(no subject)
as i was getting ready for school on this oh so delightful day(yeah fucking right, this day is the crappiest in a while...well at least the morning) that song by john mayor "daughters" came on. one of the lyrics is "fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do".
this made me start to think(shocking i know, but keep up). is it true that you will treat the ones you love like you were treated by your father?
im really wondering if this is true. so far in my life in most of my relationships i ditch the person i am with after a while. i just stop hanging out with them at first, then i stop calling them, then i stop answering when they call me.
is this how i am naturally?
or am i this way bc of my father?
him and my mother divorced when i was 1.
they would fight all the time thru out their marriage (physical most of the time) and even after the divorce. at first me kenny and sherrie would visit dad every other weekend. then it became about once a month. but he was always drunk so we never acually hung out and rarely even talkd to him. after another year we would see him maybe 3 times a year. he would make all these promises of how he is getting better and has a better job and can take care of us. but then he would drink and pass out. my brother kenny lived with him for a while. or so we all thought. in all reality he lived in a house with my dads crackhead friend and girlfriend(yeah i found out a few years ago that my dad is also a crackhead). my dad would call kenny once a week, but my dad lived in his mothers house(a huge ass house with enough room for all my family and friends to live in peacefully) but made kenny live in a one bedroom shitty house with my dads friends. he never had lunch money, he never had food, he faild school bc he couldnt pay the fees. and when he would come home for the weekend he wouldnt mention any of this to my mother. he lived like this for a year or so. my father made 1000 promises a day. and kept one of them. he would ditch us. lie to us. leave us. i havent heard from him since i was about 9 or something. and yes i miss him. even though he is shitty. i can hardly remember him and if it wasnt for the one picture i have of him, i would of forgotten what he lookd like long ago.
it scares me. what if i turn out just like him? what if i lie and ditch everyone i love. fall hardcore into drugs and just not care. im almost there now.
i dont have a concious. i do the worst shit to people and i honestly dont give a fuck. i leave ppl who say they love me. and i have no regrets.
the morals i do have are fuckd up. sometimes i worry that i will get into drugs too bad and never escape. i would do any drug if it was offered without a second thought. ive done a fair few so far. but i have a feeling it will get much much worse.this occurs about once a month. the rest of the time. i truely DO NOT CARE.
is this life?
this made me start to think(shocking i know, but keep up). is it true that you will treat the ones you love like you were treated by your father?
im really wondering if this is true. so far in my life in most of my relationships i ditch the person i am with after a while. i just stop hanging out with them at first, then i stop calling them, then i stop answering when they call me.
is this how i am naturally?
or am i this way bc of my father?
him and my mother divorced when i was 1.
they would fight all the time thru out their marriage (physical most of the time) and even after the divorce. at first me kenny and sherrie would visit dad every other weekend. then it became about once a month. but he was always drunk so we never acually hung out and rarely even talkd to him. after another year we would see him maybe 3 times a year. he would make all these promises of how he is getting better and has a better job and can take care of us. but then he would drink and pass out. my brother kenny lived with him for a while. or so we all thought. in all reality he lived in a house with my dads crackhead friend and girlfriend(yeah i found out a few years ago that my dad is also a crackhead). my dad would call kenny once a week, but my dad lived in his mothers house(a huge ass house with enough room for all my family and friends to live in peacefully) but made kenny live in a one bedroom shitty house with my dads friends. he never had lunch money, he never had food, he faild school bc he couldnt pay the fees. and when he would come home for the weekend he wouldnt mention any of this to my mother. he lived like this for a year or so. my father made 1000 promises a day. and kept one of them. he would ditch us. lie to us. leave us. i havent heard from him since i was about 9 or something. and yes i miss him. even though he is shitty. i can hardly remember him and if it wasnt for the one picture i have of him, i would of forgotten what he lookd like long ago.
it scares me. what if i turn out just like him? what if i lie and ditch everyone i love. fall hardcore into drugs and just not care. im almost there now.
i dont have a concious. i do the worst shit to people and i honestly dont give a fuck. i leave ppl who say they love me. and i have no regrets.
the morals i do have are fuckd up. sometimes i worry that i will get into drugs too bad and never escape. i would do any drug if it was offered without a second thought. ive done a fair few so far. but i have a feeling it will get much much worse.this occurs about once a month. the rest of the time. i truely DO NOT CARE.
is this life?