Golden rules.
I went to mass today for the first time in about, let's say, a month or two. I got there early so I wouldn't have to deal with parking. In the beginning, I kept my head down because I was still a little groggy from my nap and there's no reason to keep my eyes on the altar per se.
However, before the second reading, I looked up for some reason, some strange arbitrary reason, and in the pew to my front left, I saw a bald, chubby Filipino man sitting there. I thought to myself, 'Hey, he looks famil-' and then I realized who it was. As I shifted my focus to his left, my suspicions were confirmed. This man was _____'s dad and to his left was _____ herself, an individual I prefer to see as little as humanly possible. You may even say that she disgusts me. You may even say that I consider her the Devil incarnate. She was sitting so ridiculously close. I mean, I-could-reach-out-and-slap-the-back-of-her-head close. You know, not that I'd do that in church. So I thought, 'Of all the possible places to sit--OH WAIT.'
I then realized that come Peace Be With You time, I would have no choice but to shake her hand, make eye contact, grit my teeth and spit those words out between them. I started freaking out and hyperventilating a bit. I told myself, 'This must be a test. God must be testing me.' So all through the second reading, I kept telling myself that as well as asking, 'Why, God, why?' and thinking how this could possibly be. Surely, God would not want me to lie in His house and falsely wish someone, "Peace be with you." 'Cause no matter which way you slice it, there would have been no sincerity whatsoever in my Peace to her. So, when everyone stood up for the Alleluia, I stood up, too. I stood up and eased my way past a middle-aged couple and walked to the back of the church. For my self-assigned penance, I decided to stand at the back of the church for the rest of mass. Coincidentally, when I was at my lola's (where I had taken my nap), my string cheese wrapper was labeled with a random fact that said you burn 36 more calories standing up than when you do sitting down.
However, before the second reading, I looked up for some reason, some strange arbitrary reason, and in the pew to my front left, I saw a bald, chubby Filipino man sitting there. I thought to myself, 'Hey, he looks famil-' and then I realized who it was. As I shifted my focus to his left, my suspicions were confirmed. This man was _____'s dad and to his left was _____ herself, an individual I prefer to see as little as humanly possible. You may even say that she disgusts me. You may even say that I consider her the Devil incarnate. She was sitting so ridiculously close. I mean, I-could-reach-out-and-slap-the-back-of-her-head close. You know, not that I'd do that in church. So I thought, 'Of all the possible places to sit--OH WAIT.'
I then realized that come Peace Be With You time, I would have no choice but to shake her hand, make eye contact, grit my teeth and spit those words out between them. I started freaking out and hyperventilating a bit. I told myself, 'This must be a test. God must be testing me.' So all through the second reading, I kept telling myself that as well as asking, 'Why, God, why?' and thinking how this could possibly be. Surely, God would not want me to lie in His house and falsely wish someone, "Peace be with you." 'Cause no matter which way you slice it, there would have been no sincerity whatsoever in my Peace to her. So, when everyone stood up for the Alleluia, I stood up, too. I stood up and eased my way past a middle-aged couple and walked to the back of the church. For my self-assigned penance, I decided to stand at the back of the church for the rest of mass. Coincidentally, when I was at my lola's (where I had taken my nap), my string cheese wrapper was labeled with a random fact that said you burn 36 more calories standing up than when you do sitting down.