Recollection: Satanic Story Time
I was talking with Carrie last night over the phone, and she seemed greatly enthused with a happening that occurred when I was in New Mexico.
I type this story for you, my readers:
I had just purchased The Satanic Rituals (a. Anton LaVey), and I was excited with the power at my finger-tips. I took it with me everywhere. To school where I hid it in my backpack, and at home where I hid it in my top drawer.
Now let me remind you, I was in Bible Fuck Belt, New Mexico. A little town of Alamogordo.
I'm talking about an ass fuck town that held a parking lot protest because Hastings Books & Entertainment carried: "The Satanic Bible," "The Satanic Rituals," "The Satanic Witch," and tarot cards and other Metaphysical natured books. So after that Hastings is no longer allowed to carry "The Satanic Bible" nor "The Satanic Rituals" on the shelves of the store. You have to order it. And come to find out last year (when I visited), they NO LONGER allow you to order it from them. Fucking christians...
Anyway...back to my story...
I was a Junior.
The children in the "Planned Parenthood/Life Skills" classes were each given a plastic baby. I do not believe they were the screaming whining key kind, only because Alamoghetto...was so...ghetto...Just plastic babies...
So any way...My then friends come up to me, showing me their plastic bastards with great joy. And then asked me "Can you give my baby a Satanic baptism?"
I replied with exuberance: "Yes I can."
So I whipped the pages with my fingers and found the right page for such an action.
I read allowed (paraphrasing from memory): "I baptize this child, (______) in the Black Flame of Satan! Gods of the Pit, receive and welcome this child!"
I was GOING to finish it, but Mrs. Ross (fucking uber zealot southern baptist) said in a slight scream "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"...ok, so slight scream was a little bit of an exaggeration.....she all out fucking screamed it...
I told her, "I am giving this baby a Satanic baptism. Let me finish!"
She said: "Oh no you're not! (she called some other teacher) Get security up here, now!"
See, this is a week before I knew about Separation of Church and State.
Security comes, asks me to write my name in my book, and they took off with it.
I gave Mrs. Ross the most burning, singing, hateful stare I could ever give anyone. She ran back into her classroom with something unintelligable and unidentifiable but "Devil boy" and "Devil's son" was audible.
Skippity-doo-dah
Slitting their legs
My, oh my, what
Blood spattered day!
So, I go to the Assisstant Dickhead office...and proudly claim my book.
They said they wanted to "talk with me."
I said, "Freedom of Religion! It's MY freedom!"
the fat, bald, glasses wearing bastard sighed, then looked at me and said the most hilarious thing, I have ever heard in my entire life...Without skipping a beat:
"I just can't have you Satanically baptizing babies in the hallways."
I could just picture it...A black booth with a little cauldron of blood with a sign in red "SATANIC BAPTISMS HERE!"
I laughed. I out-right laughed. I wanted to scoff with some remark...But, I believed my work was done...
...Then...ALL the christians tried to raise up against me and force me to become a christian (HA!)...But this proved...I needed to go one...step...further...
Baptizing plastic cupie-dolls was not going to cut it.
This needed something drastic.
Something cunning.
This looked like a job for...
Bringing a holy bible to school, tracking down all the christians that went up against me...and ripping out pages before their very eyes and doing unspeakable acts to the bible...
Doing so many horrors, so many ways
But that is a story....for another day........
I type this story for you, my readers:
I had just purchased The Satanic Rituals (a. Anton LaVey), and I was excited with the power at my finger-tips. I took it with me everywhere. To school where I hid it in my backpack, and at home where I hid it in my top drawer.
Now let me remind you, I was in Bible Fuck Belt, New Mexico. A little town of Alamogordo.
I'm talking about an ass fuck town that held a parking lot protest because Hastings Books & Entertainment carried: "The Satanic Bible," "The Satanic Rituals," "The Satanic Witch," and tarot cards and other Metaphysical natured books. So after that Hastings is no longer allowed to carry "The Satanic Bible" nor "The Satanic Rituals" on the shelves of the store. You have to order it. And come to find out last year (when I visited), they NO LONGER allow you to order it from them. Fucking christians...
Anyway...back to my story...
I was a Junior.
The children in the "Planned Parenthood/Life Skills" classes were each given a plastic baby. I do not believe they were the screaming whining key kind, only because Alamoghetto...was so...ghetto...Just plastic babies...
So any way...My then friends come up to me, showing me their plastic bastards with great joy. And then asked me "Can you give my baby a Satanic baptism?"
I replied with exuberance: "Yes I can."
So I whipped the pages with my fingers and found the right page for such an action.
I read allowed (paraphrasing from memory): "I baptize this child, (______) in the Black Flame of Satan! Gods of the Pit, receive and welcome this child!"
I was GOING to finish it, but Mrs. Ross (fucking uber zealot southern baptist) said in a slight scream "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"...ok, so slight scream was a little bit of an exaggeration.....she all out fucking screamed it...
I told her, "I am giving this baby a Satanic baptism. Let me finish!"
She said: "Oh no you're not! (she called some other teacher) Get security up here, now!"
See, this is a week before I knew about Separation of Church and State.
Security comes, asks me to write my name in my book, and they took off with it.
I gave Mrs. Ross the most burning, singing, hateful stare I could ever give anyone. She ran back into her classroom with something unintelligable and unidentifiable but "Devil boy" and "Devil's son" was audible.
Skippity-doo-dah
Slitting their legs
My, oh my, what
Blood spattered day!
So, I go to the Assisstant Dickhead office...and proudly claim my book.
They said they wanted to "talk with me."
I said, "Freedom of Religion! It's MY freedom!"
the fat, bald, glasses wearing bastard sighed, then looked at me and said the most hilarious thing, I have ever heard in my entire life...Without skipping a beat:
"I just can't have you Satanically baptizing babies in the hallways."
I could just picture it...A black booth with a little cauldron of blood with a sign in red "SATANIC BAPTISMS HERE!"
I laughed. I out-right laughed. I wanted to scoff with some remark...But, I believed my work was done...
...Then...ALL the christians tried to raise up against me and force me to become a christian (HA!)...But this proved...I needed to go one...step...further...
Baptizing plastic cupie-dolls was not going to cut it.
This needed something drastic.
Something cunning.
This looked like a job for...
Bringing a holy bible to school, tracking down all the christians that went up against me...and ripping out pages before their very eyes and doing unspeakable acts to the bible...
Doing so many horrors, so many ways
But that is a story....for another day........