perfection
nothing is perfect ever.....dennis does not like me. he wants me to change and be this perfect little cookie cutter cookie of his...this is not gonna work. he has had the same problem from the begining of our relationship. He does not like when i go crazy and party hard. He is embarrassed of me and for himself because of me. he drove my car to school yesterday and told people that it was his friends car. This is not my problem. he knew what he was signing up for and IM NOT CHANGING. im not sorry for having a good time nor will i feel bad for doing what i want. this is MY LIFE.... its not gonna work out but he doesnt want to be alone. i told him i will help him find a perfect girlfriend. its just not me. and to be honest with myself and stop trying to be staight. lets be honest here im a fucking homo. it was fun playing house but.....he told me flat out he would not wanna marry me. he said the thought of having to spend the rest of his life with me is scary and he doesnt think about it.i wanna be happy and if i continue to lie to myself then......this life will be wasted. there is def something wrong when i dont wanna have sex with him and i maturbate to girls in the shower....something def wrong, i told him that we should get a 2 bed room apt and start from there. i dont know what to do. i love mingus so dam much... more than i love dennis. i mean i love dennis but im not in love with him. i like having him around but....maybe we need another girl to balance this whole thing out. someone he can take to his social events and not be terrified about what i might do....really...hes terrified about what i might do... he is so dramatic and boring at the same time. i cant be the one to hold his hand.. im sorry...well see how this goes. meanwhile i really wanna see fawn and enjoy my summer. and i think i will do just that....