SO TRUE. and maryland drivers suck.
The Rules of the Road In and Around DC:
First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is
D.C., or "the
District", or "in town". Only tourists call it Washington.
Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a
few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It's obsolete. If in
Loudoun
or Fairfax County and your map is one day old, it's already obsolete.
There is no such thing as a dangerous high speed chase in D.C.
It's just
another chase, usually on the BW Parkway.
All directions start with "The Beltway" ... which has no
beginning and no
end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified
by an
"inner" and "outer loop" designation. This makes no sense to ANYONE
outside
the Beltway.
The morning rush hour is from 5 to 10 AM. The evening rush hour
is from 3
to 8 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during
the
summer on Route 50 eastbound.
If there is a ball game at the Redskins (aka Jack Kent Cooke,
FedEx Field)
stadium, there is no point in driving anywhere near PG County (you can
only
say PG if you live in PG).
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
and shot
at. If you run the red light, be sure to smile for the $100 "picture"
you
will receive courtesy of DMV or MD the MVA. (However, if you don't go as
soon as the light turns green, you will get cussed out in 382 languages,
none of them English.)
Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers. Snow
causes an
immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the Giant for toilet paper
and
milk.
Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source
of scorn and
cynical entertainment. It's ironic that it's called an "Interstate," but
runs only from Bethesda to Frederick. (Unless you consider Montgomery
County
another state, which some do). Opening in the 60's, it has been torn up
and
under reconstruction ever since. Also, it has a "Spur" section which is
even
more confusing.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're
in Takoma
Park".
If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by
definition, a
tourist.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. Heed the
warning.
All old ladies in Buicks have the right of way in the area of
Leisure
World in Silver Spring.
Many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross
intersections.
Don't ask why, no one knows.
Exits at several highway interchanges only go in one direction.
Locals know
work arounds but tourists go miles out-of-the-way.
And figuring out the maze of interconnecting loops on the GW
Parkway near
Arlington National Cemetery is not for the squeamish.
A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two
blocks will
cost you 16.75. (It's a zone thing, you wouldn't understand)
Traveling south out of DC on Interstate 395/95 is the most
dangerous,
scariest thing you will ever do. There is nothing more comforting than
seven
lanes of traffic (50% tractor trailers) cruising along at 85 mph, BUMPER
TO
BUMPER...
The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything
less is
considered downright chicken.
The Beltway is our daily version of a NASCAR reality show.
Strap up and
collect points as you go.
The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far
right lane
because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in
the
"slow" lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.
The far left lanes on all Maryland interstates are official
"chat" lanes
reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones.
Note: All mini-vans have priority clearance to use the far left at
whatever
speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in.
First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is
D.C., or "the
District", or "in town". Only tourists call it Washington.
Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a
few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It's obsolete. If in
Loudoun
or Fairfax County and your map is one day old, it's already obsolete.
There is no such thing as a dangerous high speed chase in D.C.
It's just
another chase, usually on the BW Parkway.
All directions start with "The Beltway" ... which has no
beginning and no
end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified
by an
"inner" and "outer loop" designation. This makes no sense to ANYONE
outside
the Beltway.
The morning rush hour is from 5 to 10 AM. The evening rush hour
is from 3
to 8 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during
the
summer on Route 50 eastbound.
If there is a ball game at the Redskins (aka Jack Kent Cooke,
FedEx Field)
stadium, there is no point in driving anywhere near PG County (you can
only
say PG if you live in PG).
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
and shot
at. If you run the red light, be sure to smile for the $100 "picture"
you
will receive courtesy of DMV or MD the MVA. (However, if you don't go as
soon as the light turns green, you will get cussed out in 382 languages,
none of them English.)
Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers. Snow
causes an
immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the Giant for toilet paper
and
milk.
Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source
of scorn and
cynical entertainment. It's ironic that it's called an "Interstate," but
runs only from Bethesda to Frederick. (Unless you consider Montgomery
County
another state, which some do). Opening in the 60's, it has been torn up
and
under reconstruction ever since. Also, it has a "Spur" section which is
even
more confusing.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're
in Takoma
Park".
If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by
definition, a
tourist.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. Heed the
warning.
All old ladies in Buicks have the right of way in the area of
Leisure
World in Silver Spring.
Many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross
intersections.
Don't ask why, no one knows.
Exits at several highway interchanges only go in one direction.
Locals know
work arounds but tourists go miles out-of-the-way.
And figuring out the maze of interconnecting loops on the GW
Parkway near
Arlington National Cemetery is not for the squeamish.
A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two
blocks will
cost you 16.75. (It's a zone thing, you wouldn't understand)
Traveling south out of DC on Interstate 395/95 is the most
dangerous,
scariest thing you will ever do. There is nothing more comforting than
seven
lanes of traffic (50% tractor trailers) cruising along at 85 mph, BUMPER
TO
BUMPER...
The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything
less is
considered downright chicken.
The Beltway is our daily version of a NASCAR reality show.
Strap up and
collect points as you go.
The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far
right lane
because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in
the
"slow" lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.
The far left lanes on all Maryland interstates are official
"chat" lanes
reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones.
Note: All mini-vans have priority clearance to use the far left at
whatever
speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in.