i think you know who you are, and others know who you are
Oh my....
ive missed my livejournal
recently i have notice that i was growing apart from a friend. and i was really saddened by this. so i went back to her journal. i wanted to see if we were always drifting or if it was more recent. and i wanted to see if we were ever REALLY TRULY friends. yaknoow? so i did. i went back. honestly. i went back about...160 entries. or something like that and i found out we used to be close, and i mean real close. well I think we were. we used to do everything together. i mean it was like every entry "jordan this...jordan that....blah blah blah jordan jordan jordan" thats what my journal is for. but there was a lot of me. i dont think i ever realized how much she means to me. until now. until i realize that we are slowly drifting apart. i read through those journal entries right from our start. from where she wrote "my friend has to blah blah blah..." reffering to me. to where she wrote not just my name but my nick name, my initials, names we came up with on the spot. i read through the whole weekends i would spend at her house. i read those and for the first time in a very long time i cried. i missed. i remembered. i realized. that this was the best friend i had. this was the best friend i HAVE. i mean, our relationship was not perfect, there were things she didnt know about me, i knew just about nothing about her. but is that really what its about. i mean yes. i love the friends where you can worry about getting in fights with them because they have sooo much dirt on you, yes i would love to have a best friend and be almost concidered her "diary" but that wasnt what we had. apparently thats not what she wanted. and thats ok. cuz a friend ship is about what TWO people want. this is what we had and it was awesome. our friendship was more than words, it was feelings, but still it was more than feelings, yet it was so simple. it was two people [girls] that could have fun at the drop of a hat. it was two girls who did what they wanted when the wanted. the made up words, they made up things, and they made eachother who they are. i shouldnt be saying they because its we, we didnt those things. and i miss it. i miss it more than i can express in words. or at all for that matter.
on one hand i want it all to go back to "normal" on the other hand i know that she proabably doenst. she and i have moved on. i mean yes someone asks if she is my best friend i still say yes. but i have to be honest here. i wish i knew more about her. im not saying thats her fault im not saying its my fault, im saying...maybe she did open up and i wast listening, maybe she didnt want to, maybe i walked into her life unannounced, [because i tend to do that to people] and messed it all up. whatever happened i wish it hadnt. i loved being best friends. i loved the security of knowing that when i wanted plans i had someone to always call, when i was at school, i always hung out with the same person, when i needed to be told me to shut up she did it, when we all went shoping and it really did look bad she told me. and i would tell her right back. and it bad things were said [rare!] we moved on. but i also think that was part of the problem. we needed to talk. not a lot. but just enough. im not gonna lie to you, we had just about the perfect friendship. and we still have a pretty good noe. but i always feel like im in the way of her bigger better life.
i want everything to go back. i dont wanna fade apart, i dont want to be replaced, i dont want everything to just change. more change is fun but this change sucked hard. i want it to go back. i wanna go back but i dont want it to be the same. ya know? i wanna talk more, i wanna laugh at our selves more, i want to LISTEN more. maybe this is what will spark it, maybe this will never be read by the person i hope reads it but ive shared. and i actually feel better. crazy huh?
on a happier note.
lets see. since ive been gone
last thing i said was merry x mas
i think from there
i started going out with kevin
[mistake yo!]
broke up with kevin
[w00t w00t]
um. and
went paintballing
met an interestig guy there
oh and fell in love with this a few asian boy boys.
ive missed my livejournal
recently i have notice that i was growing apart from a friend. and i was really saddened by this. so i went back to her journal. i wanted to see if we were always drifting or if it was more recent. and i wanted to see if we were ever REALLY TRULY friends. yaknoow? so i did. i went back. honestly. i went back about...160 entries. or something like that and i found out we used to be close, and i mean real close. well I think we were. we used to do everything together. i mean it was like every entry "jordan this...jordan that....blah blah blah jordan jordan jordan" thats what my journal is for. but there was a lot of me. i dont think i ever realized how much she means to me. until now. until i realize that we are slowly drifting apart. i read through those journal entries right from our start. from where she wrote "my friend has to blah blah blah..." reffering to me. to where she wrote not just my name but my nick name, my initials, names we came up with on the spot. i read through the whole weekends i would spend at her house. i read those and for the first time in a very long time i cried. i missed. i remembered. i realized. that this was the best friend i had. this was the best friend i HAVE. i mean, our relationship was not perfect, there were things she didnt know about me, i knew just about nothing about her. but is that really what its about. i mean yes. i love the friends where you can worry about getting in fights with them because they have sooo much dirt on you, yes i would love to have a best friend and be almost concidered her "diary" but that wasnt what we had. apparently thats not what she wanted. and thats ok. cuz a friend ship is about what TWO people want. this is what we had and it was awesome. our friendship was more than words, it was feelings, but still it was more than feelings, yet it was so simple. it was two people [girls] that could have fun at the drop of a hat. it was two girls who did what they wanted when the wanted. the made up words, they made up things, and they made eachother who they are. i shouldnt be saying they because its we, we didnt those things. and i miss it. i miss it more than i can express in words. or at all for that matter.
on one hand i want it all to go back to "normal" on the other hand i know that she proabably doenst. she and i have moved on. i mean yes someone asks if she is my best friend i still say yes. but i have to be honest here. i wish i knew more about her. im not saying thats her fault im not saying its my fault, im saying...maybe she did open up and i wast listening, maybe she didnt want to, maybe i walked into her life unannounced, [because i tend to do that to people] and messed it all up. whatever happened i wish it hadnt. i loved being best friends. i loved the security of knowing that when i wanted plans i had someone to always call, when i was at school, i always hung out with the same person, when i needed to be told me to shut up she did it, when we all went shoping and it really did look bad she told me. and i would tell her right back. and it bad things were said [rare!] we moved on. but i also think that was part of the problem. we needed to talk. not a lot. but just enough. im not gonna lie to you, we had just about the perfect friendship. and we still have a pretty good noe. but i always feel like im in the way of her bigger better life.
i want everything to go back. i dont wanna fade apart, i dont want to be replaced, i dont want everything to just change. more change is fun but this change sucked hard. i want it to go back. i wanna go back but i dont want it to be the same. ya know? i wanna talk more, i wanna laugh at our selves more, i want to LISTEN more. maybe this is what will spark it, maybe this will never be read by the person i hope reads it but ive shared. and i actually feel better. crazy huh?
on a happier note.
lets see. since ive been gone
last thing i said was merry x mas
i think from there
i started going out with kevin
[mistake yo!]
broke up with kevin
[w00t w00t]
um. and
went paintballing
met an interestig guy there
oh and fell in love with this a few asian boy boys.