you write such pretty words, why can't you be the way you write?
I've been thinking alot, not too much talking. Just sitting and listening to everything. You discover alot, about yourself and other people, who you really are and who they really are. It's a strange uncomfortable subject.
I don't eat very often, because lunch is interesting, I just sit and listen to what people choose to say and do, weird.
I think alot about who these people are and what they will be, what I would be like if I were them. After really seeing who these people are, who they choose to be friends with, the way they choose to live their lives, it made me extremely depressed thinking that these people aren't seeing what I see. If that makes any sense. cough:doubtful:cough
I think about what music they listen to. Either way (meaning whatever kind of music they listen to) I can't understand how they are living life the right way, I mean, truly comprehending what's going on around them. Some people are just clueless, clueless as to how much time they have left. Those are the ones that run out of time, or die young. Then I thought about myself.
I only listen to music that is going to expand that way I think, make me feel better when I'm low, or stike something inside of me on such a personal level that I begin to think of all those people that choose not to respect it because they don't understand what's great about it...they think it's 'gay'.
The fact that I have to quote the word gay because so many people use it to describe how other people feel or what they choose to do for fun. I just call it unfortunate. I think I am at the most normal level of depression because if I were anyone else, I would be even more miserable. Which is sad, because that's what makes them happy, or maybe it doesn't.
I haven't been thinking too much about Danny, basically because I've grown numb to the fact that I am experiencing the full affect of unrequited love. The more I think about it, the more I know he never really loved me. He's just like all the other people I judge at lunch or in class. Which is definitely the saddest thing in the world because I love him because I thought he was the only one not like them. I don't know now. anything. I'll just keep thinking and not eating, a slow death. of much confusion.
I know I'm going to become just like them, I already have. I'm sure I annoy alot of people. when I drink. I drink alot, too much, too often. But it doesn't matter.
I guess I have to keep trusting Joce, she's all I have here. That's sad. Not that I don't love having her as a friend, just the fact that I only have one good friend that I can trust all the time. Except when she decides to go to the beach when we have a project due in a week..whatever. =P
I think about my life, like what i'm going to be doing. There are really only two paths of life in my eyes. You could follow that mold our parents suggest is the safest way where you go to college, have a drink, get a job, have three serious relationships, marry the fourth, have kids, die. OR. You go the exact opposite direction where you follow the mold you decide will make you happy and you do _______ whatever. To me, the first is settling. I don't want to be expected to do anything. That makes me sick. I don't want to settle, and I'm afraid to give up what I love. And right now I love Danny. But he's drifting, he doesn't understand. My head feels weak. But it's not them, it's me.
I don't want to waste my time. And I feel like I am.
Erin
I don't eat very often, because lunch is interesting, I just sit and listen to what people choose to say and do, weird.
I think alot about who these people are and what they will be, what I would be like if I were them. After really seeing who these people are, who they choose to be friends with, the way they choose to live their lives, it made me extremely depressed thinking that these people aren't seeing what I see. If that makes any sense. cough:doubtful:cough
I think about what music they listen to. Either way (meaning whatever kind of music they listen to) I can't understand how they are living life the right way, I mean, truly comprehending what's going on around them. Some people are just clueless, clueless as to how much time they have left. Those are the ones that run out of time, or die young. Then I thought about myself.
I only listen to music that is going to expand that way I think, make me feel better when I'm low, or stike something inside of me on such a personal level that I begin to think of all those people that choose not to respect it because they don't understand what's great about it...they think it's 'gay'.
The fact that I have to quote the word gay because so many people use it to describe how other people feel or what they choose to do for fun. I just call it unfortunate. I think I am at the most normal level of depression because if I were anyone else, I would be even more miserable. Which is sad, because that's what makes them happy, or maybe it doesn't.
I haven't been thinking too much about Danny, basically because I've grown numb to the fact that I am experiencing the full affect of unrequited love. The more I think about it, the more I know he never really loved me. He's just like all the other people I judge at lunch or in class. Which is definitely the saddest thing in the world because I love him because I thought he was the only one not like them. I don't know now. anything. I'll just keep thinking and not eating, a slow death. of much confusion.
I know I'm going to become just like them, I already have. I'm sure I annoy alot of people. when I drink. I drink alot, too much, too often. But it doesn't matter.
I guess I have to keep trusting Joce, she's all I have here. That's sad. Not that I don't love having her as a friend, just the fact that I only have one good friend that I can trust all the time. Except when she decides to go to the beach when we have a project due in a week..whatever. =P
I think about my life, like what i'm going to be doing. There are really only two paths of life in my eyes. You could follow that mold our parents suggest is the safest way where you go to college, have a drink, get a job, have three serious relationships, marry the fourth, have kids, die. OR. You go the exact opposite direction where you follow the mold you decide will make you happy and you do _______ whatever. To me, the first is settling. I don't want to be expected to do anything. That makes me sick. I don't want to settle, and I'm afraid to give up what I love. And right now I love Danny. But he's drifting, he doesn't understand. My head feels weak. But it's not them, it's me.
I don't want to waste my time. And I feel like I am.
Erin