Testing 1...2...3

[using_science]

So! This is the Smash Academy I've heard so much about! I guess this place has everything I could possibly use for my scientific research!

I guess then I better get started! It looks like there's just so much to observe and take notes on!

In fact, there is one thing I have noticed already!

Smash Academy is a place filled with many kinds of

Comments

[thats_asbestos]

Foreign animals? Tried to use those for science. Didn't quite work. Not enough opposable thumbs. Kept pooping everywhere too.

No better than hobos, really. Except for the thumbs part. And hobos don't go extinct!

[using_science]

...[WHAT IS THIS MAN. YOU ARE INTERESTING (she guessed).]

I can understand researching animals for the sake of science but USING them? Isn't that a bit inhumane?

[thats_asbestos]

[Of course he's interesting he's THE GUY IN CHARGE.]

You can't spell inhumane without 'human', and that's what they're not. Science never got anywhere without breaking a few eggs... or thumbs. Or legs. We can put those back together, though, don't you worry your pretty little head.

[using_science]

I guess that science is a bit beyond me. I'm more of a forensic scientist.

[Or so she claims. She is training SHHHH.]

[thats_asbestos]

I know what we do at Aperture Science might seem like magic, but it's not; it's science. We know how to put a person and or animal back together again. Sorta' like forensics. Only not really.

[using_science]

[Oh god, Cavey. You have peaked her interest a lot. She liked what she heard.]

Hey, I believe science is magic! Everything can be explained scientifically if you put your mind to it!

But wow, sounds like you guys do some serious amazing stuff! I can commend that!

[thats_asbestos]

Of course it's amazing, I run the place. [Have a hand-shake! Assertive but gentle for her little lady hands.] Name's Cave Johnson, founder and CEO of Aperture Science. I like your enthusiasm, little missy. Why don't you come work for me?

[using_science]

[Hand shaken! Eeeeeeeee! Science-y faggotry. A MAN SHE CAN RESPECT.]

Call me Ema, Ema Skye, forensic scientist in training! Consider it on my list to check out, Mr. Johnson! Where there's science to be seen, Ema's sights are set!

[thats_asbestos]

[This is all going to his head, just so you know.]

Ha ha, that's the spirit. Well then Miss Ema Skye, don't bother setting your sights anywhere else, and consider yourself hired. So long as you don't work for Black Mesa, that means you meet all the qualifications for workin' Aperture. Now, we're going to have to run a background check and maybe put you through a couple of tests of course... for science.

1/2

[using_science]

[UHHHHH OKAAAAYY????]

Hired? Really?

2/2

[using_science]

You mean I'm really hired?

[UH OKAY. OKAY. IT IS A SCIENCE JOB, MAYBE SHE WILL GET TO DO SOME INVESTIGATING IN THIS JOB??]

Uhhhh, I don't even know what Black Mesa is so I guess I'm good there!

Background check? Tests? Like a written exam?

[thats_asbestos]

Black Mesa stands for: Bad People who Steal Things from Cave Johnson and Take All the Credit. That's all you really need to know.

Great! Yes and no. There'll be plenty of papers to fill out, but those are all just details. The real testing happens inside the Enrichment Center.

[He's going to put an arm around Ema nice and reassuringly like.]

Welcome to Aperture Science.

[...EMA YOU'RE DOOMED...]

[using_science]

[Stealing/ Black Mesa are already full of CRIMINALS. Grrr.]

So I get to do some field training?

[That is so fucking exciting. She's just going to be all super happy about this right now.]

Great to be here, boss!

[Hurrr.]

[Also yes. Doomed.]

DID YOU THINK YOU COULD GET AWAY FROM ME

[smug_silence]

[There is a dangerous mute lunatic staring

at you

and she looks

horrified.]

Re: DID YOU THINK YOU COULD GET AWAY FROM ME

[using_science]

[imma gonna be a robot chell or use two of those portal things]

[or some shit like a boss]

[smug_silence]

[NO

GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN

HE'S GOING TO FILL YOU WITH TUMORS

OR SHOVE YOU IN A COMPUTER AGAINST YOUR WILL]