not yet dead...
Well.. so much for that friendly reading environment.. sigh.. I can't seem to think about anything else but chaos!! Right when I think I'm finally over things, something or someone else comes to remind me. My spring break consisted of nothing major, but this last weekend, made up for it. Not in the best manner, but it did create for some interesting stories. I'm sorry if I can't tell you all about them. Lets just say, Love... SUCKS!! and having another near life death experience.. doesn't help my mood. Then as if that wasn't enough.. my biggest obsession, who no matter how hard I try to forget about, still claims a small piece of my heart, keeps asking me for advice. He likes this one chic, who honestly, could be a potential girlfriend, if it wasn't for the fact that she already has one! And I don't know how I feel. I mean what do I tell the guy?? That I secretly love him and even if he doesn't feel anything back, he should not date because it wringles my poor little heart? Or that I secretely love him, and can't offer him advice? Lie to him and feed him with stuff that Oprah would say or do? Or even yet, should I throw things at him? Run over all his infatuations?? Maybe, I should throw things at myself... :/
I love the fact that he is comfortable enough to come to me with his problems. Especially when we say our good-bye's this last time he said, "Hey Jess, I know I don't usually say it... but, Thanks.. a lot." While I smile, the only thing I could think of to say in response besides "I love you" was simply, "just buy me something nice." As I get in my car and drive off all I could say to myself is if I can't have him completely, that's a portion of himself that he's willing to give me at least. The tough part is accepting that portion and calling it enough. I feel like such an ass.. offering him advice telling him that she has a boyfriend, really what are his chances? I'm not going to paint a rainbow for him either. But throughout the convesation all I could think about was how two faced I was being. How can I tell him to move on when I can't even seem to do that myself?! How can I offer him that advice, when obviuosly it's not even working for me? How can I preach something I don't really believe in?
ARGH!! As he said, "I'm going to explode!!"
I love the fact that he is comfortable enough to come to me with his problems. Especially when we say our good-bye's this last time he said, "Hey Jess, I know I don't usually say it... but, Thanks.. a lot." While I smile, the only thing I could think of to say in response besides "I love you" was simply, "just buy me something nice." As I get in my car and drive off all I could say to myself is if I can't have him completely, that's a portion of himself that he's willing to give me at least. The tough part is accepting that portion and calling it enough. I feel like such an ass.. offering him advice telling him that she has a boyfriend, really what are his chances? I'm not going to paint a rainbow for him either. But throughout the convesation all I could think about was how two faced I was being. How can I tell him to move on when I can't even seem to do that myself?! How can I offer him that advice, when obviuosly it's not even working for me? How can I preach something I don't really believe in?
ARGH!! As he said, "I'm going to explode!!"