Do you even understand what im telling you?!
im not sure that anyone understands my logic...im not sure i really understand my logic... but i do know that im very unhappy and depressed right now... and i have been for about 3 months now..i have several issues that i have to deal with... ive decided not to go to Tennessee Tech...( that was my decision, now im waiting on my parents) im tired of being unhappy.. im tired of not taking what i want into consideration... i do NOT want to be a music major.. i dont want to be a teacher i dont like kids and i really dont like highschool age teens... so as of right now my future is undecided... and that will prolly surprise many of you because in high school i was always the one who knew exactly what i wanted to do and i was well on my way... but for the past 2 years i havent known what ive wanted to do... and if any of you know my family thats not somthing i just come out and say... i was so scared that they would be dissapointed in me and lose faith in me.. and i couldnt bare that thought! so i was always like well once i get in to school and i know that music is what ill be doin ill be excited about it.... didnt happen so then i was like well... after i graduate i know ill be pumped for college... no didnt happen.. so i waited some more and i was like well.. after orientation ill want to go.. and all i could think about at orientation was how much i really didnt want to be there... so by this point im thinkin im really gonna have to tell my parents news that i knew that they didnt want to hear.. but i was really praying that goin to sullivan central high school to work a band camp would really make me want to go.. and if anything it made me know without a doubt in my mind that music is deffinately NOT what i want to do... so i had a lot of time to think last week and i just decided that im almost 19 years old and its time that i start being an adult... so yesterday i told my parents everything i just told you all.. and of course they were surprised and didnt really know what to say or do... but now they know that i really dont want to go... and so hopefully i wont have to pack my bags this week.. but what i really hope is that my parents push the frustration out of the way and be completely supportive... and im not so sure that will happen... i know that they are very confused right now as to why i didnt say somthing sooner... and i also think that they think that this all came out of nowhere... and it didnt... ive struggled and faught and cried over this for almost 2 years... so if anyone reads this... be thinking about me these next few weeks... because my happiness is on the line here....