Class '05...I wish I was you.
If only i could have been born two years earlier...I'd be graduated from kingsway and on to better things. Eventhough I'm always worried about failing. I'm always worried about ending up at GCC(no offense to anyone going to GCC but i want to go far far away) and not getting to do the things I want to do. College seems so close now and I don't want to screw up my chances for a great life. I'm so terrified of every choice I make, that every minute I'm not studying is a minute I'll spend failed in my future. Listening to all of these grads go up during the ceremony yesterday and having it be annouced that their plans are 'undecided' attending GCC....I just don't want that to be me. I want to get away from here. I want to do great things with my life. But what if I'm just not good enough? What if the best that I can do just isn't good enough? There are so many what ifs. And there are so many ways that I could screw up the rest of my life. In everything I do...every word I say, every choice I make...there's always that possiblity that my life could just go to hell from that point on. I mean, there's been so much that has happened over this past year that just completely messed me up. I thought I could handle it, I thought that it wouldn't be that rough, I thought that maybe this stress would be good for me, thatjust maybe what happens to me now would just prevent it from happening to me in the future. No matter how much I hope for happiness in my future, deep down inside of me I know that there will always be something that interferes with that. There will always be some way that the happiness I gain will be taken away from me. Does that make me afraid to live my life? No. But makes me question everything. This year turned my life upside down. I no longer have a comfort zone nor do I really trust anything. Once you let people know about your emotions, they feed on it, prey on it. Tear you apart. There so much I still have to learn about life...but I feel like I've learned so much already. I've experienced a lot in my short existence, a lot of disappointment, heartbreak, anger, and hate. I've seen, maybe not it all, but a lot of it. The true essence of humans can be reflected in every person in my family. Maybe it has made me a stronger person or maybe its just made me more of a person. I honestly do not know. I pretty much don't know about anything right now. But i guess the unanswered questions are the reason for living. If we didn't have anymore questions to ask...what would be the point of living?
"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."
To the Class of '05-
Go on, do great things, live life to the fullest, and don't forget who you are in the process.
I'm not sure what the point of this entry was...meh, if you read this whole thing and decided that I'm a whiny little bitch..okay at least you have an opinion of me now based on something besides word of mouth.
"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."
To the Class of '05-
Go on, do great things, live life to the fullest, and don't forget who you are in the process.
I'm not sure what the point of this entry was...meh, if you read this whole thing and decided that I'm a whiny little bitch..okay at least you have an opinion of me now based on something besides word of mouth.