CONFUSED ONCE AGAIN...
Ok..so basically I feel like a total douche bag. I change my mind a little too much I think. One day I'm going to stay in Pensacola no matter what and then the next day I'm coming back to Buffalo. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't tell my mom every time I think I've made a decision. I feel totally bad for putting her through this but I really think its time for me to start my own life. I'm freaking 19 years old! Maybe its time I learned how to cook, how to do my own laundry, how to depend on myself and how to live on my own. I don't want to feel like a loser anymore. I think its real shitty that shes trying to make me feel bad about it. She's my mom and I love her but sometimes she doesn't even try to understand things from my point of view. I don't even know how to stand up to her because I cannot look her in the eyes and honestly say that I know for a fact I can live on my own, that I know for a fact that I'll be okay living with Jess or that I'll be okay living 18 hours away from her because I have no idea...I just want to find out for myself. I have never been able to make a mistake and clean it up by myself. She's always been there for me. I use to think that that was the greatest thing but its made me weak and very irresponsible. I think she's the best mom in the world cuz she's my mom and I'll never think anything different, but its time I cut the umbilical cord.
the good things about staying in Pensacola: all of my friends, Daniel, Jessica, my second family, home, freedom, independence, responsibility, being without my parents, i know where everything is, having my car signed over to me, paying my own bills by myself, being able to be 19 with friends my own age, no snow 14
the bad things about staying in Pensacola:not being with my family, not being with my mom, living day to day, having to get a good job, have to save to go to school, never having money, never knowing what going to happen 7
the good things about staying in Buffalo: lots of family, my mom and dad and zack, security, save money, snow 7
the bad things about staying in Buffalo: never going to be on my own, smothered, won't see Daniel, won't see Jess, it won't be home, Anthony, they say pop instead of soda or coke, i don't know where anything is, everyone i know is in their 30s to 80s or is 15 to 20, having to meet new friends, the freezing ass winter 11
Well it kinda seems like the good things about staying in Pensacola and the bad things about staying in Buffalo received the most amount. I know I want to stay in Pensacola...I'll just have to have a "REAL" conversation with her about it. I'll even try and stand up for myself as much as possible.