(no subject)
I told my dad that I'm considering continuing working at Kinokuniya in the Merchandising Department full-time after I finished my Masters, and instead of a show of support (my aunts were excited for me when I told them, thinking that it's the perfect job for me), my dad said, "Yes, but can they pay you befitting your MA level? If you work in a university you'll get around 3000 easy. Think of the money."
I feel like snapping at him. It was never my idea to pursue my Masters; I only did it because he insists on it (oh, everyone demands higher education lately, you can't compete with a degree only, etc). And even though I wanted to work first he adamantly insist that I study. So I thought I can just do it, and save my MA for a rainy day. Besides, I need one if I want to be a lecturer.
But I decided on lecturing because I never considered any other prospects. I wanted to teach because it will make me face people on a daily basis, and not stuck behind a desk job day in and day out. And I don't want to be a retailer forever. But when I applied for my part-time position again at Kinokuniya, the HR said that they are open to taking me in as the Merchandising staff. I was completely blown away. Merchandising means organizing promotions, meeting suppliers, getting uncorrected proofs, writing reviews, and so many exciting book-related jobs. And even a higher chance of meeting people with the same interest as me. I don't know what the pay will be, but it has to be around 1500.
But the job satisfaction will be tremendous. Cos I've already worked as a part-time lecturer, and as much as I enjoyed teaching those kids and my (older) colleagues are very nice, I can't imagine working in a university immediately after I graduate (26 years old) until I retire. Yes, there will be conferences, seminars and other such outings, but all that I'm gonna meet are stuffy, snobby professors who study the 'classics' and the tedious postcolonial stuffs. I won't meet people who are familiar with John Connolly, Kate DiCamillo, Jostein Gaarder, Ann Brashares, Maria Tatar, Meg Rosoff, Tanya Huff, Jim Butcher and other exciting recent authors.
Because I realized that as much I like studying literature, I love books much more than the studying of its contents. I like looking at books. Reading for pleasure. Holding them. Recommending them. Sharing the joy of books with complete strangers. Finding out new books. Arranging them. Opening new boxes of books, knowing that I'm holding them first before their future owner will. I just like books, and I want to work with them. That's all.
And now my dad is dissatisfied that I'm going to work in a book trade, well known for its low pay. But screw this shit, I've been a good daughter for too long. When I wanted to study art, my dad said no, so I took up literature (more respectable). When I don't want to study MA and teach in Penang he said no, so I continued in UM. And now he wants me to take up lecturing. When the fuck am I allowed to make my own decision without coming off as a disobedient daughter? I'm actually only considering the MDS job, but now I just want to finish my MA ASAP so I can take up the job as a metaphorical flip off to my dad. I know he means well but enough is enough, quit dictating my life. As for the pay, why the hell do you think I'm not married? I have only to support myself, so the pay is enough for me alone. As for my education, I can always become a lecturer in my 30s, when I'm tired of the book trade.
I might regret the decision, but at least it's mine to regret. I regretted not applying early to Leeds, I regret turning down the offer to tutor at UM, I regret turning down the interview at UIA, but there's nothing I can do. It's been done. But I feel a small tinge of anger at my dad for making me let go of arts, and forcing me to pursue MA. And I know if I let go of the MDS job, I'll be bitter with my dad for the rest of my life. And I don't want that.
We'll see. I have by the end of the year to decide. But for now I'll work seriously at Kinokuniya as a part-time retail. I've been coming and going there three times already. Perhaps it is time to admit that there's no other place I'd rather work than here?
I feel like snapping at him. It was never my idea to pursue my Masters; I only did it because he insists on it (oh, everyone demands higher education lately, you can't compete with a degree only, etc). And even though I wanted to work first he adamantly insist that I study. So I thought I can just do it, and save my MA for a rainy day. Besides, I need one if I want to be a lecturer.
But I decided on lecturing because I never considered any other prospects. I wanted to teach because it will make me face people on a daily basis, and not stuck behind a desk job day in and day out. And I don't want to be a retailer forever. But when I applied for my part-time position again at Kinokuniya, the HR said that they are open to taking me in as the Merchandising staff. I was completely blown away. Merchandising means organizing promotions, meeting suppliers, getting uncorrected proofs, writing reviews, and so many exciting book-related jobs. And even a higher chance of meeting people with the same interest as me. I don't know what the pay will be, but it has to be around 1500.
But the job satisfaction will be tremendous. Cos I've already worked as a part-time lecturer, and as much as I enjoyed teaching those kids and my (older) colleagues are very nice, I can't imagine working in a university immediately after I graduate (26 years old) until I retire. Yes, there will be conferences, seminars and other such outings, but all that I'm gonna meet are stuffy, snobby professors who study the 'classics' and the tedious postcolonial stuffs. I won't meet people who are familiar with John Connolly, Kate DiCamillo, Jostein Gaarder, Ann Brashares, Maria Tatar, Meg Rosoff, Tanya Huff, Jim Butcher and other exciting recent authors.
Because I realized that as much I like studying literature, I love books much more than the studying of its contents. I like looking at books. Reading for pleasure. Holding them. Recommending them. Sharing the joy of books with complete strangers. Finding out new books. Arranging them. Opening new boxes of books, knowing that I'm holding them first before their future owner will. I just like books, and I want to work with them. That's all.
And now my dad is dissatisfied that I'm going to work in a book trade, well known for its low pay. But screw this shit, I've been a good daughter for too long. When I wanted to study art, my dad said no, so I took up literature (more respectable). When I don't want to study MA and teach in Penang he said no, so I continued in UM. And now he wants me to take up lecturing. When the fuck am I allowed to make my own decision without coming off as a disobedient daughter? I'm actually only considering the MDS job, but now I just want to finish my MA ASAP so I can take up the job as a metaphorical flip off to my dad. I know he means well but enough is enough, quit dictating my life. As for the pay, why the hell do you think I'm not married? I have only to support myself, so the pay is enough for me alone. As for my education, I can always become a lecturer in my 30s, when I'm tired of the book trade.
I might regret the decision, but at least it's mine to regret. I regretted not applying early to Leeds, I regret turning down the offer to tutor at UM, I regret turning down the interview at UIA, but there's nothing I can do. It's been done. But I feel a small tinge of anger at my dad for making me let go of arts, and forcing me to pursue MA. And I know if I let go of the MDS job, I'll be bitter with my dad for the rest of my life. And I don't want that.
We'll see. I have by the end of the year to decide. But for now I'll work seriously at Kinokuniya as a part-time retail. I've been coming and going there three times already. Perhaps it is time to admit that there's no other place I'd rather work than here?