Ain't It The Truth.....
(got this from an email)
a.. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I
can't even get into
my
own pants.
>
> b.. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in
> bed with a relative.
>
> c.. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with
> "Guess" on it. So I said,
>
> "Implants!" She hit me.
>
> d.. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just
> standing up fast.
>
> e.. I live in my own little world. But it's OK.
> They know me here.
>
> f.. I don't approve of political jokes. I've
> seen Erap and Georger W. Bush
> get
> elected.
>
> g... I love being married. It's so great to find
> that one special
> person
> you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
>
> h.. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can
> hear Mom's wise words:
> Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's
> been!"
>
> i.. A good friend will come and bail you out of
> jail. But a true
> friend will be sitting next to you saying,
> "Darn...that was fun!".
>
> j.. I signed up for an exercise class and was
> told to wear
> loose-fitting
> clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I
> wouldn't have signed up
>
> in the first place!
>
> k.. When I was young we used to go "skinny
> dipping," now I just
> "chunky
> dunk."
>
> l.. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching
> may not be able to tell
>
> the difference.
>
> m.. Just remember...if the world didn't suck,
> we'd all fall off.
>
> n.. Why is it that our children can't read a
> Bible in school, but they
>
> can in prison?
>
> o.. If raising children was going to be easy, it
> never would have
> started with something called LABOR!
>
> p.. Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and
> brain cells go, but
> FAT
> cells live forever.
>
> q.. Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court
> when the Ten
> Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal
building?
a.. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I
can't even get into
my
own pants.
>
> b.. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in
> bed with a relative.
>
> c.. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with
> "Guess" on it. So I said,
>
> "Implants!" She hit me.
>
> d.. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just
> standing up fast.
>
> e.. I live in my own little world. But it's OK.
> They know me here.
>
> f.. I don't approve of political jokes. I've
> seen Erap and Georger W. Bush
> get
> elected.
>
> g... I love being married. It's so great to find
> that one special
> person
> you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
>
> h.. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can
> hear Mom's wise words:
> Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's
> been!"
>
> i.. A good friend will come and bail you out of
> jail. But a true
> friend will be sitting next to you saying,
> "Darn...that was fun!".
>
> j.. I signed up for an exercise class and was
> told to wear
> loose-fitting
> clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I
> wouldn't have signed up
>
> in the first place!
>
> k.. When I was young we used to go "skinny
> dipping," now I just
> "chunky
> dunk."
>
> l.. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching
> may not be able to tell
>
> the difference.
>
> m.. Just remember...if the world didn't suck,
> we'd all fall off.
>
> n.. Why is it that our children can't read a
> Bible in school, but they
>
> can in prison?
>
> o.. If raising children was going to be easy, it
> never would have
> started with something called LABOR!
>
> p.. Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and
> brain cells go, but
> FAT
> cells live forever.
>
> q.. Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court
> when the Ten
> Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal
building?