Ouch!
*Grumbles*
Up until 5 minutes ago I was sleeping soundly but that ended with a combo of a nice sharp pain in my chest where the exit of the tunnel catheter is and the right side of my head above my ear wanting to explode.
So I figured to hell with it. I am going to be awake until the pain killers kick in, update this thing for the week and clear what’s left of my mind. I guess to start dialysis today went excellently. I’m finally getting the hang of things after a month and a half. After being sick for the better part of the week we were still able to get me down to 65.2kg. I can’t complain too much, every little bit helps and it is getting lower just slower than hell.
Hard to Believe but this was me back in May of last year.
Followed by me earlier tonight, I need to send these to the staff so they will believe me that my dry weight is really only 54.5kg or there about. We lost a piece of eye candy this week at the center; Mackenzie got a better job, office work rather than sticking people with needles. That really sucks because she was one of the few people down there that I was comfortable with poking my arms.
The medical industry is still filled with people that are obviously getting rich. May’s statement for Dialysis plus Zemplar injections and other IV drugs totaled $9056.30. But this month the insurance company covered everything, where last month they charged co-pays on each injection, but Medicare covered that, I think. *Bangs head* Nothing like looking forward to countless years of debt ahead.
Father’s day use to not get to me but this year it is. I had always been okay with playing Uncle Scotty to all my friends’ children. Spoil them rotten and send them home to their parents was my motto on the subject. Then I got to play dad last year to Matthew, though stressful it gave some sense of meaning to everything. Now that’s over and I don’t think I am going to get another shot at playing dad for a while. I know I won’t be doing it as I’d hoped six months ago anyway.
The other rationalization I had tonight was that I’ve lost but still I can’t seem to break the promise. I love her to death, always have and always will. There is no sense in fighting a losing battle I know however I am not ready to give up yet. She’s truly happy now and I need to accept that. What other option do I have, me and the brown hornet could take a swim up the canyon. Yeah, let’s see how far a 4200Lb car can fly!
If I did that I would really be in trouble though, I already promised the car would go to her, so if I was to wipeout Juggsy wouldn’t get the cockamamie rig… inside joke.
Okay I’m done bitching and complaining for one night. Pain pills are working nicely so my peripheral vision is fuzzy and sleep is eminent.
I love you all…
*Smooch!*