Nursing Story
This is for adopt_a_mom. It's about my kids and my bewbs. Pretty much it rambles all over the place and makes very little sense. It was done as a stream of conciousness (or unconciousness?) tonight but, I think it still is mildly interesting for anyone who cares. I will probably edit it tomorrow or the next to make it more readable and coherent.
On a disturbing/amusing sidenote: Sometimes when I sit down to nurse the twins I sing "my milkshake brings all the babies to the yard and they're like 'yum yum yum yum'" and I shake my...er...milkshakes at them. They go NUTS. They start dancing, laughing, and clapping. Am I scarring my children for life? y/y
Anyhoo, on with the show....
I knew I wanted to breastfeed as soon as I got pregnant. I researched it and wasn't concerned that I wouldn't be able to nurse twins. I believed that my body could do it. I actually got very arrogant about it and became a "boob snob". (Hey, you try being told every day how awesome you are for wanting to breastfeed twins and then tell me your ego didn’t swell a little…)
The twins were born by c-section at 38 weeks. They were wedged in there and very large so, my doctor decided that a c-section would be the best option given that some Beckwith Wiedemann babies are born with unforeseen complications. I wish I could say I was heartbroken with medical intervention, but at the time I was relieved. If I had been told I was go for a SAFE vaginal birth, I would have gone for it. But, the twins stubbornly refused to show us if they had any serious problems. I didn’t want to risk it because I was born with some serious complications. They were born at 7lbs 5oz and 8 lbs 4 oz. Peter, the larger baby, had complications with regulating his blood sugar and was taken to the NICU. I didn't get to see or hold him for the first 24 hours. I was hysterical about that because I needed him to start suckling to get the milk going. Robert was lazy and sleepy and wouldn't suck well. I requested a pump and began pumping nonstop. I can honestly say I did not sleep at all during the three days in the hospital. I was too busy obsessing over nursing the twins and pumping.
The nurses bullied me because of the twins' jaundice. Peter got formula in the NICU against my wishes by bottle. Robert was given formula by the nurses. They threatened me by telling me if he lost too much weight, they would keep him in the hospital and discharge me alone. (Yes, I wrote a complaint about that treatment and about the fact that they wouldn't bring me any meals, but that's another story...) I cried so much in that hospital. I thought I was doing a terrible job because they weren’t yet gaining and they were so jaundiced. I saw the 6 pack of ready to feed formula on my bedside table (Nurse Hoface gave it to me “just in case”) and I saw my future. I was terrified I was going to fail.
So, both babies had formula before they were even a week old. I felt like a failure. I spent the next week fighting sleep, pumping myself dry and running to my babies if they even thought about looking hungry. I was a mess. I burst in to tears when I took a 2 hour nap and woke to find my mother feeding one of the twins my only bottle of expressed milk. All .5 oz of it.
When the boys were one week old, my husband lost his job. I felt out of control. My life was falling apart. The only constant was nursing. I became obsessed. I had detailed logs about it and would flip my nut if someone used my fridge stash to feed a baby. God forbid! Even if it was because they were trying to let me rest. We were 1500 miles from family and now jobless. So, we packed up and moved back to Michigan. It was the most stressful time of my life. If my mom hadn’t been there to help me, I probably would have killed myself. I had 4 days to pack up my life, pump as much as I could for my newborns and fly home. I was still too shy to nurse in public so, I ran myself in to the ground pumping for the twins. I just kept thinking, “what next?” (What was next was a 4 hour drive in a blizzard with angry infants. That’s another story…)
As soon as we settled back in Michigan in my parents' house, I had to start hunting for a job. By the time the twins were 6 weeks old, I was holding down 2 full time jobs. I went through quite a few pumps because I relied on them completely for when I was away from the twins. I got very good at finding ways to increase supply and pump bottle after bottle. But, there would be days where I wouldn't see my babies for 24 hours. It was killing me. I was also fighting a very silent and hidden battle with post partum depression. At four months I began producing bloody milk on my left breast. I went to the ER and was told I have a tumor. They called it an intraductal papilloma. But, they weren't completely sure that's what it was. Since I refused to give up nursing, they just told me to keep an eye on the pea sized lump and come back if anything changes. After the boys wean, it will be biopsied. I still think about it nervously sometimes and wonder if I am being foolish by not weaning and having it removed. But, it's never changed and all exams and bloodwork come back negative so, we're pretty optimistic that it will turn out fine.
When the boys were 6 months old, I cracked. I quit my jobs and holed up with my babies. Fortunately, my husband found a great job and we were financially able to do it. We moved in to our own house and I went back to school. (Ironically, for nursing) I relied on my pump for another 6 months and then decided to put it on hold because I was missing all the great milestones of my twins. A pump is no substitute for a precious little boy looking in to your eyes and stroking your hair as he nurses. Still, my PPD got worse. I went to a therapist briefly but stopped going when she pushed weaning the twins and taking antidepressants. I began yoga instead and have been healing slowly. I know I am not out of the water yet, but I am doing much, much better.
Since May I have been living the life of a stay at home mom. The twins adore it and have been actually nursing more during the day. They have never slept through the night so, we still have a big supply at night, too.
We had a brief hospitalization for Peter due to norovirus, too. While there I wanted to try pumping for Robert. But, I was amazed to discover my body no longer responded to the pump. It was humbling to realize I was now having the problem so many women complain about. I couldn't pump a drop. That knocked me down a few pegs! But, I am glad it happened. It just shows how quickly things can change when nursing if you get lazy, change your routine, ect.
The boys are now 16 months old and nursing enough to keep me from even considering another baby. (No period yet!) My little birth controllers nurse and thrive. Since they were born we've moved 2 times, dealt with genetic testing, hospitalizations, pumping, thrush, tongue tie, over sized tongues, PPD, and more. But, I love the nursing relationship we have and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. (Not even that fancy new dishwasher I want…)
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Edit: 6.22.08
And now, a little tangent on tongues. Macroglossia. Basically, it's a big tongue. I had it as a child. When I was 20, I had my tongue surgically reduced. (Some people in band with me at the time can tell you some rather amusing stories involving pep band, my stiches, and a mozzerella stick.) Peter has macroglossia very prominantly. Robert has tongue tie so, his isn't as noticable, but it's an issue. If you notice, in pretty much all pictures of my kids, they look like they are sticking their tongues out. They aren't. That's just how big their tongue are. Sometimes it bothers me because strangers will tell me how cute or funny it is that they "like to stick their tongues out" or they will touch the boys' chins and try to get them to stop sticking out their tongues. They don't understand that the position isn't a choice. It took me many years before I could control my tongue enough to keep it in my mouth. The macroglossia affects how the twins nurse. Peter has a latch that I wish I could get a picture of. It looks like a normal latch until you realize the bottom seal isn't his lip, it's his tongue. This was VERY painful for a long time because it felt like a kitten licking my breast. I would get rashes and eczema patches on my breasts from that big, wet tongue. But, I used lanolin, avoided getting ANY kind of soap around the nipples (it was too drying) and let my girls air dry as much as possible. Eventually I grew used to it and I joke I now have nipples of steel.
The tongue tie is more of a speech issue for us than a nursing issue. Robert is very hard to understand because his large, anchored tongue doesn't move enough for clear speech. (Example: both twins like water and will request it. Peter saying water sounds like "wah-no". When Robert says it, it sounds like "ah-(n)ah". He also uses that same sound to mean "grandma", "banana", and "Robert". In context you can hear subtle differences, but it's nowhere near as clear as Peter who says "anma", "nana", and "baba" for those words.) I didn't notice any difficulty with the tongue tie at first. Probably because Peter's nursing was so painful, the tongue tie didn't even resister for me. Robert was a very lazy sucker. He was also a pound lighter at birth than his twin. When he was slow to gain weight, I gave him pumped milk and nursed him as often as he pleased. I would hand express milk in to his mouth so he would get a taste and then try to latch and root for more. I imagine if Peter wouldn't have had such a painful latch for me, I would have found Robert's latch to be the painful one. He did a lot of clamping with his gums to get the milk flowing. I would squish my nipple so it would go very far in to his mouth so the clamping wouldn't be as effective for him and he slowly started to use his tongue. It was a very tedious process. He never wanted to nurse for long. But, after the first month he had gotten a good hang on it and he's now a nursing champ. He's the heavier baby now, in fact!
And now a little bit about pumping. As my husband will attest, for many months my pump got far more attention than he did. I don't claim my methods will work for everyone, but they worked for me and I hope they can help you!
-Mother's Milk Tea. I drank it hot, cold, as a slushie, used as the liquid for oatmeal, in baking. Basically, I incorporated it in to everything I possibly could just to get more in me.
-Water. I carried around JUGS of water and hydrated myself constantly. Especially while nursing.
-Fenugreek. I made curries, I made tea. I smelled like a pancake as a result. (A super easy and fast lunch was boiling a bag of fenugreek tea in water and adding just the noodles from a pack of Top Ramen and cooking them with a cube of veggie bullion. Then I drained and drank the liquid, added a tablespoon of peanut butter, some lime juice, cilanto, and hot chilis. Instant Thai lunch!! *Don't attempt if your baby has a sensitivity to peanut, obviously.)
-Garlic. I would have an Italian feast once a week that was SWIMMING in garlic. Studies show that occasional garlic intake by mom makes her milk briefly taste better to babies. They will nurse more and production will go up! But, they can get used to the taste and it becomes no longer an interesting treat so, don't gorge garlic every day!
-Massage. I would massage my breasts while pumping. Sometimes with a warm washcloth. Not only does it feel great, but it really got the milk flowing for me!
-Be consistant. I would ALWAYS pump while a baby was feeding. I nursed my boys one at a time on only one breast. I would pump out the other breast even if I didn't "need" to pump. It kept my pumping supply up.
-Vitamins and minerals! I ate extra calcium, lots of protein, and took vitamins. (A prenatal, vit D, vit B6, calcium, and flaxseed oil) I also added flax and wheat germ to my cooking and baking for extra boosts. I may not have any secret nursing cookies like housepoet, but I have enough background in nutrition to know what interesting things to hide in my cooking to give a boost. Let me know if you ever want recipes!
Those are my "secrets" to pumping. At my peak I could produce 2 12oz bottles per 10 minute session. I would usually have about 4 sessions a day (I was working a lot) plus at least 12 hours of nursing on demand. I have also pumped using an Avent Isis, a First Years double electric, a Lansinoh double electric, a hospital rental, and a Medela hand pump. So, if you ever have questions on any of those, I am WELL acquainted with them. (My Lansinoh even had a name. Mitchell. He was my BFF.)