(no subject)
i never update this thing anymore. not much to write about i guess.
cole's mom has bone cancer. it's a secret. shhhh. it's my job to take his mind off of it and take care of him. i'm trying really hard, but sometimes i don't know what to say. in my head i'm thinking stupid selfish shit, like "she's not gonna see her grandchildren born and grown up, she won't be able to go to our wedding." at the same time i'm worried about cole reverting back to old habits. not the best way for your mom to remember you. i'm really worried about him and his staph infection too. i can't comprehend why it won't go away.
all the while i'm concerned with my own health. i had an "a-typical" pap-smear (sorry if that's TMI) so now i have to figure out what that's all about and not worry cole, cause that would be too much for him to worry about me having cervical cancer while his mom has bone cancer. plus they can't figure out what's wrong with my stomach. the ultrasound came back normal, so they did a test to see if i have certain cells in my bloodstream that cause ulcers, that came back negative.
next week i'm having surgery again on my mouth. this time they're doing a totally different kind of sedation, i hope it works. i'm gonna be bruised. it's gonna be icky. i hate not being able to eat. i'm so scared.
MAYBE I NEED TO QUIT WORRYING SO MUCH! or maybe it's the stress of having 2 jobs.
i need to download some new music for my ipod. it's the same music i've had on my computer for the last 2 years.
i love cole. i do. i don't care what anyone says. he's grown a lot since we've gotten together. he makes me happy. he just gets it. he has the most perfect compliments sometimes. it's like he reads my mind.
i'm really excited cause tonight the OC and ER are on. if grey's anatomy and meet the barkers were on too my life would be complete.
i think i'm done.
cole's mom has bone cancer. it's a secret. shhhh. it's my job to take his mind off of it and take care of him. i'm trying really hard, but sometimes i don't know what to say. in my head i'm thinking stupid selfish shit, like "she's not gonna see her grandchildren born and grown up, she won't be able to go to our wedding." at the same time i'm worried about cole reverting back to old habits. not the best way for your mom to remember you. i'm really worried about him and his staph infection too. i can't comprehend why it won't go away.
all the while i'm concerned with my own health. i had an "a-typical" pap-smear (sorry if that's TMI) so now i have to figure out what that's all about and not worry cole, cause that would be too much for him to worry about me having cervical cancer while his mom has bone cancer. plus they can't figure out what's wrong with my stomach. the ultrasound came back normal, so they did a test to see if i have certain cells in my bloodstream that cause ulcers, that came back negative.
next week i'm having surgery again on my mouth. this time they're doing a totally different kind of sedation, i hope it works. i'm gonna be bruised. it's gonna be icky. i hate not being able to eat. i'm so scared.
MAYBE I NEED TO QUIT WORRYING SO MUCH! or maybe it's the stress of having 2 jobs.
i need to download some new music for my ipod. it's the same music i've had on my computer for the last 2 years.
i love cole. i do. i don't care what anyone says. he's grown a lot since we've gotten together. he makes me happy. he just gets it. he has the most perfect compliments sometimes. it's like he reads my mind.
i'm really excited cause tonight the OC and ER are on. if grey's anatomy and meet the barkers were on too my life would be complete.
i think i'm done.