Rat Trap [6/6]
Title: Rat Trap [6/6]
Author/Artist: Sayasama
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Russia/US, and an "It's complicated" UK->US. Minor pairings include: LietPol (platonic), Netherlands/Canada, and GerIta. France and Prussia also make some appearances later.
Rating: PG-13 (maybe M) for sexual themes, some swearing, and later allusions to violence.
Warnings: Prostitution and the psychology thereof, psychological abuse, Dub-con and/or non-con depending on how you define the terms, swearing, and OOC.
Summary: "'Tis the strumpet's plague/To beguile many and be beguiled by one"-Iago; Othello, Act 4, Scene 1
A/n:The end! ;_; How I weep to see this go. You guys have been great, thank you for all of your wonderful comments. I hope the ending is satisfactory.
-----
Alfred had given his resume to Ludwig to pass on to his brother on Monday. It was now Wednesday, and he was being called at the horrible hour of ten A.M. by his potential employer, who sounded like he straddled the line between insanity and genius of some kind. Alfred didn’t know if he wanted to thank the man or kick him when he was told that his resume was awesome enough to get him an interview and if he got down there by eleven, he could just get said interview out of the way now.
In the end, Alfred had gotten dressed and stumbled out of the house, deciding it was best to just get it over with now that he was awake. Luckily, the pet store wasn’t too far away from Ludwig’s café, so Alfred didn’t get lost. He did, however, get the shock of his life when he opened the door and was tackled to the ground by a very large German Sheppard.
“Huh, Blitz likes you,” a voice said above him, and Alfred risked getting his eyeball licked by an excited dog to see who was speaking. He looked up to see startling red eyes set in a pale face and even paler hair. The man ordered the dog off of Alfred, then offered him a hand and pulled him to his feet.
“Sorry kid, he’s still being trained. Not usually so friendly though. Must have food on you.”
“I ah, might’ve stopped by a McDonald’s on the way here,” Alfred admitted as he rubbed at the back of his head. “Uh, anyway, do you know where I could find the manager of this place…?”
“Hah, you’re lookin’ at him kid! M’ name’s Gilbert, you must be the guy Luddy was talking about, Alfred or something?” The man said, giving Alfred a firm handshake. Nodding, Alfred allowed himself to be led into the store. It was positively huge and had just about every kind of pet he had ever wanted, along with a good few he didn’t even know were legal to have as pets in the first place. The animal care merchandise was everywhere, put together in such a way as to make the whole store look like some sort of amusement park for animals. As he watched a hamster run through a tube going over his head, he decided that this was definitely the place he wanted to work. It was just too cool.
“Okay, so like I said, I’m Gilbert, and you can call me Gil but not Gilbo, only the ladies can call me that,” Gilbert said as he tied the dog up near a cash register. “Ain’t that right, Liza?” He asked the pretty brunette who was apparently the cashier. She rolled her eyes at him and continued her work.
“Anyway, so there’s only one thing that you really have to do to pass this interview, and that’s get along with the birds. They are the best darn judges of character ever, and if you can’t impress them, you can’t impress me. Got it kid?”
“Uh…huh.” Alfred was suddenly caught wondering just what a bird would consider good. They walked through the maze of a store a bit more until they finally came to a stop by a large glass cage right in the center of everything that was filled with birds of every color.
“Right, so here they are!” Gilbert said, pushing Alfred in before entering himself, closing the door behind him. Immediately, a little yellow chick swooped down and sat on Gilbert’s head.
“Uh… There’s a bird on your head,” Alfred said, trying not to laugh.
“Try and get it off.”
“Huh?”
“You heard me,” Gilbert said. “Try and get it off. If you do, you pass.”
“Okay…” Alfred said, unsure of just how this would validate his working here. His boss-to-be was a real quirky sort of guy, he could tell already, but quirky beat out possessive any day of the week. So, with the least bit of hesitance and a sheepish smile, he held his hand out to the bird and whistled for it to come down to him. He felt a bit silly, trying to get a bird off of his potential employer’s head, and was ridiculously worried that the bird might not like him.
However, all his worries and self-consciousness went away when he felt the bird step onto his finger. Slowly, he retracted his arm, bringing the bird closer to his face for inspection. “Awe, look at this cutie. He’s like a big ball of yellow fluff.”
“An awesome big ball of yellow fluff,” Gilbert corrected, looking pleased. Alfred nodded in agreement and pet the bird’s feathers, feeling mightily accomplished. He was introduced to some of the other birds, namely the ones that decided he was a good perch, before they moved back to the subject of employment.
“Well kid, you passed with flying colors. When can you start?”
“Um…” It dawned on Alfred then that whatever he said was his deadline for moving out of Arthur’s boarding house. He was as close to freedom as he wanted to be now, he just had to set a date for it. For a terrible second, all of his fears and insecurities latched onto his mind, trying to dissuade him from making his choice. This time though, they didn’t scare him, didn’t make him back down. He had a place to go, a legal, respectable job to take, and he could do this. He deserved that much, at least, and even if he didn’t he was going to go for it anyway.
“How does Monday sound?”
000
“Hello, this is Alfred!”
“Al? This is Matt.”
“Hey Mattie, what’s up? You don’t usually call. More of an email sorta guy.”
“What’s up? Al, you sent me an email telling me you’re moving out of Arthur’s place Sunday! It’s Friday Al. Friday. Why the sudden move? Did something happen, are you getting kicked out?”
“No, I’m not getting kicked out. It’s just together we can pay your tuition on our own; we don’t need his help anymore. We’re not gonna depend on him or anyone else.”
“Al, I get that you want to be financially independent and all, and that’s fine. But why are you moving? It’s not like he has to pay my tuition just because you live there.”
“I…It’s just…”
“Al…? What happened? Please, I want to know!”
“I…I c-can’t tell you now. But I will, someday. I will.”
“Alfred, that’s not an answer! Did you two fight? Did he do something to you? I want to know!”
“And you will, okay? Just, just not now. Please Matt, just wait? I’ll send you my new address once I move, and I’ll probably be getting a new phone and number, so I’ll send that too.”
“…Where are you going, anyway?”
“Eheh… I’m moving in with Ivan. We uh, patched things up real well. Heheh.”
“Oh. Geez Al, if you’re moving out to live with your boyfriend, why didn’t you just say so!”
“Ahah, just thought you might not approve? It is pretty quick.”
“Al, you’ve been taking care of me forever. I think I can trust you to take care of yourself. Besides, you deserve to be happy with someone, right? Though if you guys fight and he makes you cry again, I’m chopping his balls off.”
“Uh-huh… Well, if that’s all? Not that I don’t love talkin’ to you bro, but I’m totally packing right now.”
“Oh, right, sorry! I love you bro, good luck with the move!”
“Yeah, love you too. Bye.”
000
Today was a day that made Alfred incredibly grateful that he didn’t really own a whole lot. He’d spent the last few days smuggling his bulkier possessions (e.i. his game consoles) out and passing them off to Ivan after work, who was somewhat amused by this. Now all that was really left of value in his apartment was one bag of clothes, and one bag of games, pictures, and a few things from his days with his grandfather that he just couldn’t stand to leave behind.
The finality of the act hit him hard on Sunday morning as he stood at the back entrance of the building with Ivan, holding onto his hand for dear life. There was no turning back after this; he couldn’t fall back on Arthur, on this way of life, if he left now. He wouldn’t.
Alfred took a deep breath. “Well, this is it,” he said, steeling himself.
“да. Let’s be quick.”
Alfred opened the door and together they ascended the steps to the third floor. This time there was sunshine filtering in through the gritty windows and Ivan could see clearly how the building simply degraded the higher up they went. He noted how the steps to the third floor creaked, the peeling wallpaper in the hall, a hole in the corner he was pretty sure had been made by rats. So consumed was he by these details that he didn’t even realize it when they reached the blue door with the sticky note nameplate.
“Here’s my cage,” Alfred said with feigned nonchalance. Grabbing sticky note, he tore it off the door with relish. “Well, not anymore.”
Quickly they went into the room and grabbed Alfred’s bags off of his bed. Honestly, he had expected that some force field would stop him at the door, or that he’d suddenly be overcome by emotion and refuse to leave, but neither happened. If anything being in that room with Ivan and all his possessions packed away just made him want to leave even more. With no clutter on the floor, or clothes spilling out of his small dresser, or anything to make the room look more like his own it was supremely unwelcoming.
“Hey, let’s get outta here. Nothin’ so great to see anyway,” Alfred said once he had the strap of the bag settled over his shoulder comfortably. Ivan seemed to be taking in every detail of the room, from the cracks in the plaster to the lovely view of a brick wall directly outside of his window. Ivan looked at him and nodded, once again taking his hand as they made their way back down the stairs. They still had one more place they had to visit, and it was this part that they were dreading the most.
Together they stopped on the landing in front of Arthur’s door. Alfred raised his hand to knock but couldn’t quite get himself to do so. This was the end, he could never go back and even if he hated living this way, it was the way he was familiar with. Despite how he wanted to change, his fear of doing something new was paralyzing him.
“Go on, you can do this,” Ivan murmured, giving his hand an encouraging squeeze. Alfred exhaled his inhibitions and knocked.
The wait for an answer was killing him and if Ivan weren’t there holding his hand he probably would’ve run away. As it were, he didn’t bolt for his room, he just stood stock still and tried to remember to breathe until the door swung open.
It took less than a second for Arthur’s neutral expression to melt away into an angry, closed-off one. His eyes traveled from Ivan, to their intertwined hands, to the bags slung around their shoulders before he bit out, “In,” and moved out of the doorway.
They were led away from the parlor, where anyone could come in as they pleased and down to the shorter man’s office. Alfred tried his hardest not to shake and instead concentrated his nervous energy into cutting the circulation off in Ivan’s hand. Once they were in the room, Arthur closed the door behind them, not with the expected bang, but in a quiet way that only served to further fray Alfred’s nerves.
“You’re leaving,” Arthur said simply as he walked around them to his desk. “What makes you think you can just waltz out of here? You owe me boy, you can’t just feed off of my generosity and then leave when it’s convenient for you like some sort of parasite.”
“I-I’m going to pay you back,” Alfred said, trying his hardest not to let his voice stutter or shake. “I’m just not going to be working for you.”
“Oh really? How can I be so sure if you’re not where I can see you? Am I to just take your word for it?”
Alfred paused, wondering what he could do to make Arthur trust that he would get his money back. He had nothing though, nothing he could give as collateral for all that he owed.
“You see? How can I take your word for it without some assurance that I will be repaid? You spend years lying to everyone around you about what you are, a common whore, and now you expect me to believe you?”
“Arthur, I’ll pay you back I swear! I just can’t do this anymore!” Alfred shouted, hating how Arthur always hit him where it hurt the most. How could anyone trust him? He deceived people on a regular basis, even his own brother, and why? So that he could avoid the judgment he deserved? He even lied to Ivan-
Ivan, who was still holding his hand and glaring at Arthur with suppressed fury. “If he has lied about himself to anyone, the fault falls on you, does it not?”
The emerald eyes that had been burning holes into Alfred snapped to Ivan. “You have no business speaking to me about him. Last I checked, Alfred has a perfectly functioning set of vocal chords, he doesn’t need a mouthpiece.”
The air around Ivan was sub-zero. Alfred was surprised that they hadn’t all frozen over yet, he felt as though he was standing in the middle of a blizzard. “Look, I’m leaving even if you don’t think you’ll get your money back. So you’re just gonna have to trust that you will,” Alfred interceded, wanting to just leave before things escalated.
Those eyes were back on him, making him wish he’d just kept his mouth shut. “You’re being foolish Alfred. Do you think that, for all the indignity he shows on your behalf now, that he’ll really respect you in the long run? Why would he ever waste time respecting the limits of a whore whose limits can be bought? And have been hundreds of times.”
“Just because you have sold him like an object, does not mean he cannot start over,” Ivan ground out through gritted teeth.
“Start over as what? Whatever you want him to be? Don’t think I haven’t seen your type before, opportunists who take advantage of those in need, just so that you can twist them, make of them what you will. Tell me, is he to be your pet, wait patiently at home for you every day and greet you at the door, like a good little bitch?”
Even as Arthur said all of this to Ivan, he kept his eyes trained on Alfred, his eyes sending the unsaid message, “You’ve fallen for it before, and you’re falling for it again.” Alfred shrunk away from that hard gaze, the fear being rekindled in his chest making him shift away from Ivan as well. Perhaps he was untrustworthy, but wasn’t everyone? Could Arthur, being the very sort of person he’d described, see something in Ivan that Alfred could not? Or was he bluffing?
“Alfred can do whatever he wants, he is his own person.”
“You mean he’s his own, until you decide otherwise.”
“Stop it!” Alfred yelled, not wanting to hear them talk about him as though he weren’t even there. “Just-just shut up, okay? I don’t need you-either of you-to tell me I can do what I want! I don’t need anyone for anything! I-I can make my own decisions and right now I’m choosing to leave with Ivan and live freely! S-So there,” Alfred finished a bit weakly, but the impact of the outburst had successfully shut the feuding parties up. It annoyed him a bit, the way they both looked like they hadn’t expected him to speak up, but he brushed it off and turned toward the door.
“I’ll send you as much as I can every month to pay off my debt, and that’s all the contact I’ll have with you. Ivan, we’re going.”
“…да.” Together they turned and stepped toward the door, their hands relaxing into a more comfortable grip now that the hard part was over. Alfred’s hand was just brushing the knob of the door when he heard Arthur call, “Alfred,” in a soft, unfamiliar tone that he had never heard Arthur use before.
“…What, Arthur?” Alfred replied without turning back to look at him. For a moment the air was charged with a million sensations and he got the feeling that Arthur was about to say something important and perhaps more persuasive than anything he’d said before.
“…Nothing,” Arthur said instead, shaking his head. “Just go.”
Alfred let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Thank you,” he said, quietly but sincerely. It was with that feeling of sobriety hanging about them that Alfred and Ivan left the office, then the second floor as a whole and finally the front entrance of the boarding house. It wasn’t until they’d hit the sidewalk and Alfred really took in the bright shine of the sun and the clear skies that he turned to Ivan and buried his face in the older man’s side. His breath might’ve hitched and his shoulder’s might’ve trembled, he might have even created a terrible wet spot on the coat he was clutching, but Ivan didn’t say anything about it and just wrapped his arm around Alfred’s waist, keeping it there for the entire walk back to their home.
000
“Alfie, you like, totally need to get a lint brush. Seriously, your coat is like, covered in dog fur!” Feliks scolded as he fished through his bag for a lint roller to lend his messy co-worker.
“I always mean to get one on my way out, they’re right next to the cash registers. I just…forget. I’ve kinda gotta rush to get here, give a guy a break,” Alfred defended as the shorter blond attacked him ruthlessly with a lint roller.
“You’ve got a few feathers in your hair…” Toris pointed out as he came over to assist in removing all traces of Gilbert’s pet shop from Alfred’s person. Alfred just sighed and resigned himself to being groomed until he was Café Süß-appropriate. He loved his new job to bits and was incredibly grateful that Ludwig had suggested it to him, but he was pretty sure his boss hadn’t quite realized what a hassle it would be.
“Uh, am I all set now?” Alfred asked once his friends had backed off some. Feliks did one last check before deciding Alfred was passable and allowing him to put on his apron.
“It looks like it’s going to be really busy today,” Toris said, looking out into the front of the house with a bit of despair.
“Heh, it looks like I came just in time to save the day with my awesome table-waiting skills!”
Feliks just rolled his eyes and pushed Alfred toward the door. “Yeah, yeah, now let’s get our butts out there and like, wait some tables!”
000
From:
Matthew Williams-Jones
To:
Alfred Williams-Jones
How’d the move go? I hope you’re adjusting well to the change and that you guys don’t get on each other’s nerves much.
When do I get to meet this guy anyway? I mean, I remember you got really upset over him that one time, so I’m sort of suspicious of him, you know? I’ve got to make sure that he’s good enough for you. And if you’re huffing and going “I don’t need my little brother’s approval!” just remember that we don’t actually know who was born first. I claim my right as your potentially-older-brother to terrorize him until I feel he’s worthy.
On another note, I did finally figure out who the flower guy was. Thanks for the approval, but why, oh why did you have to get drunk and tell him all those embarrassing childhood stories? You know I have to pay you back for that now.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon, so don’t be slow about it, okay?
Don’t think I’m joking about getting revenge,
Matt.
000
Though Alfred had moved in with Ivan months ago, he had yet to get used to waking up to a terrified-looking blond begging him to move over because he was too afraid to sleep alone. Still, Ivan supposed it was better than being woken up by Alfred’s nightmares themselves. He had been once, on a night when he couldn’t sleep. Hearing the cries from the guest room Alfred had taken as his own and seeing him thrashing and sobbing had not made sleeping that night any easier. Still, though it was difficult and emotionally draining to comfort the man, Ivan always lifted the covers and let him crawl in, shivering like a frightened rabbit.
“I-I’m sorry,” Alfred muttered into his shirt, and his nose was probably running all over it but Ivan couldn’t bring himself to care about it when his dear Alfred was so upset.
“Sh, it is nothing to be sorry for,” he murmured back, running his hands over Alfred’s back in what he hoped was a soothing manner. He was never sure what would be too much when Alfred was like this. Alfred could be so fragile at times and Ivan so careless, it scared Ivan to think one wrong touch could undo him.
“I’ll, I’ll get better. I will. An-and I won’t bother you at night anymore, o-okay? I’ll be good.”
“Alfred, Alfred, look at me,” Ivan brought his hands up to Alfred’s face, tilting it back until he was staring into wavering blue pools. “You are good, and this is not your fault. It makes me happy to know you will let me comfort you.”
“Maybe, but I do-doubt it makes you happy to be woken up in the, in the middle of the night all the time.”
Ivan could not exactly argue that, but he didn’t have to admit it either. “The time does not matter. Do you want me to get you anything? Or would you like to talk about it? What will make you feel better?”
“I-I just wanna stay here. Is that okay?” Alfred asked, already trying to burrow into Ivan’s chest, as though if he were denied he’d stubbornly refuse to leave.
“That’s fine. Though sometime Alfred, it may benefit you to talk about what is causing these dreams,” Ivan said with a sigh, already knowing to some extent what they were about.
“Can’t,” Alfred said immediately. “You’ll think I’m disgusting.”
“I would not, but I will not make you speak of it if you do not wish to.”
“I… I will tell you one day, okay? I just, I don’t know if I can right now,” Alfred mumbled, holding onto the older man the way a drowning man holds onto a life preserver.
“That’s okay, I will be patient. For now though, do you think you can get back to sleep?”
Alfred nodded and Ivan could feel his face heating up, even through his nightshirt. “Yeah but, uh, will you be able to? You probably need to sleep a lot if you’re gonna do all your mad scientist experiments and-“
“-I will manage. You just worry about getting to sleep yourself.”
“Okay… G’night Ivan.”
“Good night.”
000
From:
Alfred Williams-Jones
To:
Matthew Williams-Jones
It’s nearly summer break for you, right? You can just meet him then when you come home for vacation. Heh, maybe you can even bring your boytoy down for a week or so and I can tell him more embarrassing stories? Seriously though, I’ll ask if Ivan minds you staying with us for the summer. You’re not exactly a troublemaker so I don’t think he will, and it is half my apartment too now so… Well, we’ll see.
:T You don’t have to worry about me! Trust me, Ivan is a good guy, okay? Best guy ever, even, and he won’t buy you enough beer to get you drunk at a hockey game. Unlike a certain someone’s significant other. Ahem.
It’ll be good to see you again~! I can’t wait for summer!
Please don’t be too harsh with your revenge, pretty please?
Al
000
“I am… nervous,” Ivan said to Alfred as they both sat down on a bench in the train station. Any minute now, Matthew’s train would come and he’d finally meet Alfred’s mystery Russian. Though Ivan’s face was the very picture of serenity and calm, his fingers were wringing the material of his scarf (“I didn’t question you wearing that every day in the winter, but it’s getting way too hot for a scarf, isn’t it?” “It is special. I will leave it on.”), and he was tapping his foot at a nervous pace.
“Ah, don’t worry about it! Mattie’s cool, a real nice guy. Mellow, accepting, a pacifist to the core except while on the ice. He’ll love ya for sure,” Alfred soothed, leaning over to kiss the tip of Ivan’s nose. “After all, what’s not to love?”
There was something about the way Alfred said “Love”; he savored the word, so grateful for its existence now they he felt free to say it. It just made Ivan want to kiss him, and so he did because Alfred had specifically told him kisses were okay, and the way he kissed back reaffirmed that.
“So I take it this is your new friend, eh?”
So quickly that Ivan could hardly track the movement, Alfred jumped up from the bench and tackled his brother, who nearly buckled under the attack but saved himself at the last minute. Uninvolved in the brotherly love as he was, Ivan just watched and tried not to think too hard on how it suddenly felt like there were two Alfreds instead of one.
Detaching from each other after several long minutes of extreme brotherly hugging, both twins looked at Ivan with such perfect synchrony that they seemed to be mirror images. It was oddly intimidating.
“So, um, Mattie, this is Ivan. Ivan, this is Mattie,” Alfred said, stepping away from his brother’s side so that he was about right between the two. Ivan extended his hand and Matthew took it, giving it a firm shake. This seemed to sooth any nervousness Alfred might’ve felt about the situation, for he grabbed them both by the hand and began dragging them out of the train station. It was only after they had stopped to get him something to eat that Alfred calmed down enough to let them walk on their own.
While Alfred munched away on his pretzel, too engrossed by it to notice anything more than was strictly necessary, Matthew took the opportunity to close in on Ivan.
“Hey,” he called, hoping his admittedly quiet voice would carry over the noise of the street. Thankfully, Ivan heard him the first time.
“да?”
“My brother’s an idiot sometimes, but he’s a selfless kind of idiot who likes to make other people happy, even when it hurts him.”
Ivan peered at Matthew from the corner of his eye, wondering if perhaps the boy knew more about Alfred’s situation than he let on. “I… am aware of this trait of his.”
“Good. Just be sure you don’t take advantage of that, because if my brother cries over you one more time I am going to shove my hockey stick so far down your throat you’ll be shitting aluminum for a month.”
Ivan opened his mouth to respond, realized he really had nothing to say to that, and just resorted to nodding instead. Content with this, Matthew sped up enough to catch his brother.
“Al, you’re getting too far ahead!” Matthew scolded half-heartedly.
“Mfm?”
“Finishing what’s in your mouth before you talk.”
Alfred swallowed the bite of pretzel obligingly before replying, “Yes mom.”
Matthew puffed out his cheeks and stole the remaining bit of pretzel from Alfred in retaliation. At this point Ivan had seen fit to catch up with the two brothers, and was now leading the way back to the apartment. It wasn’t too far from the station, so they made it there in good time. Upon entering said apartment, Matthew gave a low whistle.
“Nice, you’ve managed to keep it clean despite Alfred’s living here.”
“Hey!”
“You should see his room, it is not so fortunate.”
“Ahem.”
“Alfred’s room? You mean you two don’t…?”
At this point an awkward silence befell the three and no one could meet anyone’s eyes for more than a second. Matthew cleared his throat, intending to apologize for his apparent misunderstanding. “I-I’m sorry. I thought you two were-“
“Anyway, let’s go put your stuff away!” Alfred interrupted quickly, circling around his brother so that he could push him into what would be their room for the summer. Once the door was securely closed behind them, Matthew started asking questions.
“I thought you guys were together? I mean, gosh, you guys were sucking face at the train station and everything-“
“We are,” Alfred said, covering his beet red face with his hand. “We are, we just don’t share a room. There’s two rooms so why should we?”
“Um… because it’s kind of expected of couples that live together to sleep together,” Matthew said, dropping the suitcases he was carrying.
The particular phrasing of Matthew’s statement only served to make Alfred’s face go even redder. “We-we don’t do that either.”
“Don’t do-Oh. Oh. Oh wow. Geez Al, what are you waiting for, a ring?”
“It-it’s not that,” Alfred said, unable to really look at his brother. “I just don’t feel comfortable with it yet, so we don’t. Can we not talk about this? It’s totally time for lunch anyway, so we should make some.”
Matthew sighed, a bit confused by his brother’s behavior but accepting nonetheless. “Sure, let’s go.”
They filed out of the room, Alfred leading the way to the kitchen, Matthew following close behind. This time when he passed Ivan, he didn’t make any hockey-related threats but instead said, “You’re a saint. Also, I have some embarrassing childhood stories you might be interested in,” and kept on walking.
000
“You know, you guys are so happy it makes it hard to imagine anything bad enough to make Al cry would happen between you two,” Matthew observed casually one day during the middle of the summer. The couple froze, stopping their friendly bickering over movies. Matthew realized bringing up a potentially upsetting topic probably wasn’t the most tactful thing he could have done. Slowly, Alfred walked over to where Matthew was sitting on the couch and took a seat beside him, sighing as he did.
“Actually, since you’ve brought it up… There’s something I should tell you about that time,” Alfred said, his voice controlled.
“Alfred you do not have to speak of this if it is too early,” Ivan said, looking worried. Matthew’s eyebrows knitted together at the statement.
“What happened?”
“Um… Well… Uh, could you come over here big guy?” Alfred asked, holding his hand out. Quickly, Ivan walked forward and took it in his own.
“Better?”
“Yeah, loads better.” Alfred took a deep breath and squeezed Ivan’s hand, taking comfort from the feeling of the rough pad of Ivan’s thumb brushing over his knuckles. Another breath and Alfred felt ready to go on.
“There’s no pretty way to say this. While I… For the two years I lived with Arthur, I didn’t actually live with him, I lived on the third floor.”
Matthew tilted his head, his expression one of supreme confusion. “Okay… What’s the big deal?”
This time Ivan tightened his hold on Alfred’s, silently encouraging him on. “All of Arthur’s tenants on the third floor are prostitutes.”
There was a moment of utter silence where no one moved, there was hardly even a breath. For a minute Alfred feared Matthew would just refuse to talk to him ever again. Would he really want an (ex)prostitute as a brother?
“Oh… Oh God, Al!” Matthew choked out, flinging himself at his brother. Caught off-guard at the response (though he realized he shouldn’t have been), Alfred slowly responded with a one-armed hug, as his other hand refused to let go of Ivan’s.
“I-I’m sorry Al, it’s all my f-f-fault isn’t it? I knew I sh-shouldn’t have gone and left you a-“
“No, it’s not Matt,” Alfred said as firmly as he could. “None of this is your fault. I just trusted the wrong person, is all. But, but I’m out of there now, okay? Nothing to worry about now.”
“There is not nothing to worry about!” Matthew yelled into Alfred’s collar, but he dissolved into sobs before any more could be said. Soothingly, Alfred rubbed circles into his brother’s back and said comforting little nothings until Matthew calmed down enough to loosen his hold on Alfred’s middle.
“It’s okay Mattie, I might not be in top shape but I’m-I’m okay. I’m okay and Ivan helps me when I’m not. I-I don’t blame you and you shouldn’t either. It’s-“
“It is neither of your faults. It is only that man’s,” Ivan said, giving Alfred a look that clearly said he needed to remember that fact too. It would probably take a long time for Alfred to really believe that, but for now he just nodded and continued to hold his brother. The hard part was over; the rest they could surely get through together.
000
Two years passed by in the blink of an eye and through some extreme economic conservation and multiple jobs on Alfred and Matthew’s part, the two of them had managed to whittle away at their debt and pay Matthew’s tuition without any help, just as Alfred had hoped. Now only a small portion of their debt to Arthur remained.
But that was going to change today.
Ivan stood up from the park bench when he saw Alfred running toward him, which was probably a smart move because someone might’ve gotten hurt if he had remained sitting when Alfred barreled into him. Ivan remained standing, if only because he’d grown accustomed to Alfred’s overly exuberant greetings, though admittedly this one was probably the most excited tackle he’d received yet.
“This is it Ivan!” Alfred cheered once he was effectively attached to the taller man. “This is it! This is it!”
“I know, дорогой,” Ivan said, wrapping his arms around the smaller man. “It is a wonderful thing, we should celebrate.”
“W-Well.” At this point Alfred released Ivan, blushing and looking in any general direction that wasn’t his eyes. “I m-might’ve had something in mind. T-to do after I cashed this check and everything goes, goes through.”
Ivan raised an eyebrow questioningly; Alfred was acting strangely about this. “And what would this be?” Ivan asked as they both turned to walk home. Alfred’s face colored brilliantly so he hid his face in the sleeve of Ivan’s coat, mumbling the answer.
“I did not catch that, repeat it?”
“I…Did you really not hear me or are you just being a jerk?” Alfred accused, clearly not wanting to repeat whatever it was that was making him so flustered.
“I really did not hear you.”
Alfred sighed, turning his head enough so that his words wouldn’t be muffled by material. “I said I wanna… sleep with you.”
“Alfred, we do that all the time, why-“ It occurred to Ivan belatedly that Alfred was, for once, not speaking literally when he said that. His eyes widened and suddenly he understood why Alfred was so red; his face may or may not have gained a dusting of pink as well. This new development both excited and worried him.
“Are you sure? We have talked about you going at your own pace before.”
“I’m sure,” Alfred said confidently, or as confidently as he could with his head burrowed in Ivan’s sleeve. “I just, I feel like this last payment is going to cut off my last ties to that place and that life. Like I’ve been washing it off slowly over the past few years and am just getting to the last of it.”
Ivan peered down at Alfred, his worries eased only somewhat by those words. “You still have nightmares.”
Alfred’s next exhale sounded a bit more frustrated. “And I probably will for the rest of my life. Not all of them will be flashbacks. Why should I let that stop me from enjoying myself with you? Are you really that desperate to be celibate forever?”
The air caught in Ivan’s throat, and it took no small effort for him to remember to breathe again. “Of course not. I just… worry, that you will go away if I do. I do not want to be with a shell, while your mind is off somewhere else.”
At this Alfred stopped, making Ivan stop too, and looked directly into his eyes. “Look, that happened with you once, because that was how I thought things worked at the time and it was my defense. You’ve spent the last two years proving to me that I don’t need a defense anymore. I can’t… I can’t deny that there’s a possibility I might slip into that habit again, but I won’t know until I try. An-and I want to try. With you. Because I love you. So, do you…?”
The only response Ivan could think of was to kiss Alfred senseless. The younger blond responded happily and laughed breathlessly when they broke for air. “Hey now big guy, you’ve gotta wait until I cash that check tomorrow, okay?”
Ivan pouted, feeling very much like a child denied sweets. “That is teasing Alfred.”
“Eh, you’ve gone for two whole years without, what’s a few more hours?”
“Torture.”
Alfred just laughed his bright jovial laughter and wove his fingers together with Ivan’s. “Well either way we’ve still gotta get home. C’mon, I’ll make some of the coffee I jacked from the café and we can watch a movie or something. Will that ease the pain of your suffering?”
Ivan seemed to consider it a moment before smiling, lightly squeezing Alfred’s hand when he did. “I think it will do just fine.”
Epilogue:
Since graduating, Matthew had become a child psychologist who worked with inner city kids. The significance of that fact to Alfred, other than thinking it was totally awesome of his brother to do so, was that now he was visited by both of his favorite people at work nearly every day, and sometimes together even. Like today for example.
Checking the clock to make sure it was close enough to break time for him to get away with sitting down on the job, Alfred hugged his brother and kissed his lover before sitting down next to Ivan in the little corner booth.
“Hey guys! How’s it going?”
“Great Al. Um, though, there’s something I-well, we, wanted to talk to you about,” Matthew said, gesturing between himself and Ivan. Alfred raised an eyebrow at this; why would they both need to talk to him about something? Oh gosh, it was going to be something horrible wasn’t it? There had been an accident, or Mattie was stealing Ivan and they were going to elope to Canada together, or his dog died or something. But no, it couldn’t be those things because they were both here, Matthew was happily with Lars and Alfred didn’t own a dog. Or maybe they were here to tell him that the dog they were going to get him had died. Man, that would suck.
“Do not worry, it is nothing bad,” Ivan said, having picked up on Alfred’s apprehension. He was as good as Mattie at that now.
“Then what is it?” Alfred asked, squirming in anticipation.
“Well… You’ve done so much for me over the past few years,” Matthew said. “I feel like I need to pay you back but-“
“Whoa, Mattie you don’t owe me a thing,” Alfred interjected, not appreciating any sort of talk of debt; it was one of a few topics he liked to avoid at all costs.
“Al you worked yourself half to death for years to send me to school, I want to pay you back by giving you the same chance,” Matthew said before Alfred could cut in again. For a moment Alfred just let the statement process to make sure he understood it correctly.
“A-are you offering to send me to college? Did you forget I’m the dumb twin?” Alfred finally asked, flabbergasted by the idea. Continuing school had never really crossed his mind before this. He always just figured he was too dumb for it and that he would simply keep living as he had.
“We’re twins, you’re just as intelligent as I am, the only difference between us is that you spent your time beating on bullies rather than studying,” Matthew said with a pointed look, to which Alfred responded with a pout; someone had to get justice for the bullies’ victims (namely his brother)!
“Well, yeah but… Can we even afford that now?”
“We will find a way to send you wherever you wish to go,” Ivan said, turning Alfred’s attention to himself. “You need only to decide where you want to go and if you want to.”
“I… I dunno. What would I even go into…?” Alfred wondered aloud, thinking for the first time of things he actually wanted to do outside of working at the café and pet shop.
“You must have something you want to do,” Matt insisted. “Or something you wanted to do before you started working?”
Alfred took a moment to think back, far, far back, tracing his childhood dreams through his memories until they matured and slowly dimmed. Somewhere in his heart they were still alive, he just had to turn that ember back into a flame. Finally, after a few moments of consideration, an excited grin spread across his face.
“Well, I’ve always wanted to be a pilot.”
<-Last Chapter
Author/Artist: Sayasama
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Russia/US, and an "It's complicated" UK->US. Minor pairings include: LietPol (platonic), Netherlands/Canada, and GerIta. France and Prussia also make some appearances later.
Rating: PG-13 (maybe M) for sexual themes, some swearing, and later allusions to violence.
Warnings: Prostitution and the psychology thereof, psychological abuse, Dub-con and/or non-con depending on how you define the terms, swearing, and OOC.
Summary: "'Tis the strumpet's plague/To beguile many and be beguiled by one"-Iago; Othello, Act 4, Scene 1
A/n:The end! ;_; How I weep to see this go. You guys have been great, thank you for all of your wonderful comments. I hope the ending is satisfactory.
-----
Alfred had given his resume to Ludwig to pass on to his brother on Monday. It was now Wednesday, and he was being called at the horrible hour of ten A.M. by his potential employer, who sounded like he straddled the line between insanity and genius of some kind. Alfred didn’t know if he wanted to thank the man or kick him when he was told that his resume was awesome enough to get him an interview and if he got down there by eleven, he could just get said interview out of the way now.
In the end, Alfred had gotten dressed and stumbled out of the house, deciding it was best to just get it over with now that he was awake. Luckily, the pet store wasn’t too far away from Ludwig’s café, so Alfred didn’t get lost. He did, however, get the shock of his life when he opened the door and was tackled to the ground by a very large German Sheppard.
“Huh, Blitz likes you,” a voice said above him, and Alfred risked getting his eyeball licked by an excited dog to see who was speaking. He looked up to see startling red eyes set in a pale face and even paler hair. The man ordered the dog off of Alfred, then offered him a hand and pulled him to his feet.
“Sorry kid, he’s still being trained. Not usually so friendly though. Must have food on you.”
“I ah, might’ve stopped by a McDonald’s on the way here,” Alfred admitted as he rubbed at the back of his head. “Uh, anyway, do you know where I could find the manager of this place…?”
“Hah, you’re lookin’ at him kid! M’ name’s Gilbert, you must be the guy Luddy was talking about, Alfred or something?” The man said, giving Alfred a firm handshake. Nodding, Alfred allowed himself to be led into the store. It was positively huge and had just about every kind of pet he had ever wanted, along with a good few he didn’t even know were legal to have as pets in the first place. The animal care merchandise was everywhere, put together in such a way as to make the whole store look like some sort of amusement park for animals. As he watched a hamster run through a tube going over his head, he decided that this was definitely the place he wanted to work. It was just too cool.
“Okay, so like I said, I’m Gilbert, and you can call me Gil but not Gilbo, only the ladies can call me that,” Gilbert said as he tied the dog up near a cash register. “Ain’t that right, Liza?” He asked the pretty brunette who was apparently the cashier. She rolled her eyes at him and continued her work.
“Anyway, so there’s only one thing that you really have to do to pass this interview, and that’s get along with the birds. They are the best darn judges of character ever, and if you can’t impress them, you can’t impress me. Got it kid?”
“Uh…huh.” Alfred was suddenly caught wondering just what a bird would consider good. They walked through the maze of a store a bit more until they finally came to a stop by a large glass cage right in the center of everything that was filled with birds of every color.
“Right, so here they are!” Gilbert said, pushing Alfred in before entering himself, closing the door behind him. Immediately, a little yellow chick swooped down and sat on Gilbert’s head.
“Uh… There’s a bird on your head,” Alfred said, trying not to laugh.
“Try and get it off.”
“Huh?”
“You heard me,” Gilbert said. “Try and get it off. If you do, you pass.”
“Okay…” Alfred said, unsure of just how this would validate his working here. His boss-to-be was a real quirky sort of guy, he could tell already, but quirky beat out possessive any day of the week. So, with the least bit of hesitance and a sheepish smile, he held his hand out to the bird and whistled for it to come down to him. He felt a bit silly, trying to get a bird off of his potential employer’s head, and was ridiculously worried that the bird might not like him.
However, all his worries and self-consciousness went away when he felt the bird step onto his finger. Slowly, he retracted his arm, bringing the bird closer to his face for inspection. “Awe, look at this cutie. He’s like a big ball of yellow fluff.”
“An awesome big ball of yellow fluff,” Gilbert corrected, looking pleased. Alfred nodded in agreement and pet the bird’s feathers, feeling mightily accomplished. He was introduced to some of the other birds, namely the ones that decided he was a good perch, before they moved back to the subject of employment.
“Well kid, you passed with flying colors. When can you start?”
“Um…” It dawned on Alfred then that whatever he said was his deadline for moving out of Arthur’s boarding house. He was as close to freedom as he wanted to be now, he just had to set a date for it. For a terrible second, all of his fears and insecurities latched onto his mind, trying to dissuade him from making his choice. This time though, they didn’t scare him, didn’t make him back down. He had a place to go, a legal, respectable job to take, and he could do this. He deserved that much, at least, and even if he didn’t he was going to go for it anyway.
“How does Monday sound?”
000
“Hello, this is Alfred!”
“Al? This is Matt.”
“Hey Mattie, what’s up? You don’t usually call. More of an email sorta guy.”
“What’s up? Al, you sent me an email telling me you’re moving out of Arthur’s place Sunday! It’s Friday Al. Friday. Why the sudden move? Did something happen, are you getting kicked out?”
“No, I’m not getting kicked out. It’s just together we can pay your tuition on our own; we don’t need his help anymore. We’re not gonna depend on him or anyone else.”
“Al, I get that you want to be financially independent and all, and that’s fine. But why are you moving? It’s not like he has to pay my tuition just because you live there.”
“I…It’s just…”
“Al…? What happened? Please, I want to know!”
“I…I c-can’t tell you now. But I will, someday. I will.”
“Alfred, that’s not an answer! Did you two fight? Did he do something to you? I want to know!”
“And you will, okay? Just, just not now. Please Matt, just wait? I’ll send you my new address once I move, and I’ll probably be getting a new phone and number, so I’ll send that too.”
“…Where are you going, anyway?”
“Eheh… I’m moving in with Ivan. We uh, patched things up real well. Heheh.”
“Oh. Geez Al, if you’re moving out to live with your boyfriend, why didn’t you just say so!”
“Ahah, just thought you might not approve? It is pretty quick.”
“Al, you’ve been taking care of me forever. I think I can trust you to take care of yourself. Besides, you deserve to be happy with someone, right? Though if you guys fight and he makes you cry again, I’m chopping his balls off.”
“Uh-huh… Well, if that’s all? Not that I don’t love talkin’ to you bro, but I’m totally packing right now.”
“Oh, right, sorry! I love you bro, good luck with the move!”
“Yeah, love you too. Bye.”
000
Today was a day that made Alfred incredibly grateful that he didn’t really own a whole lot. He’d spent the last few days smuggling his bulkier possessions (e.i. his game consoles) out and passing them off to Ivan after work, who was somewhat amused by this. Now all that was really left of value in his apartment was one bag of clothes, and one bag of games, pictures, and a few things from his days with his grandfather that he just couldn’t stand to leave behind.
The finality of the act hit him hard on Sunday morning as he stood at the back entrance of the building with Ivan, holding onto his hand for dear life. There was no turning back after this; he couldn’t fall back on Arthur, on this way of life, if he left now. He wouldn’t.
Alfred took a deep breath. “Well, this is it,” he said, steeling himself.
“да. Let’s be quick.”
Alfred opened the door and together they ascended the steps to the third floor. This time there was sunshine filtering in through the gritty windows and Ivan could see clearly how the building simply degraded the higher up they went. He noted how the steps to the third floor creaked, the peeling wallpaper in the hall, a hole in the corner he was pretty sure had been made by rats. So consumed was he by these details that he didn’t even realize it when they reached the blue door with the sticky note nameplate.
“Here’s my cage,” Alfred said with feigned nonchalance. Grabbing sticky note, he tore it off the door with relish. “Well, not anymore.”
Quickly they went into the room and grabbed Alfred’s bags off of his bed. Honestly, he had expected that some force field would stop him at the door, or that he’d suddenly be overcome by emotion and refuse to leave, but neither happened. If anything being in that room with Ivan and all his possessions packed away just made him want to leave even more. With no clutter on the floor, or clothes spilling out of his small dresser, or anything to make the room look more like his own it was supremely unwelcoming.
“Hey, let’s get outta here. Nothin’ so great to see anyway,” Alfred said once he had the strap of the bag settled over his shoulder comfortably. Ivan seemed to be taking in every detail of the room, from the cracks in the plaster to the lovely view of a brick wall directly outside of his window. Ivan looked at him and nodded, once again taking his hand as they made their way back down the stairs. They still had one more place they had to visit, and it was this part that they were dreading the most.
Together they stopped on the landing in front of Arthur’s door. Alfred raised his hand to knock but couldn’t quite get himself to do so. This was the end, he could never go back and even if he hated living this way, it was the way he was familiar with. Despite how he wanted to change, his fear of doing something new was paralyzing him.
“Go on, you can do this,” Ivan murmured, giving his hand an encouraging squeeze. Alfred exhaled his inhibitions and knocked.
The wait for an answer was killing him and if Ivan weren’t there holding his hand he probably would’ve run away. As it were, he didn’t bolt for his room, he just stood stock still and tried to remember to breathe until the door swung open.
It took less than a second for Arthur’s neutral expression to melt away into an angry, closed-off one. His eyes traveled from Ivan, to their intertwined hands, to the bags slung around their shoulders before he bit out, “In,” and moved out of the doorway.
They were led away from the parlor, where anyone could come in as they pleased and down to the shorter man’s office. Alfred tried his hardest not to shake and instead concentrated his nervous energy into cutting the circulation off in Ivan’s hand. Once they were in the room, Arthur closed the door behind them, not with the expected bang, but in a quiet way that only served to further fray Alfred’s nerves.
“You’re leaving,” Arthur said simply as he walked around them to his desk. “What makes you think you can just waltz out of here? You owe me boy, you can’t just feed off of my generosity and then leave when it’s convenient for you like some sort of parasite.”
“I-I’m going to pay you back,” Alfred said, trying his hardest not to let his voice stutter or shake. “I’m just not going to be working for you.”
“Oh really? How can I be so sure if you’re not where I can see you? Am I to just take your word for it?”
Alfred paused, wondering what he could do to make Arthur trust that he would get his money back. He had nothing though, nothing he could give as collateral for all that he owed.
“You see? How can I take your word for it without some assurance that I will be repaid? You spend years lying to everyone around you about what you are, a common whore, and now you expect me to believe you?”
“Arthur, I’ll pay you back I swear! I just can’t do this anymore!” Alfred shouted, hating how Arthur always hit him where it hurt the most. How could anyone trust him? He deceived people on a regular basis, even his own brother, and why? So that he could avoid the judgment he deserved? He even lied to Ivan-
Ivan, who was still holding his hand and glaring at Arthur with suppressed fury. “If he has lied about himself to anyone, the fault falls on you, does it not?”
The emerald eyes that had been burning holes into Alfred snapped to Ivan. “You have no business speaking to me about him. Last I checked, Alfred has a perfectly functioning set of vocal chords, he doesn’t need a mouthpiece.”
The air around Ivan was sub-zero. Alfred was surprised that they hadn’t all frozen over yet, he felt as though he was standing in the middle of a blizzard. “Look, I’m leaving even if you don’t think you’ll get your money back. So you’re just gonna have to trust that you will,” Alfred interceded, wanting to just leave before things escalated.
Those eyes were back on him, making him wish he’d just kept his mouth shut. “You’re being foolish Alfred. Do you think that, for all the indignity he shows on your behalf now, that he’ll really respect you in the long run? Why would he ever waste time respecting the limits of a whore whose limits can be bought? And have been hundreds of times.”
“Just because you have sold him like an object, does not mean he cannot start over,” Ivan ground out through gritted teeth.
“Start over as what? Whatever you want him to be? Don’t think I haven’t seen your type before, opportunists who take advantage of those in need, just so that you can twist them, make of them what you will. Tell me, is he to be your pet, wait patiently at home for you every day and greet you at the door, like a good little bitch?”
Even as Arthur said all of this to Ivan, he kept his eyes trained on Alfred, his eyes sending the unsaid message, “You’ve fallen for it before, and you’re falling for it again.” Alfred shrunk away from that hard gaze, the fear being rekindled in his chest making him shift away from Ivan as well. Perhaps he was untrustworthy, but wasn’t everyone? Could Arthur, being the very sort of person he’d described, see something in Ivan that Alfred could not? Or was he bluffing?
“Alfred can do whatever he wants, he is his own person.”
“You mean he’s his own, until you decide otherwise.”
“Stop it!” Alfred yelled, not wanting to hear them talk about him as though he weren’t even there. “Just-just shut up, okay? I don’t need you-either of you-to tell me I can do what I want! I don’t need anyone for anything! I-I can make my own decisions and right now I’m choosing to leave with Ivan and live freely! S-So there,” Alfred finished a bit weakly, but the impact of the outburst had successfully shut the feuding parties up. It annoyed him a bit, the way they both looked like they hadn’t expected him to speak up, but he brushed it off and turned toward the door.
“I’ll send you as much as I can every month to pay off my debt, and that’s all the contact I’ll have with you. Ivan, we’re going.”
“…да.” Together they turned and stepped toward the door, their hands relaxing into a more comfortable grip now that the hard part was over. Alfred’s hand was just brushing the knob of the door when he heard Arthur call, “Alfred,” in a soft, unfamiliar tone that he had never heard Arthur use before.
“…What, Arthur?” Alfred replied without turning back to look at him. For a moment the air was charged with a million sensations and he got the feeling that Arthur was about to say something important and perhaps more persuasive than anything he’d said before.
“…Nothing,” Arthur said instead, shaking his head. “Just go.”
Alfred let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Thank you,” he said, quietly but sincerely. It was with that feeling of sobriety hanging about them that Alfred and Ivan left the office, then the second floor as a whole and finally the front entrance of the boarding house. It wasn’t until they’d hit the sidewalk and Alfred really took in the bright shine of the sun and the clear skies that he turned to Ivan and buried his face in the older man’s side. His breath might’ve hitched and his shoulder’s might’ve trembled, he might have even created a terrible wet spot on the coat he was clutching, but Ivan didn’t say anything about it and just wrapped his arm around Alfred’s waist, keeping it there for the entire walk back to their home.
000
“Alfie, you like, totally need to get a lint brush. Seriously, your coat is like, covered in dog fur!” Feliks scolded as he fished through his bag for a lint roller to lend his messy co-worker.
“I always mean to get one on my way out, they’re right next to the cash registers. I just…forget. I’ve kinda gotta rush to get here, give a guy a break,” Alfred defended as the shorter blond attacked him ruthlessly with a lint roller.
“You’ve got a few feathers in your hair…” Toris pointed out as he came over to assist in removing all traces of Gilbert’s pet shop from Alfred’s person. Alfred just sighed and resigned himself to being groomed until he was Café Süß-appropriate. He loved his new job to bits and was incredibly grateful that Ludwig had suggested it to him, but he was pretty sure his boss hadn’t quite realized what a hassle it would be.
“Uh, am I all set now?” Alfred asked once his friends had backed off some. Feliks did one last check before deciding Alfred was passable and allowing him to put on his apron.
“It looks like it’s going to be really busy today,” Toris said, looking out into the front of the house with a bit of despair.
“Heh, it looks like I came just in time to save the day with my awesome table-waiting skills!”
Feliks just rolled his eyes and pushed Alfred toward the door. “Yeah, yeah, now let’s get our butts out there and like, wait some tables!”
000
From:
Matthew Williams-Jones
To:
Alfred Williams-Jones
How’d the move go? I hope you’re adjusting well to the change and that you guys don’t get on each other’s nerves much.
When do I get to meet this guy anyway? I mean, I remember you got really upset over him that one time, so I’m sort of suspicious of him, you know? I’ve got to make sure that he’s good enough for you. And if you’re huffing and going “I don’t need my little brother’s approval!” just remember that we don’t actually know who was born first. I claim my right as your potentially-older-brother to terrorize him until I feel he’s worthy.
On another note, I did finally figure out who the flower guy was. Thanks for the approval, but why, oh why did you have to get drunk and tell him all those embarrassing childhood stories? You know I have to pay you back for that now.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon, so don’t be slow about it, okay?
Don’t think I’m joking about getting revenge,
Matt.
000
Though Alfred had moved in with Ivan months ago, he had yet to get used to waking up to a terrified-looking blond begging him to move over because he was too afraid to sleep alone. Still, Ivan supposed it was better than being woken up by Alfred’s nightmares themselves. He had been once, on a night when he couldn’t sleep. Hearing the cries from the guest room Alfred had taken as his own and seeing him thrashing and sobbing had not made sleeping that night any easier. Still, though it was difficult and emotionally draining to comfort the man, Ivan always lifted the covers and let him crawl in, shivering like a frightened rabbit.
“I-I’m sorry,” Alfred muttered into his shirt, and his nose was probably running all over it but Ivan couldn’t bring himself to care about it when his dear Alfred was so upset.
“Sh, it is nothing to be sorry for,” he murmured back, running his hands over Alfred’s back in what he hoped was a soothing manner. He was never sure what would be too much when Alfred was like this. Alfred could be so fragile at times and Ivan so careless, it scared Ivan to think one wrong touch could undo him.
“I’ll, I’ll get better. I will. An-and I won’t bother you at night anymore, o-okay? I’ll be good.”
“Alfred, Alfred, look at me,” Ivan brought his hands up to Alfred’s face, tilting it back until he was staring into wavering blue pools. “You are good, and this is not your fault. It makes me happy to know you will let me comfort you.”
“Maybe, but I do-doubt it makes you happy to be woken up in the, in the middle of the night all the time.”
Ivan could not exactly argue that, but he didn’t have to admit it either. “The time does not matter. Do you want me to get you anything? Or would you like to talk about it? What will make you feel better?”
“I-I just wanna stay here. Is that okay?” Alfred asked, already trying to burrow into Ivan’s chest, as though if he were denied he’d stubbornly refuse to leave.
“That’s fine. Though sometime Alfred, it may benefit you to talk about what is causing these dreams,” Ivan said with a sigh, already knowing to some extent what they were about.
“Can’t,” Alfred said immediately. “You’ll think I’m disgusting.”
“I would not, but I will not make you speak of it if you do not wish to.”
“I… I will tell you one day, okay? I just, I don’t know if I can right now,” Alfred mumbled, holding onto the older man the way a drowning man holds onto a life preserver.
“That’s okay, I will be patient. For now though, do you think you can get back to sleep?”
Alfred nodded and Ivan could feel his face heating up, even through his nightshirt. “Yeah but, uh, will you be able to? You probably need to sleep a lot if you’re gonna do all your mad scientist experiments and-“
“-I will manage. You just worry about getting to sleep yourself.”
“Okay… G’night Ivan.”
“Good night.”
000
From:
Alfred Williams-Jones
To:
Matthew Williams-Jones
It’s nearly summer break for you, right? You can just meet him then when you come home for vacation. Heh, maybe you can even bring your boytoy down for a week or so and I can tell him more embarrassing stories? Seriously though, I’ll ask if Ivan minds you staying with us for the summer. You’re not exactly a troublemaker so I don’t think he will, and it is half my apartment too now so… Well, we’ll see.
:T You don’t have to worry about me! Trust me, Ivan is a good guy, okay? Best guy ever, even, and he won’t buy you enough beer to get you drunk at a hockey game. Unlike a certain someone’s significant other. Ahem.
It’ll be good to see you again~! I can’t wait for summer!
Please don’t be too harsh with your revenge, pretty please?
Al
000
“I am… nervous,” Ivan said to Alfred as they both sat down on a bench in the train station. Any minute now, Matthew’s train would come and he’d finally meet Alfred’s mystery Russian. Though Ivan’s face was the very picture of serenity and calm, his fingers were wringing the material of his scarf (“I didn’t question you wearing that every day in the winter, but it’s getting way too hot for a scarf, isn’t it?” “It is special. I will leave it on.”), and he was tapping his foot at a nervous pace.
“Ah, don’t worry about it! Mattie’s cool, a real nice guy. Mellow, accepting, a pacifist to the core except while on the ice. He’ll love ya for sure,” Alfred soothed, leaning over to kiss the tip of Ivan’s nose. “After all, what’s not to love?”
There was something about the way Alfred said “Love”; he savored the word, so grateful for its existence now they he felt free to say it. It just made Ivan want to kiss him, and so he did because Alfred had specifically told him kisses were okay, and the way he kissed back reaffirmed that.
“So I take it this is your new friend, eh?”
So quickly that Ivan could hardly track the movement, Alfred jumped up from the bench and tackled his brother, who nearly buckled under the attack but saved himself at the last minute. Uninvolved in the brotherly love as he was, Ivan just watched and tried not to think too hard on how it suddenly felt like there were two Alfreds instead of one.
Detaching from each other after several long minutes of extreme brotherly hugging, both twins looked at Ivan with such perfect synchrony that they seemed to be mirror images. It was oddly intimidating.
“So, um, Mattie, this is Ivan. Ivan, this is Mattie,” Alfred said, stepping away from his brother’s side so that he was about right between the two. Ivan extended his hand and Matthew took it, giving it a firm shake. This seemed to sooth any nervousness Alfred might’ve felt about the situation, for he grabbed them both by the hand and began dragging them out of the train station. It was only after they had stopped to get him something to eat that Alfred calmed down enough to let them walk on their own.
While Alfred munched away on his pretzel, too engrossed by it to notice anything more than was strictly necessary, Matthew took the opportunity to close in on Ivan.
“Hey,” he called, hoping his admittedly quiet voice would carry over the noise of the street. Thankfully, Ivan heard him the first time.
“да?”
“My brother’s an idiot sometimes, but he’s a selfless kind of idiot who likes to make other people happy, even when it hurts him.”
Ivan peered at Matthew from the corner of his eye, wondering if perhaps the boy knew more about Alfred’s situation than he let on. “I… am aware of this trait of his.”
“Good. Just be sure you don’t take advantage of that, because if my brother cries over you one more time I am going to shove my hockey stick so far down your throat you’ll be shitting aluminum for a month.”
Ivan opened his mouth to respond, realized he really had nothing to say to that, and just resorted to nodding instead. Content with this, Matthew sped up enough to catch his brother.
“Al, you’re getting too far ahead!” Matthew scolded half-heartedly.
“Mfm?”
“Finishing what’s in your mouth before you talk.”
Alfred swallowed the bite of pretzel obligingly before replying, “Yes mom.”
Matthew puffed out his cheeks and stole the remaining bit of pretzel from Alfred in retaliation. At this point Ivan had seen fit to catch up with the two brothers, and was now leading the way back to the apartment. It wasn’t too far from the station, so they made it there in good time. Upon entering said apartment, Matthew gave a low whistle.
“Nice, you’ve managed to keep it clean despite Alfred’s living here.”
“Hey!”
“You should see his room, it is not so fortunate.”
“Ahem.”
“Alfred’s room? You mean you two don’t…?”
At this point an awkward silence befell the three and no one could meet anyone’s eyes for more than a second. Matthew cleared his throat, intending to apologize for his apparent misunderstanding. “I-I’m sorry. I thought you two were-“
“Anyway, let’s go put your stuff away!” Alfred interrupted quickly, circling around his brother so that he could push him into what would be their room for the summer. Once the door was securely closed behind them, Matthew started asking questions.
“I thought you guys were together? I mean, gosh, you guys were sucking face at the train station and everything-“
“We are,” Alfred said, covering his beet red face with his hand. “We are, we just don’t share a room. There’s two rooms so why should we?”
“Um… because it’s kind of expected of couples that live together to sleep together,” Matthew said, dropping the suitcases he was carrying.
The particular phrasing of Matthew’s statement only served to make Alfred’s face go even redder. “We-we don’t do that either.”
“Don’t do-Oh. Oh. Oh wow. Geez Al, what are you waiting for, a ring?”
“It-it’s not that,” Alfred said, unable to really look at his brother. “I just don’t feel comfortable with it yet, so we don’t. Can we not talk about this? It’s totally time for lunch anyway, so we should make some.”
Matthew sighed, a bit confused by his brother’s behavior but accepting nonetheless. “Sure, let’s go.”
They filed out of the room, Alfred leading the way to the kitchen, Matthew following close behind. This time when he passed Ivan, he didn’t make any hockey-related threats but instead said, “You’re a saint. Also, I have some embarrassing childhood stories you might be interested in,” and kept on walking.
000
“You know, you guys are so happy it makes it hard to imagine anything bad enough to make Al cry would happen between you two,” Matthew observed casually one day during the middle of the summer. The couple froze, stopping their friendly bickering over movies. Matthew realized bringing up a potentially upsetting topic probably wasn’t the most tactful thing he could have done. Slowly, Alfred walked over to where Matthew was sitting on the couch and took a seat beside him, sighing as he did.
“Actually, since you’ve brought it up… There’s something I should tell you about that time,” Alfred said, his voice controlled.
“Alfred you do not have to speak of this if it is too early,” Ivan said, looking worried. Matthew’s eyebrows knitted together at the statement.
“What happened?”
“Um… Well… Uh, could you come over here big guy?” Alfred asked, holding his hand out. Quickly, Ivan walked forward and took it in his own.
“Better?”
“Yeah, loads better.” Alfred took a deep breath and squeezed Ivan’s hand, taking comfort from the feeling of the rough pad of Ivan’s thumb brushing over his knuckles. Another breath and Alfred felt ready to go on.
“There’s no pretty way to say this. While I… For the two years I lived with Arthur, I didn’t actually live with him, I lived on the third floor.”
Matthew tilted his head, his expression one of supreme confusion. “Okay… What’s the big deal?”
This time Ivan tightened his hold on Alfred’s, silently encouraging him on. “All of Arthur’s tenants on the third floor are prostitutes.”
There was a moment of utter silence where no one moved, there was hardly even a breath. For a minute Alfred feared Matthew would just refuse to talk to him ever again. Would he really want an (ex)prostitute as a brother?
“Oh… Oh God, Al!” Matthew choked out, flinging himself at his brother. Caught off-guard at the response (though he realized he shouldn’t have been), Alfred slowly responded with a one-armed hug, as his other hand refused to let go of Ivan’s.
“I-I’m sorry Al, it’s all my f-f-fault isn’t it? I knew I sh-shouldn’t have gone and left you a-“
“No, it’s not Matt,” Alfred said as firmly as he could. “None of this is your fault. I just trusted the wrong person, is all. But, but I’m out of there now, okay? Nothing to worry about now.”
“There is not nothing to worry about!” Matthew yelled into Alfred’s collar, but he dissolved into sobs before any more could be said. Soothingly, Alfred rubbed circles into his brother’s back and said comforting little nothings until Matthew calmed down enough to loosen his hold on Alfred’s middle.
“It’s okay Mattie, I might not be in top shape but I’m-I’m okay. I’m okay and Ivan helps me when I’m not. I-I don’t blame you and you shouldn’t either. It’s-“
“It is neither of your faults. It is only that man’s,” Ivan said, giving Alfred a look that clearly said he needed to remember that fact too. It would probably take a long time for Alfred to really believe that, but for now he just nodded and continued to hold his brother. The hard part was over; the rest they could surely get through together.
000
Two years passed by in the blink of an eye and through some extreme economic conservation and multiple jobs on Alfred and Matthew’s part, the two of them had managed to whittle away at their debt and pay Matthew’s tuition without any help, just as Alfred had hoped. Now only a small portion of their debt to Arthur remained.
But that was going to change today.
Ivan stood up from the park bench when he saw Alfred running toward him, which was probably a smart move because someone might’ve gotten hurt if he had remained sitting when Alfred barreled into him. Ivan remained standing, if only because he’d grown accustomed to Alfred’s overly exuberant greetings, though admittedly this one was probably the most excited tackle he’d received yet.
“This is it Ivan!” Alfred cheered once he was effectively attached to the taller man. “This is it! This is it!”
“I know, дорогой,” Ivan said, wrapping his arms around the smaller man. “It is a wonderful thing, we should celebrate.”
“W-Well.” At this point Alfred released Ivan, blushing and looking in any general direction that wasn’t his eyes. “I m-might’ve had something in mind. T-to do after I cashed this check and everything goes, goes through.”
Ivan raised an eyebrow questioningly; Alfred was acting strangely about this. “And what would this be?” Ivan asked as they both turned to walk home. Alfred’s face colored brilliantly so he hid his face in the sleeve of Ivan’s coat, mumbling the answer.
“I did not catch that, repeat it?”
“I…Did you really not hear me or are you just being a jerk?” Alfred accused, clearly not wanting to repeat whatever it was that was making him so flustered.
“I really did not hear you.”
Alfred sighed, turning his head enough so that his words wouldn’t be muffled by material. “I said I wanna… sleep with you.”
“Alfred, we do that all the time, why-“ It occurred to Ivan belatedly that Alfred was, for once, not speaking literally when he said that. His eyes widened and suddenly he understood why Alfred was so red; his face may or may not have gained a dusting of pink as well. This new development both excited and worried him.
“Are you sure? We have talked about you going at your own pace before.”
“I’m sure,” Alfred said confidently, or as confidently as he could with his head burrowed in Ivan’s sleeve. “I just, I feel like this last payment is going to cut off my last ties to that place and that life. Like I’ve been washing it off slowly over the past few years and am just getting to the last of it.”
Ivan peered down at Alfred, his worries eased only somewhat by those words. “You still have nightmares.”
Alfred’s next exhale sounded a bit more frustrated. “And I probably will for the rest of my life. Not all of them will be flashbacks. Why should I let that stop me from enjoying myself with you? Are you really that desperate to be celibate forever?”
The air caught in Ivan’s throat, and it took no small effort for him to remember to breathe again. “Of course not. I just… worry, that you will go away if I do. I do not want to be with a shell, while your mind is off somewhere else.”
At this Alfred stopped, making Ivan stop too, and looked directly into his eyes. “Look, that happened with you once, because that was how I thought things worked at the time and it was my defense. You’ve spent the last two years proving to me that I don’t need a defense anymore. I can’t… I can’t deny that there’s a possibility I might slip into that habit again, but I won’t know until I try. An-and I want to try. With you. Because I love you. So, do you…?”
The only response Ivan could think of was to kiss Alfred senseless. The younger blond responded happily and laughed breathlessly when they broke for air. “Hey now big guy, you’ve gotta wait until I cash that check tomorrow, okay?”
Ivan pouted, feeling very much like a child denied sweets. “That is teasing Alfred.”
“Eh, you’ve gone for two whole years without, what’s a few more hours?”
“Torture.”
Alfred just laughed his bright jovial laughter and wove his fingers together with Ivan’s. “Well either way we’ve still gotta get home. C’mon, I’ll make some of the coffee I jacked from the café and we can watch a movie or something. Will that ease the pain of your suffering?”
Ivan seemed to consider it a moment before smiling, lightly squeezing Alfred’s hand when he did. “I think it will do just fine.”
Epilogue:
Since graduating, Matthew had become a child psychologist who worked with inner city kids. The significance of that fact to Alfred, other than thinking it was totally awesome of his brother to do so, was that now he was visited by both of his favorite people at work nearly every day, and sometimes together even. Like today for example.
Checking the clock to make sure it was close enough to break time for him to get away with sitting down on the job, Alfred hugged his brother and kissed his lover before sitting down next to Ivan in the little corner booth.
“Hey guys! How’s it going?”
“Great Al. Um, though, there’s something I-well, we, wanted to talk to you about,” Matthew said, gesturing between himself and Ivan. Alfred raised an eyebrow at this; why would they both need to talk to him about something? Oh gosh, it was going to be something horrible wasn’t it? There had been an accident, or Mattie was stealing Ivan and they were going to elope to Canada together, or his dog died or something. But no, it couldn’t be those things because they were both here, Matthew was happily with Lars and Alfred didn’t own a dog. Or maybe they were here to tell him that the dog they were going to get him had died. Man, that would suck.
“Do not worry, it is nothing bad,” Ivan said, having picked up on Alfred’s apprehension. He was as good as Mattie at that now.
“Then what is it?” Alfred asked, squirming in anticipation.
“Well… You’ve done so much for me over the past few years,” Matthew said. “I feel like I need to pay you back but-“
“Whoa, Mattie you don’t owe me a thing,” Alfred interjected, not appreciating any sort of talk of debt; it was one of a few topics he liked to avoid at all costs.
“Al you worked yourself half to death for years to send me to school, I want to pay you back by giving you the same chance,” Matthew said before Alfred could cut in again. For a moment Alfred just let the statement process to make sure he understood it correctly.
“A-are you offering to send me to college? Did you forget I’m the dumb twin?” Alfred finally asked, flabbergasted by the idea. Continuing school had never really crossed his mind before this. He always just figured he was too dumb for it and that he would simply keep living as he had.
“We’re twins, you’re just as intelligent as I am, the only difference between us is that you spent your time beating on bullies rather than studying,” Matthew said with a pointed look, to which Alfred responded with a pout; someone had to get justice for the bullies’ victims (namely his brother)!
“Well, yeah but… Can we even afford that now?”
“We will find a way to send you wherever you wish to go,” Ivan said, turning Alfred’s attention to himself. “You need only to decide where you want to go and if you want to.”
“I… I dunno. What would I even go into…?” Alfred wondered aloud, thinking for the first time of things he actually wanted to do outside of working at the café and pet shop.
“You must have something you want to do,” Matt insisted. “Or something you wanted to do before you started working?”
Alfred took a moment to think back, far, far back, tracing his childhood dreams through his memories until they matured and slowly dimmed. Somewhere in his heart they were still alive, he just had to turn that ember back into a flame. Finally, after a few moments of consideration, an excited grin spread across his face.
“Well, I’ve always wanted to be a pilot.”
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