Nothing Left to Save - Part 3/5
Title: Nothing Left to Save - Part 3/5
Author: Scarbandit
Rating: NC-17
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Puck/Kurt
Genre: Angst/abuse
Warning: non-con
Spoilers: Through Season 2
Disclaimer: I wish I could claim!
Author Notes:
Summary: Kurt is a teenager that's witnessed and been victim to a lot of hurt in his life. Puck is a teenager who's lost the will to fight what happens at home. Kurt doesn't miss the bruises that turn Puck's skin into a sickening sort of marble and there's no way he can miss the lifeless look in Puck's eyes. Puck doesn't want his help. Kurt doesn't care.
Word Count: 7,000
Waking up Saturday morning, Kurt groaned as he stretched, enjoying the pull of his muscles. Getting out of bed, Kurt headed upstairs to make coffee. Kurt enjoyed the silence in the house as his coffee brewed. Once it was done, Kurt poured a steaming cup into his favorite Starbucks travel mug, carefully stirring in a single package of Splenda. Blowing gently across the top, Kurt smiled as the aroma slowly relaxed his muscles and he took his first tentative sip. Glancing at the clock, Kurt went downstairs to change into his work clothes. He needed to put in 4 more hours at the shop this week.
After Kurt was dressed for the shop, he sat quietly at the breakfast table, enjoying his coffee. Hearing steps on the stairs, Kurt glanced up and smiled when he saw Carole walk into the kitchen. Standing, Kurt quickly poured her a cup of coffee, adding milk and sugar like he knew she liked it.
Carole smiled as she took the cup he offered. “Thank you Kurt. I just love Saturday mornings.”
Kurt smiled and nodded, returning to the pot to refill his cup before joining her at the table. “I agree. Saturday mornings are so peaceful. I just enjoy the silence and the time to think.”
Carole smiled and nodded. Kurt paused before asking. “Carole, may I ask you something? I noticed you asked Puck how his sister was when he came to get my notes on Monday. Is everything okay with Puck and his sister?” The smile slipped from Carole’s face and she carefully placed her cup on the table. Kurt rushed on. “I don’t mean to pry, but something seems… off… with him lately.”
Carole bit her lip, concentrating on her coffee. “Kurt, it isn’t my story to tell. But Noah has had a rough life. I know that he bullied you, and I know that he hurt Finn, and I don’t excuse his behavior, but his life is not one I would envy. Why do you ask? What has he done?”
Kurt took a sip of his coffee, considering his words carefully. He wasn’t sure that there was a specific thing that he could point to, but the look in Puck’s eyes Friday during Glee continued to haunt him. “He hasn’t done anything specific, he just seems different since returning from juvie. He’s quiet. Like he is just watching life happen around him.”
Carole sighed and picked up her cup, taking another drink of her coffee. “As I said, his life is not one that I would want to live. His father was not a good man. He hurt Noah, and he hurt Rina. Then, one day, he was gone.” Carole stood and went to refill her cup. Holding the pot toward Kurt, he nodded and she came and refilled his cup as well. “Noah was devastated. Rina was five months pregnant with Sarah and blamed Noah for his father leaving, though god knows he was such a sweet little boy. I don’t know what caused his father to leave, but I don’t think that the blame should be laid at Noah’s feet. Rina began drinking heavily. Frankly, it’s a wonder that Sarah didn’t suffer from developmental issues or fetal alcohol syndrome.” Carole took the pot back to the counter and began to prepare a fresh pot of coffee as Kurt watched, her hands shaking. “Noah was so young. He was so lost during the first few years after his father left. He would come home with Finn, just starved for attention, grateful for any kind word or hug that he received. You could see it in his eyes, he had been let down by so many people in his life, he didn’t know where to turn. Noah would come over some evenings, just so small and scared. As Noah got older, he began to increasingly resemble his father and Rina became more unstable around him. No matter how bad things got at home though, he knew he could always come here. There were so many nights that I would find Noah curled up against the wall in Finn’s room, crying in his sleep. I would just hold him until he settled back down and we never mentioned it in the morning. I’m not sure if he can sleep without his back against the wall.”
Carole stood and took her cup to the sink. After rinsing her cup, Carole turned and laid tired eyes on Kurt. Kurt swallowed thickly, surprised at the tightness in his throat over her story. “After a while, Rina moved from alcohol to drugs. She would bring home guys that she had met in bars that could get her a fix. I laid awake so many nights, unsure if I should step in. I could see Noah struggling, but I also knew that if I called social services, Noah and Sarah would be separated and I honestly didn’t think Noah would survive being separated from Sarah. I still don’t know if I made the right decision. I know that Noah didn’t make it through undamaged. He has taken care of Sarah, but not without sacrifice to himself.” Carole paused as both she and Kurt heard his father moving around upstairs.
Kurt stood and gave Carole a hug, holding her tight before handing her a tissue to dry her eyes. “Thank you for telling me what you did.” Turning, Kurt and Carole both gave Burt a smile as he came down the stairs into the kitchen. “Ready dad? I need to be back here and ready at 3:00 as my friends will be here to practice for our number on Monday.”
“Sure thing buddy. Let’s go.” Burt gave a quick kiss to Carole and grabbed some toast before heading out the door. When they pulled into the shop, Kurt quickly grabbed the manifold of work to be done and set out repairing the brakes on a 1986 Chevy truck.
GLEEGLEEGLEEGLEE
Puck woke up early Saturday morning, a stillness filling him. Sarah would be leaving him today. He had fought so hard to take care of her, to keep her safe, and today she was finally going to get out of their hell. He knew that she wouldn’t return. Aunt Elizabeth would provide her with so much more than Puck ever could. He knew this and was happy for her chance, but he also felt a numbness spreading throughout him. While he looked out for her and took care of her, she gave him a reason to carry on. To push through the crap that he got at school. To deal with ma’s revolving door of boyfriends. She helped him feel whole and kept the numbness at bay. After she left, he wouldn’t have a reason to fight anymore.
Puck checked his phone and saw that it was almost 7:00. Aunt Elizabeth had told Sarah to be ready at 8:00. Climbing out of bed, Puck held his ribs as he grabbed a hoodie and pulled it over his head. Puck went to Sarah’s door and knocked twice, then once more. “Sarah. Come on, you gotta get moving.” Puck listened at the door for movement. Hearing the bedding rustle, Puck headed to the bathroom. Finishing up in the bathroom, Puck went back to Sarah’s door. Knocking twice, then once more, Puck whispered, “Sarah. Open up.” Puck heard the lock click as the doorknob turned. Sarah looked up at him with tired and red rimmed eyes. “Come on squirt. Let’s get some breakfast.” Puck wrapped his arm around Sarah’s shoulder and they walked downstairs together. They worked together in silence, grabbing the bowls, spoons, cereal and milk. Preparing their breakfasts, Puck carried both bowls to the table. They sat in companionable silence, each lost in their own thoughts.
Before Puck realized it, there was a knock at the door. Puck rose from the table and went and opened the door to Aunt Elizabeth. He stepped aside and let Elizabeth in. Sarah came and stood in the doorway, her eyes moving from Puck to her aunt and back. Puck cleared his throat. “Sarah, you all packed?” Sarah nodded. “Let’s go upstairs and grab your bags then. You and Aunt Elizabeth have a long drive ahead of you.” Sarah nodded again and met Puck at the base of the stairs. Together, the brother and sister climbed the stairs to Sarah’s room. As Puck grabbed her bags, he nodded toward her stuffed teddy bear he had given to her when she was five. “Don’t forget Lola.” Sarah grabbed the teddy bear and followed Puck downstairs. Puck went and put the bags in the waiting car, then turned toward Sarah. “Be good squirt.”
Tears began running down Sarah’s cheeks. “Noah, I’m going to miss you so much.”
Puck pulled her into a hug. “I know Sarah. But this is it. This is your shot. I know you are going to do great.”
Puck gave her another strong hug before gently pushing her toward Elizabeth. Elizabeth nodded at Puck, and took Sarah’s hand, leading her to the car. Sarah climbed into the passenger seat, never taking her eyes off Puck. He raised a hand in farewell as the car backed out into the street. Puck watched as the car drove away until it turned the corner and he could no longer see it. Puck sighed and turned back toward his house. Feeling a sense of gloom falling over him, Puck went back inside and up to his room.
Puck pulled up to Mrs. Phillips’ house at 10:05. Sitting in his truck for a moment, Puck stared out the windshield. His life was becoming more fucked up with every turn. He missed waking up at Finn’s house Saturday mornings, Sarah either at a friend’s house or camped out in the Hudson’s living room. Carole always had waffles waiting for them, and he could eat as many as he wanted without getting yelled at. Now he was sitting outside a cougar’s house, ready to go in and fuck her for money. Puck climbed out of his truck and up the walk to her door. If he sat there any longer he wouldn’t go in. He needed the money. After ringing the bell, he leaned against the wall, hooking his thumbs in his jeans back pockets.
Mrs. Phillips opened the door and smiled out at him. “You’re late.”
Puck shrugged. Five minutes? That wasn’t late.
Mrs. Phillips reached out and grabbed his front belt loops, pulling him into the house. “We have less than an hour. Come on baby.” Puck followed her to her bedroom, closing the door behind him. Mrs. Phillips turned suddenly and pulled Puck into a tight grip, biting and kissing at his lips. Puck hissed when her arms squeezed against his sore ribs and she bit his lip with too much force. Grabbing her arms, Puck pulled her from him, pushing her back onto the bed. Mrs. Phillips let out a throaty laugh. “Want it rough today baby? I can do rough.” Mrs. Phillips scrambled to her knees on the bed and pulled Puck closer, lifting his shirt up over his head. Puck flinched at the pull on his ribs as she took his shirt off. Mrs. Phillips’ eyes settled on the mottled bruises running up Puck’s side, her tongue coming out to trace her lower lip. Her fingers danced along his ribcage, until she suddenly pushed her nails into a particularly deep bruise.
“The fuck?” Puck pulled back, gasping at the unexpected pain. Mrs. Phillips moaned and pressed against his bruises again. Pulling on Puck’s neck, she laid back in bed, dragging him down across her body. Thrusting her hips up against him, she began panting silently while never taking her eyes off his bruised side. Puck tried to pull back but her thighs clamped around his hips, holding him against her.
“Come on baby. Give it to me. I need you baby.” Mrs. Phillips reached down and palmed him through his jeans, rubbing lightly against his cock. “Doesn’t Puckzilla want to come out and play? Don’t tell me he’s not interested.” Puck sighed silently before lowering his lips to hers, reasoning the sooner he gave her what she wanted, the sooner she would pay him and let him leave.
Twenty minutes later, Puck finished pulling on his hoodie and slipped on his shoes. Mrs. Phillips got out of bed and gave him a small kiss on the corner of his mouth. “I love what you do to me baby. You make me feel so good.” She grabbed his fingertips and led him to the kitchen, where she went to her purse. Pulling out $100, Mrs. Phillips tucked it into the front of Puck’s pants, trailing the back of her knuckles against his crotch before bringing her hand up and licking her knuckles. Puck turned toward the front door and felt Mrs. Phillips drape against his back. “Come back tomorrow baby?”
Puck stood silently a moment before deciding. “Can’t. Busy.” He couldn’t do this any longer. He couldn’t even look at her without feeling sick.
Mrs. Phillips was silent a moment. This was the first time he had ever said no. “Wednesday night then. Charles has to work late.”
Puck stood still for a moment. “Can’t. Busy.”
Mrs. Phillips pushed slightly off his back and Puck could hear her take a step back. “Thursday then. Or don’t bother coming back.”
Puck nodded silently. “Okay. Thanks for your business Mrs. Phillips. I will call you in the spring to see if you will need me to open your pool back up. Have a good winter, ma’am.” Puck heard Mrs. Phillips let out a small shriek of anger as he walked out the door and climbed into his truck.
Puck sat in his room, strumming his guitar later that evening. He could hear Jack and his ma screaming at each other, and the sound of a bottle breaking, likely thrown against the wall. Turning back to his guitar, Puck concentrated on tuning the strings. Engrossed in listening to the guitar, Puck didn’t notice the knob turning or the door opening. Sensing a presence above him, Puck looked up and saw Jack standing above him, a bottle of whiskey in one hand and his other down the front of his pants. Puck scrambled to the side, hoping to reach the door. Despite Jack’s drunken state, he surprisingly quickly grabbed Puck by his arm and shoved him back onto the bed, knocking Puck’s guitar onto the floor.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going kiddo?” Jack leered down at Puck. “I’m not done with you.” Jack grabbed Puck’s shirt and hauled him back off the bed before landing a solid punch across Puck’s cheek. Puck’s head whipped to the side and he could taste blood quickly filling his mouth. “You’re ma is down crying about how her baby girl has left her and I’m tired of listening to her shit.” Puck stared up at Jack, silently watching the man while looking for an escape. Jack shoved Puck down to the floor before pulling back and kicking him in the ribs causing Puck to give a small cry at the blow to his already damaged side. “You wanted this, now you better thank me for making it happen.” Jack grabbed Puck by the back of his neck and pulled him up to a kneeling position. “Remember Puck. Who would you believe?”
Puck knelt silently a moment before springing into action. Surging forward, Puck shoved his shoulder into Jack’s crotch while pushing to a standing position with his legs. Standing in a boxer’s stance, Puck circled Jack warily. “Fuck you Jack. You can’t hurt Sarah now.” Jack swung wide and Puck laughed when he easily dodged the punch. Puck stepped in and landed a left hook followed by a right cross across Jack’s face. Jack let out a shout and grabbed Puck by both shoulders. Bringing Puck’s head in, Jack head butted Puck before shoving him back down to the ground.
“You’re gonna fucking pay for that kid.” Jack wiped the blood gathered in the corner of his mouth. “You shoulda just blown me when you had the chance.” Jack knelt down over Puck and began landing punch after punch while Puck covered his head as best as he could. Jack grunted with the effort of each punch, landing them across Puck’s back, shoulders and arms. Finally stepping back, breathing heavily, Jack spit blood down onto Puck’s chest. “Fucking bastard.” With that, Jack left Puck lying on the floor, slamming Puck’s door when he left.
Puck lay quietly on the floor, breathing shallowly, trying to determine if he had any broken ribs. After catching his breath a moment, Puck crawled over to his guitar, carefully laying his hand on the neck and looking for cracks in the wood. Not finding any, Puck carefully laid it back flat on the floor before crawling into bed, reaching carefully over to turn out the bedside light.
Puck woke Sunday morning with a piercing pain in his side. Grimacing in pain, Puck laid his hand gently against his side. Pressing against his ribs, Puck hissed at the sharp pain radiating from his ribcage. Slowly standing, Puck shuffled to the bathroom and found several ace bandages. Wrapping himself as best as possible, Puck shuffled back to his room, carefully locking his door behind him before returning to his bed and lying down.
GLEEGLEEGLEEGLEE
Monday morning broke rainy and cold. Kurt climbed out of bed and curled his lip at the weather. He loathed rainy weather; it played havoc with his fashion statements and ensembles. Slumping into the bathroom, Kurt turned the water as hot as he could stand it and stood under the steamy water, letting it fall across his shoulders. Pouring his Mint Tea Leaf shampoo into his hands, he gently scrubbed his scalp, enjoying the soothing scent rising up from the lather. Turning, Kurt carefully rinsed his hair, paying careful attention to remove all of the clarifying shampoo. Stepping out of the spray, Kurt then poured conditioner into his hands and began to massage it into his hair. Leaving the conditioner in, Kurt grabbed his Prada Amber Pour Homme body wash and gently exfoliated before rinsing his body and hair. Stepping out of his shower, Kurt wrapped himself in a body sheet and patted himself dry before smoothing on his Prada Infusion Hydrating Lotion. Moving to his closet, Kurt carefully put together his outfit and dressed quickly, turning to his mirror to smooth down his shirt and tweak his collar. Climbing upstairs, Kurt grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and went to pour himself a cup of coffee. Carrying his travel mug and apple to the table, Kurt sat and sipped his coffee before beginning to eat his apple. Finn stumbled downstairs as he was eating and opened the fridge, staring into it as though hoping for inspiration.
“You know, breakfast isn’t going to make itself for you.” Kurt grinned as he spoke to Finn.
“Dude. How can you just eat an apple? I need some real food.” Finn glanced over at Kurt before turning back to the refrigerator.
“I think Carole bought some more of those breakfast sausage sandwiches you like if you want some of those.” Kurt watched as a huge smile blossomed across Finn’s face. “Do you need a ride to school or is Rachel picking you up?”
“Rachel’s gonna come get me.”
Kurt nodded before returning to his apple. After finishing, Kurt threw the core away and refilled his coffee. “I’ll see you at Glee then. I’m going to head in.” Kurt grabbed a rain jacket before heading out to drive to school.
Slipping into his seat in history, Kurt pulled out his phone and muted the ringer before returning it to his bag. Sensing someone moving behind him, Kurt turned and watched as Puck carefully lowered himself into his seat. Watching the pain flicker across Puck’s features, Kurt wrinkled his brow in concern. “Puck? Are you okay?”
“Fine. Don’t worry about me, Hummel.” Puck replied in a monotone while staring at his desk top.
Kurt watched in concern at the flat expression on Puck’s face. Reaching out, Kurt hesitated before he touched Puck’s hand gently. “Are you sure? Is everything okay with Sarah?”
“Sarah’s gone.” Puck looked up at Kurt with such sorrow in his eyes that Kurt felt his breath catch in his throat.
“Puck,” Kurt whispered, “What happened?”
Puck shook his head, his eyes going back to his desk. Kurt turned toward the front when he heard Mr. Larson begin speaking.
“Class. I have your tests here. There were some good scores, and some… scores that could have used a little more studying. After I pass these out we will spend a few minutes going through the answers to the multiple choice. If you have further questions on the multiple choice, or would like to discuss your grade on your essay, please see me after class.” Mr. Larson walked around the class, handing out the graded exams. As he passed Kurt’s desk, he placed his exam face down on his desk before placing Puck’s exam on his desk. Kurt turned his exam over and was excited to see his grade of 96. Pleased, Kurt smiled and turned back to Puck.
Noticing that Puck had not looked at his exam yet, Kurt laid his hand on Puck’s test. “Don’t you want to know how you did? I know you studied hard for this.” Puck gave Kurt a blank look before glancing down at his test. Reaching out, Puck flipped the test over, revealing his grade of 87. Kurt smiled at Puck. “That’s really good, Puck.” Puck gave Kurt another blank look before shoving his exam into his backpack and leaving the classroom. Kurt watched him leave, glancing back up at Mr. Larson for his reaction. Mr. Larson just blinked at the door before continuing to pass out the graded exams. Deciding on impulse, Kurt stood quickly and gathered his belongings as well before following Puck out of the classroom. Kurt followed Puck out the side entrance and over to the bleachers overlooking the football field.
Puck settled onto the second riser and let out a small sigh. “What do you want Hummel?”
Kurt sat daintily behind him on the bleachers. “I just want to know if you’re okay. What did you mean Sarah’s gone?”
Puck’s shoulders sagged and Kurt realized he had never seen the boy looking so defeated. “She’s moved to Cincinnati to live with our Aunt. She got outta Lima and isn’t coming back. She’s gonna make something of herself.”
“That’s good then, right?” Kurt watched Puck carefully, unsure of what Puck needed at the moment.
“Yeah. I’m proud of her. I always knew she would make it out of here.”
“But what about you?” Kurt whispered.
“I’m where I belong.”
“Puck.” Kurt paused a moment, unsure how to continue. “If you don’t mind me asking. How is your mom taking it? Is everything okay at home?”
Puck gave a humorless laugh before bringing his hand to his ribs. “Everything’s great. Just fucking great.”
“Puck. If you ever want…” Kurt trailed off, unsure how to continue or even if he should. He gave a small smile before turning and looking back out across the field. Carole’s voice rang in his head that she didn’t think Puck would survive being separated from Sarah. Kurt recognized the lost look in Puck’s eyes. That same look had stared back at him from his father after his mother had died. That same stillness had encompassed his father before he tried to kill himself. Kurt knew that his father and grandparents thought he didn’t know about the suicide attempt, but Kurt remembered. He remembered the look in his father’s eyes when he dropped Kurt off one evening so that he could think. He remembered listening to his grandfather tell his grandmother to stay there and watch Kurt after receiving a phone call later that night. He remembered the following weeks without his father, silently waiting for him to come back and be a family again. He remembered.
The boys sat in companionable silence until the bell rang, signaling the end of first period. The two boys stood and walked back to the school building together before parting to head to their second period classes.
GLEEGLEEGLEEGLEE
Puck walked into Glee for third period and took his customary seat on the back riser. Watching as the rest of the club arrived and took their seats, he gave a small nod to Kurt as Mercedes and he entered the room and sat down.
“Alright class!” Mr. Schue came bounding into class, his enthusiasm for the day even higher than normal. “Who wants to go first for their selection that demonstrates that the judges shouldn’t underestimate us?”
Puck watched as Rachel’s hand shot up. “Finn and I will go Mr. Schue. We have selected a song that I feel both showcases our club’s strengths and also gives the message that we are full of promise and are ready to take Nationals by storm!” Mr. Schue nodded and Finn and Rachel walked to the front of the room before turning toward each other and looking into each other’s eyes. Brad began playing the opening chords and Puck rolled his eyes as Rachel began to sing.
Tonight, tonight,
It all began tonight,
I saw you and the world went away…
Puck tuned Rachel out as she continued to sing the song from West Side Story. Looking around the room, Puck let his eyes rest on Kurt for a moment. He had been surprised when he blurted out to Kurt that Sarah was gone. He hadn’t meant to tell him that. Then, when Kurt left history to follow him, he had developed verbal diarrhea and told Kurt that she had moved to Cincinnati, leaving Lima for good. He didn’t know what had come over him. But when Kurt had looked at him with actual concern, not pity, it was like he couldn’t stop himself. No one other than Sarah had given a damn about him in so long that when someone finally did he turned into a fucking pussy.
Shifting slightly in his seat, Puck winced at the pull of his ribs. As he watched, Kurt leaned in to whisper something in Mercedes’ ear and she flashed him a grin and rolled her eyes. With Sarah gone, Puck felt his loneliness even stronger than before. She had always been a bright spot in his life. Now she was gone, his life was fucked, his ma’s boyfriend was a douchebag, how much more shit could get piled on? Puck tuned back in as Rachel and Finn finished their duet, watching as the rest of the room clapped for their performance.
“That was great Rachel. Finn. Very enthusiastic. Now, who wants to go next?” Mr. Schue looked around the room, looking for volunteers. Kurt, Mercedes and Tina all shared a look before Kurt raised his hand.
“We will go Mr. Schue. Our song is about embracing your differences and having confidence in yourself.” Kurt stood and the rest of his team walked to the front, taking their positions. Nodding at Brad, Kurt began to sing the first verse.
Made a wrong turn
Once or twice
Dug my way out
Blood and fire
Bad decisions
That's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mercedes then stepped in and began to sing the next verse.
Mistreated misplaced
Misunderstood
Miss knowing it's all good
It didn’t slow me down.
Stepping back, Mercedes looked over at Tina as she stepped forward.
Mistaking
Always second guessing
Underestimating
Look I'm still around
And finally, the entire group together stepped forward, holding hands as they danced slowly together.
Pretty, pretty please
Don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
Less than perfect
Puck watched their performance as they seamlessly handed off the stanzas to each other and wove between each other as they danced to the lyrics. As they approached the last verse, they all joined hands again, stepping forward.
Pretty, pretty please
Don’t you ever feel
Like you're less than
Less than perfect
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You are perfect to me
As the last note trailed off, they were met with silence before Mr. Schue began clapping loudly and the rest of the club joined in. Puck watched as Mr. Schue looked at the group with amazement in his eyes, grinning at the performance he saw. “Guys. That was amazing. You really captured it with that. It was an inspired choice.”
Kurt, Mike, Artie, Tina and Mercedes each gave a small bow before returning to their seats. Puck watched as Kurt smiled at Mercedes and brushed back his bangs.
“That was amazing guys. Whew! Santana, Brittany, Quinn and Sam? Think you can follow that? Puck? Do you want to go next?”
Puck just looked at Mr. Schue as the Cheerios and Sam stood up and made their way to the front of the room. “We decided to go old school, Mr. Schue.” Sam grinned before continuing on. “We are taking you way back to 2008 and selected Jennifer Page’s ‘Underestimated’. We figure nothing tells the judges not to underestimate us better than this.”
“Old school! Ouch! Okay guys, let’s see what you have for us.” Mr. Schue took a seat and watched as the Cheerios took their places around Sam. The three girls began singing.
You've underestimated, you've underestimated
You've underestimated me again
You've underestimated, you've underestimated
You've underestimated me again
Sam stepped out of their circle and sang the next part.
Hot shit, you thought I'd quit, and I'd just sit back in the corner
Mouth shut, had enough, held my tongue, can't wait no longer
I'll be seeing you one way of another
And when I do, gonna say that we should together never
Wink and a smile, it's been a while
With every day I'm for the better
I song my song, I still remember
I'll be seeing you one way or another
Puck stopped listening as the girls began repeating the chorus again, watching as they danced around Sam. When they came to the end of the song, Mr. Schue stood up and clapped for them before turning toward Puck.
“Okay Puck. Man of the hour. Show us what you’ve got.”
Puck stood and walked over to grab his acoustic guitar. Snagging a stool, he sat down in front of the class. Keeping his eyes on his guitar, Puck began to sing.
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone,
If you feel like letting go,
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on
'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone
Finishing up, Puck let the last note fade away before he stood without making eye contact with anyone in the room. Mr. Schue clapped and then began talking about what a great job everyone did and how excited he was for this year’s competition. After placing his guitar in its case, Puck returned to his seat and glanced up to see Kurt watching him, tears rolling down his face.
When the bell rang, signaling the end of third period, Puck stood, grabbing his backpack and gingerly putting it on his shoulder. Walking out of the choir room, Puck headed toward Chemistry.
GLEEGLEEGLEEGLEE
Kurt watched as Puck sat down under a tree in the courtyard during lunch period. Fall weather was settling across the state and not many students chose to brave the chill and eat outside. Kurt made his way toward him, holding his jacket tightly around his torso as his feet crunched through the leaves. Kurt stopped a few feet away, looking down at Puck.
“Mind if I join you?” Kurt asked with a hint of hesitation in his voice.
“Suit yourself.” Puck turned his head and went back to watching the leaves.
Kurt sat silently, watching Puck as he watched the leaves. “You know, when my mom died, I felt so lost.” Puck turned and looked at Kurt, his face expressionless. Kurt took Puck’s silence as permission to continue. “She died on October 18th. I remember sitting in my room, staring out the window, but not really seeing anything. Whole blocks of time would go missing, and all I wanted was the pain to go away. My dad was so wrapped up in his own pain that he never saw mine.” Kurt watched emotions flit across Puck’s face before the expressionless mask settled back into place. “I was so sure that I would never be whole again. That I would never not feel the pain from her dying.”
“And now?” Puck turned fully and sat facing Kurt. “What do you feel now?”
“Now I feel grateful for all of my friends. I am lucky to have a dad that cares about me so much, that I know would do anything for me. I have my friends from Glee. I still miss her, and wish she were here to share things with, but I am whole again. Puck,” Kurt paused. He knew this next part would likely make Puck angry, but he needed to say it. “Sarah hasn’t died. You can still talk to her. She may be living with your aunt but she will always be your sister.”
Kurt watched sadness flicker across Puck’s face at Sarah’s name. He sat silently, waiting for Puck to say something.
“She was all I had.” The pain and loneliness was so evident in Puck’s voice that before he could stop himself Kurt leaned over and brought Puck into a hug.
“You have me.” Kurt felt Puck stiffen slightly at his words, but slowly relax back into his arms. Kurt gave a final squeeze before sitting back. “Now. Give me your phone.”
Puck handed Kurt his phone without comment. Quickly dialing his own cell number from Puck’s phone, Kurt handed Puck his phone back. “Now you have my number. Call me. Day or night.” Kurt added Puck’s number to his contacts and slipped his own phone back into his bag. “What are you doing after football practice?” Puck shrugged, looking at Kurt. “Good. You are coming over for dinner then. Dad is working late at the shop and Finn will be at Rachel’s tonight. You can join Carole and I for dinner.” Kurt nodded to himself as though the matter was settled and resumed eating his turkey, sprout and tomato wrap.
The rest of the day passed quickly for Kurt. After the final bell, Kurt hurried to his locker to change out his books and grab the folders necessary for homework. Closing his locker, Kurt glanced down the hall and saw Puck standing at his own locker, pulling out his own books to take home. Walking quickly down the hall, Kurt stopped next to Puck’s locker. “I spoke with Carole. She said to tell you that she is making creamy tacos so you better come hungry.”
Puck flashed a small smile at the message and slammed his locker shut. “I gotta get to practice. I’ll come by after.” Turning, Puck walked down the hall, backpack slung over his shoulder.
Kurt walked out to his baby and slowly climbed in. Sitting a moment before starting the ignition, Kurt remembered Carole’s reaction when he had called and asked if Puck could come over for dinner.
“Hey Carole. Is it okay that I invited a friend over for dinner tonight?”
“Of course it is! I’ll just get another chicken breast out of the freezer. Do you know if your friend like broccoli? I had planned on grilled chicken, broccoli and brown rice for dinner.”
“I don’t know if he likes broccoli or not. I’ll ask when I see him and let you know.”
“What’s his name? Have I met this boy before?”
“Yeah. Um. It’s Puck, actually.”
“Puck is coming over tonight?” Silence filled the air a moment. “Kurt, what’s going on? Is everything okay?”
“Sarah’s gone. She went to live with their aunt. He just seemed so lost, I’m worried. I don’t think he should be alone right now.”
“Oh Noah. My poor, sweet Noah. Well, in that case, he most definitely does NOT eat broccoli. In fact, I think we should have his favorite meal tonight. Tell him we are having creamy tacos tonight and he better come hungry. That should bring a smile to his face.”
Kurt shook his head slightly, clearing his memories as he started the car, pulling out of the lot and heading toward the store to pick up a few items for the creamy tacos.
Arriving at his house, Kurt walked inside, carrying the bag of groceries into the kitchen. Carole was already at the stove, stirring something in a pot. Placing the bag on the counter, Kurt wandered over to stand next to Carole.
“That smells lovely, Carole.”
“Thank you sweetie. As I mentioned, it is one of Puck’s favorites that I used to cook for him and Finn. It’s really easy to make and is really just chicken with cheddar cheese and cream cheese, served as a casserole with tortillas, but the boys just couldn’t ever get enough. Could you bring me the tortillas you picked up?” Kurt walked over and grabbed the tortillas and brought them to Carole. He then began to put the remaining groceries away as well. Carole finished assembling the casserole and slid the dish into the oven. Grabbing a glass of water, Carole went and sat at the kitchen table, watching as Kurt put the final items away. “How did Puck look?” asked Carole.
Kurt gave a small smile and shook his head. “Not very good. Has dad told you much about when mom died?” Carole nodded. “Has he told you how… lost… he was when she first died?” If his dad hadn’t told Carole about his suicide attempt then Kurt did not want to disclose anything by mistake.
“Yes. We have talked quite a bit about how we both felt after our spouses died.” Carole hesitated a moment before continuing resolutely. “He told me about your stay with your grandparents and the circumstances surrounding it.”
“Yes. Well. I don’t believe that dad knows that I know or remember much about that time. But I remember quite a bit more than he or my grandparents realize.” Kurt watched Carole until she nodded. “He was just so lost without mom. She always was our unifying force. She was the glue in our family when I was little. One of the things that I remember so clearly is the look in dad’s eyes before he took me to my grandparents. Even back then I could tell, he was losing his will to keep going. I saw that same look in Puck’s eyes today.”
Carole closed her eyes and sighed. “What did he say about Sarah exactly? What happened?”
“We have history together, remember when he came to get the notes?” Carole nodded and Kurt continued. “He came in this morning and I noticed that he was moving carefully. Like maybe he was hurt? Also, last Tuesday, he came to school with a cut on his head that I know he didn’t have Monday night. So today when I saw him looking so uncomfortable, I asked if he was okay. At first he said he was, then he told me that Sarah was gone. And just a few minutes later he stood up and left class. I followed him out to the bleachers and he told me that she had moved to Cincinnati to live with their aunt and that she wasn’t coming back. I sat with him at lunch and he told me that she was all he had. He just sounded so… so… BROKEN. Like he didn’t even know who he was anymore.” Kurt paused and Carole took a sip of her water. “Carole, who is his aunt? Why didn’t she take Puck as well?”
“Elizabeth his is father’s baby sister. Elizabeth loved her brother and just knew he would be a famous musician one day. Elizabeth was still a child when her brother and Rina began to date. Rina got pregnant pretty quickly after they started dating and I think Elizabeth always thought that she did it on purpose. Then when he married Rina, she felt like he had given up all of his dreams for some woman and that Rina had trapped him with the baby. Elizabeth always blamed Puck for her brother running off, and for Rina’s eventual drinking and drug use. She always loved Sarah, I think she saw herself in Sarah, but she never tried to connect with Noah. I’m glad that she has taken Sarah. Hopefully now Sarah can be a young girl and grow into a young woman. But. I don’t know what this means for Noah.” Carole offered Kurt a weak smile before standing. “But for now, we will make sure that we have plenty of good food and will do whatever he needs us to do. So. Chocolate cake or brownies?”
“Brownies. Definitely brownies.” Kurt rose as well and moved to get the mixer out of the cabinet and put it on the counter.