(no subject)
I have come to the conclusion I am terrible at updating. In fact, my updating skills are non-existent. Therefore, I've decided this isn't going to be a journal, it is just going to be a random thoughts of Jessica place.
You know what question I hate. I hate "What if?". I mean there are endless answers to that question, it is something that can never be solved unless of course a time machine is built, in which case I won't hate the question as much. I often wonder what if. In fact, I obcess over it a bit. I am pretty sure I am in an unhealthy state of what if. During school instead of the usual naps I've stepped it up a notch to just sitting there and thinking about what if. Not just about boys, but about the smallest things. "What if I hadn't had that last doughnut, would my ass be smaller?". "What if I had worn different shoes, would I of still tripped and eaten shit in front of half the student body?". Really, instead of searching for the cure of cancer, they should be trying to answer the question "what if?". That one would really throw them off.
Max won't speak to me anymore, in fact he doesn't even want to be my friend. I try and try to understand but he just gets madder and madder at me. Three months of him being a complete asshole to me and I have given up. It hurts and I will always wonder why, but I will keep what pride I have left. I suppose it is a boy thing, or hell, it may even be a half-jewish thing. Who the hell knows. I'm sick of caring.
My dog Reba who I have had since I was 4 is sick. I don't know exactly what she has but I understand the jist. Basically, there is something in her stomach and sooner or later it is going to bust causing her to bleed to death internaly. If you don't know me personaly then know that I love this dog more than anything, more than life itself. I even question whether I love her or the parentals more. I am dreading the day she dies partially because I am not ready for the 20 year mourning period that is bound to follow and because she has never, not once let me down as everyone else has one time or another. Some of my friends joke about why she is living because she is blind and deaf, I always just respond with "She has me to live for." so I guess when she dies, that will be the one time she will let me down.
I am sorry for how long this is. It was an accident.
love,
Jessica
You know what question I hate. I hate "What if?". I mean there are endless answers to that question, it is something that can never be solved unless of course a time machine is built, in which case I won't hate the question as much. I often wonder what if. In fact, I obcess over it a bit. I am pretty sure I am in an unhealthy state of what if. During school instead of the usual naps I've stepped it up a notch to just sitting there and thinking about what if. Not just about boys, but about the smallest things. "What if I hadn't had that last doughnut, would my ass be smaller?". "What if I had worn different shoes, would I of still tripped and eaten shit in front of half the student body?". Really, instead of searching for the cure of cancer, they should be trying to answer the question "what if?". That one would really throw them off.
Max won't speak to me anymore, in fact he doesn't even want to be my friend. I try and try to understand but he just gets madder and madder at me. Three months of him being a complete asshole to me and I have given up. It hurts and I will always wonder why, but I will keep what pride I have left. I suppose it is a boy thing, or hell, it may even be a half-jewish thing. Who the hell knows. I'm sick of caring.
My dog Reba who I have had since I was 4 is sick. I don't know exactly what she has but I understand the jist. Basically, there is something in her stomach and sooner or later it is going to bust causing her to bleed to death internaly. If you don't know me personaly then know that I love this dog more than anything, more than life itself. I even question whether I love her or the parentals more. I am dreading the day she dies partially because I am not ready for the 20 year mourning period that is bound to follow and because she has never, not once let me down as everyone else has one time or another. Some of my friends joke about why she is living because she is blind and deaf, I always just respond with "She has me to live for." so I guess when she dies, that will be the one time she will let me down.
I am sorry for how long this is. It was an accident.
love,
Jessica