the piercing screams of babies
I hate babies who get their ears pierced. I waited until the respectable age of 17 to get MINE pierced. In truth, it was because I was scared. But that's not important, the issue at hand is this: there are babies crawling around out there, or sometimes just lying there, who have pierced ears; and that's just not right. Why get a baby's ears pierced to begin with? It's not like they're going to get earrings for Christmas. And they certainly won't be able to wear "danglies" until at least the age of seven. Pageant moms. I'll bet it's pageant moms. No one will (or wants to) compliment you on your baby's EARRINGS. It's just gross, that mental image, of babies squirming around in the bouncer wearing a onesie and RHINESTONE STUDS.
I happen to know a lot about what goes down at places that are okay with piercing baby's ears. Namely: Claire's. Claire's gave one of my best friends the right to pierce people's ears a month after hiring her. Trust me, if they let my friend pierce ears, they will let anyone do it. And anyone WILL do it at Claires. My friend claims she would never pierce a baby, but she's seen it done. But, I'm pretty sure that if some baby crawled into Claire's in its Fischer-Price "Jumparoo" with twenty bucks in its tiny little fist, she'd be the first to pick up that piercing gun. Maybe the baby could nurse while it was getting pierced. That would relax it. Then again, Claire's has this sick twisted practice of having the piercing chair right by the huge glass walls of the store so that any masochistic sicko can go watch 13-year-old girls whimper and bleed. So maybe nursing while piercing isn't the best option. When I finally got my ears pierced it hurt like a bitch (not to mention infections that are inevitable when you get them pierced by some 17-year-old at Claire's). I can't even imagine how it must feel for a baby, who can only express pain by crying like a little bitch and yelling and making everyone around them annoyed and uncomfortable. Babies have enough to go through what with pooping their pants and trying to figure out the english language. Now you want to pierce their ears?! Babies are already seeping unknown oozes from every open hole in their body, why make two more?! SERIOUSLY. Provided babies could talk, I'm sure that if you asked one if it wanted its ears pierced it would say no. If it said yes, there should be an ammendment to the constitution that allows you to donate said baby to Claire's. Possibly to model a line of baby fashion earrings. Or maybe just to keep in the back for scientific testing. If someone can not grasp the concept of having their ears pierced, let alone the concept of say, having hair, or NOT peeing whenever they feel like it, or even peek-a-boo, they should not have their ears pierced. So go and procreate, have as many babies as you want, but if you pierce their ears, you are a horrible person.
I happen to know a lot about what goes down at places that are okay with piercing baby's ears. Namely: Claire's. Claire's gave one of my best friends the right to pierce people's ears a month after hiring her. Trust me, if they let my friend pierce ears, they will let anyone do it. And anyone WILL do it at Claires. My friend claims she would never pierce a baby, but she's seen it done. But, I'm pretty sure that if some baby crawled into Claire's in its Fischer-Price "Jumparoo" with twenty bucks in its tiny little fist, she'd be the first to pick up that piercing gun. Maybe the baby could nurse while it was getting pierced. That would relax it. Then again, Claire's has this sick twisted practice of having the piercing chair right by the huge glass walls of the store so that any masochistic sicko can go watch 13-year-old girls whimper and bleed. So maybe nursing while piercing isn't the best option. When I finally got my ears pierced it hurt like a bitch (not to mention infections that are inevitable when you get them pierced by some 17-year-old at Claire's). I can't even imagine how it must feel for a baby, who can only express pain by crying like a little bitch and yelling and making everyone around them annoyed and uncomfortable. Babies have enough to go through what with pooping their pants and trying to figure out the english language. Now you want to pierce their ears?! Babies are already seeping unknown oozes from every open hole in their body, why make two more?! SERIOUSLY. Provided babies could talk, I'm sure that if you asked one if it wanted its ears pierced it would say no. If it said yes, there should be an ammendment to the constitution that allows you to donate said baby to Claire's. Possibly to model a line of baby fashion earrings. Or maybe just to keep in the back for scientific testing. If someone can not grasp the concept of having their ears pierced, let alone the concept of say, having hair, or NOT peeing whenever they feel like it, or even peek-a-boo, they should not have their ears pierced. So go and procreate, have as many babies as you want, but if you pierce their ears, you are a horrible person.