try try try and again
Today I put my finger on why I don't like my job, and all the reasons I am still here. I don't like it here because no one is happy. My coworker feels like this is his last option, that this is the job he will do until he dies. He's kinda come to terms with it, though his unhappiness comes through in his passive aggressive temper tantrums. Boss hates being here and avoids it as much as possible, he may have found a buyer. The thing about refilling is that it is not for every one, some times a cartridge will fail, and must be replaced. We take care of that with an apology and no hassle. Unless it is empty. But customers are bitchy and angry all the time here, yes I really do get it, but there are precautions to take or just don't refill. It's not something to yell or treat me like shit over. And there me, I give the power of my emotions away easily, I should not be so effected by other people but I am. I might be me but you get to tell me how I feel, fucking awesome. So, I am surrounded by unhappiness and I'm a victim, whaaa whaaa. Time to grow up and either move on or deal.
I'm still here because I get paid enough to stay, they work with my school schedule and I have no savings still. I wish the magic money fairy would come to visit me. But I am not a fool and I am doing better then I was even a few months ago with money. I just want to be free, and I feel so trapped. I will have my A.A. this year or the end of winter quarter. And I'm smart, I learn much easier then I thought I did. But non of that will change me on the job front. I don't think I have anything on paper that shows me to be a good employee. Well that and right now I am not a good employee, I screw around and slack off a lot here. I want to work at a place away from the public, where things I do matter. Or people care. Or I care. I think its mostly that last one, I want to care about where I work, and if I start to care like I did about being here I feel I would be throwing myself in a black hole, torn apart and shat out.
So.... i'll work on stuff more and keep this job till I have my a.a., I will make a resume I am proud of and put it out any way. I will try to see what makes a good portfolio and see if I have anything to put into one.
I will try. I will do and be more. I will let go of the shit I cannot control and take back my power from all the people and things I give myself away to. No one feels it but me.