Just gotta get this off my chest.
I've been plagued all weekend. And, sometimes it helps me to write my feelings down. I apologize if it's unorganized or messy, but here goes..
I went camping this weekend with my fraternity, and had a great time. I built an awesome fire, shot some guns, chopped wood, and had some good quality brother bonding time. On the flip side of that, I had to a little soul-searching. During my camping trip with my fraternity, I more or less volunteered to stay up all night to tend the fire and protect the camp from wild animals, because:
A.) I rarely ever sleep on overnight camping trips anyway,
B.) I enjoy nature, because
C.) I get away from the every day rat race, and
D.) it was a great chance to really speak to God, without any distractions (computer, cell phone, etc.)
When the rest of the brothers all went to sleep, I had a heart to heart with Him. I asked Him for his guidance, and I wanted Him to tell me what to do. More specifically, what would He have his Son do? After pouring out my heart to Him, his answer was clear. My heart is in the right place. I was angry, and wasn't wrong for feeling the way I did, because I love you. However, it is time to forgive and forget. We are all human, and have our flaws. What happened is in the past, and I forgive you.
Both of you.
I would love to move past this and continue to love you just as much as (or more than) I have thus far, and I plan to do just that. I want to continue to learn more about you. I want to continue to try out new recipes with you. I want to surprise you with ice cream (Lieutenant Dan!). I want to continue to go see movies at the old Radford theater with you. I want to continue to do things for you, without you even having to ask. I want to continue to finish your sentences. I want to continue to get you lunch when you're too busy to do so yourself. I want to continue to hold the door for you, to get your chair for you, to rub your back and your feet. I want to continue to uplift you. To put you before myself. I want to love you for real. Not for sinful reasons, but for the right reasons. I want us to both put our trust in God, and grow closer together, through Him. I just want one thing in return, Kitty.
I just want you to love me.
I know I haven't been perfect. I have failed you in more than one way. But this is not for the lack of my trying. Some things have been beyond my control; some haven't. I'm human, too. I swear to you I would never intentionally hurt you. I love you too much to even consider it.
Please consider this my most sincere apology. I promise to never do this kind of thing to you again. You are beautiful in the eyes of God, and you are beautiful in my eyes. I know I will always see you the way He does, so I vow to raise you up to Him, through everything I do. Hopefully we can do that for each other, and serve God in our walk together.
I love you, Kitty.
Your Kitty
I went camping this weekend with my fraternity, and had a great time. I built an awesome fire, shot some guns, chopped wood, and had some good quality brother bonding time. On the flip side of that, I had to a little soul-searching. During my camping trip with my fraternity, I more or less volunteered to stay up all night to tend the fire and protect the camp from wild animals, because:
A.) I rarely ever sleep on overnight camping trips anyway,
B.) I enjoy nature, because
C.) I get away from the every day rat race, and
D.) it was a great chance to really speak to God, without any distractions (computer, cell phone, etc.)
When the rest of the brothers all went to sleep, I had a heart to heart with Him. I asked Him for his guidance, and I wanted Him to tell me what to do. More specifically, what would He have his Son do? After pouring out my heart to Him, his answer was clear. My heart is in the right place. I was angry, and wasn't wrong for feeling the way I did, because I love you. However, it is time to forgive and forget. We are all human, and have our flaws. What happened is in the past, and I forgive you.
Both of you.
I would love to move past this and continue to love you just as much as (or more than) I have thus far, and I plan to do just that. I want to continue to learn more about you. I want to continue to try out new recipes with you. I want to surprise you with ice cream (Lieutenant Dan!). I want to continue to go see movies at the old Radford theater with you. I want to continue to do things for you, without you even having to ask. I want to continue to finish your sentences. I want to continue to get you lunch when you're too busy to do so yourself. I want to continue to hold the door for you, to get your chair for you, to rub your back and your feet. I want to continue to uplift you. To put you before myself. I want to love you for real. Not for sinful reasons, but for the right reasons. I want us to both put our trust in God, and grow closer together, through Him. I just want one thing in return, Kitty.
I just want you to love me.
I know I haven't been perfect. I have failed you in more than one way. But this is not for the lack of my trying. Some things have been beyond my control; some haven't. I'm human, too. I swear to you I would never intentionally hurt you. I love you too much to even consider it.
Please consider this my most sincere apology. I promise to never do this kind of thing to you again. You are beautiful in the eyes of God, and you are beautiful in my eyes. I know I will always see you the way He does, so I vow to raise you up to Him, through everything I do. Hopefully we can do that for each other, and serve God in our walk together.
I love you, Kitty.
Your Kitty