Jan 08, 2006 10:12
OK, so it's been awhile... But I'm back, for the time being.
It's been a tough last couple of weeks. My depression hit hard and is still in my head slowly destroying me... BUT!!! Good news. I'm fighting it, and it's not strong enough to ruin who I am. But I really hit a low and I was scared, still scared actually but like I said, I'm fighting it.
Ok enough of that.
I really can't say this enough. I am in love with the most wonderful man I have ever met. And I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. And it isn't because he gets me things that I desire, the best thing about receiving gifts like that is the fact that he thought about it and he didn't get me the first thing he saw and hoped I would like it. But the material things don't matter one bit. He is so amazing, he listens, he cares, he protects me, and he is always there when I need him, or just want to talk to him.
So Solo&Ensemble is less than a month away and we've had one practice with the quartet and I haven't practiced with Lenny once with my solo. Can we say... CRAP!!!
But back on the other topic of Justin. During the times when I'm depressed and I think of how I feel, I come up with the idea that I don't feel anything. But when in truth, I know I feel nothing short of complete love with no doubts what so ever. Every word I say about him is true. I love you Justin, you truly are my everything.
I'm going to the DSO (Detroit Symphony Orchestra, for you non cultured people) And when I go, I'm going to wear the most beautiful string of pearls. I can't wait for the DSO, it's going to be amazing. And to make it even more amazing is the fact that I'll be there with Justin.
So lets rewind to my Chrismas. I spent Christmas Eve at my aunts house and Justins house. From my parents I got some shoes, clothes, a new ligature! a tuner... Etc. O and a pearl necklace from my dad, it was pretty cool. From Justin, I got the DSO tickets and tickets to the Memoirs of a Geisha movie, which didn't follow the book, but was really good. And I got a lot of other cool stuff.
I never thought that I could fall in love and be this happy. And while I try to ruin it for myself in times like these, when I'm not like this, it is the most amazing feeling in the entire world. And in just writing this I know that whatever my head says, my heart is still saying that I love him. And that is what is the most important. I have to learn to let myself go and not worry about the future. What happens, happens and it's going to turn out eventually for the better. So my advice to myself and to everyone else with similar problems. Tell your head to shutup, and love without looking to the future, because you can't trust the future, but you can trust the one person you love. So give them your heart and trust them to be with you to the end, and when the end comes, it will be ok because everything is ok in the end.
I love you Justin
`Katey