couldn’t relieve his fears and if he wasn’t willing to yet share them, then Scarlett would distract him entirely from the matter at hand. Fighting would do nothing but stress him out further and Tony needed sleep to be in his right mind. Tony shivered under her touch, shaking out his arm in attempt to rid it of its goose bumps before resting it on her backside.
“I’m really not.” He whispered, kissing her between words.
“Sure, sure.” Tony placed both arms around her and lifted her off of the ground. She wrapped her legs around his middle and kissed over his neck.
“I’m not.” Scarlett picked her head up from the kisses she’d left on his neck and gave him a knowing look. Of course Scarlett could see right through his denial. It didn’t mean he’d admit it was true.
“You talk too much.” Scarlett returned to his lips, resting her hand on his cheek before running her fingers into his hair, deepening the kiss. Tony carried her back down the hall, leaving the pizza on the living room coffee table. The night hadn’t gone the way he had hoped it would and there would be new worries in the morning to deal with but all either of them worried about for the rest of the night was whether or not they would make it back to the bedroom. Tony left the shirt Scarlett had been wearing in the hallway before carrying her back into the bedroom, kicking the door closed behind him.