Running From Sunrise, Chasing the Moon 9/?
Title: Running from Sunrise, Chasing the Moon
Pairing: For this chapter, just LaviYuu
Rated: M because this story will get filled with fail porn, and centers around pedophila. This chapters very innocent and work safe though.
Warnings: This chapter is a little limey....but nothing serious...
Disclaimer: Saya owns the play, but not the actors. They belong to Hoshino.
Summary: He's running from what he can't avoid, and chasing after what he can never have. Allen was content serving his master, so why...?
This chapter doesn't actually have much to do with the plot as it is now. Someday this will all be relevant, or some of it will be but at the moment... not so much. Still, Saya's had Kanda's backstory in her mind for so long now that she just couldn't help herself... It needed to be done. Next chapter is Komui's backstory, and if anyone is looking for a specific character's full backstory, now would be a good time to say so.
9. Dependence
He was being followed, and he knew it. Kanda’s sense of unease increased the longer he felt the presence of those strange foreigners behind him. He wasn’t going to run unless his pursuers actually approached him, he was just going to casually walk to the police station. Yuu wouldn’t risk having these people following him home, but the local authorities would probably be of some help.
Either his stalkers realized what he was doing and decided to act, or they were just fed up with following him, for they finally made a move to grab him. Kanda swore under his breath (swears he’d heard his father mutter while doing bills), and ducked out of his potential captors’ reach. He had no idea why these people were after him, he was just shopping for his mother. It wasn’t like he’d done anything to annoy these people.
The market was pretty crowded, and Kanda, being all of 5 years old, had the advantage in this situation because he could move easily in the mass of bodies. His burly pursuers couldn’t move with the same ease he could. Internally, he groaned when he realized that he was quickly making his way to an area with a lower concentration of people. He was getting tired, too, and he wondered if he’d make it to the station before those brutes caught him.
In the end, he couldn’t make it. He felt a thick arm wrap around his waist and a large hand covered most of his face. There was a cloth in the man’s hand. It smelled a bit funny. Kanda wondered how long he could go without breathing, he was wary of taking in a breath of whatever was on the cloth. If he struggled enough maybe he could escape before he got light-headed. He couldn’t get out of this person’s grip though, and he could feel himself being lifted off the ground. Finally he needed to breathe and tried to take as small a breath as he could. It seemed hopeless though, he was getting woozy and spots were appearing in his vision.
Soon enough he stopped struggling and passed out.
000
When he opened his eyes, he was in a dark room. He felt like he’d been manhandled and he didn’t like it. There was some rustling coming from somewhere to his left, and as his eyes adjusted to the dark, he looked over to see what seemed to be a group of children like himself. Slowly he got up, though it was a bit painful, he felt as though he’d been beaten in his sleep and wondered how he didn’t wake up.
“Who are you? Where are we? Do you know?” He asked, and for a moment he received no answer. He squinted his eyes to try and focus on the faces of the children, and realized that two of them looked like they were teenagers. There was about six of them, and Kanda wasn’t really sure if they were boys or girls.
“We’re on a ship,” one of the older ones finally replied, voice indicating it was a man. “We’re being brought to England.”
“Why?” England? Where the hell was that? Kanda didn’t know much about the world outside of his little town.
The other teen snorted, and replied, “They thought we were girls and kidnapped us. We were supposed to be sold, but the market for boys isn’t exactly booming.” This one sounded much more sarcastic and pessimistic than the first, his voice was harsh and so was his glare. Kanda decided based on his words that everyone in the room was male.
“What’s gonna happen to us…?” One of the smaller children asked, he sounded about Kanda’s age. The kinder of the older boys hugged the child reassuringly.
“I’m not sure, but we’re going to protect you kids, alright?” He said, and gave the other teen a sharp look. “You are going to help me protect them from these people, aren’t you?” The rude teen huffed, but nodded. Kanda determined based on their interaction that they had probably known each other before they were brought here or they had been on the ship longer.
“Yeah, yeah, we’ll keep ya as safe as we can, but there’s only so much we can do so try an’ make it easy on us…” The younger four kids seemed to derive hope from their words, but Kanda wasn’t convinced. That didn’t seem like the sort of promise they could keep.
000
There were other people on this ship, Kanda discovered as the voyage wore on. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there, maybe a few weeks, maybe a month. They were passing through very warm waters at the moment, but no one who wasn’t a crew member was allowed off the ship, so they had no idea where they were. Even if Kanda had known where they were, he’d still have no idea of just where he was. The kinder of the older boys had attempted to teach him a bit about the world, but Kanda decided he must be wrong the minute he said the world was round. Yeah, sure it was. The ground under his feet had always seemed pretty flat to Kanda.
It was difficult to live on this ship. The crew treated them like shit, they worked the boys until they were passing out on deck, and whoever slacked off was beaten. That’s what the crew had intended to do at least, but the two older boys made good on their promise and took the blows dealt whenever they could. Kanda didn’t like being a burden though, so he and the rest of the kids worked as hard as they could to avoid getting the two teens hurt. It was hard to keep their strength up though, when all they were fed was watery gruel and bread.
Even so, Kanda thanked God that he wasn’t a woman. Most of the other “cargo” on the ship was young women and girls, and while they weren’t put to work on the deck, they had it much worse. They were kept alone and in their rooms, not given the chance to talk to anyone who didn’t come into their rooms. It had been Yuu’s job to bring food to them, and he’d found that their legs were chained to the walls. They were all pretty, but they were messy, living in dirty rooms that smelled disgusting; like sex, though Kanda didn’t know that. The girls were always crying and for the first few weeks they screamed whenever a crewman went into their rooms. Compared to them, Kanda had it easy.
He had it better than the older boys did, too. Some of the sailors were strange, and looked at him and the rest of the boys with leers and perverse grins. Yuu had been made to watch as the more cynical of the older boys laid himself down (quite literally) for his sake. When asked why he did, the boy just said it was because he’d made a promise.
000
“I’ve got it from a reliable source that we’ll be landing in England soon,” the kind boy said one day. His friend snorted at the words “reliable source.” The captain tended to be one, especially when alcohol loosened his lips.
“Yeah, and we’re still gonna be sold, we’ll just be sold as slaves and not prostitutes.”
“Must you use such language in front of children?”
“They’ve heard worse from the crew.”
The kind one scowled at the truth in that statement. “Yes, but we can still set a good example for them.”
“You’re such a mother,” the rude boy said with a scoff, which quickly turned into an expression of worry when the kind boy started coughing; he’d been getting sick easily lately, coughing up blood and losing weight like crazy. They were all worried, but none were more upset by this than the one who acted like he cared the least.
“Hey, hey! Don’t give up just yet, you said it yourself that we’re almost to England. We’ll find you a doctor there, ok? Just make it there…”
000
He barely made it to port. The moment the ship opened up, the boys fought their way off of the ship. Kanda tried to help a few of the girls run away, too. The rude teen seemed to think that the reason his friend was so ill was because of the crew, and was hell-bent on murder.
They had been told not to wait, to just get off the ship as soon as they could, and to stay together if they could, but it was impossible not to get separated in the crowd. Kanda was pretty sure all of the boys made it off the ship, including the oldest two, but after that he never saw any of them again. He hoped the kind one found a doctor who would help him. His actions were clearly justified.
When night fell, Kanda found he had a bigger problem. Everywhere he went, people were speaking this strange language at high speeds and he didn’t understand a word of it. He could read a few signs here and there because he recognized some words that he’d seen on the ship, but that was it. He was alone in some strange country with no idea where to go or what to do.
The streets were not kind to him that night.
000
He decided he must be at least six now. The older boys on the ship had kept track of time for them and had said they’d been on the ship for about three months. Kanda had somehow found himself in the run-down part of the city he was in-it was called London, if he remembered right. There was a shop that had a calendar in the window near the place he’d found shelter in, and according to it, another five months had passed since he’d come here. He’d turned five about four months before he was kidnapped, so he had to be six now.
Kanda didn’t like where he was right now. He’d learned enough English to know he was in Whitechapel, and he had enough common sense to know that not many of the people who were there really wanted to be there. The streets were disgusting and so where plenty of the people who walked them. Kanda tried to make an honest living by doing small jobs wherever he could, and thankfully he’d been found by a kindly old inn-keeper who let him do chores for her in exchange for a room and food. He tried his best to feel like he didn’t belong in this place when he knew he did. He looked poor and dirty, he acted rough to protect himself from the dangers that surrounded him, and even he didn’t live entirely off of honest means.
One day, the inn-keeper sent Kanda on an errand that brought him all the way to the other side of London, the rich side. For some reason, she made a point of making him wear clean clothes and scrubbing away every speck of dirt that had settled on his skin. He didn’t get why he had to be scrubbed raw just to go on an errand, even if he was going to the nice side of town.
And of course the street he was sent to had to have been completely wrong, too. There wasn’t a shop on the street! How on earth was he supposed to buy anything when no one was selling? Sometimes that old lady confused him like nothing else could.
There wasn’t much on this street at all, there was a school, and across from it a convent and a church. The schoolyard was filled with children of all ages and their parents. Kanda was struck with a pang of loneliness; here he was, in some strange, disgusting and thoroughly confusing country when he should’ve been at home with his parents. He’d been so busy since he left, so concentrated on living another day that he hadn’t had the time to miss his family. Now he found himself staring wistfully into the schoolyard, wishing desperately to be spirited back home.
“Hey, you just gonna stand there and stare, or are ya comin’ in?” A young voice asked him. Kanda jumped and looked around for the voice that had called to him. Someone poked his shoulder, and as he turned to look at the person he heard a bit of a giggle.
“What do you want with me?” Kanda was a bit surprised by the shock of red hair and the two shining green eyes that stared directly into his gray-blue ones. Those sparkling eyes widened and blinked in surprise when they saw his face.
“Wow, pretty!” Kanda scowled and grit his teeth, and the kid seemed to realize he’d just said the wrong thing. “Um, anyway, like I said-- are you gonna stand out here all day, or are you going in?” The boy asked, pointing to the school. Kanda’s eyebrows knit together for a moment, he didn’t think he was allowed to just walk into school, he didn’t belong there.
“Of course not.”
“Huh? But you’ve gotta got to school, it’s the law you know!” The redhead said with a bit of a pout. Kanda didn’t even know why he was talking to this person. He was ready to walk away, find out where he was really supposed to be, but just then an elderly nun came over to the two of them.
“Trying to skip classes already, hm?” She asked with a scowl on her face. The redhead shook his head quickly.
“No, no! This kid is saying he doesn’t go to school, so I’m tryin’ to bring him in,” the strange boy explained; Kanda gave him an incredulous look.
“I don’t belong in school! I’m just supposed to be running errands!”
“Nonsense!” The nun put her hands on her hips with a look of anger. “Children belong in school, come with me you two!” She reached down and grabbed the two by their ears, dragging them into the schoolyard. Kanda cursed in Japanese the entire time.
000
At the end of the day Kanda’s head was positively spinning. He still wasn’t good with conversational English and all of his teachers were nuns who spoke very quickly. He had none of the things he needed for class and no idea what anyone was doing. He didn’t know why he’d bothered to stay around all day. Sitting at the back of the class, he sighed over a day wasted.
“So what’s up with you anyway? I know school is boring but even I still like it here,” that redhead from earlier said to him. Kanda glared at him for daring to speak. There were plenty of kids in the class he could bother, so why was he targeting Kanda?
“I told you I don’t belong ‘ere. M’ landlady sent me to that street to run some errands, but she must’ve gotten the street name wrong.”
“Your landlady? What about your mum? Shouldn’t she be the one sending you to school? That’s what I think your ‘errand’ was, by the way. I think she was sending you to school.”
Kanda thought that possibility over for a moment; now that he thought about it, it made perfect sense for his landlady to make him clean up like this if she had in fact intended to send him to school, and not on an errand run. Damn, she was a tricky woman, why didn’t she just say that was where he was going?
“…That could be it.”
“So I was right to bring you in!” The redhead exclaimed happily. Kanda rolled his eyes.
“Who’re you anyway? Why are you talking to me? Didn’t yer mum ever tell you not to talk to strangers?”
“Nope, but my grandpa did, I never listen to him though. My name is Lavi by the way!” The boy, now identified as Lavi, said with a smile. He extended his hand for a handshake, but Kanda just stared at him curiously; he had yet to meet someone who was proper enough to greet him with a handshake, so the gesture was completely foreign to him.
“M’ name is Kanda, and you still ‘aven’t answered my question; why are you bothering me?”
“Hm? Well… I talked to you because you looked sad and sort of lonely. I figured you could use someone to talk to.” Kanda blinked confusedly at the boy; who just walked up to someone because they looked sad? Kanda had never known someone who’d do that. Maybe this kid was just weird?
Either way, Kanda couldn’t help but feel oddly warm.
000
It was almost a month after his landlady had started sending him off to school everyday before she had enough free time to accompany him there and explain his situation to the nuns. They were sympathetic, and suddenly they stopped being so hard on him for not participating in class or having the proper books and whatnot. During that month, Lavi had become strangely attached to him. It sort of frightened Kanda, because no one but the landlady had been nice to him since he’d come to England, and even then she pitied him more than anything. Genuine kindness had yet to be found among these strange people.
“So,” Lavi walked up to Kanda with a bit of a pout on his face, “Why didn’t you tell me that your real name was Yuu?” Lavi asked; he’d eavesdropped on the landlady’s conversation with Mother Superior. He seemed to feel a bit hurt by the fact that Kanda had withheld such information from him, but Kanda didn’t understand what he’d done wrong.
“I told you my name was Kanda, and it is. Yuu is m’ name too, but ain’t it normal to give your family name first?”
“No, who told you that?”
“My parents, that’s the way we do things where I come from.” Kanda scowled at the redhead; who was he to question Kanda’s customs? Well, the few he knew about, anyway. Five years wasn’t really enough time to learn a lot about his culture.
“Where are you from anyway, Yuu?”
“Don’t call me that! It’s rude.”
“But you call me by my first name! How’s it rude? Anyway, answer my question, you never answer any of my questions right away, you know.” Lavi tapped his foot to illustrate his impatience.
“Nihon, you people call it Japan.”
Lavi’s eyes widened in amazement. “Whoa…Where’s that?”
“’Aven’t a clue.” Kanda had yet to see a world map, so he really had no idea just where it was in relation to England.
“Oh… So why are you here then?” Lavi asked. Kanda wasn’t sure if he really wanted to answer that question, he didn’t think anyone would believe him if he said he was smuggled over.
“Why do you ask? That annoyed by me already?” Kanda asked, hoping to dodge the question. He did, though he didn’t like the result of asking such a question.
“Of course not, Yuu! You’re my friend!” Lavi said loudly, and hugged him.
Kanda went rigid. He hated being touched, he’d started hating it the moment he was taken on that ship. He couldn’t trust foreigners enough to let them touch him at all. On the ship, the crew only beat him, and when he’d gotten lost in the streets, before he’d been taken in by the landlady, he’d had a few horrific run-ins with some less-than-pleasant men. They treated him the same way the crew had treated the women, the same way they’d treated that rude teenager who’d given himself up to protect Kanda. He’d felt like he was going to die and didn’t understand how he’d managed to live.
Foreigners couldn’t be trusted, he couldn’t let even a child near him.
“LET GO OF ME!” Kanda shouted, and violently pushed Lavi away. The redhead didn’t understand what he’d done wrong, and looked hurt. Kanda was too busy trying to stop himself from shaking to care.
“Yuu…?”
“Don’t call me that..!”
“What’s wrong, Kanda?” Lavi had always been observant, and the fear that was pervading Kanda’s expression was clear as day to him. There was something wrong with Kanda’s reaction, but he was too young to know what.
Finally, Kanda realized how strange, how frightened he was acting, and shook himself out of it. “Nothing, just… I don’t like being touched, please don’t.”
“Okay… You sure you’re alright though?”
“I’m fine!” Kanda snapped. Lavi gave him a concerned look; Kanda could hardly stand to lie to Lavi’s honest face.
000
Somehow Kanda had managed to make it through a year of school. He’d picked up proper English quickly enough, and the nuns seemed determined to stop him from slipping back into the slight cockney accent he’d picked up during his first year in London.
Lavi was all but affixed to his hip now and seemed to fancy himself Kanda’s best friend. Kanda didn’t want best friends, but he supposed Lavi must’ve been something special to him because aside from his landlady, Lavi was the only foreigner he trusted. He was the only person Yuu could stand in general, really.
Kanda had thought that he probably would not see Lavi at all during summer vacation, because he had no idea where they would meet outside of school. He was wrong though, as one day he was sent on another fake errand that landed him directly in front of a huge mansion the likes of which he’d never seen. It seemed that his landlady and Lavi’s grandfather (when had they gotten in touch?) had arranged a little play date for the two of them. Kanda just wished the old lady would tell him these things. After that he’d seen a lot more of Lavi, and had to dodge a lot of questions about his own place of residence and his family.
At last the new school year had started, and this time Kanda didn’t hesitate to walk into the schoolyard, though seeing all of the new families bring in their children still made him feel lonely. He stood apart from the rest of the crowd and waited for the only person who mattered.
As he surveyed the crowd of students, one family stood out to him. It wasn’t really a whole family, just two people. One was a little girl with her short hair drawn up into two cute pigtails. The older of the two who looked to be in his mid-teens; he was maybe a year or so older than the two boys who’d protected him on the ship. They didn’t look like everyone else; they looked like him, like foreigners to England. He wondered how they’d gotten here.
The girl seemed hesitant to leave her older brother, and Kanda decided it must be her brother because he was far too young to have a child who looked to be about five.
“Yay, Yuu waited for me! I’d hug him if only he’d let me.” Kanda gave a bit of a scowl when he heard Lavi approaching him. Over the past year he’d realized that not all foreigners were bad, and that he’d just gotten a particularly bad first impression of them but he still hated being touched. However, it seemed the more he denied people contact, the more Lavi wanted a hug. Damned touchy-feely rabbit brat.
“Try it and I’ll break your arms.”
“Violent as always, I see…You never did explain why you hate hugs so much. There’s a lot of stuff you’ve never explained to me, Yuu.”
Kanda tried not to sigh at the use of his given name. He’d made it clear that it was not to be used by the redhead, but Lavi had made it clear that he was going to use it anyway.
The school bell rang and Kanda pushed away from the wall he was leaning on.
“Excuse me,” a little voice came from Kanda’s left, and he felt a little tug on his sleeve. Kanda looked down to see the little girl that he’d noticed earlier. She was looking up at him with wide, innocent eyes and Kanda instantly knew that she didn’t know much hardship. She’d probably come to England peacefully.
“Um… You sort of look like me and my ge-ge,” she said, releasing his sleeve and looking at her toes. Kanda couldn’t help but think her behavior was cute. He found it a bit easier to like her because she wasn’t a foreigner and she wasn’t a male. “Well, you don’t look like everyone else…”
“And you sort of look like me,” he replied to her statement, not really sure what she was getting at.
“Are you from China, too?” She asked, looking hopeful. He shook his head no.
“I’m from Japan.”
“Oh…” She took a moment to think about that, probably wondering where Japan was, but in the end she just shook off the thought. “Well, my name is Lee Lenalee, it’s nice to meet you!” She said with a happy smile and a polite bow. It seemed she didn’t particularly care if he was just like her or not. Darn it though, she was precious, and it was pretty obvious that Lavi thought the same thing.
“I’m Kanda Yuu.”
“And I’m Lavi! Let’s be friends, ‘kay?” And so Kanda suddenly found himself with a new friend.
000
Kanda was always very wary on his walks home from school. The streets weren’t safe for a kid like himself, he had to be careful. Usually it was easy enough to stay out of trouble if he just kept to himself. Don’t look anyone in the eye, don’t get involved in other people’s fights, don’t stare and don’t speak. As long as he did all of that, he was safe, for the most part.
One day he found it too hard to keep out of other people’s business though.
“Let me go!” A loud yell sounded just as Kanda was passing by a rather bad alley. He hated taking this road, but it was easier to get home this way. He wanted to just ignore the yell, goodness how he would’ve liked to just keep walking, but that voice was too damn childish to just ignore. Kanda couldn’t help but remember the two who had gone out of their way to protect him and the rest of the kids on that ship, he remembered how he had hated being in their debt but was thankful for their protection.
He had always wanted to pay them back, but he would probably never meet them again. Maybe he could still return the favor though, by doing what they always did for someone else?
Against his better judgment Kanda turned into the alley to see an older man trying to pin a young boy with the strangest white hair. He’d never seen a kid with hair that color, he wondered how it got to be that way.
“’Ey you big jerk, let that kid go!” Kanda yelled into the alley before he could chicken out and run away. Immediately he caught the kid and his attacker’s attention. He ran into the alley and delivered a quick kick to the man’s face; he was on the ground, it was easy enough to reach. With a yell the man let go of the boy and covered his injured nose. The kid looked up at him with wide gray eyes and Kanda noticed the strange scar on his face. He seemed too afraid to know that he was supposed to run.
Kanda picked the kid up off the ground and quickly brought the child to the mouth of the alley.
“Get outta ‘ere kid!” he said, dragging the boy forward. The boy, his eyes still frightened and wide, nodded and did as told, shouting a thank you as he ran. Kanda was quick to try and escape too, now that the kid was safe there was no reason to stick around. It seemed he wasn’t that lucky though, for a moment later he was dragged back, kicking and screaming.
“Damnit, ya ‘elped ‘im get away ya little snot!” The man growled out, “You better make up for it now!”
Kanda felt fear clamp down on his being, because he knew that no one else was stupid enough to make his mistake. He wasn’t getting away.
000
“You’re back Yuu!”
“Kanda, what happened to you?”
When Kanda returned to school after a two-week absence, he was greeted in this way by his friends at the front gate. The landlady had decided that she would have to start walking him to and from school after what happened, and had gone in to explain vaguely why Kanda had missed so much school.
“I was sick, so I stayed home,” Kanda answered. It was somewhat true, he had been unwell for a while. “I feel okay now, but you’d better stay away or you might catch it.” That was a blatant lie, but Kanda just didn’t want to be near anyone anymore. He hadn’t even wanted to leave the safety of the landlady’s apartment that morning.
“Don’t be stupid Yuu, we’d rather catch our deaths than leave you alone!” Lavi said in what was supposed to be a reassuring way, and Kanda internally groaned; that was exactly what he didn’t want to hear.
But then again, maybe he what he needed at the moment was to be with these two? To be with people he could trust?
000
“Yuu, there’s still so much you haven’t told me about you, but we’ve been friends for three years now,” Lavi said randomly one day. The two of them were currently in Lavi’s room at the Mikk mansion. Lavi was the only foreign boy he trusted enough to be alone with. Kanda was definitely bias against foreigners and most of his own gender, but that was to be expected after everything that had happened. In all honesty he didn’t much care for girls either, he found them pitiable, and a touch more trustworthy, but that was it.
“If I haven’t told you something, that’s because it doesn’t matter,” Kanda said, dismissing the topic.
“It does matter though! At least it does to me… I wanna know all the little things,” Lavi insisted. Kanda knew that Lavi really did want to know, he brought this subject up so much. Well, they were alone at the moment and Kanda knew that if he told Lavi not to tell anyone, he wouldn’t… Maybe it was time to just confess everything to him? It certainly couldn’t feel much worse than keeping it all in did.
“Are you really sure you want to know about me? My story isn’t a pretty one,” Kanda warned.
“I can handle it. ‘Sides, if something bad happened to you, then I wanna be able to take some of the burden off of you.”
Kanda raised an eyebrow to this, unsure of just how Lavi intended to go about doing that, but decided that it was time to give in and just tell his friend the truth.
“Well, I came here when I was five. See, there were these strange guys in my hometown…”
000
Somehow, Kanda had gotten emotional during his story. He hated it, and for so many years he had tried to reconcile his upset feelings, and when that didn’t work he’d tried to bury them, but in the end he still couldn’t keep himself under control. Saying everything out loud made it so real, hearing it come out of his own mouth made it hurt more than he thought possible. Even so, Kanda fought back his tears until the end and tried not to let his voice waver too much.
“Yuu… is that all true? It’s so much, and you’re not even ten yet…!”
“Oh yeah, ‘cause I would definitely lie about being kidnapped and dumped in some city halfway across the world from my home!” Kanda could hardly believe Lavi had the gall to ask that. They both knew he wasn’t nearly creative enough to make up a story like that.
“No, I don’t doubt that it happened, you’re here after all… But that really does explain a lot about you, like why you never let anyone touch you.” It had always hurt Lavi whenever Kanda pushed him away, and Kanda knew it did, but at least now Lavi understood why he did now.
“Why are you so hung up over hugging me anyway?” Kanda asked; he’d never really seen what was so great about hugs.
“Because that’s what you do when you like someone, you hug them. Personally, I think you could really use one right now, too.”
“Jerk, I definitely don’t.”
“No, I think you do,” Lavi said, seeming completely serious, “I mean, you should know that not everyone who touches you is out to hurt you. You should be able to trust at least one person enough to let them hug you. Do you trust me enough? Or do you think I’m out to hurt you?”
“No!” Kanda knew that of all the world’s people, Lavi was the one who was least likely to hurt him. “I just… I…” He was afraid he just didn’t want to admit it.
“Scared of me, Yuu?”
“Of course not, what’s there to be afraid of?”
“So you wouldn’t scream if I hugged you now?”
Oh, that was difficult to answer. Kanda didn’t want to admit to being afraid, but at the same time he was, the idea made him want to run. But he did trust Lavi, and there wasn’t any reason to be afraid of him.
“…No, now stop asking stupid questions.”
“Good!” Lavi said, and then he was suddenly at Kanda’s side. “Gonna hug ya now, if ya don’t mind.” Kanda braced himself for the paralyzing fear that he was sure would come with being touched as Lavi wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Amazingly enough it never came. Instead, he felt warm, warm and fluttery. It was nice, being held like this, comforting even. Kanda let out a deep breath and relaxed, suddenly Lavi seemed much more precious to him.
000
The courtyard of the Mikk household was splendid, really. There was a beautiful rose garden, and that was where the two boys were playing. Lenalee wasn’t allowed over, her brother was over-protective and thought all little boys were just out to steal his sweet little sister from him. Kanda had met the guy a few times, and had decided that he was rather normal until the subject of Lenalee came up, then he was crazy. He reminded Kanda of that kind boy from the ship before he got sick, energetic and protective.
So they were alone in the rose garden together. Kanda had long since gotten used to Lavi and his constant need for hugs and whatnot. It was like opening a dam really; one had naturally leaded to many, many more. In all honesty, Kanda didn’t mind in the least, Lavi made him feel comfortable. Over the past year Kanda had received more hugs than he could count. He was ten years old now, he’d officially spent half of his life in England, and he was finally starting to feel okay in this country.
“Hey Yuu,” Lavi called, and Kanda looked over to him, walking in his direction.
“What?”
“Would you mind if I kissed you?” Lavi asked in all seriousness.
Kanda was completely bowled over by the question. That was just too random, why on earth would he ask that? Kanda was a boy, a boy! They both knew that so why would he ask such a thing? Besides they were friends, did friends kiss? Well, he supposed it depended on the kind of kiss, didn’t it?
“Why would you want to?” Kanda asked; for Kanda something like that was exceptionally intimate, no one had ever kissed him, not even those attackers of his.
“Because when ya love someone you kiss them,” Lavi said, looking him directly in the eye. There was no hint of a lie in his eye, Lavi was serious about what he was saying, well as serious as a child could be about such matters. Kanda’s face turned bright red, he’d never really expected to hear that word from anyone, especially not Lavi. That all-powerful “L” word…
“I…” How did one respond to a question like that? Wouldn’t it be shameless to say yes? It would hurt Lavi to say no, and Kanda didn’t really want to do that. He needed a moment to decide, and avoided answering by asking another question.
“Are you serious?” Kanda knew Lavi was, he could see it in his glowing eyes, but he needed to ask anyway.
“Of course. I wouldn’t dare ask if I weren’t.”
Kanda couldn’t bring himself to say no when Lavi was so sincere. He took a shy step toward Lavi, his cheeks still burning red, and looked up to Lavi.
“Okay then, you can.”
Lavi looked surprised for a moment, and Kanda wondered if he had frozen and couldn’t bring himself to do it. But soon enough the bunny boy reigned in his wits and leaned over, placing a chaste kiss on Yuu’s lips. A light, joyful feeling bubbled up in Kanda and he thought that maybe, just maybe, he loved Lavi too.
000
Everything that was good in Kanda’s life came undone the moment he was done with his primary education. His landlady had died of pneumonia, and apparently she had a son who she’d left her boarding house to. This son hated kids, and wanted Kanda out of that building since he wasn’t a paying tenant. Kanda had told the son of his arrangement with the old landlady, but he would have none of it. He didn’t need to be told to leave twice.
At first, Kanda entertained the idea of going to Lavi and asking for help, but he didn’t want to trouble his friend with his problems. Besides, his pride wouldn’t allow him to go running to Lavi every time something went wrong. So Kanda looked around the area he was familiar with to find a place to stay. There were quite a few abandoned factory warehouses around, but most of them were filled with the homeless and destitute. There was no room for another body and quite frankly he didn’t want to live in such an impersonal place.
Eventually though he did find a small little run-down house that he supposed would be enough to get him through the colder months. He’d gotten pretty good at making repairs to walls and such, his old landlady had taught him how to do a lot of things on his own, and he’d learned plenty about construction on the ship. It took a few months of finding scrap wood and stealing tools, but he managed to turn the little hovel into something fairly respectable.
Even so, he found himself staying over Lavi’s house a lot more than he used to. At least, he did until he realized he was starting to get tailed. The desperate people around him were curious as to where he was going everyday now that the landlady couldn’t make him go to school anymore. Kanda was worried, he didn’t want to lead bad, dangerous people to Lavi’s home, or Lenalee’s for that matter. The first few times he noticed his pursuers, he’d turned back and gone home.
After a while, he did manage to give those people the slip and managed to get to Lavi’s without being followed. However, after being followed so many times he was paranoid; he didn’t want to cause trouble for the people who had been so kind to him for all these years. So he decided this would be the last time he went to Lavi’s house, this would be the last time he saw his friends. It was for their own good.
Needless to say, the redhead didn’t take the news well, he begged Kanda to reconsider and refused to tell Lenalee that Kanda wouldn’t be seeing her again either. Nothing Kanda said could make Lavi realize just how dangerous the people following him probably were. In the end Kanda had just had to run away from the estate, not looking back as he left it for what he was sure would be the last time.
000
A year had passed since Kanda had stopped contacting Lavi and Lenalee, and he could definitely say that he’d had better days. He was trying to find an honest job, but in the meantime he had to steal to get by and he hated doing something so dishonest. He didn’t trust anyone around him, no one was worthy of it. There was no one to talk to either, it was lonely. The only comfort he had was the fact that he’d lived through worse days.
One day when he left his home in search of a job or someone to scam (whichever came first), he realized that a small gang of boys in their older teens and early twenties who were infamous for the trouble they caused seemed about ready to cause a scene. Kanda had long since decided that he wouldn’t bother with other people’s problems, but he was still curious enough to try and find their target in the crowd.
It wasn’t hard to. There, walking down the street was Lavi, looking completely out of place in his nicely tailored clothes and shining leather shoes. Goodness, the kid was asking to be robbed or mugged or something. Heck, if Lavi hadn’t been one of his friends then even Yuu would’ve been tempted to pick his pockets.
But as it was, his appearance here was just worrying. He was going to get hurt if he stuck around for long. Kanda ran towards Lavi, and the redhead jumped when he’d heard his name being called. It was clear that Lavi was tense, he wasn’t comfortable with being here.
“You idiot, do you want to get yer ass mugged?” Kanda hissed at Lavi when he reached him. Lavi blinked at him for a moment, as though he didn’t recognize Kanda. Maybe he didn’t, Kanda had grown and besides he probably didn’t look as clean as Lavi remembered. But then a smile etched its way onto Lavi’s face and he hugged Kanda. Yuu was too worried and annoyed with Lavi to reciprocate though, and pushed him away.
“This is ‘ardly the time or place for a reunion, idiot! Do you see those four guys over there? They’re getting ready to rob ya blind because you don’t ‘ave the common sense to dress down when coming to the East end!” Kanda scolded, angry that Lavi had put himself in harm’s way for no reason.
“Well, I wouldn’t be down here if a certain someone came to visit every once in a while. Yuu, just come live with me at the Mikk mansion, I can get you a job there or something if you want. I just don’t want you to live like this…I don’t want to live knowing that I can’t see you, knowing that you’re here alone!” Lavi explained hurriedly, as though he didn’t think Kanda was going to let him speak.
“We can talk about this later, Lavi, but right now you need to get out of here!” Kanda said, getting a bit panicked; they were getting closer, Lavi wasn’t going to be safe for much longer.
“No, you won’t come see me and I know it! This is the only way I can get you talk to me!” Lavi objected, looking hurt. He just refused to understand the position he as in, it frustrated Kanda! Angry and worried, Yuu grabbed Lavi and started pulling him in the general direction of the Mikk mansion.
“Lavi you have to leave now, you’ll be hurt if you don’t!”
“You’ll be hurt if you stay here too, Yuu!”
“Now’s not the time for this!”
“Yes it is!”
The sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted the two, and Kanda cursed under his breath. Shit, they’d been approached.
“’ey kiddie, ya sure do look fancy, all dressed up like that,” the leader of that group said with a sneer. “Makes me sort of pissed when lil’ rich kids like you show up. How ‘bout you share the wealth, Red?”
Kanda stepped between the men and Lavi, he’d gotten himself a bit of a reputation as a fighter over the past few years, and while he knew he couldn’t beat all four of them at once, he could buy Lavi enough time to run.
“’E’s just an idiot servant, th’ brat’s got no money on ‘im,” Kanda said, hoping that would be enough to dissuade the thugs.
“Maybe ‘e doesn’t, but those fancy clothes of ‘is would sell for a lot, you know? ‘Sides, why should I believe you?”
“’Cause I know ‘e’s got nothin’ on ‘im, so just leave ‘im the hell alone before you make an arse of ye’self.” Kanda looked the older man in the eye defiantly, daring him to make a move against Lavi. Faintly, he heard Lavi mutter “The nuns at our school would cry if they heard you now…” Kanda growled at him; he wasn’t helping.
“We’ll check the bloke out ourselves, if ya don’t mind runt,” the man said, and then the four lunged in unison. Kanda push Lavi away, and fought off who he could.
“Run you idiot!” He shouted when it seemed like Lavi wasn’t going to move. The redhead just scowled and roundhouse kicked the nearest thug. Kanda cursed under his breath, it was just like Lavi to think he could do something in this situation. Granted he was a pretty good fighter, he’d even taught Kanda a move or two, but he wasn’t prepared for an unfair fight, and he had no idea how to fight someone who had a weapon. Kanda knew these guys were armed.
They proved him right soon enough. Annoyed, the one that Lavi had first kicked pulled out a switchblade. Kanda yelled a warning and tried to hit the knife out of the man’s hand before he could do any harm, but he left an opening in his defense that was quickly taken advantage of. In the moment he took to dodge the blows he could, Lavi had been cut.
The scream struck him to his very core, and Kanda decided it was time to run and not care who followed. He tried not to look at Lavi’s face, and just checked to be sure that the redhead could still run. He was afraid to find out what had happened, afraid to see what they’d done to Lavi. It was his fault, he knew, he couldn’t protect Lavi so it had to be his fault.
“Damnit, Lavi…” Kanda said between pants when they’d finally reached a safe place, “Do you get it now? Those were the kind of people that were following me to your house, they’d have robbed you blind if I had led them there!”
Kanda wasn’t sure if Lavi could really understand him at the moment, he was probably in shock. He did realize the irony in his own words though, when he finally dared to look at Lavi’s injury. It was a deep gash over his right eye. Lavi was going to lose that eye, or at the very least he would lose his sight in it.
Angry, Kanda was angry and fighting against himself so that he wouldn’t take it out on Lavi. Damnit, if the redhead had just stayed on his side of town none of this would’ve happened. Kanda didn’t have time to get upset though, he had to get Lavi home or to a hospital. The boy was shaking and was probably fit to collapse soon from the shock of having his face ripped open.
In the end Lavi did lose his eye, and Kanda lost all contact with him.
000
By age 13 Kanda was pretty used to the life he led. He was independent, a good fighter, and could provide for himself. No one bothered him anymore; he was too strong to mess with, even if he was just a kid. He was alone, but at least he wasn’t hurting anyone.
Shopping for food was probably the only honest business he conducted anymore, stealing food was beneath even him, doing so made him feel like a stray dog. So that’s what he was doing when he bumped into his old friend Lenalee. He was quick to avert his eyes and try to walk away, he hoped she wouldn’t remember him, after all it had been two years since he’d stopped seeing her. No such luck though, as soon enough he felt a hand on his shoulder, and that familiar voice was calling out to him.
“Kanda, is that you?” She asked, and he ducked his head a bit. He couldn’t lie to her, it had always been so hard to lie to her and that hadn’t changed. She narrowed her questioning eyes at him for a long moment, inspecting him.
“It is you, isn’t it?” Finally he turned around and faced her, nodding in response. “Kanda!” She was quick to hug him, and Kanda fought back his reflex to hit whoever touched him. It was just Lenalee, she was just happy to see him. Besides, being touched in a way that wasn’t painful was… strange to him now, foreign, it felt nice.
“You don’t look like you’re doing too well,” She commented, he voice muffled by his shirt. “You’re too skinny and no offense, but you stink.” She always had been a bit too honest.
“Yeah, well you try staying clean when you live in a hovel,” he muttered before thinking. Lenalee looked up at him with worry.
“So you really are living in a bad place, aren’t you?” She asked, innocent eyes trained on him. Kanda tried to deny what she said; he couldn’t have her worrying about him and making Lavi’s mistake. But she wouldn’t allow him to make up excuses, she exhibited more strength than he’d remembered her having when she dragged him all the way to a very large mansion that he remembered coming to once a long time ago. She lived here with her brother, it was the Marian manor.
“Why did you bring me here?” Kanda asked as she dragged him through the front gates.
“I’m going to get you a job here! My brother is the young master’s best friend, and my best friend is the son of the Master’s assistant, if I ask them to, I know they can help you!”
“No! I don’t want anyone’s charity!” Kanda shouted coldly, and tried to pull away from her. She just looked at him with a glare.
“Well too bad, ‘cause I’m going to do it anyway!” Kanda didn’t remember her being quite so forceful, it was sort of strange to see her this way. But her voice said not to go against her, and Kanda didn’t really want to refuse her offer anyway, his pride was the only thing that had kept him from accepting Lavi’s help before, and he hardly had any of that left now.
Kanda felt a bit of fear when he faced Komui again after all of these years; if he still had that sister-complex of his, then he would probably be too protective of Lenalee to let her associate with someone like Kanda. But that wasn’t the case, because Komui actually recognized him and worried over him just as much as Lenalee had.
Kanda felt oddly nostalgic when he was forced into a bath and clean clothes. Komui and Lenalee had talked to him through the door the entire time, they were trying to convince him that it wouldn’t be so bad working here, he’d like it, working under Cross was undoubtedly better than living in the East end. Maybe it was because he felt cleaner than he had in years and that had put him in an agreeable mood, but somewhere along the way he started believing them.
The job was easy enough to get, he was apprenticed under an older guard who was getting ready to retire. Both his teacher and his employer were kind enough people and the master didn’t seem to care about him either way. He was back with people, normal, functioning people and he felt like he didn’t belong. Even so, as the weeks turned into months and years, he started thinking “Maybe this isn’t so bad…?”
Because maybe relying on others wasn’t so bad?
Pairing: For this chapter, just LaviYuu
Rated: M because this story will get filled with fail porn, and centers around pedophila. This chapters very innocent and work safe though.
Warnings: This chapter is a little limey....but nothing serious...
Disclaimer: Saya owns the play, but not the actors. They belong to Hoshino.
Summary: He's running from what he can't avoid, and chasing after what he can never have. Allen was content serving his master, so why...?
This chapter doesn't actually have much to do with the plot as it is now. Someday this will all be relevant, or some of it will be but at the moment... not so much. Still, Saya's had Kanda's backstory in her mind for so long now that she just couldn't help herself... It needed to be done. Next chapter is Komui's backstory, and if anyone is looking for a specific character's full backstory, now would be a good time to say so.
9. Dependence
He was being followed, and he knew it. Kanda’s sense of unease increased the longer he felt the presence of those strange foreigners behind him. He wasn’t going to run unless his pursuers actually approached him, he was just going to casually walk to the police station. Yuu wouldn’t risk having these people following him home, but the local authorities would probably be of some help.
Either his stalkers realized what he was doing and decided to act, or they were just fed up with following him, for they finally made a move to grab him. Kanda swore under his breath (swears he’d heard his father mutter while doing bills), and ducked out of his potential captors’ reach. He had no idea why these people were after him, he was just shopping for his mother. It wasn’t like he’d done anything to annoy these people.
The market was pretty crowded, and Kanda, being all of 5 years old, had the advantage in this situation because he could move easily in the mass of bodies. His burly pursuers couldn’t move with the same ease he could. Internally, he groaned when he realized that he was quickly making his way to an area with a lower concentration of people. He was getting tired, too, and he wondered if he’d make it to the station before those brutes caught him.
In the end, he couldn’t make it. He felt a thick arm wrap around his waist and a large hand covered most of his face. There was a cloth in the man’s hand. It smelled a bit funny. Kanda wondered how long he could go without breathing, he was wary of taking in a breath of whatever was on the cloth. If he struggled enough maybe he could escape before he got light-headed. He couldn’t get out of this person’s grip though, and he could feel himself being lifted off the ground. Finally he needed to breathe and tried to take as small a breath as he could. It seemed hopeless though, he was getting woozy and spots were appearing in his vision.
Soon enough he stopped struggling and passed out.
000
When he opened his eyes, he was in a dark room. He felt like he’d been manhandled and he didn’t like it. There was some rustling coming from somewhere to his left, and as his eyes adjusted to the dark, he looked over to see what seemed to be a group of children like himself. Slowly he got up, though it was a bit painful, he felt as though he’d been beaten in his sleep and wondered how he didn’t wake up.
“Who are you? Where are we? Do you know?” He asked, and for a moment he received no answer. He squinted his eyes to try and focus on the faces of the children, and realized that two of them looked like they were teenagers. There was about six of them, and Kanda wasn’t really sure if they were boys or girls.
“We’re on a ship,” one of the older ones finally replied, voice indicating it was a man. “We’re being brought to England.”
“Why?” England? Where the hell was that? Kanda didn’t know much about the world outside of his little town.
The other teen snorted, and replied, “They thought we were girls and kidnapped us. We were supposed to be sold, but the market for boys isn’t exactly booming.” This one sounded much more sarcastic and pessimistic than the first, his voice was harsh and so was his glare. Kanda decided based on his words that everyone in the room was male.
“What’s gonna happen to us…?” One of the smaller children asked, he sounded about Kanda’s age. The kinder of the older boys hugged the child reassuringly.
“I’m not sure, but we’re going to protect you kids, alright?” He said, and gave the other teen a sharp look. “You are going to help me protect them from these people, aren’t you?” The rude teen huffed, but nodded. Kanda determined based on their interaction that they had probably known each other before they were brought here or they had been on the ship longer.
“Yeah, yeah, we’ll keep ya as safe as we can, but there’s only so much we can do so try an’ make it easy on us…” The younger four kids seemed to derive hope from their words, but Kanda wasn’t convinced. That didn’t seem like the sort of promise they could keep.
000
There were other people on this ship, Kanda discovered as the voyage wore on. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there, maybe a few weeks, maybe a month. They were passing through very warm waters at the moment, but no one who wasn’t a crew member was allowed off the ship, so they had no idea where they were. Even if Kanda had known where they were, he’d still have no idea of just where he was. The kinder of the older boys had attempted to teach him a bit about the world, but Kanda decided he must be wrong the minute he said the world was round. Yeah, sure it was. The ground under his feet had always seemed pretty flat to Kanda.
It was difficult to live on this ship. The crew treated them like shit, they worked the boys until they were passing out on deck, and whoever slacked off was beaten. That’s what the crew had intended to do at least, but the two older boys made good on their promise and took the blows dealt whenever they could. Kanda didn’t like being a burden though, so he and the rest of the kids worked as hard as they could to avoid getting the two teens hurt. It was hard to keep their strength up though, when all they were fed was watery gruel and bread.
Even so, Kanda thanked God that he wasn’t a woman. Most of the other “cargo” on the ship was young women and girls, and while they weren’t put to work on the deck, they had it much worse. They were kept alone and in their rooms, not given the chance to talk to anyone who didn’t come into their rooms. It had been Yuu’s job to bring food to them, and he’d found that their legs were chained to the walls. They were all pretty, but they were messy, living in dirty rooms that smelled disgusting; like sex, though Kanda didn’t know that. The girls were always crying and for the first few weeks they screamed whenever a crewman went into their rooms. Compared to them, Kanda had it easy.
He had it better than the older boys did, too. Some of the sailors were strange, and looked at him and the rest of the boys with leers and perverse grins. Yuu had been made to watch as the more cynical of the older boys laid himself down (quite literally) for his sake. When asked why he did, the boy just said it was because he’d made a promise.
000
“I’ve got it from a reliable source that we’ll be landing in England soon,” the kind boy said one day. His friend snorted at the words “reliable source.” The captain tended to be one, especially when alcohol loosened his lips.
“Yeah, and we’re still gonna be sold, we’ll just be sold as slaves and not prostitutes.”
“Must you use such language in front of children?”
“They’ve heard worse from the crew.”
The kind one scowled at the truth in that statement. “Yes, but we can still set a good example for them.”
“You’re such a mother,” the rude boy said with a scoff, which quickly turned into an expression of worry when the kind boy started coughing; he’d been getting sick easily lately, coughing up blood and losing weight like crazy. They were all worried, but none were more upset by this than the one who acted like he cared the least.
“Hey, hey! Don’t give up just yet, you said it yourself that we’re almost to England. We’ll find you a doctor there, ok? Just make it there…”
000
He barely made it to port. The moment the ship opened up, the boys fought their way off of the ship. Kanda tried to help a few of the girls run away, too. The rude teen seemed to think that the reason his friend was so ill was because of the crew, and was hell-bent on murder.
They had been told not to wait, to just get off the ship as soon as they could, and to stay together if they could, but it was impossible not to get separated in the crowd. Kanda was pretty sure all of the boys made it off the ship, including the oldest two, but after that he never saw any of them again. He hoped the kind one found a doctor who would help him. His actions were clearly justified.
When night fell, Kanda found he had a bigger problem. Everywhere he went, people were speaking this strange language at high speeds and he didn’t understand a word of it. He could read a few signs here and there because he recognized some words that he’d seen on the ship, but that was it. He was alone in some strange country with no idea where to go or what to do.
The streets were not kind to him that night.
000
He decided he must be at least six now. The older boys on the ship had kept track of time for them and had said they’d been on the ship for about three months. Kanda had somehow found himself in the run-down part of the city he was in-it was called London, if he remembered right. There was a shop that had a calendar in the window near the place he’d found shelter in, and according to it, another five months had passed since he’d come here. He’d turned five about four months before he was kidnapped, so he had to be six now.
Kanda didn’t like where he was right now. He’d learned enough English to know he was in Whitechapel, and he had enough common sense to know that not many of the people who were there really wanted to be there. The streets were disgusting and so where plenty of the people who walked them. Kanda tried to make an honest living by doing small jobs wherever he could, and thankfully he’d been found by a kindly old inn-keeper who let him do chores for her in exchange for a room and food. He tried his best to feel like he didn’t belong in this place when he knew he did. He looked poor and dirty, he acted rough to protect himself from the dangers that surrounded him, and even he didn’t live entirely off of honest means.
One day, the inn-keeper sent Kanda on an errand that brought him all the way to the other side of London, the rich side. For some reason, she made a point of making him wear clean clothes and scrubbing away every speck of dirt that had settled on his skin. He didn’t get why he had to be scrubbed raw just to go on an errand, even if he was going to the nice side of town.
And of course the street he was sent to had to have been completely wrong, too. There wasn’t a shop on the street! How on earth was he supposed to buy anything when no one was selling? Sometimes that old lady confused him like nothing else could.
There wasn’t much on this street at all, there was a school, and across from it a convent and a church. The schoolyard was filled with children of all ages and their parents. Kanda was struck with a pang of loneliness; here he was, in some strange, disgusting and thoroughly confusing country when he should’ve been at home with his parents. He’d been so busy since he left, so concentrated on living another day that he hadn’t had the time to miss his family. Now he found himself staring wistfully into the schoolyard, wishing desperately to be spirited back home.
“Hey, you just gonna stand there and stare, or are ya comin’ in?” A young voice asked him. Kanda jumped and looked around for the voice that had called to him. Someone poked his shoulder, and as he turned to look at the person he heard a bit of a giggle.
“What do you want with me?” Kanda was a bit surprised by the shock of red hair and the two shining green eyes that stared directly into his gray-blue ones. Those sparkling eyes widened and blinked in surprise when they saw his face.
“Wow, pretty!” Kanda scowled and grit his teeth, and the kid seemed to realize he’d just said the wrong thing. “Um, anyway, like I said-- are you gonna stand out here all day, or are you going in?” The boy asked, pointing to the school. Kanda’s eyebrows knit together for a moment, he didn’t think he was allowed to just walk into school, he didn’t belong there.
“Of course not.”
“Huh? But you’ve gotta got to school, it’s the law you know!” The redhead said with a bit of a pout. Kanda didn’t even know why he was talking to this person. He was ready to walk away, find out where he was really supposed to be, but just then an elderly nun came over to the two of them.
“Trying to skip classes already, hm?” She asked with a scowl on her face. The redhead shook his head quickly.
“No, no! This kid is saying he doesn’t go to school, so I’m tryin’ to bring him in,” the strange boy explained; Kanda gave him an incredulous look.
“I don’t belong in school! I’m just supposed to be running errands!”
“Nonsense!” The nun put her hands on her hips with a look of anger. “Children belong in school, come with me you two!” She reached down and grabbed the two by their ears, dragging them into the schoolyard. Kanda cursed in Japanese the entire time.
000
At the end of the day Kanda’s head was positively spinning. He still wasn’t good with conversational English and all of his teachers were nuns who spoke very quickly. He had none of the things he needed for class and no idea what anyone was doing. He didn’t know why he’d bothered to stay around all day. Sitting at the back of the class, he sighed over a day wasted.
“So what’s up with you anyway? I know school is boring but even I still like it here,” that redhead from earlier said to him. Kanda glared at him for daring to speak. There were plenty of kids in the class he could bother, so why was he targeting Kanda?
“I told you I don’t belong ‘ere. M’ landlady sent me to that street to run some errands, but she must’ve gotten the street name wrong.”
“Your landlady? What about your mum? Shouldn’t she be the one sending you to school? That’s what I think your ‘errand’ was, by the way. I think she was sending you to school.”
Kanda thought that possibility over for a moment; now that he thought about it, it made perfect sense for his landlady to make him clean up like this if she had in fact intended to send him to school, and not on an errand run. Damn, she was a tricky woman, why didn’t she just say that was where he was going?
“…That could be it.”
“So I was right to bring you in!” The redhead exclaimed happily. Kanda rolled his eyes.
“Who’re you anyway? Why are you talking to me? Didn’t yer mum ever tell you not to talk to strangers?”
“Nope, but my grandpa did, I never listen to him though. My name is Lavi by the way!” The boy, now identified as Lavi, said with a smile. He extended his hand for a handshake, but Kanda just stared at him curiously; he had yet to meet someone who was proper enough to greet him with a handshake, so the gesture was completely foreign to him.
“M’ name is Kanda, and you still ‘aven’t answered my question; why are you bothering me?”
“Hm? Well… I talked to you because you looked sad and sort of lonely. I figured you could use someone to talk to.” Kanda blinked confusedly at the boy; who just walked up to someone because they looked sad? Kanda had never known someone who’d do that. Maybe this kid was just weird?
Either way, Kanda couldn’t help but feel oddly warm.
000
It was almost a month after his landlady had started sending him off to school everyday before she had enough free time to accompany him there and explain his situation to the nuns. They were sympathetic, and suddenly they stopped being so hard on him for not participating in class or having the proper books and whatnot. During that month, Lavi had become strangely attached to him. It sort of frightened Kanda, because no one but the landlady had been nice to him since he’d come to England, and even then she pitied him more than anything. Genuine kindness had yet to be found among these strange people.
“So,” Lavi walked up to Kanda with a bit of a pout on his face, “Why didn’t you tell me that your real name was Yuu?” Lavi asked; he’d eavesdropped on the landlady’s conversation with Mother Superior. He seemed to feel a bit hurt by the fact that Kanda had withheld such information from him, but Kanda didn’t understand what he’d done wrong.
“I told you my name was Kanda, and it is. Yuu is m’ name too, but ain’t it normal to give your family name first?”
“No, who told you that?”
“My parents, that’s the way we do things where I come from.” Kanda scowled at the redhead; who was he to question Kanda’s customs? Well, the few he knew about, anyway. Five years wasn’t really enough time to learn a lot about his culture.
“Where are you from anyway, Yuu?”
“Don’t call me that! It’s rude.”
“But you call me by my first name! How’s it rude? Anyway, answer my question, you never answer any of my questions right away, you know.” Lavi tapped his foot to illustrate his impatience.
“Nihon, you people call it Japan.”
Lavi’s eyes widened in amazement. “Whoa…Where’s that?”
“’Aven’t a clue.” Kanda had yet to see a world map, so he really had no idea just where it was in relation to England.
“Oh… So why are you here then?” Lavi asked. Kanda wasn’t sure if he really wanted to answer that question, he didn’t think anyone would believe him if he said he was smuggled over.
“Why do you ask? That annoyed by me already?” Kanda asked, hoping to dodge the question. He did, though he didn’t like the result of asking such a question.
“Of course not, Yuu! You’re my friend!” Lavi said loudly, and hugged him.
Kanda went rigid. He hated being touched, he’d started hating it the moment he was taken on that ship. He couldn’t trust foreigners enough to let them touch him at all. On the ship, the crew only beat him, and when he’d gotten lost in the streets, before he’d been taken in by the landlady, he’d had a few horrific run-ins with some less-than-pleasant men. They treated him the same way the crew had treated the women, the same way they’d treated that rude teenager who’d given himself up to protect Kanda. He’d felt like he was going to die and didn’t understand how he’d managed to live.
Foreigners couldn’t be trusted, he couldn’t let even a child near him.
“LET GO OF ME!” Kanda shouted, and violently pushed Lavi away. The redhead didn’t understand what he’d done wrong, and looked hurt. Kanda was too busy trying to stop himself from shaking to care.
“Yuu…?”
“Don’t call me that..!”
“What’s wrong, Kanda?” Lavi had always been observant, and the fear that was pervading Kanda’s expression was clear as day to him. There was something wrong with Kanda’s reaction, but he was too young to know what.
Finally, Kanda realized how strange, how frightened he was acting, and shook himself out of it. “Nothing, just… I don’t like being touched, please don’t.”
“Okay… You sure you’re alright though?”
“I’m fine!” Kanda snapped. Lavi gave him a concerned look; Kanda could hardly stand to lie to Lavi’s honest face.
000
Somehow Kanda had managed to make it through a year of school. He’d picked up proper English quickly enough, and the nuns seemed determined to stop him from slipping back into the slight cockney accent he’d picked up during his first year in London.
Lavi was all but affixed to his hip now and seemed to fancy himself Kanda’s best friend. Kanda didn’t want best friends, but he supposed Lavi must’ve been something special to him because aside from his landlady, Lavi was the only foreigner he trusted. He was the only person Yuu could stand in general, really.
Kanda had thought that he probably would not see Lavi at all during summer vacation, because he had no idea where they would meet outside of school. He was wrong though, as one day he was sent on another fake errand that landed him directly in front of a huge mansion the likes of which he’d never seen. It seemed that his landlady and Lavi’s grandfather (when had they gotten in touch?) had arranged a little play date for the two of them. Kanda just wished the old lady would tell him these things. After that he’d seen a lot more of Lavi, and had to dodge a lot of questions about his own place of residence and his family.
At last the new school year had started, and this time Kanda didn’t hesitate to walk into the schoolyard, though seeing all of the new families bring in their children still made him feel lonely. He stood apart from the rest of the crowd and waited for the only person who mattered.
As he surveyed the crowd of students, one family stood out to him. It wasn’t really a whole family, just two people. One was a little girl with her short hair drawn up into two cute pigtails. The older of the two who looked to be in his mid-teens; he was maybe a year or so older than the two boys who’d protected him on the ship. They didn’t look like everyone else; they looked like him, like foreigners to England. He wondered how they’d gotten here.
The girl seemed hesitant to leave her older brother, and Kanda decided it must be her brother because he was far too young to have a child who looked to be about five.
“Yay, Yuu waited for me! I’d hug him if only he’d let me.” Kanda gave a bit of a scowl when he heard Lavi approaching him. Over the past year he’d realized that not all foreigners were bad, and that he’d just gotten a particularly bad first impression of them but he still hated being touched. However, it seemed the more he denied people contact, the more Lavi wanted a hug. Damned touchy-feely rabbit brat.
“Try it and I’ll break your arms.”
“Violent as always, I see…You never did explain why you hate hugs so much. There’s a lot of stuff you’ve never explained to me, Yuu.”
Kanda tried not to sigh at the use of his given name. He’d made it clear that it was not to be used by the redhead, but Lavi had made it clear that he was going to use it anyway.
The school bell rang and Kanda pushed away from the wall he was leaning on.
“Excuse me,” a little voice came from Kanda’s left, and he felt a little tug on his sleeve. Kanda looked down to see the little girl that he’d noticed earlier. She was looking up at him with wide, innocent eyes and Kanda instantly knew that she didn’t know much hardship. She’d probably come to England peacefully.
“Um… You sort of look like me and my ge-ge,” she said, releasing his sleeve and looking at her toes. Kanda couldn’t help but think her behavior was cute. He found it a bit easier to like her because she wasn’t a foreigner and she wasn’t a male. “Well, you don’t look like everyone else…”
“And you sort of look like me,” he replied to her statement, not really sure what she was getting at.
“Are you from China, too?” She asked, looking hopeful. He shook his head no.
“I’m from Japan.”
“Oh…” She took a moment to think about that, probably wondering where Japan was, but in the end she just shook off the thought. “Well, my name is Lee Lenalee, it’s nice to meet you!” She said with a happy smile and a polite bow. It seemed she didn’t particularly care if he was just like her or not. Darn it though, she was precious, and it was pretty obvious that Lavi thought the same thing.
“I’m Kanda Yuu.”
“And I’m Lavi! Let’s be friends, ‘kay?” And so Kanda suddenly found himself with a new friend.
000
Kanda was always very wary on his walks home from school. The streets weren’t safe for a kid like himself, he had to be careful. Usually it was easy enough to stay out of trouble if he just kept to himself. Don’t look anyone in the eye, don’t get involved in other people’s fights, don’t stare and don’t speak. As long as he did all of that, he was safe, for the most part.
One day he found it too hard to keep out of other people’s business though.
“Let me go!” A loud yell sounded just as Kanda was passing by a rather bad alley. He hated taking this road, but it was easier to get home this way. He wanted to just ignore the yell, goodness how he would’ve liked to just keep walking, but that voice was too damn childish to just ignore. Kanda couldn’t help but remember the two who had gone out of their way to protect him and the rest of the kids on that ship, he remembered how he had hated being in their debt but was thankful for their protection.
He had always wanted to pay them back, but he would probably never meet them again. Maybe he could still return the favor though, by doing what they always did for someone else?
Against his better judgment Kanda turned into the alley to see an older man trying to pin a young boy with the strangest white hair. He’d never seen a kid with hair that color, he wondered how it got to be that way.
“’Ey you big jerk, let that kid go!” Kanda yelled into the alley before he could chicken out and run away. Immediately he caught the kid and his attacker’s attention. He ran into the alley and delivered a quick kick to the man’s face; he was on the ground, it was easy enough to reach. With a yell the man let go of the boy and covered his injured nose. The kid looked up at him with wide gray eyes and Kanda noticed the strange scar on his face. He seemed too afraid to know that he was supposed to run.
Kanda picked the kid up off the ground and quickly brought the child to the mouth of the alley.
“Get outta ‘ere kid!” he said, dragging the boy forward. The boy, his eyes still frightened and wide, nodded and did as told, shouting a thank you as he ran. Kanda was quick to try and escape too, now that the kid was safe there was no reason to stick around. It seemed he wasn’t that lucky though, for a moment later he was dragged back, kicking and screaming.
“Damnit, ya ‘elped ‘im get away ya little snot!” The man growled out, “You better make up for it now!”
Kanda felt fear clamp down on his being, because he knew that no one else was stupid enough to make his mistake. He wasn’t getting away.
000
“You’re back Yuu!”
“Kanda, what happened to you?”
When Kanda returned to school after a two-week absence, he was greeted in this way by his friends at the front gate. The landlady had decided that she would have to start walking him to and from school after what happened, and had gone in to explain vaguely why Kanda had missed so much school.
“I was sick, so I stayed home,” Kanda answered. It was somewhat true, he had been unwell for a while. “I feel okay now, but you’d better stay away or you might catch it.” That was a blatant lie, but Kanda just didn’t want to be near anyone anymore. He hadn’t even wanted to leave the safety of the landlady’s apartment that morning.
“Don’t be stupid Yuu, we’d rather catch our deaths than leave you alone!” Lavi said in what was supposed to be a reassuring way, and Kanda internally groaned; that was exactly what he didn’t want to hear.
But then again, maybe he what he needed at the moment was to be with these two? To be with people he could trust?
000
“Yuu, there’s still so much you haven’t told me about you, but we’ve been friends for three years now,” Lavi said randomly one day. The two of them were currently in Lavi’s room at the Mikk mansion. Lavi was the only foreign boy he trusted enough to be alone with. Kanda was definitely bias against foreigners and most of his own gender, but that was to be expected after everything that had happened. In all honesty he didn’t much care for girls either, he found them pitiable, and a touch more trustworthy, but that was it.
“If I haven’t told you something, that’s because it doesn’t matter,” Kanda said, dismissing the topic.
“It does matter though! At least it does to me… I wanna know all the little things,” Lavi insisted. Kanda knew that Lavi really did want to know, he brought this subject up so much. Well, they were alone at the moment and Kanda knew that if he told Lavi not to tell anyone, he wouldn’t… Maybe it was time to just confess everything to him? It certainly couldn’t feel much worse than keeping it all in did.
“Are you really sure you want to know about me? My story isn’t a pretty one,” Kanda warned.
“I can handle it. ‘Sides, if something bad happened to you, then I wanna be able to take some of the burden off of you.”
Kanda raised an eyebrow to this, unsure of just how Lavi intended to go about doing that, but decided that it was time to give in and just tell his friend the truth.
“Well, I came here when I was five. See, there were these strange guys in my hometown…”
000
Somehow, Kanda had gotten emotional during his story. He hated it, and for so many years he had tried to reconcile his upset feelings, and when that didn’t work he’d tried to bury them, but in the end he still couldn’t keep himself under control. Saying everything out loud made it so real, hearing it come out of his own mouth made it hurt more than he thought possible. Even so, Kanda fought back his tears until the end and tried not to let his voice waver too much.
“Yuu… is that all true? It’s so much, and you’re not even ten yet…!”
“Oh yeah, ‘cause I would definitely lie about being kidnapped and dumped in some city halfway across the world from my home!” Kanda could hardly believe Lavi had the gall to ask that. They both knew he wasn’t nearly creative enough to make up a story like that.
“No, I don’t doubt that it happened, you’re here after all… But that really does explain a lot about you, like why you never let anyone touch you.” It had always hurt Lavi whenever Kanda pushed him away, and Kanda knew it did, but at least now Lavi understood why he did now.
“Why are you so hung up over hugging me anyway?” Kanda asked; he’d never really seen what was so great about hugs.
“Because that’s what you do when you like someone, you hug them. Personally, I think you could really use one right now, too.”
“Jerk, I definitely don’t.”
“No, I think you do,” Lavi said, seeming completely serious, “I mean, you should know that not everyone who touches you is out to hurt you. You should be able to trust at least one person enough to let them hug you. Do you trust me enough? Or do you think I’m out to hurt you?”
“No!” Kanda knew that of all the world’s people, Lavi was the one who was least likely to hurt him. “I just… I…” He was afraid he just didn’t want to admit it.
“Scared of me, Yuu?”
“Of course not, what’s there to be afraid of?”
“So you wouldn’t scream if I hugged you now?”
Oh, that was difficult to answer. Kanda didn’t want to admit to being afraid, but at the same time he was, the idea made him want to run. But he did trust Lavi, and there wasn’t any reason to be afraid of him.
“…No, now stop asking stupid questions.”
“Good!” Lavi said, and then he was suddenly at Kanda’s side. “Gonna hug ya now, if ya don’t mind.” Kanda braced himself for the paralyzing fear that he was sure would come with being touched as Lavi wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Amazingly enough it never came. Instead, he felt warm, warm and fluttery. It was nice, being held like this, comforting even. Kanda let out a deep breath and relaxed, suddenly Lavi seemed much more precious to him.
000
The courtyard of the Mikk household was splendid, really. There was a beautiful rose garden, and that was where the two boys were playing. Lenalee wasn’t allowed over, her brother was over-protective and thought all little boys were just out to steal his sweet little sister from him. Kanda had met the guy a few times, and had decided that he was rather normal until the subject of Lenalee came up, then he was crazy. He reminded Kanda of that kind boy from the ship before he got sick, energetic and protective.
So they were alone in the rose garden together. Kanda had long since gotten used to Lavi and his constant need for hugs and whatnot. It was like opening a dam really; one had naturally leaded to many, many more. In all honesty, Kanda didn’t mind in the least, Lavi made him feel comfortable. Over the past year Kanda had received more hugs than he could count. He was ten years old now, he’d officially spent half of his life in England, and he was finally starting to feel okay in this country.
“Hey Yuu,” Lavi called, and Kanda looked over to him, walking in his direction.
“What?”
“Would you mind if I kissed you?” Lavi asked in all seriousness.
Kanda was completely bowled over by the question. That was just too random, why on earth would he ask that? Kanda was a boy, a boy! They both knew that so why would he ask such a thing? Besides they were friends, did friends kiss? Well, he supposed it depended on the kind of kiss, didn’t it?
“Why would you want to?” Kanda asked; for Kanda something like that was exceptionally intimate, no one had ever kissed him, not even those attackers of his.
“Because when ya love someone you kiss them,” Lavi said, looking him directly in the eye. There was no hint of a lie in his eye, Lavi was serious about what he was saying, well as serious as a child could be about such matters. Kanda’s face turned bright red, he’d never really expected to hear that word from anyone, especially not Lavi. That all-powerful “L” word…
“I…” How did one respond to a question like that? Wouldn’t it be shameless to say yes? It would hurt Lavi to say no, and Kanda didn’t really want to do that. He needed a moment to decide, and avoided answering by asking another question.
“Are you serious?” Kanda knew Lavi was, he could see it in his glowing eyes, but he needed to ask anyway.
“Of course. I wouldn’t dare ask if I weren’t.”
Kanda couldn’t bring himself to say no when Lavi was so sincere. He took a shy step toward Lavi, his cheeks still burning red, and looked up to Lavi.
“Okay then, you can.”
Lavi looked surprised for a moment, and Kanda wondered if he had frozen and couldn’t bring himself to do it. But soon enough the bunny boy reigned in his wits and leaned over, placing a chaste kiss on Yuu’s lips. A light, joyful feeling bubbled up in Kanda and he thought that maybe, just maybe, he loved Lavi too.
000
Everything that was good in Kanda’s life came undone the moment he was done with his primary education. His landlady had died of pneumonia, and apparently she had a son who she’d left her boarding house to. This son hated kids, and wanted Kanda out of that building since he wasn’t a paying tenant. Kanda had told the son of his arrangement with the old landlady, but he would have none of it. He didn’t need to be told to leave twice.
At first, Kanda entertained the idea of going to Lavi and asking for help, but he didn’t want to trouble his friend with his problems. Besides, his pride wouldn’t allow him to go running to Lavi every time something went wrong. So Kanda looked around the area he was familiar with to find a place to stay. There were quite a few abandoned factory warehouses around, but most of them were filled with the homeless and destitute. There was no room for another body and quite frankly he didn’t want to live in such an impersonal place.
Eventually though he did find a small little run-down house that he supposed would be enough to get him through the colder months. He’d gotten pretty good at making repairs to walls and such, his old landlady had taught him how to do a lot of things on his own, and he’d learned plenty about construction on the ship. It took a few months of finding scrap wood and stealing tools, but he managed to turn the little hovel into something fairly respectable.
Even so, he found himself staying over Lavi’s house a lot more than he used to. At least, he did until he realized he was starting to get tailed. The desperate people around him were curious as to where he was going everyday now that the landlady couldn’t make him go to school anymore. Kanda was worried, he didn’t want to lead bad, dangerous people to Lavi’s home, or Lenalee’s for that matter. The first few times he noticed his pursuers, he’d turned back and gone home.
After a while, he did manage to give those people the slip and managed to get to Lavi’s without being followed. However, after being followed so many times he was paranoid; he didn’t want to cause trouble for the people who had been so kind to him for all these years. So he decided this would be the last time he went to Lavi’s house, this would be the last time he saw his friends. It was for their own good.
Needless to say, the redhead didn’t take the news well, he begged Kanda to reconsider and refused to tell Lenalee that Kanda wouldn’t be seeing her again either. Nothing Kanda said could make Lavi realize just how dangerous the people following him probably were. In the end Kanda had just had to run away from the estate, not looking back as he left it for what he was sure would be the last time.
000
A year had passed since Kanda had stopped contacting Lavi and Lenalee, and he could definitely say that he’d had better days. He was trying to find an honest job, but in the meantime he had to steal to get by and he hated doing something so dishonest. He didn’t trust anyone around him, no one was worthy of it. There was no one to talk to either, it was lonely. The only comfort he had was the fact that he’d lived through worse days.
One day when he left his home in search of a job or someone to scam (whichever came first), he realized that a small gang of boys in their older teens and early twenties who were infamous for the trouble they caused seemed about ready to cause a scene. Kanda had long since decided that he wouldn’t bother with other people’s problems, but he was still curious enough to try and find their target in the crowd.
It wasn’t hard to. There, walking down the street was Lavi, looking completely out of place in his nicely tailored clothes and shining leather shoes. Goodness, the kid was asking to be robbed or mugged or something. Heck, if Lavi hadn’t been one of his friends then even Yuu would’ve been tempted to pick his pockets.
But as it was, his appearance here was just worrying. He was going to get hurt if he stuck around for long. Kanda ran towards Lavi, and the redhead jumped when he’d heard his name being called. It was clear that Lavi was tense, he wasn’t comfortable with being here.
“You idiot, do you want to get yer ass mugged?” Kanda hissed at Lavi when he reached him. Lavi blinked at him for a moment, as though he didn’t recognize Kanda. Maybe he didn’t, Kanda had grown and besides he probably didn’t look as clean as Lavi remembered. But then a smile etched its way onto Lavi’s face and he hugged Kanda. Yuu was too worried and annoyed with Lavi to reciprocate though, and pushed him away.
“This is ‘ardly the time or place for a reunion, idiot! Do you see those four guys over there? They’re getting ready to rob ya blind because you don’t ‘ave the common sense to dress down when coming to the East end!” Kanda scolded, angry that Lavi had put himself in harm’s way for no reason.
“Well, I wouldn’t be down here if a certain someone came to visit every once in a while. Yuu, just come live with me at the Mikk mansion, I can get you a job there or something if you want. I just don’t want you to live like this…I don’t want to live knowing that I can’t see you, knowing that you’re here alone!” Lavi explained hurriedly, as though he didn’t think Kanda was going to let him speak.
“We can talk about this later, Lavi, but right now you need to get out of here!” Kanda said, getting a bit panicked; they were getting closer, Lavi wasn’t going to be safe for much longer.
“No, you won’t come see me and I know it! This is the only way I can get you talk to me!” Lavi objected, looking hurt. He just refused to understand the position he as in, it frustrated Kanda! Angry and worried, Yuu grabbed Lavi and started pulling him in the general direction of the Mikk mansion.
“Lavi you have to leave now, you’ll be hurt if you don’t!”
“You’ll be hurt if you stay here too, Yuu!”
“Now’s not the time for this!”
“Yes it is!”
The sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted the two, and Kanda cursed under his breath. Shit, they’d been approached.
“’ey kiddie, ya sure do look fancy, all dressed up like that,” the leader of that group said with a sneer. “Makes me sort of pissed when lil’ rich kids like you show up. How ‘bout you share the wealth, Red?”
Kanda stepped between the men and Lavi, he’d gotten himself a bit of a reputation as a fighter over the past few years, and while he knew he couldn’t beat all four of them at once, he could buy Lavi enough time to run.
“’E’s just an idiot servant, th’ brat’s got no money on ‘im,” Kanda said, hoping that would be enough to dissuade the thugs.
“Maybe ‘e doesn’t, but those fancy clothes of ‘is would sell for a lot, you know? ‘Sides, why should I believe you?”
“’Cause I know ‘e’s got nothin’ on ‘im, so just leave ‘im the hell alone before you make an arse of ye’self.” Kanda looked the older man in the eye defiantly, daring him to make a move against Lavi. Faintly, he heard Lavi mutter “The nuns at our school would cry if they heard you now…” Kanda growled at him; he wasn’t helping.
“We’ll check the bloke out ourselves, if ya don’t mind runt,” the man said, and then the four lunged in unison. Kanda push Lavi away, and fought off who he could.
“Run you idiot!” He shouted when it seemed like Lavi wasn’t going to move. The redhead just scowled and roundhouse kicked the nearest thug. Kanda cursed under his breath, it was just like Lavi to think he could do something in this situation. Granted he was a pretty good fighter, he’d even taught Kanda a move or two, but he wasn’t prepared for an unfair fight, and he had no idea how to fight someone who had a weapon. Kanda knew these guys were armed.
They proved him right soon enough. Annoyed, the one that Lavi had first kicked pulled out a switchblade. Kanda yelled a warning and tried to hit the knife out of the man’s hand before he could do any harm, but he left an opening in his defense that was quickly taken advantage of. In the moment he took to dodge the blows he could, Lavi had been cut.
The scream struck him to his very core, and Kanda decided it was time to run and not care who followed. He tried not to look at Lavi’s face, and just checked to be sure that the redhead could still run. He was afraid to find out what had happened, afraid to see what they’d done to Lavi. It was his fault, he knew, he couldn’t protect Lavi so it had to be his fault.
“Damnit, Lavi…” Kanda said between pants when they’d finally reached a safe place, “Do you get it now? Those were the kind of people that were following me to your house, they’d have robbed you blind if I had led them there!”
Kanda wasn’t sure if Lavi could really understand him at the moment, he was probably in shock. He did realize the irony in his own words though, when he finally dared to look at Lavi’s injury. It was a deep gash over his right eye. Lavi was going to lose that eye, or at the very least he would lose his sight in it.
Angry, Kanda was angry and fighting against himself so that he wouldn’t take it out on Lavi. Damnit, if the redhead had just stayed on his side of town none of this would’ve happened. Kanda didn’t have time to get upset though, he had to get Lavi home or to a hospital. The boy was shaking and was probably fit to collapse soon from the shock of having his face ripped open.
In the end Lavi did lose his eye, and Kanda lost all contact with him.
000
By age 13 Kanda was pretty used to the life he led. He was independent, a good fighter, and could provide for himself. No one bothered him anymore; he was too strong to mess with, even if he was just a kid. He was alone, but at least he wasn’t hurting anyone.
Shopping for food was probably the only honest business he conducted anymore, stealing food was beneath even him, doing so made him feel like a stray dog. So that’s what he was doing when he bumped into his old friend Lenalee. He was quick to avert his eyes and try to walk away, he hoped she wouldn’t remember him, after all it had been two years since he’d stopped seeing her. No such luck though, as soon enough he felt a hand on his shoulder, and that familiar voice was calling out to him.
“Kanda, is that you?” She asked, and he ducked his head a bit. He couldn’t lie to her, it had always been so hard to lie to her and that hadn’t changed. She narrowed her questioning eyes at him for a long moment, inspecting him.
“It is you, isn’t it?” Finally he turned around and faced her, nodding in response. “Kanda!” She was quick to hug him, and Kanda fought back his reflex to hit whoever touched him. It was just Lenalee, she was just happy to see him. Besides, being touched in a way that wasn’t painful was… strange to him now, foreign, it felt nice.
“You don’t look like you’re doing too well,” She commented, he voice muffled by his shirt. “You’re too skinny and no offense, but you stink.” She always had been a bit too honest.
“Yeah, well you try staying clean when you live in a hovel,” he muttered before thinking. Lenalee looked up at him with worry.
“So you really are living in a bad place, aren’t you?” She asked, innocent eyes trained on him. Kanda tried to deny what she said; he couldn’t have her worrying about him and making Lavi’s mistake. But she wouldn’t allow him to make up excuses, she exhibited more strength than he’d remembered her having when she dragged him all the way to a very large mansion that he remembered coming to once a long time ago. She lived here with her brother, it was the Marian manor.
“Why did you bring me here?” Kanda asked as she dragged him through the front gates.
“I’m going to get you a job here! My brother is the young master’s best friend, and my best friend is the son of the Master’s assistant, if I ask them to, I know they can help you!”
“No! I don’t want anyone’s charity!” Kanda shouted coldly, and tried to pull away from her. She just looked at him with a glare.
“Well too bad, ‘cause I’m going to do it anyway!” Kanda didn’t remember her being quite so forceful, it was sort of strange to see her this way. But her voice said not to go against her, and Kanda didn’t really want to refuse her offer anyway, his pride was the only thing that had kept him from accepting Lavi’s help before, and he hardly had any of that left now.
Kanda felt a bit of fear when he faced Komui again after all of these years; if he still had that sister-complex of his, then he would probably be too protective of Lenalee to let her associate with someone like Kanda. But that wasn’t the case, because Komui actually recognized him and worried over him just as much as Lenalee had.
Kanda felt oddly nostalgic when he was forced into a bath and clean clothes. Komui and Lenalee had talked to him through the door the entire time, they were trying to convince him that it wouldn’t be so bad working here, he’d like it, working under Cross was undoubtedly better than living in the East end. Maybe it was because he felt cleaner than he had in years and that had put him in an agreeable mood, but somewhere along the way he started believing them.
The job was easy enough to get, he was apprenticed under an older guard who was getting ready to retire. Both his teacher and his employer were kind enough people and the master didn’t seem to care about him either way. He was back with people, normal, functioning people and he felt like he didn’t belong. Even so, as the weeks turned into months and years, he started thinking “Maybe this isn’t so bad…?”
Because maybe relying on others wasn’t so bad?