(no subject)
can't do this anymore. and thought 'i can't do this anymore,' and questioned why i was even trying to get away. i know why. i know what he's done and what he would do and what he is doing. is this some kind of stupid masochistic desire, am i punishing myself, am i really so desperate for that feeling or just chasing a memory and goddamn as stupid as it sounds it really, really hurts. i don't want to be some whiny, lovesick teenage bitch but i can't get away and i can't get anywhere safe.
i was going to tell him tonight, 'i need to take a break from you, it only hurts when i talk to you and i cant stand you because i miss what you used to offer on occasion but you're not what i need now and i don't want this and i don't want THIS' but maybe i'm just too fucking tired. i can't do it right now. i can't get into that shit with him.
listening to tomahawk, trying to feel a little hardcore to make up for my angsty and pussy-like disposition.
i'm pretty tired. i woke up at 7am to paint a birthday present for my dad (happy b-day to him!) which i will display under a cut at the end of the entry. also the guy from the cover of my book for creative writing called "dagget gets dumped", i'm sure i've mentioned it here.
got the college shit all figured out. dumped the idea of going to reed. embracing the idea of going to COCC and living alone and off grants in a little closet of an apartment. this appeals to me well enough. also, i'll be starting college classes 2nd term of next year, so that's pretty early.
i'm certain i had a lot to say but i don't. i have a lot to say all the time but i just never get around to saying it. i wait too long and it disappears.
finals next week. jesus fucking christ, i only realized this last week that next trimester is going to suck ass. it's all the classes i hate, with the exception of english. hot damn am i loving english. except that the finals in there are going to kill me. shit.
goodnight. take some pictures, here. lol.
i was going to tell him tonight, 'i need to take a break from you, it only hurts when i talk to you and i cant stand you because i miss what you used to offer on occasion but you're not what i need now and i don't want this and i don't want THIS' but maybe i'm just too fucking tired. i can't do it right now. i can't get into that shit with him.
listening to tomahawk, trying to feel a little hardcore to make up for my angsty and pussy-like disposition.
i'm pretty tired. i woke up at 7am to paint a birthday present for my dad (happy b-day to him!) which i will display under a cut at the end of the entry. also the guy from the cover of my book for creative writing called "dagget gets dumped", i'm sure i've mentioned it here.
got the college shit all figured out. dumped the idea of going to reed. embracing the idea of going to COCC and living alone and off grants in a little closet of an apartment. this appeals to me well enough. also, i'll be starting college classes 2nd term of next year, so that's pretty early.
i'm certain i had a lot to say but i don't. i have a lot to say all the time but i just never get around to saying it. i wait too long and it disappears.
finals next week. jesus fucking christ, i only realized this last week that next trimester is going to suck ass. it's all the classes i hate, with the exception of english. hot damn am i loving english. except that the finals in there are going to kill me. shit.
goodnight. take some pictures, here. lol.