Stuff I'm still continuing to learn.
As far as old cliches go, one of the most realistic ones is the fact that you can't really be in love until you learn how to love yourself first.
I'm learning a lot of things about myself in this relationship.
I learned that I get REALLY emotional after REEEEEAAAAALLLLY amazing sex. Damn it.
I laid in bed for about 40 minutes with him afterward, trying to squeeze out words that described how I feel, but I couldn't.
"oh no!" I thought to myself, "what if I say things too soon? what if not soon enough? what if my last relationship made me permanently afraid of opening up?? AH!" etc.
I mumbled something about being sorry for getting weird, and told him that I felt all sorts of ways about stuff, and wound up going around in circles of fear.
But then he looked at me, sleepy-eyed and gorgeous as ever, and said something that's kept a nonstop smile on my face.
"Don't worry - we got this."
: )
I think he's right. We seem to have unlocked some kind of secret that's keeping us as awesome as we feel.
I don't know what the secret is, but I will divulge as soon as we get more detailed in our post-lovemaking conversations.
Anyway, when he said confidently that we "got this", it made me realize a lot of things.
First of all, there was no reason to throw anything into question in the first place.
When we're together, I never have a doubt in my mind that we're on the exact same level. And we agree on this.
So why be crazy?
I think it's natural. For women, for humans, whatever, to automatically have a hard time accepting the fact that somebody just REALLY likes you for exactly who you are.
So, back to that cliche. I imagine the more you like yourself, the easier it is to accept that someone else likes you or loves you that much.
Millions of insecure women, choosing not to blindly accept such facts, make legions of excuses to start trouble.
"OH NO, YOU LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN!"
"OH NO, YOU DON'T CALL ME ENOUGH!"
"OH NO, YOU DIDN'T REMEMBER TO TIVO FIGURE SKATING!"
etc.
I used to be one of those women. Nay, I used to be one of those GIRLS. I'd get upset when my ex looked at PORN, for god's sake! But I didn't like myself very much when I was younger. So, neither could anybody that dared to make me happy.
There are plenty of reasons why Mike Haverty is the perfect man for me.
Making me realize that I don't have to be afraid and inspiring me to finally love myself... that's just one of them.