(no subject)
I went from constant stress to constant boredom. Thinking the boredom's better. Mostly because when I'm not worried about Journalism I have time for everything else. Like my friends. It's horrible to think of the past few months. I was very separated from them and when I started paying attention again I didn't recognize most of them. And I don't know who to talk to about this kind of thing. There's really no one that's NOT involved in what's been going through my mind. I mean even the minorest thing. Then I try to talk it out with myself and it doesn't help. It basically takes me back to the beginning.
I think about how little I see my friends or how I feel they're not the same. I don't like feeling that way. But then someone does something that makes me feel like they're the same again. I can't really give examples in a public entry, but hopefully that was easy enough to understand on it's own.
I miss Hollie. We'd talk about this stuff in Math and Science every day last year and I always felt better. See after thinking about it, I realized I'm having trust issues. Journalism was my excuse not to think about being betrayed, but at the same time it always lingered on my mind. It was pretty clear God needed me to sort it out. I still haven't sorted it out. I'm not sure if I'm really mad at Denise anymore for what she did, but there's so much I want to ask her. Mainly 'Why the hell did you do that to me?'
Then I start liking someone I barely know and who's reputation I DO NOT respect, and I can't seem to shake it. I think my emotions like to mix themselves up so I'm not thinking about what's really hanging over me.
But on the plus side, my family life has never been better. It's always been good, but it's like I feel closer to them all now. I'm not so sad about going places with them. I went for years only having my family to talk to, so it's nice to now see them as my preferred option.
It's my senior year and I don't know if I'm ready for what's next. I probably won't have any of the same friends next year. I'll still be alone. My family will be far away. And again I'll have a lot on my mind. This proves that I don't do well without people. But I see that as a good thing. I know I won't ever be able to let myself be a hermit.
Rae told me to start visiting Journalism during layout for moral support. I gave her my cell phone number so she could call me when I needed to rush over. That helped. Makes me feel useful again. Cuz last year and over the summer people would turn to me for a lot of things. This year I'm failing them all. I can't think of any good advice anymore. I'm not even sure I can comfort well. I never should've joined Journalism. I'm starting to think it's completely ruined me.
I think about how little I see my friends or how I feel they're not the same. I don't like feeling that way. But then someone does something that makes me feel like they're the same again. I can't really give examples in a public entry, but hopefully that was easy enough to understand on it's own.
I miss Hollie. We'd talk about this stuff in Math and Science every day last year and I always felt better. See after thinking about it, I realized I'm having trust issues. Journalism was my excuse not to think about being betrayed, but at the same time it always lingered on my mind. It was pretty clear God needed me to sort it out. I still haven't sorted it out. I'm not sure if I'm really mad at Denise anymore for what she did, but there's so much I want to ask her. Mainly 'Why the hell did you do that to me?'
Then I start liking someone I barely know and who's reputation I DO NOT respect, and I can't seem to shake it. I think my emotions like to mix themselves up so I'm not thinking about what's really hanging over me.
But on the plus side, my family life has never been better. It's always been good, but it's like I feel closer to them all now. I'm not so sad about going places with them. I went for years only having my family to talk to, so it's nice to now see them as my preferred option.
It's my senior year and I don't know if I'm ready for what's next. I probably won't have any of the same friends next year. I'll still be alone. My family will be far away. And again I'll have a lot on my mind. This proves that I don't do well without people. But I see that as a good thing. I know I won't ever be able to let myself be a hermit.
Rae told me to start visiting Journalism during layout for moral support. I gave her my cell phone number so she could call me when I needed to rush over. That helped. Makes me feel useful again. Cuz last year and over the summer people would turn to me for a lot of things. This year I'm failing them all. I can't think of any good advice anymore. I'm not even sure I can comfort well. I never should've joined Journalism. I'm starting to think it's completely ruined me.