Running From Sunrise, Chasing the Moon 8/?
Title: Running from Sunrise, Chasing the Moon
Pairing: CrossxAllen/TykixAllen side-pairing: LaviYuu and a secret pairing~
Rated: M because this story will get filled with fail porn, and centers around pedophila. This chapters very innocent and work safe though.
Warnings: This chapter is a little limey....but nothing serious...
Disclaimer: Saya owns the play, but not the actors. They belong to Hoshino.
Summary: He's running from what he can't avoid, and chasing after what he can never have. Allen was content serving his master, so why...?
Gosh, it's been way too long since the last update D: It was during the summer or something....mid-july? Saya wrote it while on a trip so year...early to mid-july... Dang it. Saya's gonna try to be better than that from now on, sorry >.>;
8. Story-telling
They were leaving for Venice today, Cross and Allen were. They were off to beautiful Italy, to share a wonderful three months together as uninhibited lovers, or something to that affect, Komui figured. Cross was going to have a bloody good time worrying about absolutely nothing and he was perfectly intending to leave all of his work with Komui, as he had done every year since the Chinese man had come to be under his employ. It sort of pissed Komui off a bit, made him feel indignant. Jealous too, though over what he couldn’t quite decide.
But the most annoying part of all was that just a few hours before what would undoubtedly be a wondrous voyage for Cross, that very man was in the lab with him, fretting over something or other that had happened when Komui had dared to look away from the man for one damn second. Allen was once again gone from the lab, he was most likely packing the few things the master would need for the trip over to Italy; Cross’ summer home had everything he would need once he got there, he just needed a few changes of clothes and something to occupy his time during the trip there.
“So what’d you do this time?” Komui asked, preparing himself for whatever trivial concern Cross had now.
Cross was a bit offended by the tone of voice Komui was using with him. When had Komui started getting so sarcastic with him anyway? It was as though the younger man was angry with him. Then again, Cross supposed it was perfectly possible that Komui was annoyed, he probably didn’t care to hear Cross drone on about his problems selfishly like this. Cross realized this, but he was indeed selfish by nature, so the notion was quickly tossed aside.
“I made Allen cry.”
Komui quickly turned his face to Cross, his eyes wide with surprise. Allen never cried, he hadn’t since Mana died, so what on earth had Cross said or done to elicit that response from the boy?
“Well, I’m not sure if it was really me or what, but… He woke me up yesterday morning like always, but the moment I touched him he just said “I’m sorry” and broke down on me,” Cross explained, his brows knitting together as he recounted what had happened. Komui made a similar expression, what could’ve happened to make Allen cry? His mind swirled with a million worst-case scenarios, and Komui sincerely hoped that none of them were correct.
“Did he say anything? Did he tell you what happened when he came back to his senses?”
“No, but what was more troubling than the lack of reason was the way he apologized…for some reason, it reminded me of… of her,” Cross admitted; Komui’s eyebrows shot up together, this was undoubtedly the first time in years that Cross had mentioned her himself, without Komui speaking of her first.
“What do you mean? You used to say that they were nothing alike, at first that was your whole reason for liking him, and now you’re saying Allen reminds you of… of Maria?”
Maria-the name that had been taboo in the Marian household for nearly 7 years now, the name of the only woman Cross had ever given his heart to. The woman whom Komui suspected had taken that very heart with her to the grave. The name was familiar to his tongue in the same way food was to a malnourished person; the mouth remembered it, but only faintly, as though it were a phantom on his pallet.
“I know, I know, and to that affect, they’re still completely different, but… There was just something about the unexpectedness of it all that reminded me of what happened back then.” Cross sighed wearily, he didn’t want to deal with this again, he didn’t know if he could, and it was a rare thing for Cross to be unsure of himself.
“Are you worried that Allen will leave?” Komui asked, as though the idea was preposterous. Allen would never leave the manor, or Cross, the boy was far too attached, unhealthily so. Cross was just being foolish now, certainly. This was so unlike the over-confident master though, doubting Allen! Heck, Cross was doubting his own ability to charm and amore people in general, wasn’t he?
Sadly though, Cross didn’t seem to share Komui’s sentiments, and Komui could understand that. No one had expected Maria to leave either, but then again, she and Allen were on two opposite sides of the spectrum in terms of loyalty. Komui sighed in a disappointed manner.
“Cross, you’ve nothing to fear, alright? The situation may seem similar, but Maria and Allen are different, completely so. For starters, Maria was as much of a man-eater as you are a womanizer, she had a previous lover to actually leave with. Allen, on the other hand, is sorely lacking in that department. Besides, he’s a great deal more focused on you than she was. Have some faith in the kid. If it’s really bothering you, then tell him about it. I’m sure he’d understand your worries if you just explained them to him, and he’d assure you there’s nothing to fear.”
Cross nodded, before placing his face in his hand. “You’re right; I’m getting paranoid over nothing…”
“Exactly. You’re Cross Marian, for goodness sakes; there are maybe only one in a million people who could walk away from you. And in any case, even if you ever do end up without a real lover, at least I’ll still be around for you to come crying to,” Komui said, staring intently at the beaker he had in hand, he didn’t think he could look Cross in the face. Cross huffed a bit at that last remark.
“I wouldn’t cry,” Cross said, scowling.
“Perhaps that’s the problem?” Komui muttered under his breath. The statement went unheard by Cross.
000
Agitation was ill befitting of Tyki Mikk. In an attempt to make it seem as though nothing was amiss, he’d gone out on his usual morning walk. But it wasn’t his usual morning walk now, Allen wasn’t there. Worse yet, he knew exactly where Allen was and that made jealousy surge through Tyki like nothing else had. It felt as though Allen were choosing Cross over him; and he was, of course, Allen’s master had to come before everyone. Though Tyki didn’t want to think such things, his mind wouldn’t stop torturing him with ideas and scenarios that were decidedly not-platonic. Tyki knew that if he were in Cross’ place, he wouldn’t be able to resist taking advantage.
Feeling more annoyed than he could ever remember being, Tyki briskly walked to his study, fell into his desk chair, and grabbed his cigarettes. He took out three and lit them all; who’s afraid of a bit of cancer?
Lavi was left speechless for a moment when he saw this, but quickly regained his bearings and stormed into the room. Quickly snatching two out if the three cigarettes, he gave his master a disapproving and confused look. Tyki had been slowly quitting smoking, decreasing the amount he smoked a day, and while Lavi had no idea what had brought about the sudden change, he was thankful for it. He would understand if maybe Tyki was just craving cigarettes, but smoking three at once was just ridiculous.
“Master, you may be going through withdrawal, but that’s hardly a reason to storm around like a child and shove three coffin nails in your mouth,” Lavi said in a scolding manner, but he was immediately taken aback when he saw his master’s expression. Tyki was pissed, and Lavi wasn’t sure if it was his fault or not. Without thinking, he took a step back.
Lavi had never had the displeasure of dealing with Tyki when he looked so…well, he looked ready to bite someone’s head off. Lavi had no desire to lose his head.
“Um…sir, is there something you’d like to talk about? You seem upset,” Lavi said, trying to sound polite. He couldn’t imagine what had happened on his master’s morning walk that could anger the man so.
“It’s nothing, I just…need some time to cool down, if you don’t mind,” Tyki said, sighing at his own inability to control his emotions. There was no need for him to scare his own assistant.
“If you’re sure, Master…” Lavi said, sounding anything but. Tyki nodded and dismissed the younger man. Sighing, he held his face in his hands; God, he was a fool. He had no business being possessive of someone who was not his. He also had no real reason to believe that Allen had anything more than a master/servant relationship with Cross Marian. There was no reason to be upset, so why did he feel so angry?
The summer was going to be so long.
000
The walls were a pale, cerulean blue, as were the sheer curtains that hung around the four-poster bed. The beautiful sheets of a dark royal blue color shone dully in the morning light that could only ever complement the room’s colors. Calming, that’s what this room was.
Allen found waking up in this room a bit disconcerting at first. They were in Venice now, they had arrived the evening before, too worn and tired from their three-day trip to do much more than drop their things in a corner and fall into bed together. Sleep had been quick to join them.
Now as Allen’s eyes took in the pale light of the room, he wished he could close them and go back to sleep. Then he remembered that he could actually do that; after all, this was as much his vacation as it was Cross’. At this house, there was someone else here who took care of the house and kept everything running; all Allen had to do was take care of his master and his master exclusively.
A moment after Allen woke, he felt a hand softly petting his hair, and without thinking he leaned into the contact, feeling very much like a content cat. He felt heavy with sleep and he didn’t much fancy the idea of being active yet. Cross however, didn’t seem to share those sentiments exactly.
The older man sighed, and ran his free hand through his own hair, grimacing at the dirty feel. If there was one thing Cross hated above all else when it came to traveling, it was how dirty it made him. Any bath that wasn’t his own was automatically too dirty to really clean him, and usually made him feel even more contaminated.
“I can’t believe we slept when we’re so disgusting,” he said with a groan. Allen let out a little chuckle; it was just like his master to feel that way. Sighing, Allen sat up, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Cross did the same a moment later, and the two of them left for the bath chamber.
Everything was a beautiful gray and white color in this room, and the bath was more like a pool than a bath. It was made of white marble and was built into the floor. It was three feet deep and five feet in either direction. The water had already been changed for the day, and was steaming hot, made translucent with bath oils. All in all, it looked inviting. It hardly took a moment for the two to strip and submerge themselves in the water.
“My favorite part of this house is most definitely the bath,” Cross said with a sigh. Allen made a content little noise in agreement as he leaned against the side of the bath. This was wonderful, he was free to let his mind wander, and he was leaving England and all of the problems that had come up there behind. Allen sunk under the water a bit more and blew some bubbles in the water.
“How childish,” Cross commented, an interesting little smirk on his face. Allen sat up straight and huffed.
“There’s nothing wrong with me being a bit childish.”
“I never said there was. I was thinking it was cute, it’s not often that you seem like a kid anymore,” Cross said, and vaguely, Allen noted he sounded a bit guilty.
“It’s not often that I feel like acting as one,” Allen replied. He sunk back into the water again, but this time he kept his face above the surface. For a moment they just silently took pleasure in the clean feeling the water around them offered. Then Cross motioned for him to come over, and Allen curiously sat in front of his master.
“Turn around,” Cross commanded, and Allen did. A moment later he was doused with hot water. Allen pouted a bit and attempted to blow a wet strand of hair out of his face.
“A bit of warning would be appreciated, Master,” Allen commented dryly; Cross just chuckled a dumped another bucket of water on the kid’s head. Once Allen was properly soaked, he reached to his left to pick up one of the bottles on the side of the bath. Allen was a bit surprised when he realized that for once it was Cross washing his hair instead of the other way around. It felt nice to feel his master’s hands massaging sweet-scented oils into his scalp. Contentedly, Allen let out a little sigh.
“Allen, I’ve got… a bit of a story for you,” Cross said suddenly. Allen inclined his head thoughtfully to show he was listening. Cross tried to stop himself from just saying a bunch of bullshit to get out of this situation, Komui had told him to tell Allen about that incident, and while he hated speaking about it, he supposed Allen did have some right to know.
“There was once a young man, who was just spectacular at everything he did, and really he was just born to be beautiful.” Allen chuckled and rolled his eyes; the only man Cross would ever compliment like that was himself.
“The young man was a noble, so it wasn’t very unusual for him to be betrothed to someone almost from birth. The young man met his wife-to-be when he was just a child, as was she. They absolutely hated each other from the moment they met. Their entire childhood consisted of trying to best each other, and as they grew into teenagers they made it a point to lavish all of their attention on anyone but each other. She had her lovers and so did he. It was not until the young man’s best friend pointed out that they were incredibly alike and nearly perfect for each other that they realized it themselves though.”
Wait, so Cross had been married once? Well, engaged at least but…Allen had never known that, though he should’ve figured, Cross was a noble after all. And he’d had a wife who was…just like him, from the sounds of it. Vaguely Allen wondered how much criticism she had to put up with, women always had it worse than men when it came to matters of infidelity. Still… If Cross had a perfect fiancé, then where was she?
“Within the next year they had suddenly grown much closer, and had dropped all of their lovers, and even most of their bad habits. Within two years of that they had plans to be married. Before then, neither of the two thought they could be happy while tied down to someone else, but somehow the thought of being together wasn’t so bad, as long as they were together in the end - Or at least, that’s what the young man had thought.
“For a while it seemed that the feeling was mutual, but one day the woman just apologized out of the blue. The young man didn’t understand why she had at the time, but he figured it out the next morning when he woke alone with nothing but a note explaining that she’d run off with the one lover that she couldn’t let go of.”
Allen’s eyes couldn’t have been wider. So there was actually a woman in the world that could leave Cross? It seemed so bizarre; Allen wondered why the world hadn’t imploded in on itself. He closed his eyes tightly when he heard Cross gather up another bucket of water to dump over his head; this time it was intended to rinse him off.
“Over the next year, the young man dove headfirst back into his old habits, and at first he hardly noticed that his trusted butler had gained a second shadow. But he did, eventually, because it was hard not to notice the oddly colored squirt. Especially when said squirt glared at him every morning, and wondered aloud in his little cockney accent why on earth his surrogate father bothered to wait on the young man.”
Allen huffed a bit at Cross’ description of him, there was no need to call him a squirt, he hadn’t been that short, surely. The white-haired teen realized that the story was not yet finished though, and wondered what had happened in the past 8 or so years right under his nose that he had not noticed.
“At that time, the young man couldn’t help but compare everything the little kid did to what she had done when she was young. It was understandable- or so said the best friend- the kid had come in just as the woman had left. At first the two were startlingly alike, which annoyed the young man to no end, but it didn’t take more than a year for the child to change into someone completely different. He became her opposite, in essence, the one person the young man could look at without being reminded of the woman who had left. He hadn’t been here when she had left, he didn’t look at the young man with pity, and he had no ties with her at all, really. It wasn’t long before the young man was intrigued, if for no other reason than because this new person was safe, in a way.”
Allen pondered over the meaning of this story as Cross got a soapy washcloth and started rubbing small circles over his back. It felt nice, and thankfully it kept Allen’s mind from going down a particularly depressing path.
“But then, just two years after she’d gone and the young man was finally ready to give up the ghost and move on, he received a letter. The man whom she thought had been the better choice had been the wrong choice. She was a woman with a past of infidelity, and her lover didn’t trust her now that he had her. He turned abusive and well, she’d never been the kind of woman who’d take something like that without saying anything. She intended to steal away by night and return to the young man, if he’d still have her.
“He still would, indeed. On the day that they were supposed to meet to bring her back home though, something terrible happened. Her lover had caught up with her and murdered her in the street. It was an ill-befitting death for her. The young man had made it to their meeting place on time only to watch as the paramedics carried away her body.
“The lover was apprehended, but the young man still blamed himself for her death. If he had only gotten to their meeting place earlier, he could’ve saved her, if only he had held onto her tighter, made it so that she couldn’t leave the safety of his home in the first place, if only he had realized earlier that there had been someone planning to take her away… She would’ve lived, he was sure of it.
“And so her name became a taboo in his home, and the only two with the guts to speak of her were the butler and the best friend. The squirt was slowly growing into a refined young man, and thankfully he was still a safe person who knew nothing of the incident. Years passed and the butler died. Along with the butler went his son.”
Allen stiffened under Cross’ hands. He was definitely still alive, and Allen really hoped that Cross wasn’t old enough to have had two butlers with sons die on him. Really, if two people Cross cared about in some abstract way or other died, then what did that say about Allen’s future…? Perhaps this was his fair warning.
“Well, the boy didn’t really die,” Cross said in response to Allen’s sudden tenseness, “But he was like the living dead. Now the kid was reminding the young man of himself, and he couldn’t help but want to change that. He felt something akin to empathy with the boy. He couldn’t just leave the boy like that, so for reasons unknown even to himself at the time, he offered to take the place of that boy’s important person. Really though, the young man just needed someone to be her replacement. The boy accepted, and the two of them became stand-ins for someone else.
“Eventually though, the young man began to see the boy as more than just a replacement, and the child became truly dear to him. However, even though the boy was the woman’s opposite in every way, the young man couldn’t help but feel anxious now that there was someone close to him again. Would this person run off? Would this person die? Without realizing it, the young man began tightening his grip on the boy, and despite what the best friend said on the matter, the man couldn’t loosen his hold on the boy. And so the story went and still goes… Crappy ending, hm?”
Allen’s head was swimming. He had been a replacement? Well, he supposed it was only fair, seeing as Cross had taken up the place Mana had in him, though he did so in a completely different way, of course. Still, it hurt to know that. And who was that woman, anyway? Who was she that she could mean so much to Cross Marian? He’d loved her enough to give up womanizing and even his other bad habits, if the story was anything to go by.
Allen couldn’t help but think that Cross didn’t care for him nearly as much as he had cared about her. It was stupid to be envious of a dead woman, but he couldn’t help himself. He’d been trying to get his master to quit drinking and smoking for years, but to no avail, and yet this woman had made him drop both in a year’s time! Allen had never even imagined that it would be possible to get Cross to stop womanizing too, really he felt that was just plain impossible because Cross was a borderline nymphomaniac and Allen didn’t think he could keep up with that on his own. Yet this woman (who perhaps had the same addiction to sex that Cross had) had gotten him to drop all of his lovers.
Even if Cross did care for Allen as much as he had cared about her, at the very least it was in a different, more guarded way. Still, Allen couldn’t get hung up on that. That woman was dead, and now it was Allen whom his master needed to keep close. Allen decided then that he would not do what she had done. He would not make her mistake.
Naturally that made Allen think of Tyki. He’d have to stop seeing the man. Even if he did enjoy the older man’s company, it was dangerous to stay around him. Last they’d seen each other Tyki had tried to kiss him, after all, and Allen had nearly kissed him back. It was one of those temptations that he would be better just cutting out of his life. His master had to come first.
At the end of all of his thinking though, Allen finally came to a conclusion on why Cross had told him this. He wasn’t trying to justify himself, but it was clear that he was trying to explain why he was always so possessive of Allen. Cross just didn’t want him to go away, he didn’t want something horrible to happen to him, he just didn’t want to lose Allen. He just wanted Allen to know why he kept him on such a short leash.
And that was the thought that made Allen turn around to face his master even though he had not been told to.
“I’m not her, Master,” Allen said quietly, looking his master intently in the eye. He got to his knees and leaned over, pressing his lips softly to Cross’ forehead. “I won’t leave, I swear it.”
At that time Allen had been certain he could keep his promise.
000
As the two got out of the bath an hour later, Allen decided to ask the question that had been bugging him ever since he’d heard that story.
“Um…Master Cross?”
“Yes, Allen?”
“You mentioned that a “best friend” knew something about us… Does that mean Komui knows?” Allen asked, wondering how he’d ever be able to look the Chinese man in the eye again. Oh goodness, all of these years he’d acted under the pretense that Komui hadn’t known and yet all along the man had been making comments on their relationship…! It was strangely mortifying.
“Ashamed of your own lover, Allen?” Cross asked teasingly, and Allen vigorously shook his head. He wasn’t ashamed, it was just that he imagined it would be very easy for anyone who knew to misunderstand the situation. Most people would think he’d gotten his job by sleeping with his boss, and both his and Cross’ reputations would be dragged through the mud.
“Not at all Cross!”
“I know. In any case, he does know, but I didn’t tell him. We’ve known each other since we were teens, and he’d taken care of you like you were his brother since the day you came to my home. He noticed the difference right away, and just flat-out asked me what had happened. Needless to say, he was quite pissed to find that his “precious little brother” had been deflowered. I was beaten severely for that one. And, in case you were wondering, that’s what happened to Lab three.”
“Lab three…? But didn’t that…?”
“Precisely.”
“Oh. Oh…”
Cross chuckled and threw a fluffy towel on Allen’s head.
000
For once, it was Lavi who was out for a walk instead of Tyki. He didn’t get why, but suddenly Tyki had decided not to go on his beloved morning walks anymore. A lot had changed about Tyki recently. He was moody, for one; he was quick to anger, but then Lavi couldn’t even get angry back because the next moment he would be in the throws of despair. It was so unusual for Tyki to act in such an erratic way, Lavi just couldn’t understand it. Maybe it was just withdrawal making him cranky? Lavi hoped that was it.
But, in any case, this had been going on for a good two weeks, and someone had to do the things that Tyki usually did in the mornings, so Lavi decided it only made sense that he do those things. Well of course, now he was finished with all of those things. Honestly, he had no idea how Tyki could drag out those few simple errands into hours. Lavi also could not understand what would happen on a walk that would make Tyki come home in such strange moods all of the time.
In any case, he had extra time now to do with what he pleased. As he walked down the road he realized he was pretty close to the Marian estate. If he was not mistaken, Lenalee worked and lived there. Lavi hadn’t seen her very often since their primary school days, but every once in a while they would see each other on the streets and talk for a bit, and they still wrote to each other. Lavi had never visited her at her home, because he didn’t want her psychopath of an older brother to kill him while under the impression that Lavi was a potential suitor…
But maybe today he could do that?
With the idea of visiting his old friend on his mind, Lavi happily made his way to the Marian estate. It stood out quite grandly on the horizon, though it’s large, elegant gates deterred Lavi just a bit. Would he even be allowed in without a proper reason? Oh goodness, there was even a guard! Though wait… Lavi squinted hard in the direction of the guard.
Thin frame, long hair, and as Lavi got closer he noticed that the person’s face was fairly pretty though it was still not clear to him yet. Was the guard a woman? When Lavi was about three meters away, he realized that the guard was definitely not a woman. Skinny as he was, he was far too flat to be a woman, and from what Lavi could see, he seemed to have a more wiry build than feminine. His face was pretty and a bit androgynous, with lovely slanted eyes, but he was definitely a man.
A familiar man at that, but the redhead just couldn’t place it. He wasn’t the only one who felt that way it seemed, as the man gave him a surprised look of recognition. Apparently, he found Lavi much easier to identify. Lavi thought hard, trying to think of where he would’ve met this boy. A pretty Asian boy, who worked at the Marian manor and appeared to be about his age…
“Holy Hell, Yuu?” Lavi asked, looking completely taken aback. He hadn’t seen Yuu since a little after they’d gotten out of primary school! At that time Kanda had been living off the streets, so they had lost contact after primary school. Lavi had never really understood why Kanda had never bothered to visit him at the Mikk household, at least he hadn’t until he’d lost an eye in an unfortunate accident that had followed after he had brought Kanda there himself once.
Kanda’s eyes couldn’t have been wider as he stared at the redhead. So it really was Lavi? He had thought the man had just forgotten about him over the years, he’d almost hoped the redhead would. What was he doing here though? Maybe he was here for Lenalee? Kanda knew that the girl, who had also gone to primary school with them, still talked with Lavi and she occasionally asked why Kanda never tried to contact him after he had gotten his job at the Marian manor.
“Lavi…? What are you doing here?” Kanda asked, for this had never happened before. Instead of answering Kanda’s question, Lavi pouted for a moment before all but launching himself at Kanda, embracing the boy in a bear hug. Kanda was stunned, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been hugged, or touched by another human being for that matter. He’d been taken almost directly off the streets and brought to the manor by Lenalee, and no one wanted to touch an irate street rat with murderous impulses. Yet here Lavi was, hugging him like they were the best of friends and hadn’t been out of contact for the better part of a decade.
“Geez Yuu! If you’ve been livin’ here this whole time, why did you never bother to contact me? A call, a letter, a message sent through Lenalee, anything would’ve been nice! Honestly I had no idea where you were, I had no idea how to find you!” Lavi scolded, pulling away from the still-shocked Kanda to give him an upset look. “Or was it that you just didn’t wanna see me?”
Kanda was still just a bit too overwhelmed to really speak at the moment, so he just blinked until he felt he could open his mouth without making an ass of himself.
“I… It wasn’t that,” was all he could manage to say. He had missed Lavi, of course he had, the redhead had been the first person to show him kindness when he’d been brought to England against his will, they’d been so close… But he had just assumed that when he’d left, Lavi would go on with life and forget him.
“Good, ‘cause I’d have been most offended if that were the case,” Lavi said with a light, teasing tone, as though he wouldn’t have believed Kanda even if he had said that was the case. Not caring that he was dressed in his nicely tailored clothes, or that he was probably getting in Kanda’s way, Lavi took a seat on the ground near the front gate.
“Hey, you can’t just sit around like that,” Kanda pointed out, but Lavi just laughed it off.
“Fine then, talk to me. I’m sure if you are then I can be allowed to stick around? I wanna know what happened Yuu, after you left,” Lavi said, and he looked up at Kanda with such genuine care and joy that the raven-haired man couldn’t help but do as told.
Pairing: CrossxAllen/TykixAllen side-pairing: LaviYuu and a secret pairing~
Rated: M because this story will get filled with fail porn, and centers around pedophila. This chapters very innocent and work safe though.
Warnings: This chapter is a little limey....but nothing serious...
Disclaimer: Saya owns the play, but not the actors. They belong to Hoshino.
Summary: He's running from what he can't avoid, and chasing after what he can never have. Allen was content serving his master, so why...?
Gosh, it's been way too long since the last update D: It was during the summer or something....mid-july? Saya wrote it while on a trip so year...early to mid-july... Dang it. Saya's gonna try to be better than that from now on, sorry >.>;
8. Story-telling
They were leaving for Venice today, Cross and Allen were. They were off to beautiful Italy, to share a wonderful three months together as uninhibited lovers, or something to that affect, Komui figured. Cross was going to have a bloody good time worrying about absolutely nothing and he was perfectly intending to leave all of his work with Komui, as he had done every year since the Chinese man had come to be under his employ. It sort of pissed Komui off a bit, made him feel indignant. Jealous too, though over what he couldn’t quite decide.
But the most annoying part of all was that just a few hours before what would undoubtedly be a wondrous voyage for Cross, that very man was in the lab with him, fretting over something or other that had happened when Komui had dared to look away from the man for one damn second. Allen was once again gone from the lab, he was most likely packing the few things the master would need for the trip over to Italy; Cross’ summer home had everything he would need once he got there, he just needed a few changes of clothes and something to occupy his time during the trip there.
“So what’d you do this time?” Komui asked, preparing himself for whatever trivial concern Cross had now.
Cross was a bit offended by the tone of voice Komui was using with him. When had Komui started getting so sarcastic with him anyway? It was as though the younger man was angry with him. Then again, Cross supposed it was perfectly possible that Komui was annoyed, he probably didn’t care to hear Cross drone on about his problems selfishly like this. Cross realized this, but he was indeed selfish by nature, so the notion was quickly tossed aside.
“I made Allen cry.”
Komui quickly turned his face to Cross, his eyes wide with surprise. Allen never cried, he hadn’t since Mana died, so what on earth had Cross said or done to elicit that response from the boy?
“Well, I’m not sure if it was really me or what, but… He woke me up yesterday morning like always, but the moment I touched him he just said “I’m sorry” and broke down on me,” Cross explained, his brows knitting together as he recounted what had happened. Komui made a similar expression, what could’ve happened to make Allen cry? His mind swirled with a million worst-case scenarios, and Komui sincerely hoped that none of them were correct.
“Did he say anything? Did he tell you what happened when he came back to his senses?”
“No, but what was more troubling than the lack of reason was the way he apologized…for some reason, it reminded me of… of her,” Cross admitted; Komui’s eyebrows shot up together, this was undoubtedly the first time in years that Cross had mentioned her himself, without Komui speaking of her first.
“What do you mean? You used to say that they were nothing alike, at first that was your whole reason for liking him, and now you’re saying Allen reminds you of… of Maria?”
Maria-the name that had been taboo in the Marian household for nearly 7 years now, the name of the only woman Cross had ever given his heart to. The woman whom Komui suspected had taken that very heart with her to the grave. The name was familiar to his tongue in the same way food was to a malnourished person; the mouth remembered it, but only faintly, as though it were a phantom on his pallet.
“I know, I know, and to that affect, they’re still completely different, but… There was just something about the unexpectedness of it all that reminded me of what happened back then.” Cross sighed wearily, he didn’t want to deal with this again, he didn’t know if he could, and it was a rare thing for Cross to be unsure of himself.
“Are you worried that Allen will leave?” Komui asked, as though the idea was preposterous. Allen would never leave the manor, or Cross, the boy was far too attached, unhealthily so. Cross was just being foolish now, certainly. This was so unlike the over-confident master though, doubting Allen! Heck, Cross was doubting his own ability to charm and amore people in general, wasn’t he?
Sadly though, Cross didn’t seem to share Komui’s sentiments, and Komui could understand that. No one had expected Maria to leave either, but then again, she and Allen were on two opposite sides of the spectrum in terms of loyalty. Komui sighed in a disappointed manner.
“Cross, you’ve nothing to fear, alright? The situation may seem similar, but Maria and Allen are different, completely so. For starters, Maria was as much of a man-eater as you are a womanizer, she had a previous lover to actually leave with. Allen, on the other hand, is sorely lacking in that department. Besides, he’s a great deal more focused on you than she was. Have some faith in the kid. If it’s really bothering you, then tell him about it. I’m sure he’d understand your worries if you just explained them to him, and he’d assure you there’s nothing to fear.”
Cross nodded, before placing his face in his hand. “You’re right; I’m getting paranoid over nothing…”
“Exactly. You’re Cross Marian, for goodness sakes; there are maybe only one in a million people who could walk away from you. And in any case, even if you ever do end up without a real lover, at least I’ll still be around for you to come crying to,” Komui said, staring intently at the beaker he had in hand, he didn’t think he could look Cross in the face. Cross huffed a bit at that last remark.
“I wouldn’t cry,” Cross said, scowling.
“Perhaps that’s the problem?” Komui muttered under his breath. The statement went unheard by Cross.
000
Agitation was ill befitting of Tyki Mikk. In an attempt to make it seem as though nothing was amiss, he’d gone out on his usual morning walk. But it wasn’t his usual morning walk now, Allen wasn’t there. Worse yet, he knew exactly where Allen was and that made jealousy surge through Tyki like nothing else had. It felt as though Allen were choosing Cross over him; and he was, of course, Allen’s master had to come before everyone. Though Tyki didn’t want to think such things, his mind wouldn’t stop torturing him with ideas and scenarios that were decidedly not-platonic. Tyki knew that if he were in Cross’ place, he wouldn’t be able to resist taking advantage.
Feeling more annoyed than he could ever remember being, Tyki briskly walked to his study, fell into his desk chair, and grabbed his cigarettes. He took out three and lit them all; who’s afraid of a bit of cancer?
Lavi was left speechless for a moment when he saw this, but quickly regained his bearings and stormed into the room. Quickly snatching two out if the three cigarettes, he gave his master a disapproving and confused look. Tyki had been slowly quitting smoking, decreasing the amount he smoked a day, and while Lavi had no idea what had brought about the sudden change, he was thankful for it. He would understand if maybe Tyki was just craving cigarettes, but smoking three at once was just ridiculous.
“Master, you may be going through withdrawal, but that’s hardly a reason to storm around like a child and shove three coffin nails in your mouth,” Lavi said in a scolding manner, but he was immediately taken aback when he saw his master’s expression. Tyki was pissed, and Lavi wasn’t sure if it was his fault or not. Without thinking, he took a step back.
Lavi had never had the displeasure of dealing with Tyki when he looked so…well, he looked ready to bite someone’s head off. Lavi had no desire to lose his head.
“Um…sir, is there something you’d like to talk about? You seem upset,” Lavi said, trying to sound polite. He couldn’t imagine what had happened on his master’s morning walk that could anger the man so.
“It’s nothing, I just…need some time to cool down, if you don’t mind,” Tyki said, sighing at his own inability to control his emotions. There was no need for him to scare his own assistant.
“If you’re sure, Master…” Lavi said, sounding anything but. Tyki nodded and dismissed the younger man. Sighing, he held his face in his hands; God, he was a fool. He had no business being possessive of someone who was not his. He also had no real reason to believe that Allen had anything more than a master/servant relationship with Cross Marian. There was no reason to be upset, so why did he feel so angry?
The summer was going to be so long.
000
The walls were a pale, cerulean blue, as were the sheer curtains that hung around the four-poster bed. The beautiful sheets of a dark royal blue color shone dully in the morning light that could only ever complement the room’s colors. Calming, that’s what this room was.
Allen found waking up in this room a bit disconcerting at first. They were in Venice now, they had arrived the evening before, too worn and tired from their three-day trip to do much more than drop their things in a corner and fall into bed together. Sleep had been quick to join them.
Now as Allen’s eyes took in the pale light of the room, he wished he could close them and go back to sleep. Then he remembered that he could actually do that; after all, this was as much his vacation as it was Cross’. At this house, there was someone else here who took care of the house and kept everything running; all Allen had to do was take care of his master and his master exclusively.
A moment after Allen woke, he felt a hand softly petting his hair, and without thinking he leaned into the contact, feeling very much like a content cat. He felt heavy with sleep and he didn’t much fancy the idea of being active yet. Cross however, didn’t seem to share those sentiments exactly.
The older man sighed, and ran his free hand through his own hair, grimacing at the dirty feel. If there was one thing Cross hated above all else when it came to traveling, it was how dirty it made him. Any bath that wasn’t his own was automatically too dirty to really clean him, and usually made him feel even more contaminated.
“I can’t believe we slept when we’re so disgusting,” he said with a groan. Allen let out a little chuckle; it was just like his master to feel that way. Sighing, Allen sat up, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Cross did the same a moment later, and the two of them left for the bath chamber.
Everything was a beautiful gray and white color in this room, and the bath was more like a pool than a bath. It was made of white marble and was built into the floor. It was three feet deep and five feet in either direction. The water had already been changed for the day, and was steaming hot, made translucent with bath oils. All in all, it looked inviting. It hardly took a moment for the two to strip and submerge themselves in the water.
“My favorite part of this house is most definitely the bath,” Cross said with a sigh. Allen made a content little noise in agreement as he leaned against the side of the bath. This was wonderful, he was free to let his mind wander, and he was leaving England and all of the problems that had come up there behind. Allen sunk under the water a bit more and blew some bubbles in the water.
“How childish,” Cross commented, an interesting little smirk on his face. Allen sat up straight and huffed.
“There’s nothing wrong with me being a bit childish.”
“I never said there was. I was thinking it was cute, it’s not often that you seem like a kid anymore,” Cross said, and vaguely, Allen noted he sounded a bit guilty.
“It’s not often that I feel like acting as one,” Allen replied. He sunk back into the water again, but this time he kept his face above the surface. For a moment they just silently took pleasure in the clean feeling the water around them offered. Then Cross motioned for him to come over, and Allen curiously sat in front of his master.
“Turn around,” Cross commanded, and Allen did. A moment later he was doused with hot water. Allen pouted a bit and attempted to blow a wet strand of hair out of his face.
“A bit of warning would be appreciated, Master,” Allen commented dryly; Cross just chuckled a dumped another bucket of water on the kid’s head. Once Allen was properly soaked, he reached to his left to pick up one of the bottles on the side of the bath. Allen was a bit surprised when he realized that for once it was Cross washing his hair instead of the other way around. It felt nice to feel his master’s hands massaging sweet-scented oils into his scalp. Contentedly, Allen let out a little sigh.
“Allen, I’ve got… a bit of a story for you,” Cross said suddenly. Allen inclined his head thoughtfully to show he was listening. Cross tried to stop himself from just saying a bunch of bullshit to get out of this situation, Komui had told him to tell Allen about that incident, and while he hated speaking about it, he supposed Allen did have some right to know.
“There was once a young man, who was just spectacular at everything he did, and really he was just born to be beautiful.” Allen chuckled and rolled his eyes; the only man Cross would ever compliment like that was himself.
“The young man was a noble, so it wasn’t very unusual for him to be betrothed to someone almost from birth. The young man met his wife-to-be when he was just a child, as was she. They absolutely hated each other from the moment they met. Their entire childhood consisted of trying to best each other, and as they grew into teenagers they made it a point to lavish all of their attention on anyone but each other. She had her lovers and so did he. It was not until the young man’s best friend pointed out that they were incredibly alike and nearly perfect for each other that they realized it themselves though.”
Wait, so Cross had been married once? Well, engaged at least but…Allen had never known that, though he should’ve figured, Cross was a noble after all. And he’d had a wife who was…just like him, from the sounds of it. Vaguely Allen wondered how much criticism she had to put up with, women always had it worse than men when it came to matters of infidelity. Still… If Cross had a perfect fiancé, then where was she?
“Within the next year they had suddenly grown much closer, and had dropped all of their lovers, and even most of their bad habits. Within two years of that they had plans to be married. Before then, neither of the two thought they could be happy while tied down to someone else, but somehow the thought of being together wasn’t so bad, as long as they were together in the end - Or at least, that’s what the young man had thought.
“For a while it seemed that the feeling was mutual, but one day the woman just apologized out of the blue. The young man didn’t understand why she had at the time, but he figured it out the next morning when he woke alone with nothing but a note explaining that she’d run off with the one lover that she couldn’t let go of.”
Allen’s eyes couldn’t have been wider. So there was actually a woman in the world that could leave Cross? It seemed so bizarre; Allen wondered why the world hadn’t imploded in on itself. He closed his eyes tightly when he heard Cross gather up another bucket of water to dump over his head; this time it was intended to rinse him off.
“Over the next year, the young man dove headfirst back into his old habits, and at first he hardly noticed that his trusted butler had gained a second shadow. But he did, eventually, because it was hard not to notice the oddly colored squirt. Especially when said squirt glared at him every morning, and wondered aloud in his little cockney accent why on earth his surrogate father bothered to wait on the young man.”
Allen huffed a bit at Cross’ description of him, there was no need to call him a squirt, he hadn’t been that short, surely. The white-haired teen realized that the story was not yet finished though, and wondered what had happened in the past 8 or so years right under his nose that he had not noticed.
“At that time, the young man couldn’t help but compare everything the little kid did to what she had done when she was young. It was understandable- or so said the best friend- the kid had come in just as the woman had left. At first the two were startlingly alike, which annoyed the young man to no end, but it didn’t take more than a year for the child to change into someone completely different. He became her opposite, in essence, the one person the young man could look at without being reminded of the woman who had left. He hadn’t been here when she had left, he didn’t look at the young man with pity, and he had no ties with her at all, really. It wasn’t long before the young man was intrigued, if for no other reason than because this new person was safe, in a way.”
Allen pondered over the meaning of this story as Cross got a soapy washcloth and started rubbing small circles over his back. It felt nice, and thankfully it kept Allen’s mind from going down a particularly depressing path.
“But then, just two years after she’d gone and the young man was finally ready to give up the ghost and move on, he received a letter. The man whom she thought had been the better choice had been the wrong choice. She was a woman with a past of infidelity, and her lover didn’t trust her now that he had her. He turned abusive and well, she’d never been the kind of woman who’d take something like that without saying anything. She intended to steal away by night and return to the young man, if he’d still have her.
“He still would, indeed. On the day that they were supposed to meet to bring her back home though, something terrible happened. Her lover had caught up with her and murdered her in the street. It was an ill-befitting death for her. The young man had made it to their meeting place on time only to watch as the paramedics carried away her body.
“The lover was apprehended, but the young man still blamed himself for her death. If he had only gotten to their meeting place earlier, he could’ve saved her, if only he had held onto her tighter, made it so that she couldn’t leave the safety of his home in the first place, if only he had realized earlier that there had been someone planning to take her away… She would’ve lived, he was sure of it.
“And so her name became a taboo in his home, and the only two with the guts to speak of her were the butler and the best friend. The squirt was slowly growing into a refined young man, and thankfully he was still a safe person who knew nothing of the incident. Years passed and the butler died. Along with the butler went his son.”
Allen stiffened under Cross’ hands. He was definitely still alive, and Allen really hoped that Cross wasn’t old enough to have had two butlers with sons die on him. Really, if two people Cross cared about in some abstract way or other died, then what did that say about Allen’s future…? Perhaps this was his fair warning.
“Well, the boy didn’t really die,” Cross said in response to Allen’s sudden tenseness, “But he was like the living dead. Now the kid was reminding the young man of himself, and he couldn’t help but want to change that. He felt something akin to empathy with the boy. He couldn’t just leave the boy like that, so for reasons unknown even to himself at the time, he offered to take the place of that boy’s important person. Really though, the young man just needed someone to be her replacement. The boy accepted, and the two of them became stand-ins for someone else.
“Eventually though, the young man began to see the boy as more than just a replacement, and the child became truly dear to him. However, even though the boy was the woman’s opposite in every way, the young man couldn’t help but feel anxious now that there was someone close to him again. Would this person run off? Would this person die? Without realizing it, the young man began tightening his grip on the boy, and despite what the best friend said on the matter, the man couldn’t loosen his hold on the boy. And so the story went and still goes… Crappy ending, hm?”
Allen’s head was swimming. He had been a replacement? Well, he supposed it was only fair, seeing as Cross had taken up the place Mana had in him, though he did so in a completely different way, of course. Still, it hurt to know that. And who was that woman, anyway? Who was she that she could mean so much to Cross Marian? He’d loved her enough to give up womanizing and even his other bad habits, if the story was anything to go by.
Allen couldn’t help but think that Cross didn’t care for him nearly as much as he had cared about her. It was stupid to be envious of a dead woman, but he couldn’t help himself. He’d been trying to get his master to quit drinking and smoking for years, but to no avail, and yet this woman had made him drop both in a year’s time! Allen had never even imagined that it would be possible to get Cross to stop womanizing too, really he felt that was just plain impossible because Cross was a borderline nymphomaniac and Allen didn’t think he could keep up with that on his own. Yet this woman (who perhaps had the same addiction to sex that Cross had) had gotten him to drop all of his lovers.
Even if Cross did care for Allen as much as he had cared about her, at the very least it was in a different, more guarded way. Still, Allen couldn’t get hung up on that. That woman was dead, and now it was Allen whom his master needed to keep close. Allen decided then that he would not do what she had done. He would not make her mistake.
Naturally that made Allen think of Tyki. He’d have to stop seeing the man. Even if he did enjoy the older man’s company, it was dangerous to stay around him. Last they’d seen each other Tyki had tried to kiss him, after all, and Allen had nearly kissed him back. It was one of those temptations that he would be better just cutting out of his life. His master had to come first.
At the end of all of his thinking though, Allen finally came to a conclusion on why Cross had told him this. He wasn’t trying to justify himself, but it was clear that he was trying to explain why he was always so possessive of Allen. Cross just didn’t want him to go away, he didn’t want something horrible to happen to him, he just didn’t want to lose Allen. He just wanted Allen to know why he kept him on such a short leash.
And that was the thought that made Allen turn around to face his master even though he had not been told to.
“I’m not her, Master,” Allen said quietly, looking his master intently in the eye. He got to his knees and leaned over, pressing his lips softly to Cross’ forehead. “I won’t leave, I swear it.”
At that time Allen had been certain he could keep his promise.
000
As the two got out of the bath an hour later, Allen decided to ask the question that had been bugging him ever since he’d heard that story.
“Um…Master Cross?”
“Yes, Allen?”
“You mentioned that a “best friend” knew something about us… Does that mean Komui knows?” Allen asked, wondering how he’d ever be able to look the Chinese man in the eye again. Oh goodness, all of these years he’d acted under the pretense that Komui hadn’t known and yet all along the man had been making comments on their relationship…! It was strangely mortifying.
“Ashamed of your own lover, Allen?” Cross asked teasingly, and Allen vigorously shook his head. He wasn’t ashamed, it was just that he imagined it would be very easy for anyone who knew to misunderstand the situation. Most people would think he’d gotten his job by sleeping with his boss, and both his and Cross’ reputations would be dragged through the mud.
“Not at all Cross!”
“I know. In any case, he does know, but I didn’t tell him. We’ve known each other since we were teens, and he’d taken care of you like you were his brother since the day you came to my home. He noticed the difference right away, and just flat-out asked me what had happened. Needless to say, he was quite pissed to find that his “precious little brother” had been deflowered. I was beaten severely for that one. And, in case you were wondering, that’s what happened to Lab three.”
“Lab three…? But didn’t that…?”
“Precisely.”
“Oh. Oh…”
Cross chuckled and threw a fluffy towel on Allen’s head.
000
For once, it was Lavi who was out for a walk instead of Tyki. He didn’t get why, but suddenly Tyki had decided not to go on his beloved morning walks anymore. A lot had changed about Tyki recently. He was moody, for one; he was quick to anger, but then Lavi couldn’t even get angry back because the next moment he would be in the throws of despair. It was so unusual for Tyki to act in such an erratic way, Lavi just couldn’t understand it. Maybe it was just withdrawal making him cranky? Lavi hoped that was it.
But, in any case, this had been going on for a good two weeks, and someone had to do the things that Tyki usually did in the mornings, so Lavi decided it only made sense that he do those things. Well of course, now he was finished with all of those things. Honestly, he had no idea how Tyki could drag out those few simple errands into hours. Lavi also could not understand what would happen on a walk that would make Tyki come home in such strange moods all of the time.
In any case, he had extra time now to do with what he pleased. As he walked down the road he realized he was pretty close to the Marian estate. If he was not mistaken, Lenalee worked and lived there. Lavi hadn’t seen her very often since their primary school days, but every once in a while they would see each other on the streets and talk for a bit, and they still wrote to each other. Lavi had never visited her at her home, because he didn’t want her psychopath of an older brother to kill him while under the impression that Lavi was a potential suitor…
But maybe today he could do that?
With the idea of visiting his old friend on his mind, Lavi happily made his way to the Marian estate. It stood out quite grandly on the horizon, though it’s large, elegant gates deterred Lavi just a bit. Would he even be allowed in without a proper reason? Oh goodness, there was even a guard! Though wait… Lavi squinted hard in the direction of the guard.
Thin frame, long hair, and as Lavi got closer he noticed that the person’s face was fairly pretty though it was still not clear to him yet. Was the guard a woman? When Lavi was about three meters away, he realized that the guard was definitely not a woman. Skinny as he was, he was far too flat to be a woman, and from what Lavi could see, he seemed to have a more wiry build than feminine. His face was pretty and a bit androgynous, with lovely slanted eyes, but he was definitely a man.
A familiar man at that, but the redhead just couldn’t place it. He wasn’t the only one who felt that way it seemed, as the man gave him a surprised look of recognition. Apparently, he found Lavi much easier to identify. Lavi thought hard, trying to think of where he would’ve met this boy. A pretty Asian boy, who worked at the Marian manor and appeared to be about his age…
“Holy Hell, Yuu?” Lavi asked, looking completely taken aback. He hadn’t seen Yuu since a little after they’d gotten out of primary school! At that time Kanda had been living off the streets, so they had lost contact after primary school. Lavi had never really understood why Kanda had never bothered to visit him at the Mikk household, at least he hadn’t until he’d lost an eye in an unfortunate accident that had followed after he had brought Kanda there himself once.
Kanda’s eyes couldn’t have been wider as he stared at the redhead. So it really was Lavi? He had thought the man had just forgotten about him over the years, he’d almost hoped the redhead would. What was he doing here though? Maybe he was here for Lenalee? Kanda knew that the girl, who had also gone to primary school with them, still talked with Lavi and she occasionally asked why Kanda never tried to contact him after he had gotten his job at the Marian manor.
“Lavi…? What are you doing here?” Kanda asked, for this had never happened before. Instead of answering Kanda’s question, Lavi pouted for a moment before all but launching himself at Kanda, embracing the boy in a bear hug. Kanda was stunned, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been hugged, or touched by another human being for that matter. He’d been taken almost directly off the streets and brought to the manor by Lenalee, and no one wanted to touch an irate street rat with murderous impulses. Yet here Lavi was, hugging him like they were the best of friends and hadn’t been out of contact for the better part of a decade.
“Geez Yuu! If you’ve been livin’ here this whole time, why did you never bother to contact me? A call, a letter, a message sent through Lenalee, anything would’ve been nice! Honestly I had no idea where you were, I had no idea how to find you!” Lavi scolded, pulling away from the still-shocked Kanda to give him an upset look. “Or was it that you just didn’t wanna see me?”
Kanda was still just a bit too overwhelmed to really speak at the moment, so he just blinked until he felt he could open his mouth without making an ass of himself.
“I… It wasn’t that,” was all he could manage to say. He had missed Lavi, of course he had, the redhead had been the first person to show him kindness when he’d been brought to England against his will, they’d been so close… But he had just assumed that when he’d left, Lavi would go on with life and forget him.
“Good, ‘cause I’d have been most offended if that were the case,” Lavi said with a light, teasing tone, as though he wouldn’t have believed Kanda even if he had said that was the case. Not caring that he was dressed in his nicely tailored clothes, or that he was probably getting in Kanda’s way, Lavi took a seat on the ground near the front gate.
“Hey, you can’t just sit around like that,” Kanda pointed out, but Lavi just laughed it off.
“Fine then, talk to me. I’m sure if you are then I can be allowed to stick around? I wanna know what happened Yuu, after you left,” Lavi said, and he looked up at Kanda with such genuine care and joy that the raven-haired man couldn’t help but do as told.