Bachelor Party
Squeezing in pretty close to the wire with another daft Wedding From Hell ficlet, sequel to Mother of the Bride and It Never Showers But It Pours, which are both prequels to my plot_wout_porn story, Marriage of Convenience, which I suggest you read first.
Setting: BtVS season 4, around the time of Goodbye, Iowa, though there's no sign whatsoever of Riley.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: see icon
For the prompt: Willy's Bar
500 words
Bachelor Party
"This is nuts."
Xander kept his eyes on his beer. Beer good. Beer the only good in this whole situation, even if the beer at Willy's tasted like watered down - well, water.
An elbow nudged him hard in the ribs and he choked. Beer not so good when it's all over your shirt.
"Watch what you're doing, can't you?" Xander turned and glared at Angel, who slumped beside him at the stained counter, a row of empty shot glasses lined up in front of him.
Not that Angel looked drunk - just angry and confused, his big caveman brow corrugated with frowns. His eyes were focused on the far side of the crowded bar - and crowded with what, Xander didn't care to examine too closely, except that they mostly had horns and tails- where Spike, along with that friend of his with all the skin folds, Clem, and Drusilla's new squeeze, the drippy guy with the antlers - what was his name? Oh yeah, Lionel -were standing around the jukebox arguing about what to play.
"It's a bachelor party," Lionel insisted. "Play something romantic - remind you what you're here for."
"You don't get the concept of the stag do at all, do you, you stupid tosser," Spike growled. "S'like a wake, innit? Last night of freedom. A time when a bloke should listen to the classics - punk, maybe some thrash metal - stuff he won't get to hear ever again once the missis is done sortin' through his record collection."
Lionel frowned. Green slime dripped from his antlers. "Stag do? That some kind of British insult? There's no need to get personal."
Spike smirked, while Clem stepped between the two, saying, "Guys, guys, it's a wedding. No more fighting."
Then there was a whirr and click, some loud chords, and some British guy was yelling about the British queen in British and Spike and Clem were jumping around like maniacs, singing along, Clem's good-natured, goofy smile never wavering.
Angel nudged Xander again. "See what I mean? He's…and his hair…and…" His hand slapped down on the counter. "This is insane. Buffy can't marry him. In fact, I'm gonna dust him right now. Save us from this travesty.
"Woah! Last time I looked, dusting the bridegroom at the bachelor party isn't one of the best man's duties."
Even as Xander reached out to try and grab ahold of Angel - because Buffy would so slay him if he let Angel dust Spike - things went from bad to worse.
Later, though, Xander reflected that maybe it was just as well those dumb demons had chosen that moment to jump on Spike for being the Slayer's pet, because Angel changed his mind about the dusting thing and charged in to help him. In the end, Angel and Spike, back-to-back, beat off all-comers while Clem and Lionel cowered in a corner and Xander finished his beer in peace.
So all in all, as bachelor parties went, it could have been worse, and at least no demons hit on him.
Setting: BtVS season 4, around the time of Goodbye, Iowa, though there's no sign whatsoever of Riley.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: see icon
For the prompt: Willy's Bar
500 words
Bachelor Party
"This is nuts."
Xander kept his eyes on his beer. Beer good. Beer the only good in this whole situation, even if the beer at Willy's tasted like watered down - well, water.
An elbow nudged him hard in the ribs and he choked. Beer not so good when it's all over your shirt.
"Watch what you're doing, can't you?" Xander turned and glared at Angel, who slumped beside him at the stained counter, a row of empty shot glasses lined up in front of him.
Not that Angel looked drunk - just angry and confused, his big caveman brow corrugated with frowns. His eyes were focused on the far side of the crowded bar - and crowded with what, Xander didn't care to examine too closely, except that they mostly had horns and tails- where Spike, along with that friend of his with all the skin folds, Clem, and Drusilla's new squeeze, the drippy guy with the antlers - what was his name? Oh yeah, Lionel -were standing around the jukebox arguing about what to play.
"It's a bachelor party," Lionel insisted. "Play something romantic - remind you what you're here for."
"You don't get the concept of the stag do at all, do you, you stupid tosser," Spike growled. "S'like a wake, innit? Last night of freedom. A time when a bloke should listen to the classics - punk, maybe some thrash metal - stuff he won't get to hear ever again once the missis is done sortin' through his record collection."
Lionel frowned. Green slime dripped from his antlers. "Stag do? That some kind of British insult? There's no need to get personal."
Spike smirked, while Clem stepped between the two, saying, "Guys, guys, it's a wedding. No more fighting."
Then there was a whirr and click, some loud chords, and some British guy was yelling about the British queen in British and Spike and Clem were jumping around like maniacs, singing along, Clem's good-natured, goofy smile never wavering.
Angel nudged Xander again. "See what I mean? He's…and his hair…and…" His hand slapped down on the counter. "This is insane. Buffy can't marry him. In fact, I'm gonna dust him right now. Save us from this travesty.
"Woah! Last time I looked, dusting the bridegroom at the bachelor party isn't one of the best man's duties."
Even as Xander reached out to try and grab ahold of Angel - because Buffy would so slay him if he let Angel dust Spike - things went from bad to worse.
Later, though, Xander reflected that maybe it was just as well those dumb demons had chosen that moment to jump on Spike for being the Slayer's pet, because Angel changed his mind about the dusting thing and charged in to help him. In the end, Angel and Spike, back-to-back, beat off all-comers while Clem and Lionel cowered in a corner and Xander finished his beer in peace.
So all in all, as bachelor parties went, it could have been worse, and at least no demons hit on him.