(no subject)
Things have been so complicated since yesterday night. Why? Because Brian started talking about marriage. We were lying in bed and he just suddenly said, out of the blue, "What do you think about us getting married?"
I love Brian, don't get me wrong. I've gone out with guys before and it's just never been like this. BUT I'M FIFTEEN. Here I am with a baby already, and it just seems like everything is moving too fast. I told him this much and he got soooo mad. He was screaming at me and it was like 1:00 in the morning. He said that maybe I didn't love him after all and he kept asking why I couldn't give him a clear, straight answer. I said, "I don't KNOW what I want, I don't have a clear answer right now." And he said that if I felt it I could just say it. I guess he's right but I still don;t know. I remember before I got pregnant hearing all those girls saying that they were going to get married to their boyfriends and I though, "Jesus you guys are STUPID. You've got som many years to go before you graduate and a ton of stuff is going to happen". And now here I am. I feel like a hypocrite.
Brain slept on the couch upstairs last night and he hasn't come down yet so I'm guessing he isn't sleeping down here again. We went for a walk this afternoon to talk and we really didn;t even taklk about anything. He did say that he wouldn't be mad if I said no (even though I know he would) and he was just mad becasue I was trying to 'sugar coat' what I feel and that I'm lying to him.
I don't know though. I LOVE BRIAN, but I don't want to make a promise I don't know I can keep.
I love Brian, don't get me wrong. I've gone out with guys before and it's just never been like this. BUT I'M FIFTEEN. Here I am with a baby already, and it just seems like everything is moving too fast. I told him this much and he got soooo mad. He was screaming at me and it was like 1:00 in the morning. He said that maybe I didn't love him after all and he kept asking why I couldn't give him a clear, straight answer. I said, "I don't KNOW what I want, I don't have a clear answer right now." And he said that if I felt it I could just say it. I guess he's right but I still don;t know. I remember before I got pregnant hearing all those girls saying that they were going to get married to their boyfriends and I though, "Jesus you guys are STUPID. You've got som many years to go before you graduate and a ton of stuff is going to happen". And now here I am. I feel like a hypocrite.
Brain slept on the couch upstairs last night and he hasn't come down yet so I'm guessing he isn't sleeping down here again. We went for a walk this afternoon to talk and we really didn;t even taklk about anything. He did say that he wouldn't be mad if I said no (even though I know he would) and he was just mad becasue I was trying to 'sugar coat' what I feel and that I'm lying to him.
I don't know though. I LOVE BRIAN, but I don't want to make a promise I don't know I can keep.