My sister needed to write a eulogy for our dad's dog...
Who hasn't died yet. But she is dead to us. Horrible beast. I helped her out, here's what I came up with:
You were the sweetest puppy
You brought joy to my young heart
A very good dog for many years
And then your goodness fell apart
I reached to pet you while you napped
You bit me in the face
Left with the scars from that attack
Next time I'll bring some mace
You ate our socks and undies
And pooped them in the yard
Once Dad hit you with a shovel
Must not have been very hard
Your once soft fur has greyed with time
Now resembles a used brillo pad
You look like a sheep with the mange
And boy, you sure smell bad
Once you fell from our roof
And badly bruised your back
Chocolate, antifreeze, gloves and boots,
None of them a lethal snack
We swear you found the fountain of youth
Somewhere back in the woods
You should have died years ago
We would have saved on all those dog foods
You were the sweetest puppy
You brought joy to my young heart
A very good dog for many years
And then your goodness fell apart
I reached to pet you while you napped
You bit me in the face
Left with the scars from that attack
Next time I'll bring some mace
You ate our socks and undies
And pooped them in the yard
Once Dad hit you with a shovel
Must not have been very hard
Your once soft fur has greyed with time
Now resembles a used brillo pad
You look like a sheep with the mange
And boy, you sure smell bad
Once you fell from our roof
And badly bruised your back
Chocolate, antifreeze, gloves and boots,
None of them a lethal snack
We swear you found the fountain of youth
Somewhere back in the woods
You should have died years ago
We would have saved on all those dog foods