WHAT DO I DO...?
So, I really have no idea what i can do. I am beyond depressed. I feel like I am forever putting on a front for everyone here (especially my mom) and everyone back home. They ask me, "Whats wrong?". I say, "Oh, nothing..I'm totally fine just miss home.". Its ridiculous really. I didn't know it was going to be this hard. I can't talk to my mom because I don't want to hurt her. I have put her through so much these last few months, thats why I moved here...for her. I can't talk to Daniel about it. Every time I talk to him its hard to just not cry let alone pour out all the things i've been feeling. He's got a lot going on right now too. I love him so much and I can't even touch him. I've been trying to avoid his calls somewhat the past few days. Its just hard...sometimes its too hard. I know I'll see him again, im not dense. Its just that we have come so very far and I feel like I kind of threw it away. But again, I did this to myself just like every other time before. But I can't talk to Jess either. She's got too much going on right now too. Even when I do talk to her its usually about whatever happened between her and whoever. It makes me feel so bad that I'm not there. I can't do anything to help her..I can't even try and protect her. Don't get me wrong I totally understand that she can't talk, it just sucks...a lot. But I'd rather her dish out on me so she feels better. Me crying to her on the phone isn't going to help at all. I don't even know if I really want to talk to anyone. I'm so confused. Its 4 o'clock in the morning and I am so tired but I can't go to sleep. Whenever I lay down and try I think about everything and I start feeling sick and I start crying and IT SUCKS! What do i do? I need...to get a job, to get new friends, to get my own room....i need to get a new life, cuz this one bites the big one. I am so exhausted. Maybe now I'll fall asleep or something.
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