ScaperCon 2003
“The tv’s on Viagra, it just wants to keep coming out.” -Kathe
“I don’t touch them until their old enough to fall down on their own.” -Kathe on kids
“We’re going to hell... Sparkly, sparkly hell.” -Kathe
“We need to wash our hands now.” -Cristin
“Why is this empty!” -Theresa to her glass
“We’re not going to play with the slimy balls anymore.” -Cristin
“This is fascinating like a car wreck.” -Kathe, re: the dance floor
“It’s a choking hazard!” -Kate, re: the penis pop
“Grinding would be bad!” -Kate, re: the line dancers
“Actually, this is a very con song, ‘Whole Lotta Girlfriends and Just One Man.’” -Kathe
“It’s like the geriatric version of Road House.” -Kathe
“It’s the national campaign to turn children into whores.” -Cristin
“First person to get to wet!” -Sarah
“Great, now I have to get it back off.” -Nick
“I’m so glad there are people like Laurie who are never sarcastic.” -AutumnH
“I’m not drunk, I’m an insomniac!” -Laurie
“Butt. Chair. Next.” -Sarah
“Porn it if you have to.” -Sarah
“Greg gets on the floor and I got distracted.” -Kathe
“Feel free to pitch a tent all weekend.” -AutumnH
Theresa: “If we swear, we get to drink?”
Calliope: “Okay. Fuck. < drink >”
AutumnH: “Do you want her to get explicit giving clues about sex?”
Theresa: “Yes!”
“The coffee spills again.” -Miranda
“Did you say it was designed for queens?” -Natalie
“It’s good to be home.” -Kathe
“He’s the little brother who if it wasn’t incest...” -Kathe, re: Justin Timberlake
“Don’t quote that, Nat!” -Kathe
“Justin made me retarded.” -Kathe
“I think the elevator’s name is HAL.” -Cristin
“Aeryn’s breasts. They were really annoying.” -Cristin
“They were her animated breasts. - Cristin
“I didn’t even start drinking yet. Sarah leans on my shoulder and I start spill all over the table.” -AutumnH
“You and I are not allowed to play with flying things.” -AutumnH
“Because it was fun for me!” -AutumnH
“Bitch, I’ve got hot cheese.” -Kathe
Kathe: “I’m being used!”
Laurie: “But you like it.”
Kathe: “Yeah.”
“Back where I come from they call these loooove handles.” -Corde
“Kathe’s ass was really elevated.” -Sarah
“I’m all about the weird noises today. It’s easier than forming words.” -Sarah
“I did it. You guys suck.” -AutumnH
“I am The Thin Red Line.” -Kathe
“I’ll go stand in the corner. Oh, there’s a plant.” -Corde
“Ooh, the wall is broken.” -Corde
“I don’t remember who I groped.” -Corde
Corde: “You’re the best teacher ever.”
AutumnH: “I know she taught me a lot.”
“Been here four years, brand new psycho.” -AutumnH
“I’ll do anything. I’ll do anything. For Sarah.” -Corde
“I thought skydiving only shorter was thud.” -Laurie
“I’ll give you detention.” -Sarah
“I’m already hyper. My head’ll explode!” -Miranda
“Sarah’s my sugar mama.” -Laurie
“Cash in your bra itches.” -Sarah
“I said, ‘I still have money in my bra, do you want it?’ and she said yes. There was a money exchange.” -Sarah
“I’ve already hand money in my cleavage. That was kinda fun.” -Sarah
“Because these are one size fits Aileen.” -Cristin
“I’m going around going ‘I gotta pee. I don’t have time for this.’” -Sarah
“What are we- Oh my God.” -Scaper seeing the Ben’s ass game
“Carlos! You’re disgusting! What are you, gay?!” -AutumnH
“Good taste does not exist in Scaperdom.” -Kathe
“If you want whip your ass out, I’ll feel free to take a gander.” -Jason
“I have crayons. Do I have the crayons? I have to pee. I forgot that.” -Sarah
“Finding Nemo at one point made me kind of go ‘Aw, fish love,’ and that made me go, ‘Wait a minute.’” -Cristin
“I’m taking the ice bucket to get the ice!” -Sarah
Natalie: “I almost swallowed the ice whole.”
Sarah: “Well, don’t, cause I don’t remember the Heimlich maneuver. I would just get a hair dryer and tell you to open real wide.”
“I am blinking, by the way.” -Sarah
“Did you just day decca?” -Shaye
Shaye: “Why did you have that much cash in your bra?”
Sarah: “Because I’m that good.”
“I don’t know what feet are supposed to look like.” -Corde
“Stitch’s hands are in the exact right position to grab my breasts.” -Shaye
“That’s some happiness I didn’t count on.” -Sarah
“I don’t know exactly where the toilet is.” -Sarah
Kathe: “What’s wrong with the heating in this place?”
Sarah: “It’s on.”
“This is me, meet my breasts.” -AutumnH
Natalie: “Are you trying to flash all the guests?”
AutumnH: “I am now!”
“Can we make an announcement at some point in the weekend that if you see someone wearing one of these things, it means kiss my ass and buy me drinks.” -AutumnH, re: staff/committee ribbons
“We have to be smarter than the Aaaaah!” -Sarah
“I’m sorry, my parents didn’t get the memo to name me Corde.” -Corde
AutumnH: “I don’t have that many hands.”
Sarah: “Well, get with it!”
“Did you hear what I said? Zap!” -Aileen
“I’m Laurie and your name is Fred.” -AutumnH
“We’re such a tense group. We never laugh.” -AutumnH
“Kathe’s practicing her ‘You’re an idiot eye roll’ already.” -AutumnH
“He’s been running around taking pictures already and I didn’t know that?” -Theresa
“I started a quote list at college.” -Rachel
“Kathe, don’t be sending me STDs!” -Sarah during Reg
“No, no, not STDs. ‘S to Z!’” -Kathe
“Did you just say STD?” -Corde
“I might be able to yell, but I can’t organize!” -Kathe
“Boy parts!” -Kathe (gotta love random snippets of conversation)
“My ribbon wants to say hi to everybody!” -AutumnH
“This is the most action I’m getting!” -Kathe, re: Voy
“You and your damn boobs!” -AutumnH
“I’m in it. Oh my god. Well, I’m glad there’s no picture with my shirt off and my pants down to there.” -Voy
“I forgot the Spanish word for duck again.” -Dava
“What the hell! I don’t talk in my sleep until I’m with you people.” -Kathe
“Try it on! No, not over your other shirt.” -Calliope
“It’s not your fault if I’m a stupid drunk ass and hurt myself.” -Salome
“I’m working on being a legal alien.” -Bianca
“Kill me if I said that.” -Bianca
Heather: “You buy us drinks now.”
Bianca: “All right. I’ll buy you a beer and I get 10 more questions.”
“9:30 AM. Ministry and Nine Inch Nails. Welcome to the real world.” -Bianca
Sarah: “He’s going to the bathroom and he’s taking the camera...”
Nick: “Trust me.”
“Laurie. That’s all I’m saying. Okay, I’ll fix it. Laurie. Fucking shit.” -Laurie, introducing herself to the shippers
“The innocent one that somehow traumatizes Kathe.” -Elf
“I can go for six hours straight.” -Ann
“I inadvertently groped her eight months pregnant.” -Kathe
“If I had known you were there, I would have groped you on purpose.” -Kathe
“I’m Kate. I’ve got a Twinkie on my shirt.” -Kate
“I want to know where the dildo candy is.” -Shaye
“I am finishing up the family tree, which looks like a bush.” -Talia
Shaye: “This is so wrong.”
Nick: “No, that was last year.”
“I think she got sucked into it before we could suck her out.” -Sarah, re: AutumnH
Kathe: “Shaye spooged!”
Natalie: “Now she’s gotta go wash her hands.”
Laurie: “She’s sticky.”
“Replacement body parts now.” -Leah99
Natalie: “We’re having knot tying issues.”
Krissy: “Yeah. How do you do it?”
Natalie: “There’s no good way to say this. You tie a knot in it.”
“I’m getting spooge in my hair.” -Becca
“Can we step on the people we don’t like?” -Cristin
“I mean, hooray and all, but pull up your pants!” -Laurie
“Smell him!” -Laurie, re: Voy
“By the way, does anyone want a box of Twinkies?” -Aileen
“So you’ve got a 12 inch?” -Becca
“Don’t laugh with that in your mouth. That’s just wrong.” -Natalie
“Is my tongue blue? Yes! I blew a Smurf.” -Kate
“It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is whoring...” -Cristin
Kathe: “It’s so wrong.”
Perri: “But oddly satisfying.”
“Oh, and the priest walks by...” -Laurie
“You’re like Uhura on acid.” -Perri
Kathe: “Who’s on the other side?”
Shaye: “DK!”
Kathe: “You got the DK DK.”
Shaye: “I got the double DK.”
“Did she just say fallopian pancakes?” -Laurie
Kathe: “It’s not that bad.”
Shaye: “What, getting felt up with a fish?”
“Here’s a good little pretty girl with a dick in her hand.” -Laurie
“You’re a table dancing tease.” -Shaye
Perri: “I know who you are...”
Shaye: “Well, Cordefic.”
Corde: “Fuck fuck fuck!”
Laurie: “Chocolate is an everyday occurrence. And if it isn’t, it should be.”
Sarah: “Kinda like sex.”
“No wonder I kept grabbing yours.” -Natalie
“I could knock you out.” -Kate
“I like batteries.” -Aileen
Kate: “I’m not sixteen!”
Wayne, passing by: “Yes you are.”
“I’m not legal to Scorpy.” -Kate
“We should have a bake sale for spleens.” -Kate
“The con will not kick my ass.” -Paulie mantra
“I fought the con and the con won.” -Sarah
“He knew DHC and he wasn’t that bloated.” -Kathe
“We decided you can only eat things that don’t crawl. Unless you make them.” -Sarah to Natalie
“I don’t want to throw it away, but I don’t want to throw it up.” -Natalie
“I think you’re about to have a relationship with that tiramisu.” -Shaye
“He’s the pokey butt waiter.” -Sarah
“It’s not Muppet porn in forward or reverse.” -Sarah
“I’ll do your eyeliner. You’ll be so pretty.” -Laurie to Calliope
“That’s sad, when Rygel is getting laid more than you are.” -Natalie
AutumnH: “Move it or lose it.”
Sarah: “Lose it.”
“Laurie has the best Tourette’s ever.” -Kathe
“If her pants were any lower we would see hair.” -Laurie
“Look at Gigi, she’s crying!” -Sarah
“I’m a tease, not a whore. There’s a difference.” -Laurie
“There’s a difference between ‘look at me’ and ‘rent me.’” -AutumnH
“It’s my bed... If there’s going to see people on people I’m going to be in that people!” -AutumnH
“Dildo of doom.” -Cristin
“I have a bigger one but I can’t get it to work.” -Corde
“You say skull fucking and I think skull fucking.” -Laurie
“Yeehaw, I’ve got eight women in my room!” -grem
DelvianPrince: “You let me suck it out.”
Kathe: “Really?”
DelvianPrince: “I’m a busy man.”
“Deja vu deja vu deja vu I’m done.” -Corde
“She’s talking in chicken.” -Kathe
Sarah: “We all get together, pile on one bed with whipped cream and watch kid shows. With alcohol.”
Laurie: “(something something) alcoholic is our inner child.”
Jimmy Neutron: “...And since monkey and human DNA only differ by 2%...”
AutumnH: “That’s so obvious in the Registration line.”
Shaye: “Everything’s moving.”
AutumnH: “Shaye’s having fun.”
“I just went to a butt sex place.” -Corde, re: Nick and Jimmy Neutron
“I can just see all the kids going around, “I can’t poop!” -AutumnH
“Spirit fingers are necessary when you say aliens.” -Laurie
AutumnH: “I’m going to make you sleep with Greg.”
grem: “Not the first time.”
AutumnH: “He might not have underwear on.”
grem: “I don’t. Wanna see?”
“My husband’s been in the bar all night.” -AutumnH
Cristin: “I can’t get up.”
Sarah: “I don’t think one person can. It’s a process.”
“It sounds scary but I’m strangely drawn to it.” -AutumnH
“I was trying to be helpful but I missed.” -AutumnH
“It’s too big to swallow even after I’ve been sucking on it for awhile.” -AutumnH
“My sour is really sucky.” -AutumnH
shangrila: “I smell fish. “
Miranda: “That is so wrong.”
shangrila: “Gigi, can I have your cherry?”
Gigi: “Yes.”
“I just sat on the crack. I did. I’m sitting on the crack between the seats. Can I get a booster seat?” -shangrila
“I woke up and got all not-pretty for nothing.” -Laurie
“It’s funnier if you pout.” -Laurie
Laurie: “I’m going to be Laurie the Mime.”
Corde: “Then calling you “Shut Up” seems redundant.”
“I had a Krispy Kreme and now my teeth are rotting. I can feel it.” -thedancinggypsy
Natalie: “Oh, that’s so wrong.”
Theresa: “Oh, that’s *so* wrong.”
“I did my quick post this morning. I think it’s English.” -Kathe
Shaye: “What’s with the shaking your groove thing?”
Elf: “I’m a white boy.”
“I saw the butt shot. I appreciated the butt shot. Thank you for the butt shot.” -Perri
“I’m Crichton and I’m wearing leather pants. People are taking pictures of my butt.” -Elf
“Out of the frying pan into the clutches of the breasts.” -David
“Boobs, boobs, titties, boobs...” -Rebecca
“My character, David’s character is the product of so many sick minds.” -Rebecca
“I respect you as an actor and human being and I am not looking at your breasts.” -Rebecca
“I got to see her breasts all the time.” -David
“We’ve all been sucked off by skreeths.” -David
“I’m going to be erudite here. Well, I’m gonna pretend.” -David
“Monjo wrote the boob sweat.” -Rebecca
AutumnH: “It’s the Rebecca and David Show.”
Sarah: “Can we syndicate this?”
“It’s fun to be evil. On a theoretical level.” -Rebecca
“I just want to come over and brag about how important I am because I have a walkie-talkie.” -Corde
Scaper: “Who would be a good love interest for Rygel and Pilot?”
Lani: “D’Argo.”
“Oh, it gets worse.” -Lani
“He who has the microphone has the power.” -Anth
“Breasts rule.” -Anth
“D’Argo has put away a lot more vodka.” -Anth
“You both have great shoes.” -Elnea to Wayne and Anth
“Sikozu is dead, Braca is not.” -Anth, re: Scorpy and Braca
“You guys can jump around. If the stage falls down, the stage falls down.” -Acca
“We should start the wave.” -Sarah at the banquet table
“I had stuff in my bra all Thursday night.” -Sarah
“Happiness is Sarah’s cherry?” -AutumnH
“You are not allowed to do anything like that ever again.” -Aileen, re: Sarah’s vids
“I cried very carefully.” -Shaye
Kathe: “It’s pseudo DK.”
Natalie: “We can fake it.”
Kathe: “You can’t fake it.”
Shaye: “Not with DK.”
“If you’re going to remember me in a black slinky outfit, please remember me in this one.” -Oboe
“David in a muscle shirt.” -Sarah
“That song made me naked and now I feel retarded.” -Laurie
“I have no shoooooes!” -Jodie
“Okay, Liz, no humping.” -Kathe
“It’s like a train wreck. It’s like looking at the sun. It burns.” -Shan
Natalie: “Did you just proposition Gigi?”
Corde: “I forgot she was straight.”
“I had a dollar to give you for vids, but it’s currently down Carlos’ pants.” -mousiekins
Sarah: “Do they travel in packs?”
Rangathan: “That one does.”
“I don’t get the beat. The beat went that way. I didn’t follow it.” -Corde
“You were there, weren’t you? I was drunk.” -Theresa
“You and Nat. You are Nat. Hi, Nat.” -Sarah
“Yay, lesbians!” -Corde and Cristin during the TaTu song
“There’s a VoY incident happening.” -AutumnH
“Show us where the bad man touched Stitch.” -Kate
“We have to behave now Gigi’s here. She becomes traumatized and she’s hard to deal with afterward.” -AutumnH
amsbar: “We came together, but we’re not together.”
Kate: “That doesn’t make it better.”
AutumnH: “The best way is to get Amy drunk and get her to talk about stuff.”
Natalie: “If that’s the best thing you can do with a drunk Amy, you’re doing it wrong.”
“That’s some inter-species nookie that no one needs to think about.” -Corde
“Bongo keeps me satisfied.” -Corde
“Apparently I don’t suck correctly.” -Natalie
“I didn’t mean to hit you. If I meant to, I would have hit harder. And you would like it.” -Kate
“I hate it when I get action and I don’t know it.” -Kate
“People have been over me all weekend.” -Kate
“I can tell you’re not a dude because the chestal region? Definitely not dudey.” -Kate
“I don’t have this thing called shame.” -Becca
“It’s a quarter to glitter.” -Kate
Natalie: “Suck it up, suck it up!”
Kate: “< spits out whipped cream >”
“This is the first year I’m not taking anyone home with me.” -Sarah
Kate: “Your condom of safety is on floor.”
Calliope: “Practice safe whipped cream.”
“I have to learn ‘swallow.’” -Kate
“VoY dipped in sugar.” -AutumnH
AutumnH: “It’s a Jungle Carlos.”
Kate: “Have fun climbing.”
“You don’t know the kind of things I’ve been thinking.” -AutumnH
“You’re the shopping cart today.” -Dakkoth
“You’ll love me if I have to kill you to do it.” -Dakkoth’s Mistress
“I have killed men for less.” -Dakkoth’s Mistress
“When you’re back to misspelling words on a screen, it’s kind of over.” -Loki
“Fresh fish!” -Phantom, walking through the lobby with a bucket of stuffed trout
“I slept with people I never met before.” -Bexa
“My brain was on Etch-A-Sketch last night.” -DelvianPrince
“I’ve never seen such a lost animal.” -DelvianPrince, re: Bongo
“That’s what you get for trying to make me be witty the first thing in the morning.” -AutumnH
Natalie: “What time is it?”
Gigi: “Too early in the bloody morning.”
Sarah: “You’re our official taste tester.”
David: “If I die...”
Sarah: “I get sued!”
“Give me a hug. Hi, I’m Maren.” -Maren
“It’s been a pleasure taking your money.” -Natalie
Cristin: “If I saw that I’d just grope you.”
Vaidah: “Please do, we’ve been groping her all weekend.”
Cristin: “Okay. < grope >”
Corde: “Do you have your badge?”
Natalie: “You’re a stickler.”
Corde: “Well, it’s important to me.”
Corde: “Can I get you anything?”
Theresa: “Sedative.”
People: “We’re getting our show back...”
Corde: “What happened?”
Scaper: “Nothing. They’re enthusiastic.”
“I have pynafire’s batteries. What she needs these for I have no idea.” -TZTF
“Scaper humor, there’s nothing better.” -Kathe
Natalie: “I’m kidnapping you. I’m going to go around with you attached.”
Ann: “Poor you.”
“Those of you who don’t find me to pay me, I will hunt you down.” -Dabee
“Mommy, why does Jesus have a whip?” -Shaye
“I kind of want to freak out a nun?” -?
“He is the prettiest PK.” -Shaye
XenaJules: “If you could be a different character on Farscape, who would you be?”
Lani: “Grayza.”
David: “Admiral Braca.”
“If you come to Sydney again, I promise not to bite you quite in the same place.” -Jonathan
Anth: “I’ve always wanted to get my hands on a great rack.”
Scaper: “We can arrange that.”
“It’s such a beautifully fantastic angle of Wayne’s ass.” -Anth
“Something was attacking us with really bad acting.” -Jonathan
“We don’t know what it’s like to have fans.” -Anth
“...Like this bizarre extended family tree you have. I thought my family back home was weird.” -David
Lani: “I wore this today. ScaperCon survivor.”
cellaig: “It’s not 5:00 yet.”
“My name is Lani. It has been 50 days since I have been to a convention.” -Lani
“You don’t want to go down there. You’ll never get back.” -Lani
“If Farscape had continued I’d be working my way to wiping out galaxies. But there’s time.” -David
“King of the world!” -David
“I have to say that Scorpius’ codpiece was very impressive.” -Lani
Natalie: “Are you drinking your yogurt?”
Corde: “Shut up. It’s good for you.”
“All our doors are open. We’re a friendly family.” -Elf
“Yes! Let’s buy porn!” -Cristin
“I’m going to cry again, you bitch!” -Corde
“We’ll live there and grow bananas.” -Cristin
“We’ll set up an exploding banana perimeter.” -Rachel
“Mickey Mouse does not have slot handles.” -Kathe
“Mickey does not put out.” -Kathe
Cristin: “How many people do you need for a community?”
Shaye: “At least three. Two is just like a couple of freaks.”
“When a chicken gets on another chicken, it has an egg, and it hatches into a baby.” -Shaye
“There were like seven of us who were on Prozac and another five we thought should be.” -Cristin
“Hi, Ashley. Nice to meet you. I’m going to hell.” -Kate
“That’s the thing about ScaperCon. You could be standing there not looking and someone randomly slaps your ass.” -Cristin
“Then you got the pelvic thrusts.” -Elf
“I’m porning Elf with a baritone.” -Cristin
“I don’t need a fork, they’re wedges!” - CmdrAnaKerie
“I got stitches and my mom got Valium.” -Gigi
“It’s working! I can’t feel my face!” -CmdrAnaKerie
Cristin: “You guys are pushing the pillow off.”
Sarah: “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“We are a fire hazard in progress.” -Natalie
“I think most likely, struck down by God.” -Nick
Elf: “That’s something no one has ficced. Harvey and Mama Crichton drinking together.”
Sarah: “Then they could both skank on DK.”
“I’m getting wasted so I’ll see you around.” -Miranda
“Could you please mark it so I can tell whether or not I’m biting into a mushroom?” -Shan, ordering pizza
“They have the ones you’ve make into animals and then there are the ones with the penises.” -Leah99
Elf: “You just got quoted.”
Leah99: “It’s not my fault! They’re from Scotland!”
“Besides, the tusks are bigger than the... Never mind.” -Leah99
“So she could play with Scorpy’s head all day?” -Elf, re: the bobble head
“Mama bear drank! Hehehehe.” -farx
“That’s not a wand, Cristin.” -Elf
Elf: “I want to go further down, not sideways.”
Jess: “I really wish you hadn’t said farther down.”
“Becca’s seen the flash way too many times this weekend.” -Nick
“Dude, why is Hermione a gay porn star?” -Kate
“I’m sober, that’s the problem.” -amsbar
“We had a nut party.” -Aileen
“They did way too much porn stuff.” -Aileen
Nick: “Who wants the spare dollar?”
Kate: “Stick it in my pants.”
“There he was already asleep in my bed.” -Oboe
“So technically there’s an orgy in the lobby as we speak.” -Laurie
“If you put them together in this Tetris-like way you get a pretty comfy cushion. Unless you’re drunk in which case you can’t play Tetris?” -Oboe
“Be safe driving or flying or teleporting or whatever it is you do to get home.” -Elnea
“You mean you don’t speak Loki?” -Loki
“There is no way to get rid of a piggy bank unless you smash it with a hammer.” -Laurie
“Were you attacked by a piggy bank as a child?” -Oboe
“Ooh, pretty grammar!” -Laurie
“She’s got the best plastic surgeon ever. Better than Cher.” -Laurie, re: Kate
Oboe: “We’re clean-living Christians.”
Laurie: “Somewhere a church is bursting into flame.”
Oboe: “What kind of cheese are you eating?”
Laurie: “Ones laced with acid.”
“Spleeeen.” -Ranganathan
“Ooh, lightheaded fun.” -Sarah
“We all have a place in hell. It’s just a matter of time.” -Kate
Oboe: “I don’t believe in hell, so I’m not going.”
Kate: “We’ll miss you.”
“Is this Oboe the Mean Drunk?” -Elf
“Good luck in hell, best wishes.” -Kate
“I’ll be in heaven with Robin Williams, painting things.” -Oboe
“Can you imagine hanging out in heaven with Einstein and he’s going ‘That Farscape, I do not understand that show’? I’ll be in purgatory if you need me.” -Oboe
“Okay, you’re all fired.” -Laurie
“I don’t want to go there. So how ‘bout those Cubs.” -Oboe
“He’s a dancing queen. That came out wrong.” -Oboe
“You watched a movie with Johnny Depp and you were focusing on his hands?” -Laurie
“He walks like he’s got flames shooting out of his ass.” -Kate
Jodie: “Are we sharing drugs?”
Laurie: “If it’s legal, it’s not fun.”
“I can’t lay there. You’re too bony.” -Cristin
“You’re the Queen of the Bed.” -Cristin
“There’s corn where there shouldn’t be.” -Laurie
“That was like the most redneck thing I’ve ever heard you say.” -Sarah
“I think I got as much off as would come.” -Cristin
“I’m the biggest massage whore ever.” -Scaper
“I want a Laurie ring pull doll.” -Kathe
“There’s leaving to be left.” -Kate
“I’m the twisted demented version of the easter beagle.” -Robert
“I smell Magic Marker!” - AutumnH
“We have cool nerds.” -PseudoSebacean
“I tried to get directions online and it kept saying ‘Rosemont is not an option.’” -Laurie
“I don’t want no mini-fucking Farscape thing.” -FarscapeJunky
“The best way to describe it is a week long adult joke that no one else gets. “- Laurie, re: ScaperCon
“Claudia Black is the only woman on television that... Oh my God...” -Will
“I’ll be quieter when I sleep, I promise.” -FarscapeJunky
“It’s the patented Scaper Hug/Dance.” -Ka’Leo
“Smell that? It’s Depends in the air.” -Gary, re: old timers dance night
?: “This used to be a good song.”
Laurie: “She’s wrong - this never used to be a good song.”
“I only eat things that swim and lay there.” -Natalie
AutumnH: “I don’t want to know why they’re called hush puppies.”
Natalie: “Shhh. < whacking motion >”
“The monkey is a Scaper. It’s not possible to shock the monkey.” -Laurie during the song
“Why am I using big word?” -Laurie
“Pay no attention to the lesbian behind the napkin.” -Corde
“They’re just disappointed grapes.” -Corde, re: raisins
FA Meeting
“Stand up and be anonymous.” -Aughra
farx: “The gift will be self-explanatory.”
Dabee: “It’s probably pictures of Quinn.”
Mnem: “Loki is happy, she gets to fondle the beads but doesn’t have to take them home.”
AutumnH: “Is that the theme of ScaperCon?”
“That’s the most talented I’ve been with one hand in a long time.” -Laurie
BanC: “You’re all beautiful.”
Cyberwolf: “You’re drunk.”
Cristin: “Hand. Mouth. Tall. Blah.”
Elf: “Okay.”
Natalie: “The water can be cold. I have screamed for that reason.”
Elf: “What other reasons have you... Never mind.”
“I have mushrooms growing out of my ass.” -Kate
“I want to play in the balls.” -Kate
“Up up and my spleen!” -Nick on the Superman ride at Great America
“I rented socks at Burger King and all I got was this damn fungus.” -Sarah
“This weekend you’ve had a mosquito in your bra and a squirrel in your pants.” -Nick
“We have a new gutter queen!” -Elf
“There are no balls in there. It’s been castrated!” -Kate
“Burger King’s a woman. It has no balls.” -Laurie
“Here’s a 20. I’m very sorry.” -Kate
“Now that I’ve scarred children...” -Kate
”I just wanted to look at it or lick it or something.” -Miranda
“Can you fudge me?” -Corde
Corde: “I have come for the < mumble mumble >”
Elf: “The women?”
Corde: “< mumble mumble >
Elf: “And the toys?”
Corde: “< mumble mumble >”
Elf: “And the batteries?”
Laurie: “You porned trains?”
Corde: “I did.”
“We’re so funny we have to quote other funny things.” -Corde
“Can I talk you into moving your ass?” -Cristin
“We’re not the scary ones anymore!” -Elf
“Everyone else here has been in my bedroom.” -AutumnH
“They’re going to think I’m a terrorist with a trout.” -Dabee
“If we’re sitting here blubbering all over each other, we must have been doing something right the last four years.” -Loki
“We only feed on Scifi executives.” -Elf
“If I could just focus - ooh, cartoons...” -Sarah
“I forget, never ask questions around Scapers.” -Calliope
“The other thing you do is stick your knife up ‘em.” -Cristin
“What, is that like rafting for Jesus?” -Calliope
Laurie: “Do you want it in sign language now?”
Calliope: “Here’s your answer in sign language.”
“Your sky’s plaid. I’ve been there.” -Kate
“Will formulate equations for sex.” -Loki
“That’s just wrong, when the DNA Mad Scientist is making a double helix.” -Loki, re: DrSandor
“I’m fondling Laurie’s aura.” -AutumnH
“Break a leg. Or break a lot of legs if they’re not listening to you.” -Elf
“It has come to my attention that Holland does not have a government right now - we need to take it over.” -AutumnH
“I was going for this whole Bergman thing.” -Nick, re: one of his pictures
“The screwdriver that was all screw and no driver.” -Sarah
“I was too busy flipping off the entire room.” -AutumnH
“Are you sure you’re not gay?” -AutumnH
AutumnH: “Who wants to see Sarah squee? We could put in XXX.”
Natalie: “In Spanish?”
“Sarah. Vin. French.” -AutumnH
“The bed ends eventually, Cristin.” -Sarah
Natalie: “You don’t want to tackle her with that thing in her mouth. It’s a choking hazard.”
AutumnH: “Yes, it is. But only if you’re not doing it right.”
“I for Icky! You’ve been rated!” -AutumnH
“You ever hear ‘if your butt hurts someone kicked you’?” -Gary
“We’re doing Wesley in leather pants, dammit.” -Laurie
Laurie: “I will bless you all.”
Kate: “It burns, it burns!”
“That’s so nasty. ‘I glittered all over your purse when you weren’t there.’” -Laurie
< Angel in Spanish >
“I spit in one of these earlier this morning and I can’t remember which one.” -Sarah
“You guys are learning so much Spanish from me!” -Sarah
“I have my own series but I still only have one facial expression.” -Sarah
“We want you to be a happy underappreciated housewife.” -Sarah
“I find him strangely attractive. I think it’s the horns. They’re strangely subliminal.” -AutumnH
Laurie: “His ears look like handlebars.”
AutumnH: “How do you think they got that way?”
“We stop the kids from eating for one month to do this. Two months and Child Services comes.” -AutumnH
“The question is, do you like my codpiece?” -Natalie
“You have to sleep with me, I just unplugged your vibrator.” -Sarah
“I’m gonna need a gallon of Jolt Cola and a lot of Jack Daniels.” -Laurie
Nick: “Are you saying avocado makes you gag?”
AutumnH: “Yeah. Have you seen the size of avocados?”
< /Angel in Spanish >
AutumnH: “I can’t get my menu button up.”
Sarah: “Sounds like a personal problem to me.”
Kate: “Don’t assault people with your feet!”
Laurie: “I didn’t! He assaulted himself on my feet!”
AutumnH: “Greg’s so happy. One bed, three women.”
Kate: “No waiting.”
“All the rhythm I have is in the wrists.” -Nick
“Rona gets to sleep in the wet spot now.” -Laurie
“It’s a Scaper shirt. It’s used to coming off, not staying on.” -AutumnH
“The horse had a very weird expression.” -Kate
“If I made all the noise I wanted to, there’d be way too many comments.” -AutumnH
“He loves his horse. He rides it every day.” -AutumnH
“And it keeps getting wronger and wronger.” -Laurie
“Did you say she reminded him of his horse’s spleen?” -Natalie
“Leave it to Kate to porn math.” -Laurie
“You may have said ‘prove it to me,’ but you said it in your ‘give it to me’ voice.” -AutumnH
“Hard as armor.” -Kate
“We do have a reputation in this room. That bed better be moving for at least fifteen minutes.” -grem
“It was asexual repression, they just budded off,” -Kate
Nick: “I’m not from Scotland, I’m not from New Zealand, I’m not from wherever goats are from...”
Kate: “Goats come from goat mommies and goat daddies.”
“Scapers are educational, too!” -Calliope
Nick: “You suck.”
Laurie: “No.”
Calliope: “Wanna learn?”
Sarah: “It’s after 12:00. We’re officially going downhill.”
AutumnH: “We were going uphill?”
Kate: “There’s a hill?”
“It sounds like you’ve got rubber duckies stuck in your throat.” -Kate
“He needs the big balls thrown at him.” -AutumnH
“We already did the ducks.” -Natalie
“Stop it, I'm in the middle.” -AutumnH
AutumnH: “How’s the headache?”
Nick: “Better. Otherwise I wouldn’t be involved in that.”
“That’s what happened to Bongo. He ran off with the squirrel.” -Kate
“He’s from Assville.” -Kate
“I smacked myself because I was slashing.” -Cristin
“You didn’t pay for the House of Pain treatments?” -Kate
“You’re too small. We’re going to throw you back.” -Kate
“Oh, Jesus, what did I do?” -Cristin
“Oh, we’ll go where the horse goes.” -AutumnH
“As long as it’s straight bestiality, it’s okay.” -Nick
“This is a dirty dirty movie and we didn’t even need to watch it in Spanish.” -Nick
“And you give good head, too.” -Loki, re: the massager
Calliope: “Do me, baby.”
AutumnH: “I almost did when you rolled over!”
“On the plus side, I was still wearing my bra.” -AutumnH
“If there’s any gropoage with serious intent, it’s your room.” -AutumnH
Sarah: “I’m not even going to touch that one.”
Natalie: “Come on, that’s what it’s there for!”
“Natalie's being PG-13...” -Sarah
“I’d throw myself in front of the door but all it would do is open it.” -AutumnH
Calliope: “Don’t be a smart ass.”
Laurie: “Then I can’t be me!”
“At ScaperCon you take memories with you and you leave stains on the ceiling.” -Nick