i've and ours
i've stood on the edge of buildings and bridges
wanting [to jump]
to fly
wanting to hit the ocean-toned skies
[hit the pavement, scattered stones
in my minds eye
and i'm left, a heap of splintered bones poking
out of mangled flesh]
i've thought "i love you" before
hiding the meaning in long complicated sentences
weaving our history inbetween nouns and adjectives
[our history involves complicated lies
the feel of fire down my throat and
you blinking, stuttering out simple construct lines]
i've traced meaningless patterns
on cotton sheets and twisted grass
between my fingers, feeling coldwarmcells
on the pads of my finger tips
[mapped out crimson lines on self-healing paper
points intersecting, crossing
always towards a dead centre]
i've always said i'm fine when anyone asks
[i rarely tell the truth]