Summer Hell: Fat, Rage vent
I feel like a pathetic fatass. My thighs are nearly 24" around each. You think that's not very big? Measure yours. If you're a thin person, such a circumference is out of proportion and an aesthetic abomination. [HA--i reclaim the word "abomination".] Unless it is pure muscle, which mine is not. I see dimpling on the sides and side-of-knee fat. I'm getting very depressed. And we know--thigh circumference makes the person.
I spent part of the afternoon crying. Fuck you people with only one view of me who think i don't cry. O right--crying is weak and i'm not supposed to be weak right? I'd like to kick you upside the head.
I feel like a total failure being here with internet that cuts out every time it rains, while everyone else i know is having a life and getting to publicize their creativity or climb mountains or research bio-medical stuff.
I wish there was a place to swim laps here. This dreadmill and bowflex don't seem to be doing it. I hate being stuck in this stupid [female] body. It's not right. I want to cut it off.
If it's this bad now, who knows what i'm going to feel like by the time i can finally leave for Bowling Green.
I spent part of the afternoon crying. Fuck you people with only one view of me who think i don't cry. O right--crying is weak and i'm not supposed to be weak right? I'd like to kick you upside the head.
I feel like a total failure being here with internet that cuts out every time it rains, while everyone else i know is having a life and getting to publicize their creativity or climb mountains or research bio-medical stuff.
I wish there was a place to swim laps here. This dreadmill and bowflex don't seem to be doing it. I hate being stuck in this stupid [female] body. It's not right. I want to cut it off.
If it's this bad now, who knows what i'm going to feel like by the time i can finally leave for Bowling Green.