Dark Charm Chapter 15
It's been a while since I updated this but I tried again. It may not be the best because I'm not feeling so well. I tried though. It really was...but yeah, okay. This one's also shorter and probably has less crack or wit or fluff in it. Ugh. Sorry for making it a bit personal. Hope you like this. I pull away form Kyuwook a little bit because I still have my other love and I need to cure him. Kk. I need to rest gosh. Didn't edit as usual. I do not own anyone in this story. It is purely based on fictional imagination. Enjoy.
Title: Dark Charm
Chapter: 15
Pairing: Kyuwook...others (soon)
“I know Cho Kyuhyun loves me when he cleans his room.”
Fifteen
“Eunhyuk?” Donghae asked as he ran into an empty classroom. It was the music room.
Donghae had quickly scurried off to find Eunhyuk after hurriedly finishing his food. Henry was right behind him while Kibum didn’t follow them. The boy hadn’t said anything. Donghae wanted to yell at him and ask him what the hell was wrong. Kibum used to a quiet yet fun loving boy but mostly respectably kind and caring. He wasn’t as close to Kibum as he was to Eunhyuk, but a couple of years with a nice, fun boy were still very much appreciated. Now, Kibum was very easily agitated and silently so too. His wonderful, pure smiles, seemed to be more repressed than sincere now. Donghae missed them. Donghae missed Kibum. So did the others.
Donghae and Henry had walked around school, looking for the other boy. Ryeowook and Kyuhyun wanted to help so they had gone to the other side of the school. Together, leaving Henry feeling a little more devastated than he wanted to be but Donghae had tugged on his arm and took him and his away from the two. Donghae had a lot of troubles on his mind lately but he didn’t complain. He had wonderful friends.
Henry reached the piano and stopped to look down sea of white with little lined black boats. Memories played in his mind just like the notes of a song, translating smoothly from one thought to another. He remembered the countless times, even thought it had only been a couple of months, the two were in this room whether duets or not. Henry was reminded of Ryeowook taming those notes with so much passion, that for a second he would throw his head back slightly, little lips parted and focused eyes closed. Henry, for his own little second, secretly, wondered what it might be like to kiss the boy. He still did. But that wasn’t going to any time soon. That wasn’t going to happen.
“I don’t think he’s here.”
Henry didn’t hear that. There was a Ryeowook sitting on that bench beside him. Such beautiful music was playing now and he didn’t want to only watch it. Henry wanted to be a part of the music. He wanted to be a part of Ryeowook. He sat down and started playing along. Then the boy saw those little, nimble fingers travel closer to his as it was part of the duet. He was supposed to move aside for the other. Henry didn’t move. And those finger’s ran over his lightly, the touch so warm and wispy and airy but still there. It was. For the second, Ryeowook’s hands had wandered over his, even lingered. And in that little amount of time, Henry’s heart had been touched, warmed, melted, more, and he couldn’t think of what he was doing. He couldn’t think of anything else. Henry stopped playing.
“Henry?” Donghae finally asked as he walked over to the blank boy.
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure? You can tell me.” Donghae placed a hand on Henry’s shoulder. “I know. Henry.”
“I know you know.” There was no tone in the voice. Maybe just fatigue.
“Then tell me. Let me help you.”
Donghae noticed Henry tracing his fingers over the little cracks between the keys. He pulled the boy up and let him stand on his own. He would not let Henry drown in his misery alone. He didn’t know why he took an interest in the boy but there was so much wonderful youth in him that Donghae was moved by. And sometimes it made him sad, sometimes, Donghae saw a younger Kibum in Henry. He placed both arms on Henry’s as the boy looked back down at the piano. Still.
“Stop it. Look at me.”
Henry did.
“You need to let it out. At least, tell me if you don’t tell him. What’s making you upset?”
“I...just don’t like it. Not that I don’t like them but obviously, it’s difficult for me…seeing them like that and together and yet, they look so close and I can’t get that with him.” His voice sped up with urgency. “They had time. They have time. Time that I will never be able to have. Those three years because maybe then it would have been different. And I can’t stop thinking that though I should. Now, I’ve already gotten myself stuck so far and helpless and I don’t know what to do. I’m really stupid.”
“No. I don’t think it’s stupid to love.”
“Love?”
“Well, aren’t you?” Donghae looked at him kindly.
“Well...I don’t know…” Henry looked down at the floor shyly.
“Awww…how cute.” His hand went up to Henry’s head and patted the head.
“Stop it.” Henry moved back. He was frowning and in annoyance, all his true emotions pouring out before them. “Why does everyone do that to me? Why am I always the cute one?”
“Because you are cute.”
“But why? Why is it that you all try to like touch me and like pat me and like I don’t know, talk sweetly to me. I mean, can you guys stop doing that? Donghae, I don’t need you clinging onto me, like I might collapse if you don’t help me. I’m okay. And I don’t need Ryeowook always ruffling my hair, or pull on my cheeks or do stuff like that like he used to. It’s nice and all, but really, what am I? An infant? And now that he doesn’t even do that so much, I don’t need him to look at me like he does. Is it necessary that even though he’s smiling at me, why does it still look like he pities me? There’s so much strain on that face and I don’t need it. I get it. He doesn’t like me. Okay, I get that but why does he have to look like that? Like he’s feeling sad or concerned for a little kid and that I need to be cared for but he can’t. I’m not a kid. That’s how you guys all treat me. Like I’m 5 or something. I’m not. I’m not a kid. I want to be seen as a man. I want him to see me as a man, if not loved but like that at the very least. I can take of myself. I’m a man too, you see…”
There was a silence. Donghae looked at Henry, not knowing what to say. But the boy was looking very seriously at him, with his face in a frown, a little scrunch seen on top of his brow. The face seemed to be so concentrating on how Donghae would react but also, very wishing of a certain response. And Donghae could understand how Henry felt although he never really had that problem before. But still, he could understand a bit.
Donghae walked forward towards Henry, who didn’t give up that frown on his face. He was trying to look as old as he possibly could and that wasn’t very. But there was a hint of maturity there as well. One that was new to Donghae but perhaps not new to Henry. Donghae had not taken notice of it before. He wondered when the boy had grown up that little bit. Donghae stopped in front of him.
He smiled and ruffled Henry’s hair.
“Awwww…how cute…”
Henry sighed.
Eunhyuk’s hands stiffened against the wall, he had sulkingly leaned against. They had done so when they heard and saw this through the square glass in the door. He wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to enter at this time. Eunhyuk was feeling weird again, his chest feeling tight and uncomfortably so. Then he imagined how it must feel for Ryeowook who was standing beside him, one hand, now limp, holding onto Eunhyuk’s arm, to keep him from running off again but now, it wouldn’t have done much. He peered sideways and saw, painfully so, the shocked yet almost knowing face of Ryeowook’s. He already knew but was still shaken at each realization he was reminded of. In all, the emotions Eunhyuk seemed to have felt were diminished under the intensity of the look on Ryeowook’s face.
Kyuhyun was also watching Ryeowook, who did not pay much heed to him. He was still looking like…that. It was silent as the ruffling had continued but no one was really paying attention to that except for maybe Ryeowook, who couldn’t look away from Henry with that…look. Then Kyuhyun turned his face and there was a bit of a tension on his face as well. And it made Eunhyuk feel more awkward, as they already probably did, but he felt for them too. Somehow, he wondered how it ended up like this now. Somewhere, this mess had been created without anyone’s knowing. He simply sighed, as if that could solve all the irresolute feelings they had.
“Hey. We found him.” Kyuhyun opened the door to reveal the captive they brought back.
“Eunhyuk!” Donghae hurried over quickly to the suly boy’s side.
Ryeowook looked at Henry but didn’t approach the boy. Henry didn’t make a move either. They simply stared at each other, Henry’s face in a scrunched frown, showing what he was actually feeling. It wasn’t a smile. And Ryeowook didn’t smile either because they both didn’t want to. So in a way, Ryeowook was fulfilling Henry’s request. He was giving Henry the truth, the decision he would stand by.
“Eunhyuk. What the hell? Where did you go so suddenly?”
“I wasn’t feeling well.”
“Oh.” Donghae tilted his head at that. “Feeling better?”
“Yeah.” Eunhyuk smiled weakly. He looked over at Henry who was still making that face at Ryeowook. Some kind of scowl. Kyuhyun only watched the two.
“Come on, the bell’s going to ring. Let’s go.”
Donghae pulled Eunhyuk away and threw glances at the other three. Kyuhyun followed behind the two. Ryeowook also did. Hesitantly. Henry stayed where he was.
And left the room a few minutes later when he was calmer. There were people in the hallway but none around his locker. He was glad, Ryeowook had already grabbed his stuff and left. Probably with Kyuhyun. Always with Kyuhyun.
He reached the locker and heard footsteps close in on him. Henry turned around in slight alarm because he was already a bit agitated. It was Kibum, with a stern yet confused look on his face. They boy looked determined as if he wanted to do something and was going to. Henry grew a bit more surprised and aware with each light step Kibum took. Yet, he didn’t really know what to say. He wasn’t that close to Kibum. It had only been like two months are so but still, they hadn’t really connected well.
The expression softened a bit when Kibum was right in front of him. Henry froze, not knowing what to do if Kibum was to say something to him. But he didn’t. Instead one thin hand went up towards his face, Henry winced. It travelled slowly above the face and then onto his head. Kibum ran his fingers swiftly and roughly through Henry’s hair with an interested look on his face. It was very out of place in the situation but Henry was more annoyed that another person was treating him like a baby. Kibum stopped that and Henry quit his squinting and looked up. Kibum frowned blatantly and then walked away, leaving a very confused Henry behind.
“Take me somewhere.” Ryeowook asked suddenly.
They were on the bus now. It had been a knowledgeful day. Kyuhyun was a bit tired and if he was tired, Ryeowook must’ve been ten times more. That boy was the most tender hearted person Kyuhyun could ever meet. And it worried him when they heard that because he knew how Ryeowook cared for the boy. How Ryeowook loved the boy. As a best friend. As a brother. He never wanted to cause anyone harm. Kyuhyun could understand how Ryeowook felt. And perhaps time had helped him do that. Really, love was…difficult.
“I could take you home like I am now.”
“No. I don’t want to go home. I’m always home. And if I’m home, then I’ll just think of things.” Ryeowook complained but ended almost silently.
“But you’ll think of things even if you aren’t home. Like now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No. You’re just wonderful.” Kyuhyun reached down and squeezed the other’s hand.
“So are you.” Ryeowook smiled up at his one true love.
“Okay, it seems that the time has come.”
“For what?”
“My taking you somewhere.”
“Where are you going to take me?” Ryeowook asked with some excitement.
“My room.”
Ryeowook’s face fell.
“Hey. I thought you wanted to see my room. You’ve been trying for a long time.”
“I’ve changed my mind. I’ve seen what it looks like through our hole.”
“Come on. I’ve been waiting for an opportunity.” Kyuhyun added proudly, “I’ve even cleaned my room. Just for you. That indicates true love.”
Ryeowook laughed. “I know Cho Kyuhyun loves me when he cleans his room.”
“All for you.”
They laughed now. It was some relief from their previous thoughts. They got off the bus and Kyuhyun, surprising, was quick to take Ryeowook’s hand in his. Then he proceeded in masking up the more conscious one with his hood and now, Kyuhyun was free to swing their hands back and forth. They walked on, bearing the slowly warming cold. Ryeowook groaned when Kyuhyun forced the two to walk up the many flights of stairs. It wasn’t that he was unfit but it was just a pain.
“Why? Why would you put me through that kind of pain?” Ryeowook pouted, hoping it would have some kind of effect on the adamant Kyuhyun.
“Well…” Kyuhyun started and looked forward at the spiral. “It’s because then I’d be able to hold your hand for longer. Even if it is for only twenty minutes or so.”
And Ryeowook melted a bit right then and there. Kyuhyun was always melting him. But he made sure that he didn’t melt enough that his legs wobbled and Kyuhyun would actually suggest, and probably carry that idea out, to carrying him up. Instead, he gladly squeezed a rarely shy Kyuhyun’s hand and strongly marched forward first. He heard Kyuhyun’s delighted response behind him. Kyuhyun deliberately tried to walk slower and drag Ryeowook behind but the smaller boy was very determined to reach a bed as soon as possible. He needed to rest.
“Okay. Just know that I tried.” Kyuhyun warned when they stopped in front of his room.
Kyuhyun opened the door and pulled Ryeowook in. Their hands still attached since there was no one home yet. Then he shut the door behind them as Ryeowook’s face didn’t move. It certainly had been an effort and Ryeowook couldn’t tell how big it was.
The room looked a lot bigger from this view rather than the unreliable hole. The walls were a cross between blue and white, There were small stacks of magazines, clean magazines, on the ground along side the manga. His computer was on the desk and it seemed like the only thing that was maintained on a regular basis. Kyuhyun did, after all, love his games. His clothes were no longer piled up into heaps around the floor but now, they were put into tall stacks along his walls. It was some kind of improvement. The room just looked like neat messiness.
“Better?”
“I guess. It does reflect your love for me. Messy.”
“That’s true.”
Kyuhyun led them over to his bed, which he patted out the creases first and then they were allowed to sit. Kyuhyun’s room really didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. Perhaps it was because he was too tired to think. Ryeowook leaned his head against Kyuhyun’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Deep inhaling and exhaling covered the silence of the room. Kyuhyun looked down at the tired boy with his little pert nose in the air.
“Tired?”
“Hold me.”
Kyuhyun slipped his arms around the skinny body and drew the boy closer to his side. Ryeowook responded happily with a sigh as he slid his head further into the warm crook of Kyuhyun’s shoulders. And it only took a few more seconds for Kyuhyun to lean back and let them fall on the bed. As they fell into their own grounds of comfort, with each other, only each other, Kyuhyun placed his hands at Ryeowook’s face. He traced the thin lines of bone structures of that lovely face and felt air brush tenderly over his fingers. He leaned and kissed the boy. Smoothly. Gently. Ryeowook opened his eyes. And Kyuhyun imagined a lot of love filling them. The air. Their life.
“Kiss me again.”
He did.
“And again.”
He did.
“Again.”
Another.
“Forever.”
“I’d love to.” But Kyuhyun didn’t and simpy embraced the boy.
“What? No kiss?”
“Don’t worry we have lots of time for that?”
“Yes…”
And they relished this moment of time. In the warmth of each other’s embrace. Because really, there was no better than the feeling of affirmation. Connection. Understanding. Reciprocation. All at once. And even if it is for the moment and uncertain to be fixed in the future, they appreciated yet another moment. Their moment. It was all that they needed, alongside of each other.
Kyuhyun pulled away from the boy for a second. He looked intensely into those so familiar ones because there had been something bothering him all day as well. And no matter what answer he received, if it was the truth, then that was enough. Because if everything in their relationship broke, the one thing he wanted to remain was honesty. They should at least be honest with each other.
“If the time was with him…” He placed his chin on the other’s head. He knew he’d find questioning and worried eyes if he didn’t. “Would it still have been me?”
“What?”
“If it had been…Henry…instead of me.” Kyuhyun paused. “Would it have been different?”
“Honestly…” Ryeowook began. “I don’t know. I can’t answer that because…I don’t know. But what I do know is that now…it’s you…Kyuhyun, it’s you…and that’s all that matters to me right now. It’s you. And that’s my everything. It’s what makes me. It’s what breaks me. It’s what takes me. Here. There. Everywhere. With you. It’s you. It’s you. It’s you. It’s my everything. My everything…It’s you.”
And Kyuhyun seized the boy with his arms. His lips finding every inch of Ryeowook’s face. He slowly found his way to Ryeowook’s lips, that pressed with great need and gratitude for his own. And they devoured the moment hungrily. Somewhere in that passion, their shirts had come off and their hands running dangerously over the curves of their bodies. And really, they didn’t know what they were doing but they knew that it felt right. And that was all that mattered.
“Kyuhyun…”
“Mmmmm…” Kyuhyun breathed against Ryeowook’s lips.
“I’m not going to deny you anything anymore.” Ryeowook grabbed for one of Kyuhyun’s hands. “You might not like it but he made me realize that today. Realize that I’m not doing any one of us a favour by feeling this way. And instead, I end up hurting you. I ended up hurting him. And others.”
“And you.”
“Yes. I did.” Ryeowook nodded, his lips brushing quickly over Kyuhyun’s. “And I saw the look Eunhyuk had back there, he was worried about me. I saw the way Henry looked at me, knowing that I had listened. But most of all, I saw you. I saw you because when you turned away from me with that look on your face, that broke me even more. I don’t want to be the one that causes you to look that way again. I don’t want anyone to.”
Kyuhyun couldn’t say anything after that. He had just been glad that Ryeowook had notice him and although perhaps, not so much that he had shown such an expression to him but still…to be noticed in a time of concern, it was nice feeling. On the lighter side, Kyuhyun felt guilt. He didn’t want to add pressure to his love. He wanted to keep his love pure, innocent, light-hearted and mostly free. Free to be honest. A self blaming Ryeowook couldn’t enjoy life.
“Ryeowook, it’s not…”
“I’m sorry Kyuhyun. I’ve been stupid.”
“I love you for that.”
“Thank you.” Ryeowook kissed him again. He took that hand and placed it over his heart. “Please accept what is entirely yours. It lives for you.”
“I love you too.”
Kyuhyun brought his arms over Ryeowook’s shoulders and left them resting there.
“It’s you too.” Kyuhyun breathed. “It’s you too.”
Ryeowook hugged him happily around the waist as Kyuhyun bent his elbows, bring the boy’s face into his shoulders. He would always want to keep him there. Here. Where his heart is. So Ryeowook could hear it. Beat for him. Beat because of him. And the happiness that drove it faster and more alive.
“That’s for you too. All yours.”
So in this little amount of time, so much had been established and resolved. And perhaps, inevidently so, there was more to work on but in the light of the moment, they truly believed in each other. Renewed their faith and enjoyed another heart warming confession. There was so much relief in learning the dedication of the other and just the love they had because it was returned and shared and shown. Because Kyuhyun had waited a long three years to hear something like that, and maybe it was waiting but hoping was the more appropriate word. All closed well when he heard this, that Ryeowook loved him just as unconditionally as he did. It was the end. Yet. Also a beginning. To something he would love despite the uncertain outcome. Kyuhyun was truly…
“Happy?” Ryeowook asked.
And Kyuhyun thought for a second. “Yes.”
“Me too. Let’s stay this way.”
“Yes. Let’s.” Kyuhyun bent his face down and kissed the top of Ryeowook’s head. Sweetly.
“Hey?”
“Yes, dear.” Kyuhyun liked the sound of that. Chagiya~~~
“I’m still not ready…for…it…” Ryeowook squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment. Kyuhyun placed little kisses on them.
“That’s okay. I’m not either. But we will one day.” Kyuhyun chuckled. “It will happen.”
“Yeah. I know.”
And they stayed like that for a while. They heard Kyuhyun’s mom and sister arrive home and were probably wondering about the extra pair of shoes but he didn’t care at the moment. He had an angel sleeping in his arms. He didn’t want to disturb such a peaceful sleep but at the same time, Kyuhyun couldn’t resist but to slip little pecks on Ryeowook’s hair. It encouraged him further when the boy smiled at each touch.
Kyuhyun watched his love with such a gentle expression. One that hadn’t been seen for so long because of his excessive worrying. There was love there. There was love in the air. There was love everywhere. Kyuhyun felt it. He could feel the happiness and warmth spread through his body and his own desire to fill the place with love again. To fill Ryeowook up with his love.
I’m going to love you, Ryeowook. Remember that. You gave me the permission. And this love will never stop. Because dear, my baby, dear…it’s you…it’s you too…
I know this probably sounded rushed and like just not...well explained or at least it doesn't to me. I'm sorry if it was a bit of a deviation again but I kind of got myself into it a bit. And sorry if there was too much Henry in the beginning but once I started that I couldn't end it and I love him too. And about the pairings, you guys might be a little confused but haha, sorry, I like to be a tease. Okay. Sorry for the late update. Hope you enjoyed the more heartelt? Kyuwook here. And more on the pairings soon.
Thank you. I needed to get this off my chest.
Okay, I've got to get back to my smut.
Btw. I hit the 100 page mark for this fic. LOL. Crazy eh? At least I think so. 102 FREAKIN PAGES! That like could almost be a book!!!! Oh wow.
Title: Dark Charm
Chapter: 15
Pairing: Kyuwook...others (soon)
“I know Cho Kyuhyun loves me when he cleans his room.”
Fifteen
“Eunhyuk?” Donghae asked as he ran into an empty classroom. It was the music room.
Donghae had quickly scurried off to find Eunhyuk after hurriedly finishing his food. Henry was right behind him while Kibum didn’t follow them. The boy hadn’t said anything. Donghae wanted to yell at him and ask him what the hell was wrong. Kibum used to a quiet yet fun loving boy but mostly respectably kind and caring. He wasn’t as close to Kibum as he was to Eunhyuk, but a couple of years with a nice, fun boy were still very much appreciated. Now, Kibum was very easily agitated and silently so too. His wonderful, pure smiles, seemed to be more repressed than sincere now. Donghae missed them. Donghae missed Kibum. So did the others.
Donghae and Henry had walked around school, looking for the other boy. Ryeowook and Kyuhyun wanted to help so they had gone to the other side of the school. Together, leaving Henry feeling a little more devastated than he wanted to be but Donghae had tugged on his arm and took him and his away from the two. Donghae had a lot of troubles on his mind lately but he didn’t complain. He had wonderful friends.
Henry reached the piano and stopped to look down sea of white with little lined black boats. Memories played in his mind just like the notes of a song, translating smoothly from one thought to another. He remembered the countless times, even thought it had only been a couple of months, the two were in this room whether duets or not. Henry was reminded of Ryeowook taming those notes with so much passion, that for a second he would throw his head back slightly, little lips parted and focused eyes closed. Henry, for his own little second, secretly, wondered what it might be like to kiss the boy. He still did. But that wasn’t going to any time soon. That wasn’t going to happen.
“I don’t think he’s here.”
Henry didn’t hear that. There was a Ryeowook sitting on that bench beside him. Such beautiful music was playing now and he didn’t want to only watch it. Henry wanted to be a part of the music. He wanted to be a part of Ryeowook. He sat down and started playing along. Then the boy saw those little, nimble fingers travel closer to his as it was part of the duet. He was supposed to move aside for the other. Henry didn’t move. And those finger’s ran over his lightly, the touch so warm and wispy and airy but still there. It was. For the second, Ryeowook’s hands had wandered over his, even lingered. And in that little amount of time, Henry’s heart had been touched, warmed, melted, more, and he couldn’t think of what he was doing. He couldn’t think of anything else. Henry stopped playing.
“Henry?” Donghae finally asked as he walked over to the blank boy.
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure? You can tell me.” Donghae placed a hand on Henry’s shoulder. “I know. Henry.”
“I know you know.” There was no tone in the voice. Maybe just fatigue.
“Then tell me. Let me help you.”
Donghae noticed Henry tracing his fingers over the little cracks between the keys. He pulled the boy up and let him stand on his own. He would not let Henry drown in his misery alone. He didn’t know why he took an interest in the boy but there was so much wonderful youth in him that Donghae was moved by. And sometimes it made him sad, sometimes, Donghae saw a younger Kibum in Henry. He placed both arms on Henry’s as the boy looked back down at the piano. Still.
“Stop it. Look at me.”
Henry did.
“You need to let it out. At least, tell me if you don’t tell him. What’s making you upset?”
“I...just don’t like it. Not that I don’t like them but obviously, it’s difficult for me…seeing them like that and together and yet, they look so close and I can’t get that with him.” His voice sped up with urgency. “They had time. They have time. Time that I will never be able to have. Those three years because maybe then it would have been different. And I can’t stop thinking that though I should. Now, I’ve already gotten myself stuck so far and helpless and I don’t know what to do. I’m really stupid.”
“No. I don’t think it’s stupid to love.”
“Love?”
“Well, aren’t you?” Donghae looked at him kindly.
“Well...I don’t know…” Henry looked down at the floor shyly.
“Awww…how cute.” His hand went up to Henry’s head and patted the head.
“Stop it.” Henry moved back. He was frowning and in annoyance, all his true emotions pouring out before them. “Why does everyone do that to me? Why am I always the cute one?”
“Because you are cute.”
“But why? Why is it that you all try to like touch me and like pat me and like I don’t know, talk sweetly to me. I mean, can you guys stop doing that? Donghae, I don’t need you clinging onto me, like I might collapse if you don’t help me. I’m okay. And I don’t need Ryeowook always ruffling my hair, or pull on my cheeks or do stuff like that like he used to. It’s nice and all, but really, what am I? An infant? And now that he doesn’t even do that so much, I don’t need him to look at me like he does. Is it necessary that even though he’s smiling at me, why does it still look like he pities me? There’s so much strain on that face and I don’t need it. I get it. He doesn’t like me. Okay, I get that but why does he have to look like that? Like he’s feeling sad or concerned for a little kid and that I need to be cared for but he can’t. I’m not a kid. That’s how you guys all treat me. Like I’m 5 or something. I’m not. I’m not a kid. I want to be seen as a man. I want him to see me as a man, if not loved but like that at the very least. I can take of myself. I’m a man too, you see…”
There was a silence. Donghae looked at Henry, not knowing what to say. But the boy was looking very seriously at him, with his face in a frown, a little scrunch seen on top of his brow. The face seemed to be so concentrating on how Donghae would react but also, very wishing of a certain response. And Donghae could understand how Henry felt although he never really had that problem before. But still, he could understand a bit.
Donghae walked forward towards Henry, who didn’t give up that frown on his face. He was trying to look as old as he possibly could and that wasn’t very. But there was a hint of maturity there as well. One that was new to Donghae but perhaps not new to Henry. Donghae had not taken notice of it before. He wondered when the boy had grown up that little bit. Donghae stopped in front of him.
He smiled and ruffled Henry’s hair.
“Awwww…how cute…”
Henry sighed.
Eunhyuk’s hands stiffened against the wall, he had sulkingly leaned against. They had done so when they heard and saw this through the square glass in the door. He wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to enter at this time. Eunhyuk was feeling weird again, his chest feeling tight and uncomfortably so. Then he imagined how it must feel for Ryeowook who was standing beside him, one hand, now limp, holding onto Eunhyuk’s arm, to keep him from running off again but now, it wouldn’t have done much. He peered sideways and saw, painfully so, the shocked yet almost knowing face of Ryeowook’s. He already knew but was still shaken at each realization he was reminded of. In all, the emotions Eunhyuk seemed to have felt were diminished under the intensity of the look on Ryeowook’s face.
Kyuhyun was also watching Ryeowook, who did not pay much heed to him. He was still looking like…that. It was silent as the ruffling had continued but no one was really paying attention to that except for maybe Ryeowook, who couldn’t look away from Henry with that…look. Then Kyuhyun turned his face and there was a bit of a tension on his face as well. And it made Eunhyuk feel more awkward, as they already probably did, but he felt for them too. Somehow, he wondered how it ended up like this now. Somewhere, this mess had been created without anyone’s knowing. He simply sighed, as if that could solve all the irresolute feelings they had.
“Hey. We found him.” Kyuhyun opened the door to reveal the captive they brought back.
“Eunhyuk!” Donghae hurried over quickly to the suly boy’s side.
Ryeowook looked at Henry but didn’t approach the boy. Henry didn’t make a move either. They simply stared at each other, Henry’s face in a scrunched frown, showing what he was actually feeling. It wasn’t a smile. And Ryeowook didn’t smile either because they both didn’t want to. So in a way, Ryeowook was fulfilling Henry’s request. He was giving Henry the truth, the decision he would stand by.
“Eunhyuk. What the hell? Where did you go so suddenly?”
“I wasn’t feeling well.”
“Oh.” Donghae tilted his head at that. “Feeling better?”
“Yeah.” Eunhyuk smiled weakly. He looked over at Henry who was still making that face at Ryeowook. Some kind of scowl. Kyuhyun only watched the two.
“Come on, the bell’s going to ring. Let’s go.”
Donghae pulled Eunhyuk away and threw glances at the other three. Kyuhyun followed behind the two. Ryeowook also did. Hesitantly. Henry stayed where he was.
And left the room a few minutes later when he was calmer. There were people in the hallway but none around his locker. He was glad, Ryeowook had already grabbed his stuff and left. Probably with Kyuhyun. Always with Kyuhyun.
He reached the locker and heard footsteps close in on him. Henry turned around in slight alarm because he was already a bit agitated. It was Kibum, with a stern yet confused look on his face. They boy looked determined as if he wanted to do something and was going to. Henry grew a bit more surprised and aware with each light step Kibum took. Yet, he didn’t really know what to say. He wasn’t that close to Kibum. It had only been like two months are so but still, they hadn’t really connected well.
The expression softened a bit when Kibum was right in front of him. Henry froze, not knowing what to do if Kibum was to say something to him. But he didn’t. Instead one thin hand went up towards his face, Henry winced. It travelled slowly above the face and then onto his head. Kibum ran his fingers swiftly and roughly through Henry’s hair with an interested look on his face. It was very out of place in the situation but Henry was more annoyed that another person was treating him like a baby. Kibum stopped that and Henry quit his squinting and looked up. Kibum frowned blatantly and then walked away, leaving a very confused Henry behind.
“Take me somewhere.” Ryeowook asked suddenly.
They were on the bus now. It had been a knowledgeful day. Kyuhyun was a bit tired and if he was tired, Ryeowook must’ve been ten times more. That boy was the most tender hearted person Kyuhyun could ever meet. And it worried him when they heard that because he knew how Ryeowook cared for the boy. How Ryeowook loved the boy. As a best friend. As a brother. He never wanted to cause anyone harm. Kyuhyun could understand how Ryeowook felt. And perhaps time had helped him do that. Really, love was…difficult.
“I could take you home like I am now.”
“No. I don’t want to go home. I’m always home. And if I’m home, then I’ll just think of things.” Ryeowook complained but ended almost silently.
“But you’ll think of things even if you aren’t home. Like now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No. You’re just wonderful.” Kyuhyun reached down and squeezed the other’s hand.
“So are you.” Ryeowook smiled up at his one true love.
“Okay, it seems that the time has come.”
“For what?”
“My taking you somewhere.”
“Where are you going to take me?” Ryeowook asked with some excitement.
“My room.”
Ryeowook’s face fell.
“Hey. I thought you wanted to see my room. You’ve been trying for a long time.”
“I’ve changed my mind. I’ve seen what it looks like through our hole.”
“Come on. I’ve been waiting for an opportunity.” Kyuhyun added proudly, “I’ve even cleaned my room. Just for you. That indicates true love.”
Ryeowook laughed. “I know Cho Kyuhyun loves me when he cleans his room.”
“All for you.”
They laughed now. It was some relief from their previous thoughts. They got off the bus and Kyuhyun, surprising, was quick to take Ryeowook’s hand in his. Then he proceeded in masking up the more conscious one with his hood and now, Kyuhyun was free to swing their hands back and forth. They walked on, bearing the slowly warming cold. Ryeowook groaned when Kyuhyun forced the two to walk up the many flights of stairs. It wasn’t that he was unfit but it was just a pain.
“Why? Why would you put me through that kind of pain?” Ryeowook pouted, hoping it would have some kind of effect on the adamant Kyuhyun.
“Well…” Kyuhyun started and looked forward at the spiral. “It’s because then I’d be able to hold your hand for longer. Even if it is for only twenty minutes or so.”
And Ryeowook melted a bit right then and there. Kyuhyun was always melting him. But he made sure that he didn’t melt enough that his legs wobbled and Kyuhyun would actually suggest, and probably carry that idea out, to carrying him up. Instead, he gladly squeezed a rarely shy Kyuhyun’s hand and strongly marched forward first. He heard Kyuhyun’s delighted response behind him. Kyuhyun deliberately tried to walk slower and drag Ryeowook behind but the smaller boy was very determined to reach a bed as soon as possible. He needed to rest.
“Okay. Just know that I tried.” Kyuhyun warned when they stopped in front of his room.
Kyuhyun opened the door and pulled Ryeowook in. Their hands still attached since there was no one home yet. Then he shut the door behind them as Ryeowook’s face didn’t move. It certainly had been an effort and Ryeowook couldn’t tell how big it was.
The room looked a lot bigger from this view rather than the unreliable hole. The walls were a cross between blue and white, There were small stacks of magazines, clean magazines, on the ground along side the manga. His computer was on the desk and it seemed like the only thing that was maintained on a regular basis. Kyuhyun did, after all, love his games. His clothes were no longer piled up into heaps around the floor but now, they were put into tall stacks along his walls. It was some kind of improvement. The room just looked like neat messiness.
“Better?”
“I guess. It does reflect your love for me. Messy.”
“That’s true.”
Kyuhyun led them over to his bed, which he patted out the creases first and then they were allowed to sit. Kyuhyun’s room really didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. Perhaps it was because he was too tired to think. Ryeowook leaned his head against Kyuhyun’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Deep inhaling and exhaling covered the silence of the room. Kyuhyun looked down at the tired boy with his little pert nose in the air.
“Tired?”
“Hold me.”
Kyuhyun slipped his arms around the skinny body and drew the boy closer to his side. Ryeowook responded happily with a sigh as he slid his head further into the warm crook of Kyuhyun’s shoulders. And it only took a few more seconds for Kyuhyun to lean back and let them fall on the bed. As they fell into their own grounds of comfort, with each other, only each other, Kyuhyun placed his hands at Ryeowook’s face. He traced the thin lines of bone structures of that lovely face and felt air brush tenderly over his fingers. He leaned and kissed the boy. Smoothly. Gently. Ryeowook opened his eyes. And Kyuhyun imagined a lot of love filling them. The air. Their life.
“Kiss me again.”
He did.
“And again.”
He did.
“Again.”
Another.
“Forever.”
“I’d love to.” But Kyuhyun didn’t and simpy embraced the boy.
“What? No kiss?”
“Don’t worry we have lots of time for that?”
“Yes…”
And they relished this moment of time. In the warmth of each other’s embrace. Because really, there was no better than the feeling of affirmation. Connection. Understanding. Reciprocation. All at once. And even if it is for the moment and uncertain to be fixed in the future, they appreciated yet another moment. Their moment. It was all that they needed, alongside of each other.
Kyuhyun pulled away from the boy for a second. He looked intensely into those so familiar ones because there had been something bothering him all day as well. And no matter what answer he received, if it was the truth, then that was enough. Because if everything in their relationship broke, the one thing he wanted to remain was honesty. They should at least be honest with each other.
“If the time was with him…” He placed his chin on the other’s head. He knew he’d find questioning and worried eyes if he didn’t. “Would it still have been me?”
“What?”
“If it had been…Henry…instead of me.” Kyuhyun paused. “Would it have been different?”
“Honestly…” Ryeowook began. “I don’t know. I can’t answer that because…I don’t know. But what I do know is that now…it’s you…Kyuhyun, it’s you…and that’s all that matters to me right now. It’s you. And that’s my everything. It’s what makes me. It’s what breaks me. It’s what takes me. Here. There. Everywhere. With you. It’s you. It’s you. It’s you. It’s my everything. My everything…It’s you.”
And Kyuhyun seized the boy with his arms. His lips finding every inch of Ryeowook’s face. He slowly found his way to Ryeowook’s lips, that pressed with great need and gratitude for his own. And they devoured the moment hungrily. Somewhere in that passion, their shirts had come off and their hands running dangerously over the curves of their bodies. And really, they didn’t know what they were doing but they knew that it felt right. And that was all that mattered.
“Kyuhyun…”
“Mmmmm…” Kyuhyun breathed against Ryeowook’s lips.
“I’m not going to deny you anything anymore.” Ryeowook grabbed for one of Kyuhyun’s hands. “You might not like it but he made me realize that today. Realize that I’m not doing any one of us a favour by feeling this way. And instead, I end up hurting you. I ended up hurting him. And others.”
“And you.”
“Yes. I did.” Ryeowook nodded, his lips brushing quickly over Kyuhyun’s. “And I saw the look Eunhyuk had back there, he was worried about me. I saw the way Henry looked at me, knowing that I had listened. But most of all, I saw you. I saw you because when you turned away from me with that look on your face, that broke me even more. I don’t want to be the one that causes you to look that way again. I don’t want anyone to.”
Kyuhyun couldn’t say anything after that. He had just been glad that Ryeowook had notice him and although perhaps, not so much that he had shown such an expression to him but still…to be noticed in a time of concern, it was nice feeling. On the lighter side, Kyuhyun felt guilt. He didn’t want to add pressure to his love. He wanted to keep his love pure, innocent, light-hearted and mostly free. Free to be honest. A self blaming Ryeowook couldn’t enjoy life.
“Ryeowook, it’s not…”
“I’m sorry Kyuhyun. I’ve been stupid.”
“I love you for that.”
“Thank you.” Ryeowook kissed him again. He took that hand and placed it over his heart. “Please accept what is entirely yours. It lives for you.”
“I love you too.”
Kyuhyun brought his arms over Ryeowook’s shoulders and left them resting there.
“It’s you too.” Kyuhyun breathed. “It’s you too.”
Ryeowook hugged him happily around the waist as Kyuhyun bent his elbows, bring the boy’s face into his shoulders. He would always want to keep him there. Here. Where his heart is. So Ryeowook could hear it. Beat for him. Beat because of him. And the happiness that drove it faster and more alive.
“That’s for you too. All yours.”
So in this little amount of time, so much had been established and resolved. And perhaps, inevidently so, there was more to work on but in the light of the moment, they truly believed in each other. Renewed their faith and enjoyed another heart warming confession. There was so much relief in learning the dedication of the other and just the love they had because it was returned and shared and shown. Because Kyuhyun had waited a long three years to hear something like that, and maybe it was waiting but hoping was the more appropriate word. All closed well when he heard this, that Ryeowook loved him just as unconditionally as he did. It was the end. Yet. Also a beginning. To something he would love despite the uncertain outcome. Kyuhyun was truly…
“Happy?” Ryeowook asked.
And Kyuhyun thought for a second. “Yes.”
“Me too. Let’s stay this way.”
“Yes. Let’s.” Kyuhyun bent his face down and kissed the top of Ryeowook’s head. Sweetly.
“Hey?”
“Yes, dear.” Kyuhyun liked the sound of that. Chagiya~~~
“I’m still not ready…for…it…” Ryeowook squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment. Kyuhyun placed little kisses on them.
“That’s okay. I’m not either. But we will one day.” Kyuhyun chuckled. “It will happen.”
“Yeah. I know.”
And they stayed like that for a while. They heard Kyuhyun’s mom and sister arrive home and were probably wondering about the extra pair of shoes but he didn’t care at the moment. He had an angel sleeping in his arms. He didn’t want to disturb such a peaceful sleep but at the same time, Kyuhyun couldn’t resist but to slip little pecks on Ryeowook’s hair. It encouraged him further when the boy smiled at each touch.
Kyuhyun watched his love with such a gentle expression. One that hadn’t been seen for so long because of his excessive worrying. There was love there. There was love in the air. There was love everywhere. Kyuhyun felt it. He could feel the happiness and warmth spread through his body and his own desire to fill the place with love again. To fill Ryeowook up with his love.
I’m going to love you, Ryeowook. Remember that. You gave me the permission. And this love will never stop. Because dear, my baby, dear…it’s you…it’s you too…
I know this probably sounded rushed and like just not...well explained or at least it doesn't to me. I'm sorry if it was a bit of a deviation again but I kind of got myself into it a bit. And sorry if there was too much Henry in the beginning but once I started that I couldn't end it and I love him too. And about the pairings, you guys might be a little confused but haha, sorry, I like to be a tease. Okay. Sorry for the late update. Hope you enjoyed the more heartelt? Kyuwook here. And more on the pairings soon.
Thank you. I needed to get this off my chest.
Okay, I've got to get back to my smut.
Btw. I hit the 100 page mark for this fic. LOL. Crazy eh? At least I think so. 102 FREAKIN PAGES! That like could almost be a book!!!! Oh wow.