MY FIRST KISS AT THE PUBLIC EXECUTION
I was talking about college with my step-mom just now, and I'm feeling somewhat more optimistic. I've given myself two options, and I have a feeling I know which one I'll pick. The first option is that I'll work my ass off and get scholarships like a motherfucker and sell my organs so that I can go to Reed. Terrifying, beautiful, Reed where I'm going to have to starve myself to pay rent and to pay for school. But maybe it'd be worth it. I think it would be. The second option is that I stay here in Central Oregon, and go to COCC (the community college my step-mom goes to and that my dad went to) and I'll take any classes that I feel would be useful or interesting and then try to write something and get it published. Not so simply, but something like that. That seems more realistic to be honest. The only real block here is that I'm not creative. But I have side-jobs I'm planning on having. It'll all be okay.
Otherwise, things are going well academically! I have a 100.17% in English class, and increasing daily. I like this. I'm not even working that hard, which is fantastic. But fuck, am I worn down. Not even working hard and I'm fucking exhausted all the time.
I'm reading a really sad fanfic. LOL. I had to stop reading it because it made me so upset. WHY DO THINGS HAVE TO BE SO UNFAIR IN THAT STORY ARGGHHHHHHHHHH. I hate when this happens. It's becoming way too frequent!
I'm bringing my guitar to school again tomorrow, just because I'm supposed to teach Jasmine this song. She got a guitar of her own over the weekend so I have to start teaching her stuff, I guess.
Also, I informed that kid Burke that I wasn't going to be acting in his movie. He just said that it was alright and that he'd work around it, no worries. Which is great, I wasn't expecting such a nice response. I feel so much better about that now. A load of guilt off my back there.
Things are actually starting to get back to the way they were, pre-Tyler. I don't think about him as much but I think it's because I don't think about anything very much anymore. I don't know what I do all day and I don't know how I spend my time but in a way I do know. It's sort of confusing. But I'm going to take it as a good thing no matter what, because it's so nice not being so sad all the time. I am kind of sad sometimes, but it's not always hanging over me all the time. I'm mostly just tired now. It's the time for convalescence, I say! I think it'll be okay. I think I'll grow up.
Oh, and sorry I haven't been responding to comments. I'll get to that, promise.
Otherwise, things are going well academically! I have a 100.17% in English class, and increasing daily. I like this. I'm not even working that hard, which is fantastic. But fuck, am I worn down. Not even working hard and I'm fucking exhausted all the time.
I'm reading a really sad fanfic. LOL. I had to stop reading it because it made me so upset. WHY DO THINGS HAVE TO BE SO UNFAIR IN THAT STORY ARGGHHHHHHHHHH. I hate when this happens. It's becoming way too frequent!
I'm bringing my guitar to school again tomorrow, just because I'm supposed to teach Jasmine this song. She got a guitar of her own over the weekend so I have to start teaching her stuff, I guess.
Also, I informed that kid Burke that I wasn't going to be acting in his movie. He just said that it was alright and that he'd work around it, no worries. Which is great, I wasn't expecting such a nice response. I feel so much better about that now. A load of guilt off my back there.
Things are actually starting to get back to the way they were, pre-Tyler. I don't think about him as much but I think it's because I don't think about anything very much anymore. I don't know what I do all day and I don't know how I spend my time but in a way I do know. It's sort of confusing. But I'm going to take it as a good thing no matter what, because it's so nice not being so sad all the time. I am kind of sad sometimes, but it's not always hanging over me all the time. I'm mostly just tired now. It's the time for convalescence, I say! I think it'll be okay. I think I'll grow up.
Oh, and sorry I haven't been responding to comments. I'll get to that, promise.