so sick of crying
i am so sick of this!
when i am having the best of days, something (the enemy) always gets to me.
at churc, i was told (by my bishop and the bishops secretary) that a girl at church and i were the youth administraters. which is awesome. everyone knows how much i love those kids. well... the youth leader (we'll call him, bob) bob, had me make this ad for the youth to put in this sort of cheerleader thing... anyway, so i have been busting my butt for 2 days trying to figure out this program, and make an awesome ad for the youth.
he liked it. which was cool.
well, i talk to the other youth administrater and ask her why there needs to be 2 administraters... and she is completely RUDE to me. A YOUTH CHURCH ADMIN. PERSON!!! i felt like i was back in high school being rejected by the "pretty" people again. (this isn't the first time shes' been rude either). so i am a little upset cause she says, "i've already done everything..." and walks off. NO ONE lets me know anything. and then, during the youth service, some of the kids chimed in with the idea for a name of the group (EXTREME DESTINY), and the youth leader obviously doesnt like it cause he keeps asking for other opinions, which is fine, the more to chose from, i just threw out a cool idea from my head. well, he asks the youth admin girl and she completely shakes her head, making that, "ew, no." face.... so... i'm like, ok, thats cool.
THEN... they talk about going to this girls house tomorrow for a "youth night".
did anyone tell me? NO. here i am supposed to be involved and i feel like no one even wants me there. even before the service started the 3 main people (whom i'm supposed to be working WITH) were off talking about everything, and NO ONE invites me, invloves me or even talks to me hardly at all. ONE OF THE GUYS WHOSE HELPING OUR YOUTH THOUGHT I WAS IN THE YOUTH!!!
needless to say, i feel like i've had enough.
i am tired of trying so hard to help, be involved and share my thoughts and being left out of every single activity they have... i have cried for about 4 hours tonight, and leaving church, i should NOT be so upset, but i am.
i love all these kids so so much. i know more about them then some of their parents... this is what i thought a youth director should be doing, but obviously, in these peoples eyes, i just dont belong. and they have made it evident to me...
i am so upset by this.
this is supposed to be a church... a house of GOD, a loving and caring place...
yet... no one gives a crap about involving me.
i think my time at this church could be up... i can't be left out, i can't be excluded... it hurts me so so so bad and just makes me feel like a left out kid all over again... this is not cool.
pray for me please.
this determines whether or not i leave or stay at this church.