{fic} Conversations with Strangers
Title: Conversations with Strangers
Author: Cat
Pairing(s): Akame
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor, Romance
Beta by: seluciav
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine, since they’re real people. Random ramblings of my brain.
Summary: Jin’s off to LA. It was his only comfort. Telling his story to random people who could care less about his… and it’s extra special when they have absolutely no idea who He is… and if He’s lucky, including Jin Akanishi as well.
Warning: I tried my hand at writing again *smacks head*
Author’s Note: Been re-reading maishampoo ’s entries and it brought me back to Akame pre-LA.
In any case you guys may be confused... YOU = the reader of this fic. ^___^
He stares at you, with coffee in his hand, then asked if he could share a seat. You were having the most boring day of your life so you smiled back and offered his the seat in front of you.
He took a sip, then bit his lip. You did the same, then saw his glance back and forth from the window to his phone. It rang and the two of you eyed it for a moment. You looked at his, as if asking why he wouldn’t pick it up… then you saw his brows furrow in annoyance as he snaps his phone shut right after pressing 7. He smiled at you, trying to convince (maybe) the two of you that the call wasn’t important.
He looked outside. You thought that sitting by the window was a good thing-at least there’s some distraction, or maybe an excuse away from the awkwardness. You sipped your coffee again.
Then he began talking.
So maybe this is what it feels like. Seriously and nonchalantly being enamored to someone without the very hint of "being so" at the very beginning. Maybe this is what people mean when they say “it just happens”.
He sighed. At that point, you knew better than to say anything… He seems lost in his own world, and your sole purpose there was to listen… and probably try to understand.
It’ll only happen to anyone with a certain person, and mine already did.
I believe, with my whole life staked on it, that I have found the most amazing guy I have ever met.
He plays with a ring in his hand, now he looks very nervous.
Amazing, I say, is rather an understatement of how I find him to be. In all truth, I think I call him ‘amazing’ for lack of a better term… because I don’t think there is truly a word that would sum up everything that I see in him. There’s just this certain attraction I feel for him that isn’t like anything I recognize-something that I can’t seem to put the right term to except to think that this is what most people would consider falling in love.
Falling in love in that case would mean being first and foremost, physically attracted to a person, then wanting to be with this person “forever”, or wanting to ALWAYS talk to him or do all those “mushy” things you read about in romance novels. In some ways, this is already out of the question for a most obvious reason - because, looking at all of these conditions, I sometimes feel otherwise. The reason why I am (still) trying to deny the fact that maybe I am falling in love [though there are times I think there’s really no point in doing so] is because there are instances where I can hardly stand him, I don’t really listen to what he is saying, I don’t really care about most of his concerns, and I don’t want to call him ‘mine’ (like I can really call some crush or heartthrob “mine”). Those feelings for him are ones I don’t have. But what I have… is something else. Something that I believe is far different from what most people could consider the ‘common attraction’.
It was only now that you realized he was talking about another guy. It didn’t surprise you for one bit. You saw his take his phone and browse through it. He smiled. Then shut it again.
Maybe what made me realize such uncommon attraction is the term what most people call a “soul mate”. Just recently, I received an SMS talking about randomly picking a letter from LOVE MATCH. It said that every letter corresponds to a certain hint so as to know who your soul mate is. So without having anything else to do, I replied just for the heck of it. Then I received another message indicating what my letter of choice meant and I suddenly became aware of him… in a different light.
For the past few years of my being aware of the statement ‘attraction to the same sex’, this may have been the only instance when I don’t falter whenever I see him-at least for the most of our “early days”. This may also be the first time that I don’t look forward into being with him every second of every day. I don’t go around waking up every morning hoping that he’s the first thing I see. No, that’s not the case. I’d rather have him to be the last thing I see before I end my day. I’ve never harbored any of these feelings towards him, nothing that I myself could even call an attraction… maybe because I wasn’t used to seeing guys like him. He isn’t how I describe my “perfect guy”… or at least before all these happened, he wasn’t. And it was only recently have I (maybe finally) realized that it is only with him that I feel safe… only with him that I can be that ‘someone’ I’ve refused to be for fear of rejection. It has gone beyond the comforts of friendship and a bit less than those of lovers.
You suddenly wondered who the guy could possibly be. You’re almost interested in seeing the interaction he seems to be describing-you wanted to experience his and this guy first hand… to see whether it is even remotely possible to have experienced something like that. He looked outside again. There was quite a long pause-a silence-in which you could bet your coffee money on that he’s remembering and analyzing at the same time.
I think what we have-or what I have-is not something so extravagant, so exciting that it isn’t meant to really last that long. In the words of a typical teenager, I’d call it a fling-a fleeting crush. Our ‘relationship’, if I may be so bold in calling it that, is somewhat-comfortable. A perfect combination of sweet, spice and everything nice. It’s funny how naïve I was up until this point.
And now, I’ve suddenly became conscious of the fact that maybe, just maybe, he’s the only one who’ll ever know the real me without even recognizing it.
I experience almost everything with him. And with every experience, I see a different version him. And every version attracts me more than ever, amazes me in a zillion ways that my mind has learned to run a gazillion miles away in order to get away from those troubling thoughts. I fear that there might come a time that such ‘amazements’ and discoveries will lead to a life-changing realization that I might or might not be ready for.. It’s like being given more than you can chew… no, you don’t bite it; it’s simply being fed to you.
He looked at you and his eyes asked a million questions but only one stood out: ‘do you understand what I’m saying?’ You nodded your head and urged his to continue by smiling. He took it as the sign you intended, then started again.
What’s more, these realizations are not as simple as they may seem… they sometimes even change my whole viewpoint of a person or situation. Just like what happened yesterday when I realized that I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder…all rumors and speculations be damned. When I realized that for the very first time, I could really depend on someone. I feel am risking is my true self with no masks or pretensions, all guards down. What gives? I felt like crying when he once asked me if I was okay… because he was the only one who even noticed that I was not-another ‘amazing’ thing, to say the least.
Someone told me once that I and another friend of ours -- we’re the ‘Three Stooges’ -- bring out the worst in his in that we get his to think, do, and say crazy and weird things. In my case, he brings out something I didn’t know was inside me. It drives me nuts just thinking about how he did it and what I’m going to do now that I know I have it.
You looked around, wondering if anybody else is getting a ‘free blogging experience’ that you’re having. You thought: whoever this guy is, he definitely deserves to be a superstar.
This feeling of not knowing what to do is just like staring at a blank piece of paper waiting to be scribbled on with my next ‘big idea’. It scares the hell out of me because I don’t know where to start. And what’s scarier is the fact that when I did try to start, I ended up too many “what-ifs” and too few “a-has”. But then I thought, if it scares me this much… then yeah, maybe I’ve already fallen in love with him.
You wished you had a pen and paper to write on. He just had the words so right, you wished you were a voice recorder.
Cliché? In some ways, the lines I’ve said really do sound cliché I know. Though, of course, the reason why things are called “cliché” is because they are often true-very true in fact.
So why am I saying this kind of thing even though I know I hate telling about clichés? Maybe because I do not want to pursue this lingering thought in my dummy head for the simple reason that I don’t think I should. Or maybe because I simply want to put into words unruly thoughts I’m having that might (eventually) ruin my whole train of thought about him. In short, I am doing this to jinx the whole thing before it’s too late-before I fall too hard.
He looked at his watch, and you did as well. You realized you’re half an hour late for an appointment with your next boss, and inasmuch as you enjoyed his ramblings, you knew you really had to go if you want to experience even half of what He just did. He smiled an apologetic smile at you and told you He had to go. You did the same and you both stood up to go to the door. It surprised you though that He began talking again as soon as you both got out the door and said your goodbyes. You walked on separate ways but his voice made you turn around.
He’s leaving today. Off to somewhere far, somewhere unreachable for me. And I don’t even know when he’s coming back. Or if he’s coming back at all.
You saw his eyes blink once, twice, then a sniff.
I want to stop, I really do. But I don’t really think I’ll be able to. At least it won’t be THAT easy. I am, unfortunately, faced with the dilemma harder than finding Emilia Earheart then interviewing her.
He looked at you, seemingly waiting for you to say something. You mumbled something in the lines of “Why don’t you tell him, then?”
Yeah, maybe I should have. But what am I supposed to say so that I could make him stay? Should I be selfish? I’ve had enough problems already.
You’re late for your appointment but you just had to know what this guy’s problem is. He half-turned towards the opposite way you’re going, and then wore a bitter smile on his face as he spoke.
The dilemma, you ask?
I fall in love with him more everyday.
Then he walked away.
Maybe this should be a multi-chaptered one...? Lol. Let me know what you think, guys. ^___^