{fic} Until 29
Title: Until 29
Author: Scarlet_Ember
Genre: Romance, and mild angst if you squint your eyes
Pairing: HaeHyuk, KangTeuk
Summary:
For Lee Donghae, time stopped only thrice in his life.
Disclaimer: Though many of us believe that they are for reals, no, I do not own them.
They say that time stops for people during crucial moments in their lives. It may have different ways of being perceived by people, but regardless of when it is or how it happened, time stops that have seemed to last forever really only lasts for a split-second, or sometimes just minutes, hours, or days. But not forever.
They say times stops, but only for a while, then the person moves on... that is, if he survives that crucial moment trying to sink in. For some, time resumes too soon, but it's a phenomenon, a truth nobody has tried running away from-- because time doesn't wait for anyone. And time never had a meaningful encounter with Lee Donghae. They've met, but nothing good ever came out of it.
For Lee Donghae, time stopped only thrice in his life. The first was when his dad dies, but his Donghwa-hyung kept the clock ticking for him thereafter. The second was when Hyukjae hugged him that night of his dad's first death anniversary. The moment his head rested on the other's shoulder, everything slowed down and came to a halt, his heartbeat-- frantic as it may be, the only sound signifying movement. It resumed when Hyukjae whispered "I'm here, I'm here" and uttered 'I love you' in their first awkward kiss. The third and final time that Lee Donghae felt his world stop was when Hyukjae, that Myeolchi, smiled at him with that gentle gummy smile, held his hand so tight telling him "I'll be in my room", and closed his eyes.
Time did not resume for Donghae since then. Though many people tried jumpstarting the clock again for him, the hands of his clock just wouldn't budge. Super Junior went on their separate ways but Donghae just wouldn't move out of Hyukjae's room, believing the other would be there because of a final promise.
Donghae's career managed to survive, though, surpassing that of Siwon's at a certain point even. But Jungsoo knew Donghae's been functioning only some auto-pilot programming since HyukJae's death. The last time Jungsoo saw Donghae really smile was on Hyukjae's birthday surprise for him. That was one great celebration for all of them. That was, too, two days before Donghae's life left that hospital bed.
And no matter how much Jungsoo pushed the other to move on, marry, have kids and live the life he'd always wanted, all he got was a sad smile, a tender hug, a whisper of a trembling thank you. It worried Jungsoo of how unresponsive his dongsaeng had been for the past couple of years, because regardless of how long he's not been the official leader, he's always the hyung each and every member wanted to have-- with the exception of some, of course. At first, he had thought it was Donghae's way of coping and of recovering from the trauma of being left alone. And he would have accepted that reason, if only he could actually see the improvement, or really know that Donghae's coping and trying to move on. So he was able to coerce Youngwoon, after much threatening, to accompany him and talk to Donghwa, concerned primarily about Donghae's smile being gone and still not marrying and having kids at 42-- this, regardless of how much that boy wished to have a family back in the day. And Donghwa, now living back in Mokpo, talked to both of them for a while, about everything in their lives. There had been tears amongst the three of them, though Youngwoon wouldn't admit that it was tears on his cheeks and not sweat. On the way home, the KangTeuk couple sat in silence as they drove along the quiet early morning, remembering Donghwa's words:
It's hard for my little Hae to smile again, to do the things the way he did before. Because whenever he did, he remembers Hyukkie, and he goes missing him too much and the depression threatens to be back again. Hae doesn't want you all to think he's miserable because he's alone. That may be the case back then, but not anymore. He still has Hyukkie, on his mind, and as much as you can't believe it, right now, that's the only thing that's keeping him happy. Seems like torture, right? Then he told me that he tried forgetting Hyukkie at one point, and he had almost gone crazy, because forgetting Hyukjae meant forgetting himself. His very life was defined by having Hyukkie in it.
So support him, all of you friends of his, as he tries to live his life fulfilling both his and Hyukjae's dream. And don't try convincing him to move on and marry anymore, I don't think that would still be of any use. Marrying and having kids-- that was his dream before he and Hyuk got together. The last time he and Hyuk visited me, we talked, just like this-- about everything. And while Hyuk was outside playing with my kids, we stood there, by the window and watched them. And I remember him telling me, that he didn't need to look for someone to marry anymore just so his life could be fulfilled and complete. He told me, "I'll be alright, hyung. Hyukkie's enough."
Jungsoo felt tears coming again, as he remembered Donghwa telling them what he saw that day on Hae's eyes as he looked on Hyukjae-- a sense of completion many of them could only wish they'd ever have in their lifetime. Youngwoon's hand found it's way to Jungsoo's beyond the driving stick, holding it tightly he asked, "Is this enough?", and Jungsoo leaned on him, whispering softly that what they have between them always had been.
So both of them decided to take care of Donghae, allowing him to remain in his reverie and grow at the same time. And time did keep running for all of them, and time was kind enough to give them another 40 years.
Donghae was thankful in a way, for having time to exhaust both his and Hyukjae's dreams. And he lay there, on the same bed Hyukkie had all those years ago, staring at the same poster of them-- Super Junior-- on the ceiling. He thinks of their lives together, all of them, then both of them, and then he cried. Gentle tears, then harder, until his lids were heavy and he closes his eyes to fall asleep. Donghae's life continued til he was 82, but he felt like he's only lived til he was 29.
He woke to the sound of loud honking from outside, and bright rays of the sun from the window greeted his eyes, feeling a depression on one side of his bed.
"Good morning, sleepy head."
He blinked once. Twice.
"Hyukkie, you're here."
"This is my room, remember? And besides, I said I'll be here, right? How was your sleep?"
He sat up and reached out, touching the other's face like he always did. This is real.
"Like a nightmare, Hyukkie."
"Well, I'm here now. No more nightmares. Come on, I made you breakfast."
Donghae knew then, as he took Hyukjae's hand to eat breakfast after a long while, that his life had resumed again, and this time, there's no stopping it.
"Yeah, no more nightmares."