I'm growing legs.
I'm really not in the rosiest of moods. A lot of drama relating to my horrible mood is hidden behind that lovely LJ cut down there.. I don't want to force anyone to read it any more than I have to. I feel like I type too much about that kind of thing.. so now it's 100% optional.
Last night I got charged with a misdemeanor. Nothing violent (sadly. I could really. really. use some kind of passive-aggressive revenge right now.. ERRGHH>>), it just turns out my licence plate tags were expired. I was talking to Dad about it and we figured out that the Secretary of State just never sent them to us in the mail. Which sucks. So tomorrow I have to go and find out what the hell's going on with that.
Dad wasn't mad about my ticket. Which is really good. I was really afraid he would be.
I don't feel like typing out Christmas. There were good parts and bad parts, so it evened out to a decent Christmas overall, I spose.
Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to get out of Jackson.
My car smells like rotting shit lately and I don't know why. I cleaned it out and it still stinks. My nose adjusts to it within a few seconds but I still really hate it..
I'm so mad. I'm not even going to be all cryptic and "mysterious" and "interesting" because I'm just so fucking tired of keeping 85% of it in 100% of the time. I'm so fucking sick of being mad at Andy. I'm so fucking tired of him. I hate running into him at Denny's. I especially hate running into him at Denny's when he's on what appears to be some kind of date with a woman who looks old enough to be my aunt. I really hate when he elects to act like he barely knows me in said woman's presence. I don't know who she is, but I don't like her, and I know that's not fair or rational but I'M REALLY SICK OF BEING QUIET AND POLITE AND TOLERANT, because in case no one has noticed, I'M HURT. YEAH, I'M FUCKING HURT. OKAY? And it just makes it so much worse that it seems like he doesn't even care. When he left, he knew I was mad and upset. I could deal with him being in Connecticut because at that point we began living lives entirely separate from each other, which would have been great. It makes it easier to get better and start over and everything. But right when I start to be okay, he has to show up in town again and act like everything's fine. IT'S NOT FUCKING FINE, OKAY? I'M NOT OKAY YET. I just want him to get back in his stupid Jeep and putz his ass those 600+ miles back to Connecticut until I can be okay. Or, at least try to do something to make it better. Take responsibility for your messes.
That's most if it. That's all that made me cry tonight, anyway.
Jesse-related things have been bothering me. He and Gwen are together now, which is fine.. good for the both of them, really, so hooray for that. But I feel like I lost my sit-at-Denny's-and-be-angsty-for-hours pal. I'm jealous. He says nothing's different, but he's not in my position so how the fuck would he even know? I can't go to Denny's at 1:15 AM anymore and just talk to him because now Gwen's always there. I mean. I like Gwen. She's really cool, what I know of her, and I like talking to her, but I don't want to tell Gwen everything I tell Jesse. He doesn't get it.
And Zak and I totally caught the two of them mauling each other in her car tonight. Hahaha.. =)
And now, finally, someone has been on my mind lately who I'd love to halfway chase the tail of, but he's very much involved with someone else and has been for a while. ...at least I like her.
Big. Ugly. Sigh.
Last night I got charged with a misdemeanor. Nothing violent (sadly. I could really. really. use some kind of passive-aggressive revenge right now.. ERRGHH>>), it just turns out my licence plate tags were expired. I was talking to Dad about it and we figured out that the Secretary of State just never sent them to us in the mail. Which sucks. So tomorrow I have to go and find out what the hell's going on with that.
Dad wasn't mad about my ticket. Which is really good. I was really afraid he would be.
I don't feel like typing out Christmas. There were good parts and bad parts, so it evened out to a decent Christmas overall, I spose.
Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to get out of Jackson.
My car smells like rotting shit lately and I don't know why. I cleaned it out and it still stinks. My nose adjusts to it within a few seconds but I still really hate it..
I'm so mad. I'm not even going to be all cryptic and "mysterious" and "interesting" because I'm just so fucking tired of keeping 85% of it in 100% of the time. I'm so fucking sick of being mad at Andy. I'm so fucking tired of him. I hate running into him at Denny's. I especially hate running into him at Denny's when he's on what appears to be some kind of date with a woman who looks old enough to be my aunt. I really hate when he elects to act like he barely knows me in said woman's presence. I don't know who she is, but I don't like her, and I know that's not fair or rational but I'M REALLY SICK OF BEING QUIET AND POLITE AND TOLERANT, because in case no one has noticed, I'M HURT. YEAH, I'M FUCKING HURT. OKAY? And it just makes it so much worse that it seems like he doesn't even care. When he left, he knew I was mad and upset. I could deal with him being in Connecticut because at that point we began living lives entirely separate from each other, which would have been great. It makes it easier to get better and start over and everything. But right when I start to be okay, he has to show up in town again and act like everything's fine. IT'S NOT FUCKING FINE, OKAY? I'M NOT OKAY YET. I just want him to get back in his stupid Jeep and putz his ass those 600+ miles back to Connecticut until I can be okay. Or, at least try to do something to make it better. Take responsibility for your messes.
That's most if it. That's all that made me cry tonight, anyway.
Jesse-related things have been bothering me. He and Gwen are together now, which is fine.. good for the both of them, really, so hooray for that. But I feel like I lost my sit-at-Denny's-and-be-angsty-for-hours pal. I'm jealous. He says nothing's different, but he's not in my position so how the fuck would he even know? I can't go to Denny's at 1:15 AM anymore and just talk to him because now Gwen's always there. I mean. I like Gwen. She's really cool, what I know of her, and I like talking to her, but I don't want to tell Gwen everything I tell Jesse. He doesn't get it.
And Zak and I totally caught the two of them mauling each other in her car tonight. Hahaha.. =)
And now, finally, someone has been on my mind lately who I'd love to halfway chase the tail of, but he's very much involved with someone else and has been for a while. ...at least I like her.
Big. Ugly. Sigh.