Shocky loves grumpy old men, news at 11

[drshocky]

[Just a typical day with Char flying around the school and-- wait, that's not Char. While it's easy to confuse the two, anyone who knows their Charizards will note that this one is an elder, covered in scars from a lifetime of turf wars and fighting over the laaaay-dies. Now he's come for you, SBG

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Charibura Zardkuen

[blazinglizard]

[Whoa. Look at that. Char's "another stupid Charizard stomping all over my turf" senses are tingling. And look. It's ANOTHER MALE. EDGING IN ON HIS TERRITORY. OHH SNAP.

Here he is, stomping his way out to the courtyard to cordially invite this dapper gentleman to join him for finger sandwiches and tea. By which I mean "roar and puke fire at the sky". So that this guy knows this is CHAR'S TURF and he should LEAVE IMMEDIATELY before he is IMPALED ASS-FIRST ON THE FLAGPOLE. That's just the kind of host Char is.]

It is just a party of flaming ass up in here.

[drshocky]

[Well would you look at that. Someone else moved in after all. It's a pain in the ass, but could he really expect anything else after so long? The nameless lone ranger flares his nostrils and streeeetches out his wings in a very much COME AT ME BRO kind of way.]

Pipe down, kid.

I think you can find ads for flaming ass parties on craigslist

[blazinglizard]

[Oh, aren't we cool, acting like being IN HIS PRIME unlike CERTAIN OLD WHEEZY INTRUDERS makes Char a kid. He's just gonna mirror that flared-wing posture, still a-stompin' his way closer.]

You got yourself fifteen seconds to get outta my territory, old timer.

I am almost tempted to actually check even though the results will make me cry

[drshocky]

[Cool? I think you mean. RED HOT. Man, you dang kids are all the same, disrespecting your elders. Back in his day...]

You think you're the first Charizard to lay claim to these parts? [Whether it's actually amusing or he's just trying to get a rise out of Char, he does chuckle a bit.] Boy, I was the king here before you even hatched.

[What is an old man without some kind of CREEPY FACTOR. He cranes his neck to get a good long sniff. He reeks of human. And flowers, whaaaat. Old Man is perplexed by this. Time for a serious question.]

You got yourself a trainer?

if it's craigslist parties, the answer is always "no don't do it"

[blazinglizard]

Don't matter who came first. It's mine now.

[WHOA hello old person in his personal space. Time to flip the fuck ou--...oh okay he is just sniffing, not biting. yeah Char just got back from a sexy encounter with Vinnie Bulba do you see what happens when you actually have a flower now.]

Yeah. Got a problem with that?

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO *STORMS TO CRAIGSLIST*

[drshocky]

[Oh wow he has a trainer. He's trying to be the boss but he has a trainer that is so adorable. Old Man folds his wings back up and exaggerates a relaxed posture because he just can't take this whelp seriously now.]

Look at you, talking tough about territory when you'd roll belly-up for some human without a second thought! [He shakes his head with a low, rumbling laugh.]

YOU GET BACK HERE YOUNG LADY

[blazinglizard]

[Whoa hey EXCUSE ME WHAT ARE YOU DOING relaxing when there is a big scary Chayzard all up in your business. Look how cool and scary he is and look how big he can flare his wings. This is a BIG DEAL.]

You seem to have me mistaken for a goddamn Charmander, punk. I don't go bowin' down to nobody unless they damn well earn it!

*throws a tantrum in the middle of Craigslist*Walmart*

[drshocky]

[Careful not to pull a muscle there Char. Do ho ho ho.]

Has he?

That's it, we're not getting flurries at the built-in Craigslist*McD's

[blazinglizard]

Took him seven freakin' years of buttin' heads. I'd say he's earned it.

You, on the other hand, ain't proven no superiority over nobody. Ain't it a little early for you to be relaxin'?

You're not my real mom! YOU'RE KIDNAPPING MEEEE

[drshocky]

You're new at this so let me tell you how it works in the wild. Climbing the ranks might be something humans do but when you get to be my age you don't have the energy to waste on just anybody. I'm taking my business right to the top.

[Slight headtilt.]

If your trainer's the alpha around here, my fight's with him.

Stop making a scene or you're grounded missy

[blazinglizard]

[On the one hand: oh my god a Charizard who ACTUALLY THINKS LIKE A CHARIZARD he was starting to suspect he was the only one. AND THIS GUY'S WILD TOO. For-realsies wild, not feral-wild like Char or the Route 11 Charizards.

On the other, Green vs. Random Charizard is not a match that Char wants happening anytime soon, for Very Obvious Reasons.]

Not so fast, buddy. I told you this is my turf, didn't I? You're new at this so let me tell you how it works with a trainer. I'm his sword and shield. You want him, you're gettin' through me first.

Does this mean I get the belt again

[drshocky]

[Maaaan he doesn't want to waste his time on this trainer guy's lackey. But he can appreciate the kid's fighting spirit so Old Man is going to indulge him. The wings are flaring back up again.]

Hah. I guess a pet's only as strong as their trainer. This'll be a good way to see if he's even worth my time. Let's dance!

[Time to open up with a good old Inferno. Unfortunately, for all his experience and wisdom and crap like that, Old Man does not have the advantage of being raised by a GYM LEADER so he is probably going to get his ass kicked. But not without an awesome fight.]

Yes. Yes it does.

[blazinglizard]

[On the bright side, fire-types can't be burned. On the not-so-bright (or very very bright, depending) side, HOLY SHIT THAT IS A LOT OF FIRE. Old man is not playing around. Even with natural resistances, that hurt.

Flamethrower is admittedly not as impressive as FIRE GODDAMN EVERYWHERE, but Char cannot resist the chance to literally fight fire with fire. And then this happened.]

Oh Snappu whip me harder

[drshocky]

[Does dragon rage count as fire? SORT OF. It counts enough to be used, Old Man figures. Are they even fighting anymore or are they just waving their dicks around. Dicks made entirely of FLAMES.

AND THEN THE SCHOOL BURNT DOWN.]

What no you can't be kinky Shocky if I'm mom Snap that's just awkward

[blazinglizard]

[Ouch, his 40 HPs. But if you're tired of firey cockfights, there's always the other option:]

Y'know what's real nice about havin' a trainer? This.

[FANCY MOVE TUTOR THUNDERPUNCHING.]

Yeah but you're not my real mom remember

[drshocky]

[OH HELLO he was not expecting that. How is that even physically possible. Pokeymans you make no logical sense. But you know, screw move sets. Those are for softie domesticated Pokemon playing by dumb HUMAN RULES. Going in for a bite to Char's throat! Oh god why is he moving so slowly god damn electricityyy.]