(no subject)
I attended Dylan Moran's standup show last night, and he was so brilliant that my standards for comedic performance have increased at least this much-
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He was exactly what I had expected: a disheveled, drinking, agitated, bizarre, and hilariously genius Irishman. He can only be described as Bernard Black [in case any of you actually watch the clip and want context, they're trying to write a children's book]. A decent standup performer will get big laughs every 25 seconds. A really good performer, fifteen seconds. I was laughing every five seconds- the sort of uproarious laughter that becomes painful if kept up for more than a few minutes- throughout the entirety of his two-hour performance.
I left the theatre in unaccustomed high spirits after having been in the presence of such a remarkable human being, but my mood was immediately quashed when I discovered I was once again surrounded by my enemies. The sort of people who come out on Saturday night so they could disgrace the city with their foul presence by engaging in all sorts of odious and obnoxious behavior, such as screaming at each other in the streets and smashing bottles as often as possible before they have to return to their coffins for the night, where they will remain until the following saturday evening. Loud people are the bane of my existence, the scum of the universe. I often have fantasies of cleaning up the city. In these fantasies, I round up every single destructive, belligerent, loud-mouth youth, pack them into cattle wagons, and transport them to Correctional Camps, where, if they survive the wagons, they will be forced to shovel radium into large furnaces until they either prove that they're fit to live amongst human beings or perish from radiation poisoning. Usually they perish, and the survivors are forced to shovel the corpses into the furnaces along with the radium.
I heard of an outdoor mall area here in New Zealand that had a big problem with loud, destructive teenagers, so the council attacked this problem by arranging large speakers about the area and playing Barry Manilow music at all times. I can't decide which solution is more humanitarian.
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He was exactly what I had expected: a disheveled, drinking, agitated, bizarre, and hilariously genius Irishman. He can only be described as Bernard Black [in case any of you actually watch the clip and want context, they're trying to write a children's book]. A decent standup performer will get big laughs every 25 seconds. A really good performer, fifteen seconds. I was laughing every five seconds- the sort of uproarious laughter that becomes painful if kept up for more than a few minutes- throughout the entirety of his two-hour performance.
I left the theatre in unaccustomed high spirits after having been in the presence of such a remarkable human being, but my mood was immediately quashed when I discovered I was once again surrounded by my enemies. The sort of people who come out on Saturday night so they could disgrace the city with their foul presence by engaging in all sorts of odious and obnoxious behavior, such as screaming at each other in the streets and smashing bottles as often as possible before they have to return to their coffins for the night, where they will remain until the following saturday evening. Loud people are the bane of my existence, the scum of the universe. I often have fantasies of cleaning up the city. In these fantasies, I round up every single destructive, belligerent, loud-mouth youth, pack them into cattle wagons, and transport them to Correctional Camps, where, if they survive the wagons, they will be forced to shovel radium into large furnaces until they either prove that they're fit to live amongst human beings or perish from radiation poisoning. Usually they perish, and the survivors are forced to shovel the corpses into the furnaces along with the radium.
I heard of an outdoor mall area here in New Zealand that had a big problem with loud, destructive teenagers, so the council attacked this problem by arranging large speakers about the area and playing Barry Manilow music at all times. I can't decide which solution is more humanitarian.