Self-indulgent moaning post. You may wish to avoid.
I hate my own stupid high standards. I just got my law assignment result and it wasn't a first. It was three marks off so all is not lost but I know I'll be so disappointed with myself if I don't have a good base (eg a first grade!) for next year. I also think it would be fairly crap going to get a lower aggregate mark than last year (75), what happened to progression?! I know it's silly but I'm gutted and instead of the news spurring me on to revise for my law exam and work really hard on the one assignment I still have left, it's simply made me lose all motivation. On the positive side, as social workers are still in short supply and other skills are prized above straight academic ability in the job market, 1st or 2:1or whatever probably won't make a lot of difference, so people keep telling me. That was me trying to convince myself and it hasn't worked. If I'm completely honest, I suppose I feel I'm lacking in some of the other areas and that a high pass level might level the playing field.
I think I've been so monopolised by social work stuff without a break for a bit too long, my priorities have become a bit skewed. Obviously working hard is a valid pursuit but I don't have much else happening in my life at the minute so I suppose I'm seeking all my validation in that area. At least I'm no longer directing my perfectionism at my body, that was a hopeless cause.
I think I need to go and have a cup of tea and a cigarette and get over myself.