two more hours
two hours of school left! I cant take it! I am sooo scared for Reedy's final. It sucks. I wish it was over and I had some joke final, like spanish or something, tomorrow. Siiigh. Anyway, I am a little weirded out about tom (the saga continues....) See, when he told me he liked me I had mixed feelings. Like, on one hand, who really cares? He likes me whatever thats that. On the other hand, I feel weird about being so friendly and affectionate with him because he knew I didnt like him (I think) and he knew I wasnt into anyone but john (well he god damn should have cuz I said it), yet he still treated me in a way that he found to be like "more than friends" I dunno, weird but I was over it, because we were at an understanding that I only liked him as a friend, and he was cool with it. BUT...when he told me I wanted to be really nice to him because I knew he was sad about other stuff and because hes sweet and I didnt want to hurt his feelings. So, being NICE, I was like "yeah I miss you, you should come down right this very instant" and of course he was like"well I cant" and i was like "no come in 5 minutes" (to show i was joking) and i thought he got it and was just like yeah ok. Then we were talking about at the end of the summer, when we might all do something. So it all seemed good. Then last night he IMed me and was like "I can come on wednesday" and I was like "what?" and he goes "yeah my parents said I could" So now Im thinking heres this guy I dont like, who likes me, who is coming up here to see me because I said offhand that I wanted to see him at some point. I feel weird, like I dont know if he is just keeping our friendship and wants to see all the camp people, or if he is chasing me because he thinks he has a chance. CUZ HE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE and I dont want him to come all the way up to find out I was serious all the times I said no one but John. I'd rather he know that now. But I dont want to be all conceited and be like "yeah you want me but u cant have me because Im taken, so you dont have to chase me and my sexyness" teehee. But I want to see him, in a group and such, and just be friends. Like its weird cuz I loved being close with him, but I dont know if I want to anymore because...I dont know its just all strange. I dont ever want to turn down an oppurtunity to see camp people, but I dont want anything really bad to happen either with him. Not like hooking up cuz I know that wont happen, but just like hurting him and making him feel bad. Because theres no way Id be affectionate with him again, because it takes on an entirely new meaning now that I want nothing to do with. So what to do, shut him down, let it be, what? Help I dont know! I have to talk to John about all this because he knows I was close with tom but never found out he liked me because I figured whatever, we all (me john tom) know that I dont like him, and its toms business not johns, and I wont see him until hes over me anyway. But now that I might see him (if he can find a place to stay) and that he might be chasing me (which could be my paranioa, I dunno), I think its time for john to be clued in. Siigh, Tom, why dont you get it? Or do you? Eek. Elyse, it is time for you to help. :oD