Maybe i'm losing my mind.
I'm losing people. I know it.
I've been having chronic nightmares about it and wake up stressed and twitchy for the next hour until i go to sleep and it happens again.
Maybe i expect to much from these kids. I so deeply have rooted myself, my life, my thoughts and feelings into this community, these people that i care so much about, and the thought of losing them is like thinking of my mother dying. They are my family, my lovers, ex-lovers, friends. And i know it seems dumb and juvenile but you don't understand. I can feel it. I see it already, in some aspects. It used to be all of us in one bed, comforting one another and punching faces when snoring occured. But now...now its just me in one bed, two people in another, another two in one room. Old people left, new people came. Its confusing. I don't know where I stand anymore.
It worries me. It hurts me. I need to get out of this town. Away from my job, from these people i care about so much so that maybe if i fade out first it won't leave me in so much pain.
I'm scared to sleep.
I've been having chronic nightmares about it and wake up stressed and twitchy for the next hour until i go to sleep and it happens again.
Maybe i expect to much from these kids. I so deeply have rooted myself, my life, my thoughts and feelings into this community, these people that i care so much about, and the thought of losing them is like thinking of my mother dying. They are my family, my lovers, ex-lovers, friends. And i know it seems dumb and juvenile but you don't understand. I can feel it. I see it already, in some aspects. It used to be all of us in one bed, comforting one another and punching faces when snoring occured. But now...now its just me in one bed, two people in another, another two in one room. Old people left, new people came. Its confusing. I don't know where I stand anymore.
It worries me. It hurts me. I need to get out of this town. Away from my job, from these people i care about so much so that maybe if i fade out first it won't leave me in so much pain.
I'm scared to sleep.